Lord Voldemort and the Ultimate Army
beliebers, twi-hards and sheep, oh my!
"Another drink for you, Tom?" asked the perky blonde waitress that had been serving a mysterious young customer, 'Tom', for the past hour.
The mysterious man gave the woman a light nod, and she went off to fetch him another drink. The man, 'Tom', was really a once all powerful evil wizard, by the name of Lord Voldemort, in disguise. Lord Voldemort had spent the past four years of his life in hiding, planning his ultimate return to power over the wizarding world. Fourteen years ago, Lord Voldemort was defeated by a strange, phenomenal baby boy, named Harry Potter. The toddler had somehow defeated Voldemort, and Voldemort's loyal followers, Death Eaters, had spent ten years trying to restore their master to his former glory. After much hard work, and determination, Lord Voldemort's wandering soul was given a poorly created body to inhabit.
The Death Eaters anxiously awaited their master's orders to wreak havoc once again about the wizarding world, but Voldemort had a different plan in mind. He wanted to go into hiding for some time, to prepare an army. The handful of Death Eaters Voldemort had at the time, though loyal, were not enough to overthrow the current Minister of Magic, and Lord Voldemort's nemesis, Albus Dumbeldore. Even to destroy the then eleven year old Harry Potter would be a challenge with so few Death Eaters. There was no question about it; Lord Voldemort needed to build the ultimate army.
And so, Voldemort set out on his mission, to build an unstoppable army. Using the dark magic he'd spent years perfecting, Voldemort transformed his appearance into three very different people, each with their own strong army that would one day rise against the wizarding world to destroy Harry Potter. The second largest army Lord Voldemort built was an army called, The Beliebers.
Lord Voldemort began his search for an army in America, where he knew he could easily charm people into becoming his loyal subjects, if he had the right look. After studying some of the most popular Muggles to arise in American pop culture, Lord Voldemort drew up his master plan to enchant young teenage girls into becoming his loyal servants. With a bit of help from one of Voldemort's closest Death Eaters, Peter Pettigrew, and an extensive amount of dark magic, Voldemort transformed himself into a sixteen year old Canadian boy, whom he named, Justin Bieber. Disguised as the young boy, Voldemort began to show off his singing talent on a popular website called YouTube. Not many people knew that Lord Voldemort was a talented singer, and he was glad that, even though he was in disguise, his hidden talent was finally being appreciated. In time, Voldemort-Justin was discovered by a popular American Muggle singer, by the name of Usher. In months, 'Justin' was signed by Usher and three months later he was making millions of American dollars. Just as Voldemort had planned, his typical teen heartthrob persona amassed a fan base of millions of dedicated fans. He dubbed these fans 'Beliebers'. However, the loyalty of over one million crazed teenage girls, and some adults, was not enough for Voldemort. His army needed to be bigger, stronger.
After months of struggling with writers block, developing characters, and creating themes and motifs, Voldemort published his first book, under the pen name of Stephanie Meyer. He entitled his first work Twilight, a story of a bland girl living in an equally bland town, where a family of blood thirsty vampires, named the Cullens dwelt. Voldemort had spent some time in Romania during his adolescence, where he met a very pleasant vampire by the name of Edmund, who was married to a Muggle girl by the name of Belle. These two pleasant Romanian's became Voldemort's inspiration for the novel, which quickly became a bestseller. Teen girls ate up the dangerous vampire romance, and anxiously waited for Stephanie Meyer-Lord Voldemort to publish a sequel. In time, Voldemort published three more books to the series, which drove his fan base up the walls with excitement. This is how Lord Voldemort built his first army, the Twi-Hards. Voldemort's wet dream inducing novels of a vampiric romance sent girls into a frenzy, and made them willing to do anything for another book chronicling Bella Swan and Edward Cullen's drama filled relationship. When the time came, Voldemort would promise his Twi-Hards that he/Stephanie Meyer would write another novel for the Twilight series, as long as they agreed to help him in the defeat of Harry Potter. And he knew that they would gladly obey, they couldn't resist the lure of another book for them to spend hours obsessing over.
Lord Voldemort's final, and largest army, was of an entire different species. It was an army of sheep. Voldemort decided to take a short hiatus from disguising himself as a human after he released his latest novel, "Eclipse", and had produced his latest single, "Baby". So, Voldemort paid a visit to the lovely country of New Zealand, where he new he could produce a new form of army. He disguised himself as a regular sheep, and lived amongst the other sheep, grazing the meadows of New Zealand for five weeks. He made friends with the sheep, listened to their sob stories about how their family members were shaved down to the bone for wool, and how there was never enough grass for them to eat in the meadows, because one pompous, glutton sheep named Baaahb was always eating more grass then he deserved. It drove the other sheep mad. One evening, Voldemort concocted a plan to get the many sheep he had met to become his loyal followers. While the rest of the flock slept, Voldemort transformed back into his almost-human form, and with a quick Avada Kedavra, slew Baaahb. The next morning, Voldemort returned to his sheep form and announced to his flock that he had killed the savage beast, Baaahb. He became an instant hero. Word quickly spread across all of New Zealand of the all powerful sheep Lord Voldemort, who had finally brought justice, and much more grass, to the sheep of his flock. Soon, the 60 million sheep that inhabited New Zealand joined Voldemort's unstoppable army.
And that is how Voldemort created his unstoppable army of over 100 million dedicated Beliebers, Twi-Hards, and sheep.
The mysterious man gave the woman a light nod, and she went off to fetch him another drink. The man, 'Tom', was really a once all powerful evil wizard, by the name of Lord Voldemort, in disguise. Lord Voldemort had spent the past four years of his life in hiding, planning his ultimate return to power over the wizarding world. Fourteen years ago, Lord Voldemort was defeated by a strange, phenomenal baby boy, named Harry Potter. The toddler had somehow defeated Voldemort, and Voldemort's loyal followers, Death Eaters, had spent ten years trying to restore their master to his former glory. After much hard work, and determination, Lord Voldemort's wandering soul was given a poorly created body to inhabit.
The Death Eaters anxiously awaited their master's orders to wreak havoc once again about the wizarding world, but Voldemort had a different plan in mind. He wanted to go into hiding for some time, to prepare an army. The handful of Death Eaters Voldemort had at the time, though loyal, were not enough to overthrow the current Minister of Magic, and Lord Voldemort's nemesis, Albus Dumbeldore. Even to destroy the then eleven year old Harry Potter would be a challenge with so few Death Eaters. There was no question about it; Lord Voldemort needed to build the ultimate army.
And so, Voldemort set out on his mission, to build an unstoppable army. Using the dark magic he'd spent years perfecting, Voldemort transformed his appearance into three very different people, each with their own strong army that would one day rise against the wizarding world to destroy Harry Potter. The second largest army Lord Voldemort built was an army called, The Beliebers.
Lord Voldemort began his search for an army in America, where he knew he could easily charm people into becoming his loyal subjects, if he had the right look. After studying some of the most popular Muggles to arise in American pop culture, Lord Voldemort drew up his master plan to enchant young teenage girls into becoming his loyal servants. With a bit of help from one of Voldemort's closest Death Eaters, Peter Pettigrew, and an extensive amount of dark magic, Voldemort transformed himself into a sixteen year old Canadian boy, whom he named, Justin Bieber. Disguised as the young boy, Voldemort began to show off his singing talent on a popular website called YouTube. Not many people knew that Lord Voldemort was a talented singer, and he was glad that, even though he was in disguise, his hidden talent was finally being appreciated. In time, Voldemort-Justin was discovered by a popular American Muggle singer, by the name of Usher. In months, 'Justin' was signed by Usher and three months later he was making millions of American dollars. Just as Voldemort had planned, his typical teen heartthrob persona amassed a fan base of millions of dedicated fans. He dubbed these fans 'Beliebers'. However, the loyalty of over one million crazed teenage girls, and some adults, was not enough for Voldemort. His army needed to be bigger, stronger.
After months of struggling with writers block, developing characters, and creating themes and motifs, Voldemort published his first book, under the pen name of Stephanie Meyer. He entitled his first work Twilight, a story of a bland girl living in an equally bland town, where a family of blood thirsty vampires, named the Cullens dwelt. Voldemort had spent some time in Romania during his adolescence, where he met a very pleasant vampire by the name of Edmund, who was married to a Muggle girl by the name of Belle. These two pleasant Romanian's became Voldemort's inspiration for the novel, which quickly became a bestseller. Teen girls ate up the dangerous vampire romance, and anxiously waited for Stephanie Meyer-Lord Voldemort to publish a sequel. In time, Voldemort published three more books to the series, which drove his fan base up the walls with excitement. This is how Lord Voldemort built his first army, the Twi-Hards. Voldemort's wet dream inducing novels of a vampiric romance sent girls into a frenzy, and made them willing to do anything for another book chronicling Bella Swan and Edward Cullen's drama filled relationship. When the time came, Voldemort would promise his Twi-Hards that he/Stephanie Meyer would write another novel for the Twilight series, as long as they agreed to help him in the defeat of Harry Potter. And he knew that they would gladly obey, they couldn't resist the lure of another book for them to spend hours obsessing over.
Lord Voldemort's final, and largest army, was of an entire different species. It was an army of sheep. Voldemort decided to take a short hiatus from disguising himself as a human after he released his latest novel, "Eclipse", and had produced his latest single, "Baby". So, Voldemort paid a visit to the lovely country of New Zealand, where he new he could produce a new form of army. He disguised himself as a regular sheep, and lived amongst the other sheep, grazing the meadows of New Zealand for five weeks. He made friends with the sheep, listened to their sob stories about how their family members were shaved down to the bone for wool, and how there was never enough grass for them to eat in the meadows, because one pompous, glutton sheep named Baaahb was always eating more grass then he deserved. It drove the other sheep mad. One evening, Voldemort concocted a plan to get the many sheep he had met to become his loyal followers. While the rest of the flock slept, Voldemort transformed back into his almost-human form, and with a quick Avada Kedavra, slew Baaahb. The next morning, Voldemort returned to his sheep form and announced to his flock that he had killed the savage beast, Baaahb. He became an instant hero. Word quickly spread across all of New Zealand of the all powerful sheep Lord Voldemort, who had finally brought justice, and much more grass, to the sheep of his flock. Soon, the 60 million sheep that inhabited New Zealand joined Voldemort's unstoppable army.
And that is how Voldemort created his unstoppable army of over 100 million dedicated Beliebers, Twi-Hards, and sheep.
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My first attempt at humor, as you can see, it was a fail. lol.