I Believe in You

My heart is racing as I am running down the road the gravel crunching beneath my beat up converse. All I want to do is run away from the world. Nearing a playground I go over and look through the rusting chain link fence. Things have changed so much from when I was a kid. Going away to college far away from home is the hardest thing to do and having a boyfriend always on tour doesn’t help. The smell from my favorite breakfast place from across the street fills my nostrils and they flare as I continue to take in the scent. I look over and look at “Sam’s” the oh so familiar pancake house that I would run away to when things got tough or I just wanted to sit and drink a glass of water. Everyone there is so nice and knows all about me. I love them like the secret family I always wanted. The pale yellow building g looks so inviting at a time like this, but I know I can’t eat or even think about my stomach at a time like this. I need to sit and think. That is all I have to do.

I turn away from the building and look back through the fence at the playground that he and I used to go to. So many fond memories and feelings happened there. My first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first hear break, and my first life time decision. Should I stay with him or shouldn’t I? Now that I graduated from college and my band just got signed we will be away all the time to tour. His band is signed too so he will be away as well and I have no idea how our relationship would be able to with stand both of us being on the road. I can’t think about this still standing in front of the playground though. I finally puck up the courage within myself suck in a breathe and take my first step onto the white concrete that little children run around on. I adjust the red nit beanie on my head and stick my hands in my pockets. I take a look around what has been changed from the last time I was home. The playground has been split in half. On half for the older kids and one half for the younger kids. Orange and blue mats cover the ground so that way if the kids fall it won’t hurt so bad. I just look at the newly placed jungle gyms that kids run and scream and play on. Bringing back the memory of when I first met my best friend and first love. I stop thinking about him and continue to trudge on and look at one familiar sight. The very traditional roundabout. I smile to myself as I see it. It looks exactly the same as when I was a kid silver and red. These old fashioned kids’ toys are very scarce in this country and I have no idea why. For a spring day it’s very cold. As I take a seat on the familiar silver steel of the roundabout it’s freezing underneath my jeans. I tuck my knees in to keep my body heat towards myself. My small Glamour Kills sweat shirt isn’t doing much for me. I sit Indian style and put my elbows on my now bent knees. My chocolate brown hair falls into my face and I let it sit there. I have no idea what I am going to do. Majority of long distance relationships don’t even work out and our touring schedules might be different. So who knows when we will see each other? Sometimes I wish my life was easier. I am broken from my train of thought as the roundabout begins to sway. I look up and he my caring and understanding boyfriend looks at me. I take in his lanky frame covered by a black and white baseball styled t-shirt, a black jacket, a gray hat, and blue jeggins finished off by a pair of white converse. I just look up at him and smile. I have no idea what to say considering I am the one who ran away from him.

He is the first one to speak,” Jess why did you run?” He looked at me with pleading eyes to just look at him and to open up to him. I have absolutely no idea what to say to him though. I just say to him “I don’t know I am just …. So confused about this situation we are in. I mean we both just got home from college and now we both might leave again because of touring. I just don’t want to lose you. “I ramble on and try to continue my rant with another complete thought. As I am trying to make my thought I am stopped by his lips on mine in a sweet but caring kiss. This kiss is one that says it’s okay and to shut up. As he pulls away I look at him sitting across from me sitting exactly as I am. I smile at him as the wind blows all the surrounding trees and my hair. All he does is smile and say “We can make it I know we can because I love you and touring isn’t going to affect anything going on with us. “ I sit and think for a minute trying to soak in what he just said while weighing all of my options. I look at him he is trying to read my expression to figure out what I am thinking. All I do is smile and go sit on his lap and put my arms around his neck. I kiss him once more. A sweet long kiss then smile and say “I love you too Jordan and I think this can work. I believe in us.”