Dance With the Devil

It felt like a dream. None of this was really happening, I wasn’t actually losing the love of my life, I wasn’t really crying in the parking lot of some abandoned old haunted playground. I rested my head on my steering wheel once I had stopped crying for the 10th time today. The thought of getting out of my car and running into the oncoming traffic passed through my head an unhealthy amount of times, yet I refrained and stayed exactly where I was. I looked up from the steering wheel, back at the playground. Looking at the playground, I thought of my dad. I don’t like to think about him, but with the memories staring me right in the face, I couldn’t help but remember him. He was a good man, before he cheated I should say. A great father from where I stood. He had always been there for me when I needed him; he always came to my soccer games and all my school events, I was daddy’s little girl. I stared at the dingy old play sets, memories creeping up into my subconscious, and when I blinked and it suddenly came to me. It was the most unsettling case of déjà vu I’d ever had. Nick cheated on me, and my father cheated on my mother. Now I knew how my mom felt, and I suddenly felt like the worst daughter in the world. If I had known that she had felt like I did now, I wouldn’t have given her such a hard time.

With that in mind, I realized that it was time for me to get home. I stared at the playground just one last time before pulling out of the parking lot and heading home.

As I drove down my street and came up to my house, I saw that only one light was on, and that was the kitchen light. I pulled into the driveway and turned off the car and got out. It was still slightly raining so I jogged over to the door to avoid getting too wet. I pulled out my key and put it in the door, but to my surprise, the door was already unlocked. I opened it and walked in, this time locking it behind me. I began to walk towards the kitchen as I called for my mom. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw her sitting at the dining room table with a mug of what looked like it once had coffee in it in her hands. She looked over at me for only a split second before turning away again. I walked over and sat down in the chair corned from her.

“Hey.” I said to break the silence.

“Hi.”

“Have you been here all day?” She looked over at me and stared at me with a confused face.

“Were you crying?” I dabbed at my eyes, feeling no moisture, yet forgetting that I never fixed my makeup. Not to mention, I’m sure my eyes were beet red. I looked down at the table.

“Yeah.”

“Why?” I looked back up at her. She was staring at me generally concerned, which was a nice change for once. I appreciated her concern, but I hated that she only wanted to act like mother of the year when something big happens.

“I know how you feel now.” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“What?”

“Nick cheated on me.” Her eyes grew wide in shock and she raised her eyebrows. “I went to go talk to him today and I walked in on him kissing another girl. Neither one of them had a shirt on.” She just stared at me for a few minutes, like she was trying to get more information out of my eyes or facial expression, when in reality if she had just asked, I would have told her all she wanted to know. She then suddenly looked away and began to get up out of her chair.

“Karlee I’m so sorry to hear that. I never thought that boy would do something like that, he seemed so nice.” She got up and turned around to the kitchen counter and reached for the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. “Do you want some?” She turned around for a moment and looked at me. I shook my head no and looked down at my fingers on the table. They were all pruned up from being in the rain so much. I heard her walk across the floor and sit down across from me again. She slowly sipped her coffee. “Are you alright?” I looked up at her, and scrunched my face. My mother was not made to be a mother at all.

“Yeah, I’m perfectly fine.” She scowled at me.

“I didn’t ask for sarcasm.”

“My boyfriend—” I paused. “Ex-boyfriend just cheated on me. Do you think I’m alright? Were you alright right as soon as you found out about dad?” Nothing in her facial expression changed, but I felt the sting I had just inflicted on her, and I instantly felt horrible about it. I wanted to take it back instantly but my pride was more powerful than my sympathy.

“Alright, I understand. Stupid question. Sorry.” She stared straight in front of her, and wouldn’t look at me. She sat with her coffee wrapped in her hands, and she looked completely expressionless. I stared at her, with anger on my face, but the more I stared at her, the more my face drooped into one of regret. It was quite for all too long, and the silence was digging underneath my skin. It was clear there was no winner here, so I figured it’d just get away from her.

“I’m going to call it a night. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She didn’t say anything, so I just walked away and went into my room for the night.

~

When I opened my eyes, there was a faint glow overcasting my room. I turned my head over with a grunt and barely open eyes. I looked at my clock; it was five in the morning. I don’t know why I woke up so early, it was Saturday. I tossed over in my bed again and looked out the window. The sun was just barely shining, giving a golden trim to every object it touched. It was actually really pretty; to lie in my bed and stare at the yellows pinks and purples the sky was making and mixing into. The more I stared at the sunrise, the more awake I became. I didn’t want to go back to sleep, so I just laid there looking out my window at the sun waking from its sleep. I thought back to yesterday, and how horrendous everything had been. I turned over in my bed again, and stared at the ceiling. I had just woken up and yet I already didn’t want to be home, I didn’t want to lay here and be confined to this house. I felt bad about what happened with my mom last night, but I couldn’t handle her yet; apologizing wasn’t my strong point. I got that from my father. As soon as the thought of my dad entered my mind, there was no place I wanted to be more so than at my playground in that second.

I decided what I was going to do before I even thought to do it. I pushed my blankets off of me and swung my legs over the side of my bed. I walked over to my door and opened it quietly. I looked down the hall to make sure my mother’s bedroom door was shut, and sure enough it was. Whether she was actually in there or not however was still a mystery. I walked back over to my bed and picked up a pair of jeans off the floor. I had fallen asleep in the clothes that Eli had given me last night. I grabbed my hoodie and shoes, and headed into the hallway.

I slinked down the stairs and into the kitchen to see if my mother’s morning cup of coffee had already been made or not. When I entered the kitchen, Jack trotted up to me happily. I pet him lightly as I scanned the counter for her mug. I didn’t see it, and it didn’t even look like the coffee maker had been touched since last night.

Now knowing that I was the only one awake, I relaxed a bit. I got out Jack’s morning food for him and tidied up the kitchen some. Once there was nothing left for me to do, I slipped on my shoes and hoodie, grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

The roads were almost completely empty; it looked like a bad post-apocalyptic scene from a movie; I felt like there should be zombies chasing me. The sun rose higher and higher as I drove, somewhat clearing out the pinks and purples in the sky and morphing into a light blue. As I drove, there started to be drops of water sticking to my windshield. I really didn’t want more rain, especially not now. Though, as I continued on I realized that it wasn’t rain, but snow that was starting to fall.

I pulled into the playground parking lot, which was abandoned as usual. I slowly got out of my car and walked over to the old play set. I sat down on one of the old swings that were still intact. With my feet staying on the ground, I began to sway myself back and forth. The air was bitterly cold against my face, and the falling snow wasn’t helping, yet I closed my eyes and managed to slip myself into a place of contentment. With the swaying of the swing, the snowflakes on my cheeks, and the slight bitter wind pressing against my face, it was actually a very tranquil moment. All I heard was dead silence, which was a fantastic change from everyday life. I sat there, swinging and swaying for a while before I signed and opened my eyes again. I blinked a few times and looked around. The park was suddenly totally and completely refurbished. The grass was green and cut. The play sets and jungle gyms regained their bright colors and abandoned the graffiti that was bounding them before. The broken chains that hung the swings around me had been fixed and now have small children swinging and jumping from them. The entire park was crawling with children and parents of all ages now. Birds were flying around, and laugher was all I could hear. I didn’t recognize any of the children but I watched them all play anyway. As I scanned the park, going from one kid to the next, one child caught my eye in particular.

She was a small girl, maybe about six or so years old. She had beautiful long brown hair that flowed all the way down to her waist in a messy braid. She was wearing a little blue dress with white polka dots on it. Something about her captivated my attention. She was sitting at the park bench with a sandwich on her lap that was overflowing with something white spilling out over the sides. She bit into the sandwich, and as she did a man came and sat down beside her. He placed his arm around her and she smiled. They then began talking and the little girl laughed and the man smiled. They just sat there and talked, while the little girl ate her sandwich. I couldn’t stop staring at her; I couldn’t stop staring at both of them. Something about them just seemed so familiar, but I couldn’t place it.

“Karlee?” Instantaneously I turned around so I could see from where the voice came from. I twirled around in the swing and, to my extreme surprise, I saw Axel. He stared at me like I had gone mad, which by this point, I just as well might have. I turned back around to look at the girl and man, but they were gone. Everything was gone; the children, the fixed swings, the repainted sets. It went back to being the old dingy playground that it really was.

I stared at the playground; now back to its former state. I shut my eyes and reopened them multiple times trying to get everything back to how it was, but it just stayed the same old abandoned park that it was.

With a short sign I turned back around to Axel, trying to push whatever just happened out of my mind. I stared at Axel. “What are you doing here?” I sounded confused, which I was, but I didn’t mean to sound it so much as I did. He walked up more so I didn’t have to completely turn around, just turn my head.

“I was on my way to work. I was driving by and I thought I saw you. Turns out I did.” I stared at him even more confused.

“If you thought it was me, why would you stop?” He chuckled a bit.

“You’re at an abandoned playground at five in the morning in the pouring snow. It didn’t matter if it was you or not, I still would have come and seen who the hell would be here at this hour. But I guess I should expect that from you.” He laughed, I glared at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re weird. I should have expected you to be in a weird place at a weird hour.” I looked away and signed in annoyance.

“As flattering as that is Axel, I’m not in the mood.” He walked around and stood in front of me.

“That’s the beauty of it. I don’t really care.” I crossed my arms and looked at the city skyline.

“Can you just go away? God you don’t know when to stop.” I looked at him. “I don’t feel like having to deal with your shit right now.” I looked back at the ground and swung myself slightly.

“Man, remind me to never talk to you in the morning. You’re cranky as hell.” I rolled my eyes.

“Ok, bye.” I said without moving. I heard Axel begin to leave, but then his footsteps suddenly stopped beside the swing set. I could hear him turn to face me, but I refused to look that way.

“Look, I don’t like you. And I’ll be the first to admit it.” His tone had changed. He was speaking lower and calmer now. “But, Nick shouldn’t have done what he did to you.” I looked over at him immediately, more than anything to see if he was joking or attempting to make a lame joke, but his face looked serious. Though I’d be the first to know that looks are deceiving. I furrowed my brows at him.

“Yeah, like you didn’t know exactly what was going on.”

“I didn’t.” He said quickly. I laughed humorlessly.

“How stupid do you think I am? You expect me to believe that you had absolutely no idea what was going on in your own house? Yeah right.”

“I’m not expecting you to believe anything.” He sounded like he was defending himself. “I’m just saying I didn’t know. Before you came, Nick and Emma were sitting on two separate couches with all their clothes on. I knew they were both high, but they were watching TV. My dumbass sister messed around with the power or something and knocked all the power out, so I had to go restart it.” That would explain why I saw the lights go out and heard a scream before I walked over to the house. “When I saw you at the door, I had just come back up from the basement and hadn’t even walked into the living room. So no, I didn’t know. And if you’re too stupid to tell, I’m trying to give you my sympathy here.” I looked away from him.

“Yeah, well I don’t want it.” He snickered humorlessly.

“Fine. Be a sour little bitch about it. But I’m trying to tell you I’m on your side.” I looked over at him again and got up from the swing this time. I took a step closer to him when I spoke.

“Why the hell would you be on my side? He’s your best friend; I thought he was your ‘bro’ or some stupid shit you two made up? And don’t even get me started on the fact that you’re mad at him for cheating when you make your way through girls faster than any other guy I know. Axel, you don’t even have the right to be on my side.” He stared at me like I had just shot a puppy right in front of him.

“Yeah? Ok fine. I do date a lot of girls. But you wanna know something? I don’t cheat. I hate cheaters and everything having to do with them. Ask any girl I’ve ever dated, any of them. I don’t cheat. I mean, hey, think what you want because your opinion couldn’t mean shit to me. I was trying to be a nice person and tell you that I’m sorry for what happened to you. But, nah, go ahead and take it whatever way you want.” He turned and began to walk away to his car which was waiting in the parking lot next to mine. I started to feel like a bitch, and I hated that feeling. With every step he took I could hear the slight crunch of newly fallen snow being crushed. I stared at the back of his head, his gray beanie, as he walked away.

“What did he do after I left?” I yelled to Axel. He stopped and turned around and looked at me again.

“What does it matter?” He yelled back.

“I just need to know.” He was breathing with his mouth open, so with every exhale he had, I could see a mound of steam escape from his breath in the air. He then looked away, and seemed to look everywhere but at me, like he was debating whether he was going to answer me or not. He was quite a bit away, and with the falling snow it was getting harder to see him clearly, but I saw him finally look at me.

“He cried. He cried like a baby. He was crying so much, I didn’t even know what to do.” He walked closer to me as he spoke so I could hear him better. “I’m not good with people when they cry. Eventually he left and I haven’t spoken to him since.” He came as close as he was before and then stopped and stared at me. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have anything to say. He signed and rolled his eyes. “Look I’m going to be late for work. Can I go now?” I glanced at the ground, at my feet being covered in snow.

“Would you take someone back if they did this to you?” He started to turn to go walk away again, but stopped and looked at me. I looked back up at him, and saw him staring at me. He gave me a sympathetic look.

“Not unless I wanted to get hurt again.” He turned and walked the whole way to his car this time. I watched him get in and drive away. I stood there alone in the falling snow as my mind wandered a million miles away from me.