Maybe We're Not Meant To Be

My fingers grip tightly at the flat surface of the cracked and stained surface as another blown is thrown at my battered body. This is my fault he screams, but wasn’t it always. I caused this, didn’t I always. I wasn’t the same anymore, it was his fault. No mine; it’s my fault I meant. I cried too much. I asked about phone calls too much. I murmured Sixx’s name in my sleep too much. I lied too much. I tried to run too many times. He hated me. I was pathetic. No one would ever love me. He pushed away my broken body now that he was done for the night and I only relaxed when I heard the bedroom door slam.

When we moved I hoped for a change; but that glimmer of hope was demolished the third week in our lovely new home. The first few days everything really was perfect and I could feel myself falling in love with him once more; letting my walls fall, but of course that was mistake number one. Of course he made excuses, of course he apologized and of course in the end I always forgave him. Most of the time he was right and I was wrong; there would be no changing that. What I got; I deserved not for the reasons he did it but for the mere fact that I left Sixx. At one point I remember my old friend and I crossing pinkies and promising to never leave each other; my idea of course. Even though I always thought Sixx would be the one to break the childish promise, but in the end it was I.

“Nyk why are you still on the fucking floor? You fat fuck, get up.” Holding back the screech that bubbled in my throat when Arrow’s boot clad foot collided into my rib cage. Nodding nervously, I stood my body cowering away from him naturally as his cold eyes glared down at me. Judging me, ripping me apart in his mind. He was all dressed up though, he was going out, he didn’t have time for that now. “I need you to pack.” Arrow barked the orders as he rummaged through the fridge for beer most likely. Pack? My head tilted to the side; making me look like a lost puppy. Where were we going?
“Why?” I asked; my question shocking myself as much as it shocked Arrow. I never dared to question his orders or commands, but this was an exception. His jaw clenched but he merely shook his head, “Are you an idiot? Obviously I’m tired of this shit hole. We’re going back and maybe I’ll be able to dumb your ass somewhere.” I flinched at his harsh tone and nodded taking the answer. If he hated me so why did he keep me around? He could have kicked me out years ago, yet I was still here.

“Where are you going?” Another question for the night and then I would shut up for a good week, probably. “To go find a tight ass to fuck; you’re getting boring. Not to mention ugly. You’re so disgusting. I’m not letting you eat.” Even though my shirts doubled down to my knees and my pants sagged off my waist I saw what he saw. “I love you…” I whispered as I watched him walk out the door, but the only response given was the slam that followed after him leaving. I dropped my head for a moment but soon was off to the bedroom to collect and pack all of our things.

We were moving back. That meant I got to see everyone Samantha and…Sixx…I closed my eyes for a moment as I thought back to my dear friend but the moment was only dragged on longer as the tears came. I missed him. I missed his touch. I missed his rare hugs. I missed his sarcasm. I missed his looks. I missed Sixx.

Did he remember me? Did he think of me like I thought of him? Did he miss me? These thoughts were making my day worse. I didn’t need to think about him. I knew he didn’t think about me. He probably already has new friends to be there for him; who actually stay. I’m just a nobody. Damaged goods. My legs ached to sit down, but I dared not to. Who knew when Arrow would come back in; he was always surprising me. I shook my head and limped to the shared bedroom. When did we get to move back?

Like the good puppy I had grown to be I quickly did as told, my hands picking up any clothes or necessities we would need. I was pretty sure Arrow’s shitty car couldn’t hold all of the things we brought. How we even brought as much as we did I will never know, then again most of it was Arrow’s. So it must have been important.

It felt like I had just finished packing the bags and sat on the squeaky bed when the door flew open. “Start loading up your shit, fat ass.” Arrow spat pushing his whore of the night on the bed where I had just sat. Keeping my eyes glued to the ground I picked up as many of the bags that I could carry before scurring out the door.