What Have I Become?

She’s the “alter ego”, banished from my home life. The self-destructive, misunderstood, and troubled teenager who’s learned to silent her sobs. While her counterpart chats easily with a spring in her step, and certain bubbliness that always leads the family astray. The truth is she’s more than my other half. It only began that way. She’s a void; an emptiness that lies figuratively in my chest. I first felt her presence in junior high. Three years ago. But three years ago, I didn’t feel her surrounding me, and swallowing my identity with quite the aggression she is now.

The hardest part is determining where she ends, and I begin. Or more importantly, would I even be me without her? Rather than consuming me, I’m deathly fear she’s becoming me. I myself become inadequacy; helplessness; loneliness; anger; self-hate; mental and physical fatigue. I myself become the pain, self-pity, confusion, uselessness, paranoia, alienation, emptiness.