One Last Chance

He was kept in the hospital wing for the next three weeks or so. The Healers wanted to monitor him and check for brain damage. After coming out of Potter's memories, he had lay there for a moment with his eyes closed, trying to regain all of his composure before opening them again.

When he had finally regained enough control to be able to give everybody that cold, emotionless stare he was famous for, the boy was gone. Severus hadn't seen him since then. Minerva came to visit as often as possible as did Arthur and Molly. Lupin had been up to see him twice and he had even allowed Hagrid to accompany him on rare occasions.

He had found out that he had been in a coma like state for three months prior to his awakening. He was shocked at the state he was in when he was finally well enough to get up and look in the mirror. He was much too thin and his hair was very unkept, a devastation for him although he would never admit it. He had dark circles under his eyes and he appeared to be paler than he had been before, if that were even possible. He was a wreck.

No one had ever said a word to him about his actions before the final battle. He had came back to their side, betrayed them, and went to the Dark Lord's side. He had allowed Death Eater's to run their school. He had murdered Albus Dumbledore. Yet, no one ever questioned him on it. He assumed that Potter had told them to clear his name. He hoped that was as far as it had gone, that he hadn't shown them his memories. He didn't know, but he was grateful to not be in Azkaban so he didn't question it too much.

Severus had thought the end of the war would make him happy, but it didn't. He hated that so many people had died during the final battle. No one had told him who exactly had perished, but he had been informed that the numbers weren't low by any means. He couldn't face his fears that the Dark Lord would one day return. He couldn't stand the fact that he was now completely alone.

Death Eaters were no family to him, but it had been almost comfortable being in the presence of the Malfoy's. Narcissa and Lucius were both locked up in Azkaban now. Dumbledore was gone. The one man whom he considered family had to go and die on him because the meddling old fool thought he could destroy the Horcrux on his own. He maintained polite conversation when his visitors came by, but they still didn't fill the emptiness in his heart. He needed someone who cared about him as Dumbledore had. Someone who wouldn't take his bullshit. Someone who would encourage him to be better.

He wanted to change. He wanted to become a different man. A better man. But he didn't know how. He didn't think he possessed the ability to show emotion. To let his guard down and let somebody into his heart. He'd let two people posses a spot deep in his heart in his entire thirty six years of life. One was long gone because of a prophecy that he had delivered. One he had murdered himself. That was more than enough of a reason why he should never let anyone near him again. He was too damaged. Too broken. Nobody could ever love him. Care for him. Want to be with him.

His two week stay in the hospital wing ended and he took the Floo down to the dungeons. He walked into his quarters and was happy to see that the place was exactly as he had left it. He threw his bag down on the dark brown couch and headed over to his lab where he immediately set to brewing potions to be sent to the hospital wing.

He usually gave half of his summer to making them and he now only had one month until the start of term. Minerva had tried to get him to take up his previous post as Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, but he had refused. He wanted nothing to do with the Dark Arts. He instead asked to resume his old position as Potions Master and she reluctantly agreed.

His brewing was interrupted by a gentle rapping on his door and he silently cursed whoever it was before making his way over to the door. He was surprised to find Remus Lupin staring back at him. "I have some news." Lupin said, pushing his way past him like he lived there. Severus sneered as he closed the door and sat next to Lupin on the couch. "What?" He asked him curiously. "I've been offered the Defense Against The Dark Arts position for next year!" Lupin said enthusiastically.

He wasn't too surprised at the news. Lupin was the only teacher besides himself who hadn't died, gone insane, been a Death Eater, or been carried off by Centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. Also, he was a very good teacher although he would never admit it to him. "Are you going to accept?" He asked him, knowing that he would say yes without hesitation. "Well that's why I came down here." Lupin began "I wanted to check. Um. I wanted to make sure you.." He trailed off, not finishing the question.

Lupin wanted to make sure it was okay with him before he resumed the position? How odd. "If your trying to get my permission then your not going to. With that being said, I have already agreed to take up my old Potions position. I want nothing to do with the Dark Arts." He stated quite clearly.

It wasn't a lie or some bitter remark. He'd seen enough of the Dark Arts first hand. He'd done the Unforgivable curses more times than he could count. Although he was glad he could say that he'd only used the most unforgivable curse once in his lifetime. He intended to keep it that way. "Fair enough Severus." Lupin replied. "So how are you?" Severus began pondering that question himself. How was he?

If he was honest with himself he was hurt by all the death, confused as to where he stood with everyone at this point, scared out of his mind that the Dark Lord would return, he was haunted by all the things he had done in the past, and completely alone in this world. He could hardly admit those feelings to himself, let alone to Lupin so he said the next best answer. "Breathing, I suppose." Lupin smirked at his sarcasm.

Severus had a memory come back to him. Nymphadora. Laying in the entrance hall as he was being summoned to the Dark Lord. Was she? He looked down at his robes, knowing he had to ask. "Nymphadora. Is she?" He left the question hanging in the air, not wanting to say the last part. He slowly looked up at Lupin's face.

One glance and all he needed to know was confirmed. He wondered who else he knew who didn't survive the war. He wasn't surprised to see that Lupin's eyes were looking rather glassy. "I'm sorry Remus." He told the other man. He truly meant it. He knew what it was like to lose the love of your life. He also couldn't stand the look in the mans eyes. He looked completely broken. "I know." He paused as a sudden wave of emotions swept over him. He swallowed a lump in his throat and continued. "I know that you cared for her." Lupin nodded his head and for the first time he realized that the other man looked completely exhausted. "She was my best friend. It's like losing Sirius all over again."

He didn't mean it in that way, did he? He knew for sure that Black was at least a little bit homosexual, but he had never suspected Lupin. "You and Black." He began, not knowing how to word it. "You two weren't...you know." Lupin's head shot up. "N-no." He stammered and Severus was amused to see that his cheeks had grown a bit pink. "Never anything like that."
He watched in amusement as Lupin pretended to check his watch. "Oh look at the time! I better be getting back to work. See you soon Severus." With that he fled to the door, practically slamming it behind him in his rush to get out. "It appears that I'm not the only one with secrets after all." He muttered to himself as he went back to his brewing.

Severus knew it was going to be a bad day when he woke up a few days after his visit with Lupin with a pounding headache. His answers were confirmed a few hours later when Minerva fire called him from her office. "Hello Severus. Could you please step through. There are some people here who want to speak with you." Who the hell was it now? Couldn't he ever just have some peace and quiet? He reluctantly stepped through into the headmistress's office.

In chairs in front of Minerva's desk sat Fudge and an Auror named Robert Greyson. He felt a sense of dread overcome him as he realized the way the Minister of Magic was looking at him. "You wanted to speak with me. I believe." He stated in his usual clipped, cold manner. For a moment no one said a word, but Fudge finally broke the silence. "Well yes we certainly did. As you know, the war is over. But that doesn't mean that You Know Who's followers aren't still out there. We've received information from several captured Death Eaters that you are one of them."

Severus seethed inside. Those complete bastards. He would get them back for this one day, but at the moment it was probably best that he tried not to get sent to Azkaban. Or worse. "Well I can assure you that information is false. " He snarled at the two, turning away to sit down. He knew what was coming next even before it was said. "Show us your left arm then." Greyson said. Severus rounded on the Minister this time. "You damn well know that I used to be a Death Eater, but came over to the light side so don't think you have me cornered."

" Nobody knows where your loyalties have lay all these years Snape. All we've ever had to go on was Dumbledore's word." He paused for a moment and Severus stared at him with as much loathing in his eyes that he could muster. "Look, enough small talk. We know that You Know Who imprinted a new symbol on all the Death Eaters who returned to him three years ago. We also are taking into account Potter's claims from last year about how you murdered Dumbledore. So go ahead, roll up your sleeve." Greyson smirked at him, knowing he had him cornered. Before Severus could reply, the office doors burst open and there stood no other than Harry Potter.

He never thought that he'd actually be glad to see him, but he could provide as a distraction while he snuck off and apparated out of the grounds. That was the master plan he had managed to come up with in the few seconds he'd had to think up a plan of action. "What exactly are you storming in here for Mr. Potter?" Minerva asked sternly "School doesn't start for another month last time I checked." Fudge eyed Potter suspiciously as well. "What has led you to pay a visit to us today Mr. Potter?" He watched as he tilted his head to the right to indicate...himself? Was Potter here to defend him? "I am here about Professor Snape. I was at the Ministry earlier today to return something to Arthur and I overheard that you were coming here to arrest him for Death Eater activity. Is this true?" Potter asked him. "Why yes Mr. Potter. That is completely true." Fudge smirked at him as if daring him to suggest otherwise.

Severus wasn't shocked when Potter did exactly so. He may not know the boy that well, but he did know that he didn't give up without a fight and a damn good one at that. Not that he would ever admit that to the boy. "If it isn't true then why don't you ask Severus to roll up his left sleeve." He knew that Potter wouldn't do that, considering he already knew what was there. "Oh there will be no need for that." The boy stated, almost smiling to himself. "And why not Mr. Potter?" The Auror challenged him.

Severus acquired the strong urge to punch the lights out of Greyson, but he didn't think that would exactly help his case so he restrained himself and shot him the glare of death instead. "Because there is no denying that the Dark Mark is indeed imprinted on Professor Snape's left arm. I saw it in person once." When the hell had Potter seen it in person? When the hell had Potter seen it at all? He had his mark covered at all times. He'd get the answer out of the boy after this was over. "It's common knowledge that he used to be a Death Eater." He heard him finish.

Fudge leaned forward in his seat so far that he thought he was going to fall out. Unfortunately, he didn't. "No Potter." The Minister snarled. "It's common knowledge that he is indeed a Death Eater." Harry shook his head once again. Severus was amazed at how calm Potter could be considering the circumstances. He certainly didn't have the patience to deal with these idiots sitting next to him. "I'm afraid your wrong minister." He informed him and began searching in the pockets of his robes for something. "Prove it." He challenged him.

Potter seemed to have found what he was looking for. It was a glass vial with swirling silver liquid in it. He knew what that was. Those were his memories. The memories he had given Potter on his death bed. The boy suddenly turned to him. "It is okay that they see these? I promise that I'll only show them what is absolutely necessary." Severus nodded. He didn't like the idea one bit, but he knew it was the only way to stay out of Azkaban.

The five of them stepped toward the pensive and as Potter emptied the memories into the stone basin they all plunged into darkness. He was thankful to see that he had left the childhood memories he had added out as well as the more romantic ones with Lily. He closed his eyes hard as the first memory came into view. He knew he looked a complete mess in this memory and he liked to think that if he couldn't see it, they couldn't either. He tuned back in and listened to himself plead with Dumbledore.

The memory switched and he knew this was the one he wouldn't be able to bear. He understood that it had to be shown, though. Otherwise Fudge could say it was all just an act, that he had deceived Albus. He felt wet on his cheeks as he watched himself rock Lily's body and sob into her hair. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look at Potter. His face was as white as a sheet and he was crying as well. Against his better judgement, he awkwardly grasped the boy's shoulders and held him there until the memory passed.

Now he was in Dumbledore's office, yelling that he wished he were dead. At that moment, he truly had wished himself gone. The only reason he hadn't offed himself was because Dumbledore had taken his wand from him to prevent him from doing such. He heard himself make the promise to protect Lily's son.

They found themselves inside the office yet again as he watched himself examine Dumbledore's injured hand. He glanced over at Fudge as Albus asked him to kill him when it all came down to it. Fudge was watching the memory wide eyed, oblivious to everything around him. Served him right.

He was now strolling the grounds with Dumbledore, arguing over the boy and the Dark Lord.

The memory transformed to later that night back inside the headmaster's office. He tuned out their argument, not wanting to remember the bad times between the two. He looked back up as he heard himself yell. "Expecto Patronum!" The silver doe burst from the tip of his wand and paraded around the room. "After all this time?" He heard Dumbledore ask. "Always." He muttered to himself as he said it in his memory as well.

He watched himself talk to Dumbledore's portrait, confund Mundungus, accidently cut off George Weasley's ear while trying to curse a Death Eater, and leave to take the sword to Potter before they were all pulled out of the memory and slammed back into their chairs. For a long moment, no one spoke. "Very well then." Fudge stammered "All charges cleared." He announced before exiting the room.

He turned his head to the side and tried to wipe the tears from his eyes without being too obvious. "Tissue Severus." He heard Minerva offer. He looked up and saw that her face was also splotchy from crying. He needed to get drunk, very drunk indeed. "I need to be going back to my rooms now." He stood abruptly and made his way to the dungeons as fast as possible, colliding with another body in the entrance hall as he walked.

"Shit Lupin. I'm sorry!" He burst out, not even thinking about the fact that he was being completely civil toward someone for once. He made to move past the wolf, but he felt his upper arm being seized. "What's wrong? What's happened?" Lupin asked him. Severus could see the concern in his eyes. He knew that Lupin could see his red eyes, the tear tracks on his cheeks. He knew he could feel the way his body was trembling. He wanted to burst out and tell him everything that was on his mind, but he didn't. He just shook his head. Lupin seemed to understand that he didn't want to talk about it any further so he didn't push the subject any longer.

He noticed that he was still gripping his arm and was about to jerk away when Lupin suddenly leaned forward, looking around. "I'm going to go raid my liquor cabinet and then I'll be right down." He opened his mouth to speak. "And don't argue." He closed his mouth and watched as Lupin began climbing the stairs to his quarters. Severus hurried down to his quarters to wait for the man. "This should be interesting." He thought to himself, smirking a little.

Severus was prepared when Lupin knocked on his door fifteen minutes later. He had changed from his billowing black robes into a pair of Muggle jeans and a grey sweater. He had also taken the junk littering his normally immaculate sitting room and thrown it into a closet, set the alcohol, drinking glasses, and shot glasses on the table, and burned some incense. He wasn't used to having anybody in his private quarters so he wasn't sure if this was the appropriate setting or not.

Lupin smiled as he walked into the room, laden down with a large brown paper bag. "What'd you bring?" Severus asked him, trying not to sound too eager to start drinking. After all, it was only six in the evening. He didn't want to get drunk too early, but he didn't want to get drunk too late either. Lupin sat the large bag down on the coffee table and gestured for him to open it. He first pulled out a half full bottle of Firewhiskey, a full pint of Jack Daniels, and six cans of beer.

Jack Daniels was served in the Muggle and wizarding world, so that was no surprise. What was a surprise were the cans of beer he pulled out. They said Pedigree on them and he vaguely recognized them as one of the brands Tobias used to drink. He didn't comment on the Muggle beer as he added them to his pile on the table. He had managed to dig out a fifth of Jim Beam and a half pint of Firewhiskey.

He grabbed a glass and thrust one at Lupin before picking up his own and pulling himself a cup half full of Jack. Lupin poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey and leaned back against the couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking from their glasses. "Well this is fun." He heard himself say sarcastically. Lupin gave a low chuckle. "Quite fun indeed. I can see that your not quite the entertainer, so may I suggest we play a game of some sort." Severus felt like snorting at the idea, but held his tongue for once. "What game?" He asked. "It's called I have never." Lupin informed him.

He had no idea what this I have never game was. He didn't want to admit it so he allowed himself a few moments to try to figure it out. He still had no idea. "How do you play?" Lupin's face lit up as he realized that he was actually going to play along. "Okay so you have to say something such as "I have never worn the color black." Since you obviously have" He paused to smirk at him as he rolled his eyes into the back of his head, ignoring the comment. "you take a drink from your cup. If I have worn the color black then I must drink too." This game sounded like it could actually be kind of okay. "Let's play." "I'll go first." Lupin volunteered. He agreed to let him go first.

"I have never sang in the shower." Severus shook his head. Did Lupin really think he was going to get him that easily? He kept his drink still as he watched Lupin take a long drink from his glass. After he finished drinking, he realized that he hadn't taken a drink from his cup. "Oh come on. You really expect me to believe that you've never sang in the shower." He honestly hadn't. Singing in the shower is something your supposed to do when your happy. He never sang happy songs. Only slow, sad one's to remind him of the past. To help him deal with the past. "I have not." Lupin shook his head at him.

It was his turn and he took a few moments to think of something good. "I have never taught a class wearing nothing but my outer robe." He took a long drink from his cup. He'd done that more than once when he just hadn't felt the need to put clothes on. Lupin was looking at him in shock. "You didn't." "I did." He smirked at him.

It was Lupin's turn now. "I have never pretended to be in love." His words caught him off guard. He watched as Lupin took a large gulp from his drink. His own drink sat on the table in front of him, untouched. Where the hell had that came from? Why would the wolf pretend to be in love with someone? "Who?" He heard himself ask. Lupin hesitated for a moment before finally answering. "Tonks." "What!" He exclaimed before he could help himself. He had married the woman for Merlin's sake! "She was my best friend Severus. I loved her as a friend. I thought there was more, but I realized too late that there wasn't." He nodded and didn't press the issue.

"I have never had sex." Lupin grew pink in the face as he took a few gulps from his drink. Severus downed some of his drink too before addressing Lupin. "We're thirty six years old. Pull yourself together and stop blushing like a thirteen year old girl." Lupin ignored his comment and continued the game. "I've never had a one night stand." At this, they both just glanced at each other before tipping the rest of their drinks back.

They poured full cups of Firewhiskey to drink this time around. Severus was trying to think of a really good question. Something that would throw the man off. "I've never had sex with another man." Lupin coughed and sputtered on his drink at this. He looked at him as if trying to decide what to do. Severus swallowed half of his drink and watched, not surprised as Lupin did the same. Lupin was giving him a look. It wasn't a shocked look. It was a confused one. "What about Lily?" He asked.

He was a bit taken aback at the question. Of course he knew! They didn't exactly hide it. Whatever they'd been in that short amount of time. "Have you ever heard of the term pansexual, Lupin?" He watched as Lupin shook his head no. Of course he hadn't. Now he was going to have to explain. "When your bisexual you usually prefer one gender over the other." He paused as Lupin nodded his head. "But when your panssexual, you don't choose one gender over the other. It's more about who you desire, not what gender they are." Lupin nodded his head to show that he understood. "Now that our sexuality lesson is over for the day, would you like to continue?" Lupin didn't reply. He assumed he was trying to think of something else to say or zoning out in his semi drunk state. Severus himself was feeling very light headed and could feel himself getting drunker by the second.

"I've never had sex with Sirius Black." He watched as Lupin downed the rest of his drink, not surprised at that either. He'd known he was right by the way he had acted about him last night. He then tipped back his drink, amused at the expression on Lupin's face. "You and Sirius? W-what?!" He exclaimed as he stared at Severus as if he had two heads.

One part of him wanted to tell the werewolf that it was none of his business, but the other part of him wanted to see what his reaction would be if he told him the truth. So he did. "Once. In our fourth year. It was oral sex, but still sex none the less." He looked up at the bewildered expression on Lupin's face. "Didn't you wonder why we hated each other so much?" "Well yes, but I didn't think it could have been for a reason like that."

They poured more drinks and the game continued on. They both learned a lot about each other in the next hour as they kept playing. He had learned that Lupin liked to bottom during sex, had never done a drug in his life, and was completely gay. Severus himself had revealed that he had two tattoos, liked to attend Muggle drag shows, and had never been on a vacation in his life.

They were both incredibly drunk at the moment and he wanted to ask him a question that had been at the back of his head ever since he woke up. "Lupin?" He said to get the mans attention. Lupin looked up from pouring himself another drink. "Yeah?" Severus was silent for a moment, not sure how to put what he wanted to ask into words. He knew he had to find a way. He had to ask. He had to find out. "The war. How many..." He paused, not wanting to say the last part and was grateful when Lupin seemed to understand what he was trying to ask. "A lot. Over fifty." Severus wasn't surprised, he knew it'd be somewhere around there. He wanted to know how many people he actually knew that had died. Severus nodded at Lupin to continue. Lupin took a deep breath before he began rattling off names. "Mad-Eye Moody, Vincent Crabbe, Fred, Fleur, and Bill Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Aberforth Dumbledore, Colin Creevey, Tonks and her father." He stopped at that.

So many people he had known. So many people who had died at the hands of the Dark Lord. He couldn't even imagine the grieving the Weasley family must be in right now. They were good people. They didn't deserve it. And Aberforth was gone. He had been close to him as well.

He felt his body start shaking and tears start forming inside his eyes. He couldn't do this. He couldn't have a break down in front of one of his childhood enemies. He couldn't let his guard down. He couldn't cry. He hardly cried when he was alone, much less in front of other people. He held his emotions in until he was about to burst, but never actually revealed them. His little breakdown in Minerva's office had been bad enough. He was supposed to be this cold hearted man who had no emotions. At least, that's the way he wanted everyone to perceive him. That's the way he wanted to appear to himself. It was easier that way.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight until he felt the tears stop threatening to come out. He then reached forward and shakily poured himself another glass, making a point not to look at Lupin. He downed his entire drink before looking up. He was surprised to see Lupin slumped over, his hands over his face. The man had excellent control of his emotions. Almost as much as he did.

He got up and stumbled over to where the man sat. "There's nothing you could have done." He told him as he shakily bent down next to him. "This isn't your fault." He said, trying to make himself believe the words as well. The man just shook his head and he saw a few tears sliding down his cheeks. It angered him to see the man beating himself up over something he had no control over. "If it's anyones fault it's mine." It was true. He had joined the Dark Lord. He had let the Death Eaters control the castle. He had let the Dark Lord into Hogwarts grounds so he could obtain the Elder Wand.

He tried to speak again as the man slowly looked up at him, but the words caught in his throat as he tried not to dissolve into tears. What the hell was wrong with him? Maybe it was all the alcohol he had consumed getting to him or maybe it was due to the fact that he had been an emotional wreck ever since he woke up.

He turned and walked across the room, resting his forehead on the mantle. He was taking deep breaths to calm himself when he felt a hand on his shoulder. At the man's touch, he turned around, not even caring about the fact that he was on the verge of crying. "It's not your fault." The man simply stated before pulling him into a hug.

The human contact made all his walls dissolve instantly. That was all it took for him to break down in tears. It seemed that's all it had taken for the other man as well as he suddenly felt wetness on his neck. It felt so nice to be comforted. To be in someone's arms again. He hadn't hugged anyone besides the stiff pat he gave when someone hugged him in a very long time. He needed this.

Lupin released him and began stumbling toward the door. "Remus." He called out after him, his voice shaking because he was still crying. His voice was full of desperation. He didn't care. The man stopped where he was walking. "Don't go." He couldn't be alone tonight. He didn't want to be alone tonight. He'd spent the past sixteen years alone except for the meaningless one night stands. Lupin turned around and looked at him, his eyes full of wonder. "Stay." The man nodded and walked back over to where he was.

Severus grabbed his arm and led him to his bedroom. Silently, he pulled out pajamas for himself and tossed some at Lupin as well. They changed right in front of each other, too drunk and emotional to really care about things like dignity anymore.

Severus turned the light out with a flick of his wand and lay down in his king sized bed. He felt Lupin lay down next to him and couldn't help but turn to look at him. The man was laying there, tears silently streaming down his face. Severus felt himself start crying harder than he already was and sounds accidently slipped out. He quickly lay on his side, his back to Lupin, embarrassed. He closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep. He felt safe with the other body laying next to him so sleep came easily. Just before drifting off he felt an arm slip around his waist and he didn't even think to fight it.