One Last Chance

As he left the headmistresses office, he started speed walking toward the Great Hall. He didn’t slow his pace and he didn’t pause for even a moment as he walked down the corridors. He knew if he did that he would lose his nerve. What he was about to do was so out of character for him, that he assumed many people would pass out from the shock. He didn’t care. He needed to get to Remus as soon as possible. He didn’t want to waste another moment being angry, being upset, pondering over what could have been.

Remus had hurt him like no other, but he had also healed him like no other. He had made him realize that opening your heart to another did not make you weak, it made you human. He had showed him that life always gave you a second chance. All of those times that he had pushed Remus away from him, thinking that he was being clingy, he hadn’t realized that it was the other mans way of showing him how much he cared. It was his way of reassuring him that he was loved.

At least, he thought the other man loved him. He wasn’t sure. Not after his actions and not after he remembered a particular conversation they had when they were friends. All he could do was hope.

Over the last week, Remus had not tried to talk to him anymore. Severus had assumed it was because he had moved on, but he realized that it was his way of letting him go. He had been so stupid. The man had made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes in life and he couldn’t just cast them away for it.

He finally reached the doors to the Great Hall and flung them open. He swept through the rows like usual, but without the usual look on his face. It was only as he was passing the Gryffindor table that he realized there were no teachers present at the staff table, only a few students who had a free period.

They were looking at him as if he had gone completely mental. Maybe he had.

Realizing that he needed time to think without doing something irrational, he headed back to his quarters. He probably should have gone to relieve the substitute teacher down in his classroom, but he needed time in order to come up with a plan.

Walking through the front door, he headed to his room and began cleaning up the mess that had accumulated in there over the past week. There were clothes, books, and parchment littering the floor. His bed was covered in candy wrappers, old photographs and letters, empty bottles of alcohol, socks, magazines, half full pill bottles, some Muggle change, cotton swabs, and a Muggle lighter John had given him the other night. It took over an hour to put everything back in its place, but his room was finally normal looking at last.

He then headed off to take a shower, unable to remember the last time took one. As he let the hot water wash over him, he thought about how to approach Remus. He could just walk up to him and belt out the first thing that came to mind. Or he could plan the entire thing out. The second option sounded like a better idea. But what would he do?

Almost all of the hot water had gone from the shower before he finally decided what he was going to do. He hurried out of the bathroom and changed into a pair of jeans and a nice sweater before making his way to the apparation point.

Severus was standing at the top of the Astronomy tower, his stomach twisting in knots. He had sent Remus a note at dinner, instructing him to meet him at the Astronomy tower at half past eight. He had no idea whether the other man would even bother to show up or not. He hoped he would. And soon at that. He was beginning to lose his nerve.

On cue, the door swung open and Remus appeared. He slowly made his way up the stairs, looking nervous himself. Neither of them spoke for a moment as he came to stand in front of him.

“I love you.” Severus said. “I did not say it to you in order to convince you to commit sexual acts with me. I said it to you because I meant it. You have showed me what it is like to love again. I am still working on changing who I used to be and you have had a huge impact in that department.
After that day in the Hospital Wing, I tried to convince myself that I could live without you, but I soon realized that I cannot. I…if you do not want me…if you did not mean it when you said that you loved me…if you were merely pretending as you had done with Nymphadora…then I can understand why. Just…please…give me something to go on.”

His little speech could have gone better, but for him, it was practically a miracle in itself. A few months ago, he would not have been able to say half of what he had just said.

Remus stepped closer to him and began to reach out to him, but seemed to think better of it at the last possible second.

“Severus" He said, looking truly hurt for a moment.

“How could you possibly think that I was simply pretending? You mean more to me than words can ever express. I love every little thing about you. I love how you watch me when you think I’m sleeping. I love how you make fun of that Muggle series about the vampires to no end, but you secretly read it anyways. I love how you think I don’t notice the little pet names you call me. I love how you secretly cheer for Gryffindor during the Quiddich matches. I love how you scare everybody half to death, but I know your just a big softy on the inside. I love how you dance around the house when you think your alone. I love how your socks never match and how you have a stash of junk food in your room. I love the way you blush at me, the way you scowl at me, and the way you smile at me. I love you and everything that comes along with it. I want you. For as long as you will have me.”

Severus closed his eyes tight for a moment, not wanting to let the other man see the emotion in his eyes. It was going to take a wile before he could do that around another, having spent so long distancing himself. But with Remus, he was willing to try. He wanted to open his heart and mind to this man. Let himself become the man that he had always wanted to be. He would do it all for Remus.

He truly knew him, perhaps even better than he knew himself. And he wanted to be his, for as long as he would have him. He would not say it quite yet, but he planned on having him forever. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day.

“So that’s why half of my candy has disappeared from my nightstand.”

“Shut up.” Remus said before kissing him on the lips.

There it was. That feeling unlike anything he had ever experienced in his entire life. Fireworks, alarm bells, were going off in his head. This was what felt right. This was exactly where he was supposed to be.

They broke apart and Severus smiled down at him. Not one of the half smiles he usually gave the man, a real genuine smile. “Come on.” He said, pulling him over to the spot he had prepared. They both sat down on the large blanket he had laid out and Severus decided that now was the perfect moment. He pulled out two brown packages from his jean pockets and handed them to the other man.

Remus looked at him curiously for a moment before opening the first package. It was a thick wooden bracelet with a werewolf painted onto it. Emeralds surrounded the werewolf’s eyes as well as the moon painted in the background. Severus had bought it at a Muggle shop in London earlier that day.

“It’s beautiful.” Remus breathed, going to fasten the bracelet around his wrist immediately.

Severus smirked as the man struggled to tie the strings together. Only a Muggle contraption would have something this complicated on it. After watching him struggle for a moment, he swatted his hands away and tied it for him. “It’s also a Portkey. Turn it to the left and say the password to activate it. It goes straight to my sitting room. It will activate anywhere, regardless of wards, spells, and charms. It is also indestructible and cannot be removed from your body by force.”

Remus beamed at him before turning his head to the side and whispering a password. He was curious as to what it was, but he didn’t ask, just gestured at the man to open his other gift. This was the one he was the most nervous about. He hoped it was not rejected.

Remus looked at him curiously as the tiny silver key fell out of the package. He cleared his throat before beginning to speak. “It goes to my home in London. You don’t have to use it, I just thought…” He trailed off, a blush creeping up his cheeks. Never before had he invited somebody into his personal home. He hoped it was not a mistake.

He watched as the man carefully pocketed the key before pulling him into a hug. It startled him, but he hugged him back, not letting go for several minutes. He lay down on the blanket, staring up at the sky. He had a completely clear view of the stars from here. The sky looked so beautiful tonight.

“So which one is the Milky Way?” Remus asked

Severus smiled and interwined their fingers before beginning to talk.