Retarded In Love

For the next three days, my life was brilliant. I'd do the things I used to do. Wake up when ever I wanted to, help my mom with breakfast if Liz wasn't already helping her. Mom had taken a liking to Liz, and I could tell that Liz and Bam truly had feelings for each other. I'm not saying it was undying love just yet, but they did have a connection and I was very happy for my brother and my new friend. After breakfast, I'd laze around all day for the most part. I'd help Bam write out skits or read, or talk to Johnny on the phone about ideas he or Jeff had come up with on the road, but that was the most productive thing I did. Sometimes, I would skateboard with the guys. They had a hard time believing I had made the loop and Bam didn't. I would bum cigarettes off of whoever had them, but eventually bought a pack of my own. I didn't even tried to hide it, and I knew my mother disapproved but it was something she had no say in. Maria and David had tried to call me, but I would always have someone else answer the phone for me and take a message, and the message was always the same: "Tell her I called, and have her call me back." I never did.

Although, every day I would go for a walk through the small wood behind my house. Throughout the years, there had been a trail worn through the mess of trees, and my mom thought it would be nice to put a small stone bench along the way for me, seeing as I spent a lot of my time there. I loved being outside. West Chester was a decent sized town, about 25 miles west of Philly, and we lived in a decent sized house just outside a small suburb. If I had my way, I would live just outside of West Chester, in a big house, acres of timber that started at the edge of a big back yard... But my decent home was indeed, home. And I loved being home.

It was June 11, my birthday was the 14th, and we were going back to California on the 15th to look over footage and on the 17th, we were going to Colorado to film. I was sitting around the table on the back patio after lunch with Dunn, Bam, Dico, Novak, Jess, Raab, Rake, and Liz.

"I'm going for a walk." I announced, getting up from the table.

Dico stood up and adjusted his hat. "I'll go with you. I could use a walk."

I shrugged and headed off toward the woods. It was silent until we were out of sight. I pulled my cigarettes from my pocket and set one between my lips, and Dico pulled a lighter from his pocket. I thanked him as I watched him move the flame to the end of the cigarette, turning it a glowing red-orange.

"I wanted to talk to you about that night at the hotel..." I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't look away from the dead grass between my slowly moving feet. "I'm sorry."

I stopped and looked up to him. "Why are you sorry?"

He stopped and took a step closer to me. "Because, the way things happened it looks like I used you."

"You did."

"No, I-"

"You never called, Bran." I continued walking, leaving him trying to explain himself to open air. He eventually caught up with me, and we walked in silence until we approached the small stone bench.

"I'm sorry," he offered once more.

"Look, I don't care. It was a good drunken time. We're both mature adults, and we both got what we wanted."

He looked down at me and smirked. "Oh really? And what exactly did you want?"

I smirked back at him. "Sex. You're nothing more than a friend to me, Bran, and I know you don't see me as anything more than a friend or fuck buddy, and despite what happened, I'm not that easy. Just think of all the alcohol you had to get into me before it all happened."

He looked away, frustrated. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up, and started to walk back toward the house, but then he turned back to me. "No, actually, you're wrong. Ell, I've always cared about you. I know I took advantage of you and the emotional state you were in, but ever since I met you I'd had feelings for you..."

My heart sank, and something came over me. I didn't know what it was exactly, maybe I really did have feelings for Dico, maybe I wanted to get out of the situation I was in, maybe I couldn't stand to see him upset, I don't know... But I stood up and walked over to him, until we were very close. He stared down at me, and I gazed right back up at him. I set my hands on his shoulders to help me balance as I lifted myself up on my toes, inching closer to him. He leaned down, and our lips met. We stood there for a long time, kissing. My arms had made their way around his neck, and he had his hands on my hips, bent down because of the height difference.

We finally pulled away, and he draped his arm around my shoulders as we walked back toward the house. 'Bam is not going to like this...'