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One Last Chance
Six.
He opened the great oak front door, closing it gently behind him before taking a seat on the marble steps. He swept the grounds with his eyes, admiring the view. He loved the castle grounds during the fall. It wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold. The leaves turned colors, but didn't die completely. The grass was still green, but wasn't wet with humidity. The moon shone brightly tonight, not a single cloud lingered in the sky. He leaned back until he was lying down on the steps, knowing that no students would be coming outside. It was perfect. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in as much of the crisp fall air as he could and losing himself in his thoughts.
"It's beautiful out here." A voice behind him said. He didn't have to turn to realize that it was Remus who had stumbled upon him. He had no idea when the other man had came out here. He would have heard the door open if he wouldn't have been lost in his own thoughts. "Yes." He whispered. For once, he didn't have the strength to run away from the man. It was probably best that they talked anyways.
He owed Remus an explanation for his behavior. He just didn't know what he was going to say or how he was going to say it.
He felt him lie down beside him, but he didn't look over, just opened his eyes and began staring at the stars. He could spot the many constellations throughout the sky and name a couple stars as well. He loved Astronomy and it had been his favorite subject throughout his school years. He had never told anybody that, though. Everyone always assumed it had been Defense Against The Dark Art's or Potions. They couldn't have been more wrong.
Every other subject was nothing in comparison to Astronomy. It required no spell work, no chopping up of ingredients, no changing objects. Astronomy was all about finding the different patterns and stars throughout the sky and appreciating how beautiful it all was.
"I was never good at identifying constellations and star patterns." He heard Remus mutter next to him. He didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he suddenly pointed up at the sky. "See that constellation right there? That's Aquila. You can tell by the way it almost looks like a three dimensional triangle. It's only visible from July to October every year." He cast a look at Remus, expecting him to be bored.
He was surprised to see him staring up at the sky, taking in every word he said. "And that one right there." He continued, pointing to directly over the Black Lake. "That's Cygnus, which means swan. It was named that because if you look closely, it looks as if a swan is flying throughout the sky." He turned his head to see Lupin nodding at the sky and nodding.
"I see it." He informed him. He couldn't think of anything to say back except a snarky comment so he just didn't say anything at all.
He took a deep breath before pointing out another constellation, lying just over the Womping Willow. "That one over there is called Lepus. It's the most beautiful one in the sky. You can recognize it by the two leg looking parts of it. It means-" "Wolf." He was cut off and surprised that he knew what it meant. He would have never pointed it out, nor made the comment about how beautiful it was if he had known that Remus knew what it was. He was definitely becoming too soft.
He felt his cheeks burning and made sure to keep his eyes trained on the sky. "I didn't realize you knew." He said, willing the embarrassment to not be heard in his voice. He felt the wolf interwine his warm fingers with his rather cold one's. He didn't pull away, electricity running throughout his hand at the sudden touch. "That last one, over there. That one's Leo." He didn't say anymore, not wanting the wolf to catch on to the sentimental value of that one too. Merlin. He really was becoming a sentimental old fool.
He felt Remus start rubbing his thumb over his own and almost shivered at the feeling. Slowly, he turned his head to face the other man. He kept staring straight ahead, taking in the view. The moonlight was reflecting off of his sandy hair and his skin looked paler than usual at this time of night. He turned his head to face him, his amber eyes were glowing with unmistakable happiness. Severus took a deep breath, feeling awful for what he was about to do. "This can't go on Remus." He said quietly, adverting his eyes.
He didn't want to see the happiness drain from the mans eyes, knowing he was the source of it. "I'm not good for you. Or anyone. I push people away. I hurt them in the end. I can't allow myself to do that to you. I care for you too much to let that happen." He finally allowed his eyes to meet his, surprised to see a faint smile on his face. "I knew you were going to say something like that. Are you sure you shouldn't have been in Gryffindor with your nobleness and all?" Severus was shocked at the fact that Remus hadn't hit him, screamed at him, told him how hurt he was. Maybe he really was that good at hiding his emotions. Or maybe he didn't care at all. He hoped it was the latter. It would make this much easier.
His hand suddenly dropped onto the steps and he realized that Remus had stood up, making his way over to the doors. "I won't give up on you Severus." He said. He didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard the man speak, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep the quivering out of his voice if he spoke a single word. He kept his eyes shut tight, knowing that one sight of the man would cause him to rethink what he had just done. He couldn't let that happen. He heard the castle door open, but never swing shut. He knew the man was still standing there. "Leo means lion." He finally allowed himself to say.
He opened his eyes as he finally heard the door swing shut, taking a deep breath before beginning to study the sky once again. He missed Remus's touch already.
"It's beautiful out here." A voice behind him said. He didn't have to turn to realize that it was Remus who had stumbled upon him. He had no idea when the other man had came out here. He would have heard the door open if he wouldn't have been lost in his own thoughts. "Yes." He whispered. For once, he didn't have the strength to run away from the man. It was probably best that they talked anyways.
He owed Remus an explanation for his behavior. He just didn't know what he was going to say or how he was going to say it.
He felt him lie down beside him, but he didn't look over, just opened his eyes and began staring at the stars. He could spot the many constellations throughout the sky and name a couple stars as well. He loved Astronomy and it had been his favorite subject throughout his school years. He had never told anybody that, though. Everyone always assumed it had been Defense Against The Dark Art's or Potions. They couldn't have been more wrong.
Every other subject was nothing in comparison to Astronomy. It required no spell work, no chopping up of ingredients, no changing objects. Astronomy was all about finding the different patterns and stars throughout the sky and appreciating how beautiful it all was.
"I was never good at identifying constellations and star patterns." He heard Remus mutter next to him. He didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he suddenly pointed up at the sky. "See that constellation right there? That's Aquila. You can tell by the way it almost looks like a three dimensional triangle. It's only visible from July to October every year." He cast a look at Remus, expecting him to be bored.
He was surprised to see him staring up at the sky, taking in every word he said. "And that one right there." He continued, pointing to directly over the Black Lake. "That's Cygnus, which means swan. It was named that because if you look closely, it looks as if a swan is flying throughout the sky." He turned his head to see Lupin nodding at the sky and nodding.
"I see it." He informed him. He couldn't think of anything to say back except a snarky comment so he just didn't say anything at all.
He took a deep breath before pointing out another constellation, lying just over the Womping Willow. "That one over there is called Lepus. It's the most beautiful one in the sky. You can recognize it by the two leg looking parts of it. It means-" "Wolf." He was cut off and surprised that he knew what it meant. He would have never pointed it out, nor made the comment about how beautiful it was if he had known that Remus knew what it was. He was definitely becoming too soft.
He felt his cheeks burning and made sure to keep his eyes trained on the sky. "I didn't realize you knew." He said, willing the embarrassment to not be heard in his voice. He felt the wolf interwine his warm fingers with his rather cold one's. He didn't pull away, electricity running throughout his hand at the sudden touch. "That last one, over there. That one's Leo." He didn't say anymore, not wanting the wolf to catch on to the sentimental value of that one too. Merlin. He really was becoming a sentimental old fool.
He felt Remus start rubbing his thumb over his own and almost shivered at the feeling. Slowly, he turned his head to face the other man. He kept staring straight ahead, taking in the view. The moonlight was reflecting off of his sandy hair and his skin looked paler than usual at this time of night. He turned his head to face him, his amber eyes were glowing with unmistakable happiness. Severus took a deep breath, feeling awful for what he was about to do. "This can't go on Remus." He said quietly, adverting his eyes.
He didn't want to see the happiness drain from the mans eyes, knowing he was the source of it. "I'm not good for you. Or anyone. I push people away. I hurt them in the end. I can't allow myself to do that to you. I care for you too much to let that happen." He finally allowed his eyes to meet his, surprised to see a faint smile on his face. "I knew you were going to say something like that. Are you sure you shouldn't have been in Gryffindor with your nobleness and all?" Severus was shocked at the fact that Remus hadn't hit him, screamed at him, told him how hurt he was. Maybe he really was that good at hiding his emotions. Or maybe he didn't care at all. He hoped it was the latter. It would make this much easier.
His hand suddenly dropped onto the steps and he realized that Remus had stood up, making his way over to the doors. "I won't give up on you Severus." He said. He didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard the man speak, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep the quivering out of his voice if he spoke a single word. He kept his eyes shut tight, knowing that one sight of the man would cause him to rethink what he had just done. He couldn't let that happen. He heard the castle door open, but never swing shut. He knew the man was still standing there. "Leo means lion." He finally allowed himself to say.
He opened his eyes as he finally heard the door swing shut, taking a deep breath before beginning to study the sky once again. He missed Remus's touch already.