Confessions

“What did you do last night?” Mike asked him with weary eyes.

“Why? What did I do?”

“Jack, I saw you. You went away with this blonde slut and she’s practically all over you man.” She retorted. Pretty mad at her friend’s demeanor after all, he did promise.

“It was nothing Mike, seriously.” He dismissed it like it was truly nothing, but he knew Mike wouldn’t take that bullshit.

“Jack, you fucking promised!” she yelled, getting frustrated with him by the second.

“God, shut up, okay!” he said and was mildly surprised that he shouted at her, so he calmed his nerves down and looked at her sheepishly, “You know I’m not attracted with them anyway.”

“I know Jack, that’s why last night was just ridiculous!”

“Mike, nothing happened. I told you this already.”

“Then what-”

He cut her off, knowing Mike would go tangents about this, he knows her too well. “I ditched her, okay?” he smiled.

“Oh?” She slapped a hand on her forehead, thinking that yeah, that was just a Jack thing to do.

“I’m sorry man. That you know I blew up on you. It’s just that, I know how much you love Alex and seeing you do this… I just can’t let you fuck up yourself because Alex is a slut who would sleep with anything that has a hole he can stick his dick into, okay?”

Hearing this, Jack’s heart was broken into million pieces yet again. He heard Mike sigh, he’s so used to that sigh that it’s almost sickening.

“I’m sorry bud, it’s just that, your best friend’s a whore. Like I’ve told you I really honestly thought that he feels the same way about you, but right now I’m just not so sure anymore.”

“I know bro, thanks. It’s just that last night was like a kick in the head, I saw her with two Mike, fucking TWO groupies, I just, what do you expect me to do? I just want him to see that I can play that game too.” He said almost desperately, but of course Mike understood like she always did when Jack breaks down in front of her because of a man-whore named Alex Gaskarth. She swears if Jack won’t kill her, she’d have cut his dick off already.

“I love him so much that it hurts but last night, that was just too much. Whatever he did with those bitches, I just can’t-”

“Of course I ditched them, like I always do.” A familiar voice behind him made him jump like a scared cat, he could swear his heart went up the sky and came plummeting back.

He turned around and yeah, it was Alex with his shit eating grin, God how he loved to kiss that grin away.

“Al, Lex, I-I uh, man…” great, he’s so fucking this up, he could win an award.

He saw in the corner of his eye that Mike was already starting to walk away, he thanked her for respecting that this should be between him and Alex but at the same time he want her to come back because he couldn’t do this alone, his stuttering like a fool, he could only imagine what he’ll be in ten seconds.

He turned to call Mike but before he could do that, strong arms already imprisoned him into a hug.

“Jack, you have no idea how happy I am right now.” Alex whispered in his ear that brought a shiver down his spine.

He was in an utter and complete confusion.

“Wh-what?!” he didn’t mean to almost scream but hello, he’s totally dumbfounded that one moment he’s crying over Alex having casual fucks with everyone on his path but not him and now said boy was engulfing him in a passionate and comfortable hug that he didn’t want to end.

“I love you too baby.” He said, like it was the most obvious thing, well no.

“W-what the fuck?! And you expect me to believe that?” he tried to push Alex but he’s stronger than him and it was really a futile attempt because he’s shoving was just half- hearted anyway.

“Jack, I told you. I ditched them. Every. Single. One.” He looked at Jack, trying to elicit the honesty and all the love through his stare, he just hopes that Jack would believe him, because he seriously couldn’t fuck this up. When he heard what Jack was feeling for him earlier, his heart just soared up high, he’s wondering when it would come back honestly. He’s just in cloud nine right now knowing that Jack feels the same.

“I-I can’t-”

“Baby” Alex cooed, “I love you.” He repeated, like drilling it into his thick head that he really do. It’s just not helping that Jack kept squirming and won’t look at him in the eyes.

“Jack.” He attempted again, lifting Jack’s head by his chin to just force him to look at him and when he finally did, he kissed him. A soft, gentle brush before he retreated back a little, just their noses touching.

“You should have told me you know, I’m not that complicated.” He nuzzled his nose in Jack’s cheek and it was just, loving. Jack liked that.

He let a small laugh escape his lips, “You are the definition of complicated Gaskarth” before he ducked and captured his lips in a proper kiss. All their pent up emotions tunneled through it and made them feel warm and fuzzy inside, and yeah that’s a feeling that they could get used to.

------

“So why?” Jack asked apprehensively.

They were in a park, just about a mile from where the venue for their show tomorrow.
“Why what babe?” he intertwined his fingers with Jack’s as he made himself comfortable lying beside him, his head on his chest. He loved hearing Jack’s heart beating, it was a melody in Alex’s ears.

He huffed a sigh, moving a little so he can look at Alex.

“Alex, you know what I’m on about. I seriously don’t understand why you would act like you’re fucking all this girls and say that you actually ditch them when out of the crowds view, I mean. What was that for?”

Alex sat up, clearly having difficulty to tell Jack the reason because it was a stupid one but all the while he also knew that Jack deserved to know, after all it was because of him this shindig all started.

“Okay, but you’ll let me finish. You will not interrupt me, alright?” He looked at him just in time to see him nod.

He breathed in deeply before he started his monologue.

“It started back in our junior year,-”

“Wow.”

“Jack…” he whined, punching him playfully.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” Jack couldn’t help but giggle ‘cause Alex is fucking cute when he pouts like that whenever he didn’t have his way. So before Alex could even start talking again, he plunged and manage to steal a kiss or two, leaving a beet red Alex.

“I can’t believe it, you’re blushing.” He teased.

“Shut up or I won’t tell you.” Alex warned, he hated how Jack could make him blush ever since he met him all those years ago.

“Alright, alright.” He said, lifting his hands in mock surrender and making a zip motion on his lips.

Alex smiled, that smile that melting Jack Barakat like butter in a heated pan.

“As I’ve said, it started when we were in junior year. That’s when I started to feel different about you. I always got these butterflies, whatever” he rolled his eyes ‘cause Jack’s face lit up hearing his words, “whenever you smile at me. I felt like a creep ‘cause I always had urges to just look at you, I sometimes imagine that I can actually touch your face without it being awkward. And God knows I almost did, until you gave me this confused look so I shake it off like you had something on your face. There are times that I almost even kissed you… I said don’t interrupt!” he snapped when Jack opened his mouth to speak, he glared at him when Jack gave him that exact sweet, innocent smile that had him pining over his best friend.

“Whenever we got wasted, that’s always the hardest part because when I’m drunk, I’m horny.” He laughed because Jack mouthed the same words.

“Yeah, and I almost ran to you and pin you to a wall and just have at it, consequences be damned.” He shook his head in disbelief and Jack’s just grinning like an idiot.

“I wish I knew then what I know now then I would have done it. But at that time I didn’t, so I couldn’t do exactly just that. I was so afraid I would lose you. I’d rather be blue in the balls than not having you in my life Jay. And I have been for a long time now. So I decided that I should put a line between us but you made it so damn hard. Every rule I had, you break them.

Remember when we had a fight because you accused me of avoiding you, I actually am trying my hardest to avoid you Jack, but God you were so stubborn. Right then I realized that I couldn’t just shut you out, that’s when this started. At first it wasn’t my plan, it just happened. You remember Kirsten? She actually took my virginity, I’ve regretted it ever since, biggest mistake I made I swear. It was in my drunken haze that I seriously thought she was you, so yeah, shit went down.”

He couldn’t believe how fucked up his thinking pattern is but whatever, what’s done is done.

“And it just became a habit, if I feel so sexually frustrated because of you, I would just go for the easiest way out, it was working at first. All my sexual experiences, I’ve honestly imagined they were all with you so I could get by. When we started touring and getting plastered every night, there was seriously no one I could grab to help me, ‘cause you know I’m actually afraid to just go down and get dirty with anyone I don’t even know. And then one fated night of November it happened, you were so drunk I’m not sure if you remember but that’s the time we had our first kiss and uh, you helped me out, it was Friday the 13th actually, yes Jack I remembered, will you stop smiling already? I swear you’ll break your jaw.”

Of course Jack remembered, all too vividly actually. He gets off at the memory of it. He couldn’t also stop smiling because Alex just kept on talking about his not so big of a crush on Jack when they were younger, maybe without even realizing it. He’s always been hard to read and having him openly talk about his feelings was a bit surprising and disturbing at the same time, not that Jack was crept out. He’s enjoying every minute of it, he could tease Alex to no end.

“After that, I just can’t kiss anyone anymore, it feels so wrong. I have wanted every night of my life to be like that, but when morning came, I knew you didn’t remember because you were just like your old self. You weren’t awkward and you didn’t even mention anything about it and I just can’t blurt it out to you. I know I’ll just mess it up so I kept my mouth shut. I know I had to keep this façade I had though and that’s what it always has been, an act. I seriously can’t even get it up without thoughts of you. Oh God, and your habit of walking around naked.” Alex almost face palmed.

He looked at him, finally realizing that he just successfully done a perfect example of word vomit, he sighed. He couldn’t just take it all back now, not that he intended to anyway. “I know it’s wrong but can you seriously blame me?”

Jack nodded while giggling.

“Fuck you.”

“Later babe.”

They both smiled affectionately towards each other.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I swear to god, you’ll gonna be the death of me.” Jack opened his mouth for a smart come back but Alex beat him to it, silencing him by pursing their lips together in a passionate kiss that had Jack swept off his feet.