Retarded In Love

Bam grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. He gave me a warning look and walked passed me while pushing me toward the door. I stood outside his hotel room in shock while I waited for him to come outside. This put a whole new spin on things. He couldn't tell me to do something, then go do it. He wasn't that much older than me, and he definitely couldn't gain my obedience by being a hypocrite. Not that I was planning to obey him anyway...

He stepped outside and walked past me without saying anything. I walked quickly to him and was practically jogging to keep up. He walked around the side of the building and stopped.

"Ell, look... Liz-" He started.

I cut him off. "You had sex with Liz! I can't believe you, after that big I don't trust that stranger spiel... At least I had known Billy for longer than a couple hours." 'Shit, don't mention Billy! Quick, add on don't give him time to process that last statement...'"What a hypocrite!"

He looked down and pulled at the wrinkles in his Element t-shirt and mumbled, "I know..."

It was silent. I looked down at my torn up Converse and began kicking lightly at the blades of grass flowing at my feet. I heard Bam clear his throat softly, and I looked up. Then he looked up, and I could see the sincerity in his shocking blue eyes that matched mine.

"Ellie, I'm sorry. I'm an asshole, and you know I mean well... I just want to protect you, you know. Since you were born, it's been you and me and Jess, we look out for each other... You know, I was really hard on you growing up and I treated you like another brother, so you would be tough, and whenever I see you hurt I want to break down, myself... I try to do everything I can for you, you know..." He took a small break to think a little. "And then this whole situation arises with David and Maria... And I wanted to run them over or something. And then the whole Dico thing happened, and I got mad because Dico shouldn't have done that... But then I see you with that Billy dude, and I just don't want you to get hurt... Like, I have to evaluate who you're around like I have some control over it, and I know I don't... I can't control your life... But then I realize this was all my fault. If I never would have dragged you away from home... You know, you and D-"

"Me leaving has nothing to do with David being a loser..." I cut him off softly. "Bam, I... This isn't your fault... I... You know...Uh..." I didn't know what to say. Bam's awkward and unprepared speech left me speechless. He threw his arms around me, slamming into the bruise that is my shoulder. I yelped and jumped back, then laughed along with Bam. We walked slowly back around to the front of the building.

"So... About Liz..." I asked, pushing him lightly.

He pushed me back, a little harder. "What about her?"

"Do you... like her?" I sang the last two words as if an eight year old were asking the question, then pushed him harder.

"Maybe. I mean, I don't know her that well. She seems like a generously nice person." He pushed me harder, sending me reeling across the pavement we had just reached. I saw Dunn, Liz, and Pontius standing outside Bam's door across the parking lot.

"Yeah, she is... So, when's the wedding?" I pushed him with enough force he had to scramble to stay on his feet.

"Shut up!" He turned and pushed me so hard, I fell flat on my ass. I heard people laugh, and then Bam turned away, chuckling to himself.

I got up and ran at him, tackling him to the concrete with a loud oomph. "Make me." I whispered, kneeling on the ground. He quickly twisted his body so he was on his knees, and had me in a headlock. I wriggled around a punched at his arms. "Ok!" he exclaimed. I eventually wriggled and twisted out of his grip, and pushed him at an angle, just hard enough he fell over on his side. It was silent for a while, and then laughter erupted, even from Bam. I extended my hand, and he took it, pulling himself up from the pavement.

"Dude, Ellie just kicked your ass!" Pontius exclaimed as we approached the group.

"Yeah, where do you think this came from!" Bam pointed to the slightly healed black eye I had given him days before.

"We were just about to get some breakfast before we left, if you want to come." Dunn said.

I declined, but Bam agreed as he threw his arm over Liz's shoulder. I made my way to Johnny's room, knocked on the door, and a few moments later was face to chest with Mr. Knoxville. He grinned at me and said, "You're early... By like... fourty-five minutes," then let me in the room. I sat down on his bed and listened to him talk about the day's plans until it was time to leave.