The Regrets Are Always Useless When You Know You Can't Turn Back Time

"Don't go, please!" I cried out to her, running towards the door in just my boxors. She had seen me with her, although it was my revenge for me seeing her with him. But she didn't know I had seen them fuck in my own bed.

She turned towards me with anger and sadness, stopping as I pulled on a t-shirt that had been abandoned upon the couch of my small apartment I shared with Mike and Tre to cover up the tattoos upon my chest.

"Give me one reason, Billie Joe, for me to stay," she spat at me venomously as she folded her arms across her chest frustratedly.

"I saw you with him," I said, walking up to her and rested my right arm against the wall above her left shoulder.

She was hesitant, and the look in her eyes told me that she was about to lie once again. It was the only thing she knew how to do anymore.

"Who's 'him'?" she asked, her voice sounding small, telling me she was going to deny what she knew I had seen.

"I saw you with that guy, fucking him in my fucking bed. Don't you dare tell me that you never fucked with another guy not even once when I saw it with my own fucking eyes!" I spoke to her, inching closer to her as every venomous word was spitten out towards her. She had to hear everything, and I had to make sure it got to her, and she understood why this had to go the way it is. "Gloria, is this kid even mine? Are you only keeping this a secret from me because I'm the only guy that's stayed? The only guy that still 'loved' you after you cheated on them time and time again?"

I looked deep into her eyes, telling her I wanted the truth. I watched as her eyes welled up with tears as she shook her head. She may have been telling me, 'No, your the father', but her emotions told me I wasn't. Anger and hurt filled me as I looked away, my teeth clenched and my arm retracted back to my side, tears forming in my eyes. I couldn't look at her, she lied to me. Not only that, but she was going to lie to ourher child. Just thinking about how she would be able to do that, it made me sick.

"Billie, look at me," she pleaded as the woman she had just caught me with entered the room.

She looked dazed, confused, and I moved my blurry gaze down to the floor. I concentrated on the floor, trying to hold back my tears.

"Please go, we have to to have a small discussion," I say, not even looking up at her.

Soon, the door was shut and silence filled the room. I pulled my self back together and looked up at this woman who I told myself I loved. My sten, emotionless expression turned into a grimace. I was utterly disgusted with her. How she could think I would never find out about how she did this to me was beyond my knowlegde.

My teeth grinded agaisnt each other with every step I took towards her. I lifted my clenched fist to her face, as if I would punch her, but I only hit the wall. No matter how angry I got, I would never hit a girl.

"You make me sick," I state venomously. "Now get out of my face, I don't want to ever see your face again. Pack your shit and get the hell out of my life."

That was the last thing I ever said to her before I turned my back to her and walked out of the apartment. I didn't return to the apartment for a week, and when I did, she was gone.

I never saw her since.

Bottle after shamless bottle of booze was tossed around the floor of my writing studio. No creativity of writing flowed through my mind at all. I felt like literally pulling my hair out in annoyance. I sighed and grabbed my notepad, grabbing a pen and walking out of the den. I decided that maybe a walk around the city would get my creativeness flowing.

Since my band's album, Dookie, was big, I was a bit of a celebrity. This mean I had to wear shades and a beanie in order to look normal.

I was walking by the park where all these little children were playing. And then it's like everything hit me.

I'm the son of rage and love,
The Jesus of Suburbia

I had to blink before I pulled out my tablet and begain writing whatever came to mind. My feet led my to a bench at the park. I isolated myself from the outside world as I wrote. It was like a hurricane hit me and I couldn't stop wriiting to save my life. Once I was halfway writing this, and trying to think of how to end it, a different idea came to mind.

My eyes were now wandering around, taking in the sights I'd seen a million times before. I stood up and began to walk down the street. I felt a shove agaisnt my shoulder, which caused me to look back. She looked familiar, but I couldn't place the name.

"Sorry," she muttered, giving me a familiar smile before walking in front of me.

It was so familiar, and it caused me to go crazy. And then it hit me.

It was her. Or at least, I thought it was her.

"Hey, can you walk please?" someone rudely shouted beside me.

I rolled my eyes and crossed the street and began to walk back home to my family. That's when I walked by an old building from my past. My eyes filled with tears, along with all the memories that had happened the past ten years. I couldn't believe it had been ten years since I turned my back on her.

And in that second, I sat down beside the building and pulled out the pen and tablet, writing down a song that would be my way of coping with my past.

Thought I ran into you down on the streeet.
Then it turned out to only be a dream.
I made a point to burn all of the photographs.
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face, but I can't recall the name.
Now I wonder how Whatsername has been.

Seems that she dissapeared without a trace.
Did she ever marry 'ol Whatshisface
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path.
I remember the face but I can't recall the name.
Now I wonder how Whatsername has been.

Remember? Whatever
It seems like forever ago.
Remember? Whatever.
It seems like forever ago.

The regrets are useless in my mind,
She's in my head, I must confess.
The regrets are useless in my mind,
She's in my head from long ago.

Go. Go. Go. Go.
Go. Go. Go. Go.

And in the darkest night,
If my memory serves me right,
I'll never turn back time.
Forgetting you, but not the time.

Ending with that, I will never forget what she'd put me through.