Dance With the Devil

The snow wasn’t coming down that hard, and Aubrey lived even further away from the playground than I did. I began to fear that by the time that I got to the park that Axel wouldn’t be there, or that since there was such little snow that he wouldn’t even bother coming at all.

As I drove down the ever increasingly familiar roads, I wondered to myself if seeing Axel would be a good idea at all. Part of me didn’t want to, only to prove Aubrey wrong, to show that Axel isn’t all I've been thinking about lately. But I know it’s not true. Because whether or not I saw Axel today or not, it would still be true. I couldn’t change the past, and I couldn’t take back my words. I had hurt my best friend in one of the worst ways, and I hadn’t even noticed I had. Though, as I raced down to the park, I had no idea what I was going to say to him. All I knew was that I needed to talk to someone.

I pulled myself into that evermore vacant parking lot, only to see that I was the only car here. I sloppily pulled into a parking space and surveyed the around area. Nothing moved, no one was there, not even a ghost. The park was empty, just like it had been for years. I leaned up over my steering wheel to try and look at the sky. It had stopped snowing, though I hadn’t had the mind to notice. I rested back in my seat once again, with a big sigh. The snow masked the ugliness of the playground, and almost made it look beautiful and whole again. But no amount of cover up can make things exactly like they were before.

I set my head down on the steering wheel, allowing the vent right below to gush heat onto my face, almost so much so that it nearly burned. Maybe that was what I deserved though. I had never felt so low on myself in a while. I had been under the impression that things were picking up for me, that I was going to be happy soon. But I guess I'm not as smart as I want to think I am. I pulled my head back up, and shifted my car into drive, with one last glace at the park. Vacant, like always.

I u-turned my way around and inched myself out onto the road. Ice still partially covered the roads, so I had to go slower than I would have liked. But I suppose taking the long short way home wouldn’t be such a bad thing. In the past few weeks I've learned to enjoy my time alone more, to really get to value the moments I have in the quiet. I find that I'm able to think a little more clearly without all the noise and opinions of other mouths. I rested my elbow on my door and my head on my hand, with only one hand on the wheel. I was getting a headache, but from what was a mystery. I remember when I was younger and I did something wrong, I used to think about it to death, so much so that the stress it caused induced a headache. Maybe some things from childhood don’t get outgrown.

I came to a stoplight that was turning yellow so I slowed myself down. I knew the intersection I was at well. It was almost like choosing a path. It was a four way intersection. The way that I had just come from leaded to the playground. The one that was laid out in front of me lead me straight home. The street to my left leaded to Aubrey’s house, and the street across from that, the one to my right lead to Axel’s neighborhood. With the light ticking in its red color, I felt myself having to choose, but choose so much more than just which way to turn. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, as if it would give the light more time before it sparked to green. Thoughts ran through my head, attempting to figure out what I would do depending on which way I went. I was suddenly illuminated in green shading. I thought quickly, and turned my blinker on.

As my car swerved on the turn, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made the right decision. I heard the click of my blinker turn off, and I rerouted myself straight again. I wasn’t even sure if I remembered where his house was, but I knew I would have to try. With how close I had gotten to Axel over the last week, I knew that I could count on him to give me good advice, and all I needed right now was at least decent advice on what I needed to do, cause my head was rattled with empty thoughts.

I drove around his neighborhood, trying to find the big fancy house that I had come to before, but it looked like a completely different state when it was covered in snow. The only hint I could hope for was that I would be able to see his shiny black Mazda sitting out front; hopefully that hadn’t been covered in snow as well.

Each house was nearly identical, with three stories, huge lawns, two car garages, and pretty little patios on the front porch. As I drove, I tried to think back to the day I was at Axel’s, I tried to remember the set up of his lawn, the positioning of the awning above his porch, but nothing from that day quite stuck. I tried to erase all memories of being at Axel’s house, due to what I found inside.

I felt myself driving in circles, and I began to grow tired of missing my point of interest. Perhaps I should just give up and talk to Axel on Monday. That’s what I should do. I should just go home and make a cup of tea and try to take my mind off of everything. That’s what I should do. But all those thoughts raced right out of my head the second I finally made eye contact with Axel’s unmistakable black car, sitting right out front of his house. The smallest of smiles slipped onto my face when I found it. I pulled myself right into his driveway this time, rather than parking across the way and trying to make myself scarce. I turned my engine off and braced myself for the cold.

I quickly ran up to his door and under his porch, knocking on the door before my fingers grew too numb to use them. I scanned my eyes over his porch; it must have gotten a lot of use during the summer. It had a small cushioned swing for two, a small coffee table and a few chairs around it. I had never met Axel’s mom, but the designs of the patio seemed like something she would come up with. I knocked on the door again. I didn’t want to seem impatient, but the wind was cutting itself right through me, and my jacket wasn’t that thick. I could see my breath in front of me with every exhale I took, each getting thicker than the last. I knew that he was home, his car was here; and I couldn’t imagine he would ignore me, not after last night. I figured I would try to knock one last time, and if he didn’t come to the door I would leave.

Finally, I heard movement from inside his house, and as soon as the slightest bit of heat creaked through his door, I practically started to walk inside as soon as the door was ajar. When the door swung open, a very tired Axel with a blanket slung over him appeared in front of me. I smiled at him faintly. “Sorry, did I wake you?” A grin creased his face as well.

“No, no. I always walk around with my eyes half open and a blanket over my shoulder.” He stepped aside. “Come on in. I know cold isn’t your thing.” I tossed him a smile with my eyes, and walked in past him; seconds later I heard the door close, and felt the cold disappear behind me.

It was odd being in Axel’s house. This was the exact place where I had caught Nick cheating on me; the exact place where I felt my heart shatter a week ago, this house, this place. I tried to whip all those thoughts and memories out of my head, though I'm not very good at that.

I sat myself down on his couch, where he sat himself cross-legged on his ottoman, a smile curved among his lips. “So, did you need something?” I pushed my hair behind my ear; something I did when my hands didn’t quite know where to go.

“Just an ear to listen, really.”

“Well, you're in luck. I happen to have two.” I giggled as he got up, and walked his way over closer, and sat himself right next to me. “Shoot.” I twiddled my fingers and looked down when I spoke.

“So you know how Aubrey likes you?” His face contorted into a state of confusion.

“She does?” I shot my head up to him, raising my brows and widening my eyes.

“You’re kidding. You’ve never noticed? She practically drools all over you.” He made that sly smile that nearly slithered through is lips. It was a mixture between mysterious, dangerous, and sexy. But it was mostly sexy. It could make a mute kitten purr.

“Well ok. Aubrey likes me. So what?” His eyes caught me. Axel’s living room was huge, and the roof was extremely high up, which was where a bulk of the windows were, making the area down below look darker than lighter. From the light streaming in on the below windows, the rays made his eyes gems that could illuminate even the darkest and coldest nights. Pieces of his hair sank into them, his reddish brown hair that now looked like an untamed mess. I shook myself from his appearance.

“So what? So that makes me a terrible friend. I told her we kissed last night, and now she’s mad at me. She says that I haven’t been myself lately. I don’t know, do I seem different to you?” His eyes seemed to be transfixed on me, they didn’t move an inch. He picked up his arm and gently moved one of my bangs out of my face, tracing his fingers down the side of my face after doing so.

“You seem happier.”

I had to remind myself to breathe.

My mouth subconsciously curved, as my eyes remained on him. However something caught my eye specifically. When he moved his arm to brush the air out of my face, he moved the blanket that had been covering him with it. Now that the blanket was along his arm, which was along the couch, his complete bare chest was revealed. Axel never struck me as the muscular type, nor the weak made-of-bones type. His chest was a lovely in between of the two, only adding to my lack of memory for breathing.

“Look,” Axel said, to get my attention back up at his words. “You didn’t do anything wrong. So we kissed, and she liked me. Don’t you think that’s overreacting a little bit? I mean, I didn’t even know she had feelings for me. And just because you did, doesn’t mean you're at fault. I’m sure it will all blow over in time. Just talk to her on Monday, I’m sure you and her will be back to normal in no time.” His words were reassuring, which is exactly what I needed.

“How come you always know exactly what to say?” He shrugged with a grin.

“I’m a writer, remember?” His hand went back up to my face, tentatively tracing along my cheekbone.

“The snow to fall atop my head,
The book I’ve a thousand times read.
She is with me.
I am like the dark in the night,
She is the wolf on the prowl.
There cannot be a moon,
If there is not too a howl.”

I was completely and totally entranced by his words. They were mesmerizing, like they were part of some secret elaborate spell. “I wrote that last night when I got home.” Before the smile even had a chance to creep onto my lips, I took action without a thought. My lips were hesitant on his at first, simply gracing over them. I moved my hand up to the bottom of his neck, twirling my fingers in his hair slightly, as our lips got closer together. His free hand wrapped around to the small of my back, pulling me into him more, leaving my hand to rest on his bare chest. It was then that an image flashed through my mind and I pulled my lips away. I could see his eyes were confused, trying to dig out an answer in my own. “Is something wrong?” I shook my head, even though it was evident something was.

“It’s just uh, this is the exact spot where I found Nick and that girl.” His face began to fill with understanding, until his grip on me loosened nearly completely.

“I understand.” He leaned in a gave me a small kiss on the cheek, before getting up leaving his blanket behind. His bare chest was completely revealed, being cut off by his gray sweatpants. He started in for the kitchen, when he called to me. “You want some tea or something?” I was trying to keep him in my sight from where I sat on the couch, only to admire his body. I got up instead, and decided to walk into the kitchen behind him. I put my arm around his shoulder, tracing my fingers along his back as I stepped up to stand next to him. I felt a shiver go down his spine. “Your fingers are still cold you know.” He glanced at me before making his way to the stove.

“That’s why you shivered?” I mocked. He eyed me slightly, before turning the heat on the stove up.

“Part of it.” I couldn’t stop a small giggle from coming out. “So really, do you want some tea?” I glanced at his clock that hung above the kitchen doorway; my face dropped slightly.

“No, I really should be getting back home. My mom doesn’t like it when I'm out all day.” He turned back around to face me, like I was about to walk out the door that second. He closed the small space between us again.

“Well alright. But know that you’re always welcome. And I’m basically here all the time, aside from when it snows. But you know where I am when that happens too. So you can basically see me anytime.” I smiled at him poorly.

“Or you could just get with the times and give me your number.” He chuckled before getting his phone out of his pocket.

“Yeah, that works too.” For a few brief moments we spent exchanging our numbers, before I started to walk towards the door. Axel followed closely behind me.

“Then I guess I’ll talk to you later.” I turned around to him as I spoke, still backing up to the door.

“I guess you will.” Before I knew how close I was, I had my back against his door. He leaned in to go grab the doorknob for me, though in the process placing his lips on mine once more. When he pulled his lips away, mine were smiling.

I quickly ran out to my car, trying to ward off the wind and ice in any way that I could. I jingled around with my keys until I found the one that would unlock my car. I hurried to start it and get the heat running and thaw myself out. Soon enough, I backed myself out of his driveway and made my way home.

I pulled into the driveway, not anticipating running from car to house once again. The distance between my house and Axel’s was enough to really get my car nice and warm, but essentially all for nothing. I again played the game of jumping out of the car, running to the door, and fumbling with my keys to get into the heated area.

As soon as I stepped foot inside, I knew something was very wrong. The scent of tea was gone, and no TV was blank. Upon walking in a bit more, I saw that my mother was sleeping on the couch, which was unusual for her during the day. I walked around to go take a look at her and make sure she was alright. She looked fine, she was breathing alright, but it was still too odd to be ok. I nudged her arm slightly, trying to wake her up, but I got no reaction. “Mom?” I said, thinking perhaps noise would wake her easier. She groaned slightly, but her eyes didn’t move.

I turned myself only slightly when my foot hit something. I looked down, only to be draught with sadness. At my foot laid a few beer bottles, at to which my heart sank. She had been doing so good recently, I couldn’t image what brought on this sudden collapse. I glanced back at her, when I heard footsteps from behind me, and then a voice.

“Hi Karlee.” I nearly froze. I turned around and met my father’s eyes with my own.