Be My Life Jacket

I walked to school the next morning with Sam, just like always. Except I stayed silent nearly the whole trek.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, concern coating her features. “I’ll bet this has something to with Landon, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I admitted. “But I really don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Well my ears are always open.” She offered with a shrug as we entered the building. The first thing I saw was Landon with a disgruntled look on his beautiful face, clutching a couple books to his chest. He probably didn’t see me, and he probably didn’t know what my heart did to me when he walked by. I went after him, backpack jumping on my back as I hurried down the halls, dodging people.

“Landon!” I called, cupping my hands around my mouth. “Get your ass over here!”

That got his attention, as well as everyone else’s. Their heads whipped to face me in unison.

“Oh look!” A distant voice shouted. “Gay boy and his lover!” Josh.

I sighed, walked slowly up to Landon who’d frozen in his tracks. He was rubbing his face, frustrated.

“What Mick? What?!” He got close to my face. Gasps rose from the crowd like helium balloons, but they hung in the air above like lead weights, suspended by twine. I stepped away then. Just walked away. Down the hallway, through the crowds, and out the door. I couldn’t take this. I just knew it. This whole thing. I knew it couldn’t be true.

My feet moved faster and faster still. Soon wind was whipping through my hair, cooling the tears that streamed down my face. Why was I crying? It was just too much. First my parents, then my new school, and now Landon. I really thought I was falling in love with me, and now I knew he wasn’t there to catch me.

“Mick!” Sam’s voice rang out above all the dramatic chatter. But I just wanted to be left alone. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d ditched my backpack, allowing myself to cut the campus faster.

“Mick!” This time it was Landon. My heart clenched and for a second I couldn’t breathe. “Mick, I love you!” He shouted. I froze, wiping the tears from my face. “Just wait!”

So I waited. Waited for Landon to catch up, waited for Landon to explain. I waited for what seemed like forever, everyone’s eyes lingered eagerly upon us. The first thing Landon did was grab my hand in his warm one and pull me into an embrace that made me want to just curl up right there and stay forever.

“What about in the car the other day?” I questioned, sniffling as I buried my face into his shoulder.

“It’s not you, I promise.” He assured, pulling away. He caressed my cheek, wiping away a few of the fallen tears with his thumb. “It’s me.”

“Y-you’re not breaking up with me are you?” I pulled away. “You just-,”

“Mick, you don’t understand.” He shook his head, slowly approaching me again.

“You’re right.” I agreed. “I don’t.”

“I’m breaking up with you because I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But by breaking up with me, you’re hurting me.” I argued. “Landon, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I love you. I want to stick around. I want you to stick around.”

He sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair. “I knew I should’ve never gotten involved with you.”

“But you did get involved with me.” I pointed out. “There was obviously a reason that you took the chance.”

“There was a reason.” He admitted, suddenly seeming interested in his shoes. “I didn’t think we’d last.”