Dance With the Devil

I stood in the parking lot when Axel left, watching the road for his car that was no longer there. The snow fell around me still, blurring my vision of the blackness that stretched before me. I knew I should turn around and walk to my car. This side of town wasn’t safe at night; especially when alone. But I kept staring. Axel’s words for me stuck with me; I repeated them over and over in my head so I wouldn’t forget them. The wind rustled through me quickly, knocking my hair into my face. I hardly noticed however, I just kept looking. Something wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t place what. His words had been beautiful, and his actions near perfect, but something was out of place. However, I soon realized that staring off into the blackness of night wouldn’t help anything, so I forced myself to turn around and begin to my car.

Upon closing my door, I was met with a calming silence from the snow and wind; my windshield now a glass of snow piled on top of one another. I turned the car on, sending a breeze of cold air towards me, since the heat hadn’t warmed up yet. I felt shivers twirl down my spine as I wrapped my arms around myself automatically. I wiped my windshield to get rid of the snow, once again clearing my view to the old tattered park. I looked at it for a moment, when I suddenly tore my eyes away. I couldn’t see the memories again. I shifted myself into drive, and pulled out onto the street on my way home.

I drove through the city on my way home. I loved to be in the city during the winter, to see all the lights of the buildings twinkling and dazzling between the snowdrops; all the people bundled up in their coats and scarves, each as cold as the next. It was a beautiful sight to me, to see the sidewalks layered in ice, beaten down by the bottom of a million feet. I took my time driving home.

My small neighborhood was much darker than the city had been, and almost took my eyes a moment to adjust to the light change. I pulled into my driveway, anticipating getting out and leaving the warmth of my car. I quickly turned it off, the heat still lingering inside, and bolted for the door. My keys were like icicles in my hands, jingling around unseeingly until I finally got the door open and a wave of heat greeted my pale face. I leaned against the back of the door once I got it shut, and heaved out a heavy sigh. I looked over to the couch, and saw that my mother was still right where I had left her. She looked over at me with humbling eyes, until a small smile pushed through her lips. “You got a little something in your hair.” She then turned back to the television and took another sip of what I presumed to be her fifth cup of tea. I ran my hand through my hair when all I felt was wet. There were bits of snow in my hair. I quickly brushed them out and began to walk over to where I sat earlier on the couch across from her. “So where did you go?” she asked, not taking her eyes off the TV.

“The park, then I drove through the city.”

“What did you do at the park?”

“Broke the swing.” Her eyes turned back to me, glassy blue in all their beauty.

“What?” She let out a chuckle when she spoke, a small smile curving to her lips. I smiled back at her.

“The only good swing left at the park. I was trying to swing on it and it fell.” She laughed fully now, though in a soft way that she always does.

“The swings never were your thing.” She took another long sip of tea. It didn’t have any steam coming off of it, and it didn’t look like it was hot. She might have been working on it for a while.

“And I see that tea is your new thing.” She swallowed her gulp, and glanced towards me with a very bored look.

“It’s better than alcohol.” Her eyes refocused on the TV once again. My mom had the greatest skill ever, and I wish I had inherited it from her. She was amazing at always getting that winning last word; the last word that you had nothing to say back to, the one that silences you. I wish I had that ability.

My eyes lingered around the room until they eventually landed on the clock. It was nearing 10pm; I had been in the city longer than I thought. I stood myself up and began walking towards the stairs before I even let two words slip my mouth.

“I think I’m going to go to bed.” I stared at her from the bottom of the stairs, her head only turning slightly to get me into view.

“Alright. Goodnight dear.”I was about to ascend up when I stopped and looked over my shoulder at her, a wry smile on my face.

“Dear? You haven’t called me that since I was like ten.” Her head didn’t even turn this time.

“Weren’t you happier when you were ten?” Again, always gets that last word perfectly. I turned back towards the stairs and began climbing until the top of the hall greeted me and I turned into my room. I turned on the light to reveal that Jack was sleeping on my bed. I smiled to myself and walked over to the old dog. His head perked up when I sat down next to him. I rubbed the center of his head like he liked.

“You’re going to get hairs all over my bed, you big rug,” I said to him. I took my hand away and laid it next to my side. He moved himself closer to me slightly and licked my hand. I giggled slightly, and pet him lightly again. “Good boy,” I cooed. However, Jack quickly lost interest in me and laid his head back down to sleep. I got up and took my jeans off, replacing them with sweatpants. I went to go throw my jeans into my pile of clothes on the floor, when that small little purple item caught my eye. I picked it up and threw my jeans down. I fiddled with it in my fingers for a moment, when I realized I couldn’t bear to be bothered with these mundane things again tonight. I walked over and put it on my dresser, and then turned off the light. I slowly traced my way back to my bed, trying not to trip over whatever might be on my floor. I collapsed into my bed, pulling the covers up as much as Jack would let me, until sleep soon found me.

~

Sunlight seeped through my eyelids slowly, beckoning to my conscious mind. I rolled over, to try and black out the light, only to hit a large mass blocking my way. My eyes opened slightly to see a big ball of fur seated next to me. I rolled the other way to glance at my clock. It was around 11am. I stretched myself out and rubbed my eyes, placing my hand on Jack’s back. He made a slight grunting sound before falling back to sleep. I reached over for my phone, nearly dropping it on my face trying to read it. Aubrey had texted me, telling me to come over as soon as I could. I grunted, wanting to go back to sleep, but I knew I couldn’t. I felt like I hadn’t spent much time with Aubrey lately, and I really wanted to see her today. I wiped my eyes to completely awaken myself, and rolled my feet over the edge of my bed and sat up. I felt Jack rearrange himself behind me. I texted her back and told her I’d be over soon.

I got myself ready fairly quickly. I had fallen asleep in what I was wearing last night, so I already had pants on; all I needed to do was get a clean shirt and a jacket. I simply just pulled my hair up into a ponytail.

I trotted myself down the stairs to find my mother sitting at the dining room table doing a crossword puzzle, with a cup of either coffee or tea placed firmly in front of her. She looked up at me when she heard the stairs, if only for a moment before going back to her crossword. “You going somewhere this early?” I grabbed my jacket that hung off the bottom of the stair’s railing.

“Yeah, Aubrey wants to me to come over.” I slinked my arms through the holes of the jacket as I rifled through my bag for my keys.

“This early?” Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom turn to watch me as I rearranged my bag.

“She said as soon as I could.” I glanced up at my mother, who shrugged at me and went back to her puzzle, as she took a sip of her drink. I finally found my keys and began walking towards the door. “I’ll be back soon.” I didn’t hear a response from her, so I simply shut the door behind me, as I walked into the frigid air. It was about just as cold as it was yesterday, if not more. I sat myself down in my car, quickly turning on the heat before I pulled out of the driveway.

I parked myself on the street in front of her house as I always did. I jogged across her lawn, trying to get to her door and her heat as quickly as possible. I knocked on her door a few times before she appeared. “Hey,” she said. I stepped inside her house before I could return her greeting. She quickly shut the door behind me, locking the heat and cold on their own sides.

“Hey. So what did I need to come over for?” She motioned for me to follow her, a big smile exploding onto her face.

“Come here, I’ll show you.” She ran up the stairs and turned into her room. All her window shades were up, so the bright light of the snow reflecting off the sun shined into her room. Everything looked relatively normal, except for her cushioned windowpane seat. It had a bunch of blankets all over it, which was odd since Aubrey was the most organized person I knew when it came to cleaning and placement. She walked right over to the blankets, and sat down next to them. I walked over behind her, until I too reached where she was. I didn’t see anything but blankets at first, until the blanket started moving. Aubrey removed part of the sheet to reveal a small black and white cat. My hand automatically went over my mouth to stop myself from saying “aw” over and over. I sat myself down on the other side of the blanket, as Aubrey picked it up. It let out a small and weak sounding meow, at which I couldn’t control the sounds that came out of my mouth.

“It’s so cute!” It sat in Aubrey’s hands, and I reached over and stroked its head with two fingers. “Where did you get him?”

“I was coming home from my dad’s last night, and when I made a turn, my headlights brightened up part of the snow, and I saw him stuck in the snow. I don’t know if he has a family or anything. He looks like a stray though.” He did look like a stray. His fur was dirty and matted, he hadn’t been declawed, and he had no collar. “I want to make sure he’s healthy before I start putting up lost cat posters though.” The little cat meowed again, at which Aubrey put him back down on the blanket.

“Is he a kitten?”

“No, I don’t think so. I think he’s maybe one or two.” Aubrey’s aunt was a veterinarian, and it had always been her dream to one day become a vet just like her, so she knew a lot about animals. She was always the first one I asked when Jack looked sick; she was really good when it came to animals. “I think he’s just malnourished, which is why he’s so small.” The cat peacefully closed its eyes as Aubrey rubbed its head. “So yeah. So how’re you?” That was always Aubrey’s go to question when she didn’t know what else to say. I smiled at her slightly as I ran my hand along the cat’s back.

“Pretty good actually. But you’re never going to guess why.” She smirked at me.

“Try me.”

“Well, Axel and I kind of kissed.” All emotion that I could see on her face drained right before my eyes, and her hand on the cat’s head froze as well.

“What?” My expression dropped a bit. I thought she would have been happy for me.

“Last night. Apparently he’s liked me for a long time. And since Nick and I broke up, he’s been a whole lot nicer to me. We’ve been together a lot lately.” She removed her hand from the cat’s head, her eyes set straight on mine, a certain sadness and anger floating around her blue beauties.

“Why didn’t you tell me you liked him?” Aubrey’s voice was normally very conversational, very sweet and innocent. Now her voice, just like her eyes, sounded like an angry depression.

“I didn’t even know I did, Aubrey.”

It was that moment, that I saw her entire face and expression and everything about her drop, that I remembered that she had a huge crush on Axel. She had liked him since last year. And this was no ordinary crush, this was one of those there’s-just-something-about-them crushes. The ones that people generally never get over, and that they never know why they like them exactly, they just do. I wanted to stab myself.

“You knew I liked him though.” I couldn’t think of words good enough to explain what was running through my head. “And you said yourself that you would never go for a guy like him.” She got up and began to walk over to her bed.

“I’m sorry Aubrey. I forgot how much you liked him. It’s just that when I’m with him I tend to forget everything else.”

“I wish I could say that,” she snapped back at me. She sighed and regained herself. “Look, I’m not upset that he likes you. That can’t be helped. I’m upset that you practically lied to me.” I got up from the windowpane and went to go stand by her bed. I tried to keep the cat in my sight as well.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t expect to like him as much as I do. Literally a week ago, I thought I hated him. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have been kissing him in a week.” She turned towards me, her blonde hair swirling around in a circular fashion.

“That’s not even really the point. You’ve been acting weird Karlee. It’s like you're out of it all the time anymore. It’s like you're not you. The only time I’ve seen you this past week has been in school. I know you have a lot on your plate; it’s just, I felt like I was losing my best friend. And now I hear that you’re going around kissing a guy that I’ve practically been in love with for a year that you said you would never date. I know he’s not my boyfriend or ex boyfriend or anything like that, but it still hurts a lot. Because you didn’t even care to think how upset it would make me. I just don’t get you recently.” I didn’t want to speak, because I knew that I would say the wrong thing, but I knew I had to say something at the same time. All my time and thoughts recently had been so focused on Axel that everything else had nearly disappeared out of my life. I felt like the worst thing in the world.

“I’m sorry Aubrey. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I spoke softly; I was ashamed of myself. I heard the cat meow a few times, and saw that his claw had gotten caught in a loose piece of string in the blanket. The meowing caught her attention, and she walked herself over to the cat and let him free. Aubrey said nothing more, and when Aubrey was silent it was because she genuinely had nothing to say, which made me feel even worse. I turned and walked out of her room without another word.

I closed her front door behind me, letting the cold hit me in the face. I almost felt like I deserved the cold instead of the heat. I walked over to my car, trying to be careful not to slip on the ice on her pavement. I hadn’t realized how infatuated I had been with Axel; so much so that I was ignoring my best friend’s feelings. I climbed into my car, when I noticed flurries landing on my windshield. I turned on my car, seriously debating whether or not I deserved the heat, though I eventually caved and my icy fingers flicked it on. I sighed apathetically. The snow was dripping down my window, and I knew he would be at the playground. I shifted myself in gear, and headed towards the park. I needed to talk to him.