Dance With the Devil

Nothing inside of me was calm, and nothing agreed with any other part of my body. I didn’t know whether I wanted to cry or scream. A mixture of both I suppose. My body felt numb, even though he had never touched me. But his words had. I hadn’t seen my father in months, and then he suddenly appears back in my life and tells me how he cares for me, and I'm supposed to believe that? I didn’t know what I believed, or what I even wanted to believe at this point.

I walked myself back into the living room where my mother was still passed out on the couch. I figured there would be no sense in trying to wake her, she was one of those drunks that basically blacks out when she falls asleep. I simply sat down on the couch adjacent from her and flipped on the TV. I would just wait until she showed some sign of human life again.

Hours later, my mother started to toss and turn sporadically in her sleep, if it was even sleep. My eyes had been on her before she even began moving, due to all the sounds she was making. One of her arms swung out and nearly hit itself on the coffee table. I got up from where I was sitting and sat myself on the edge of her couch. I gently nudged her shoulders, trying to get some sort of a reaction out of her. Her flailing calmed a bit, but her eyes remained shut. “Mom,” I said firmly and loudly. Finally, I saw her eyelids fly up, if only for a second. She then slowly turned the top of her body to face me as she readjusted her eyes to the light, which was dim now, since it was around evening time. She yawned and groaned a few times before her attention was completely back on me. I smiled dimly at her.

“Is he still here?” She sounded afraid, like a murderer was in the house before, rather than just my father. I shook my head at her.

“No, he left hours ago.” She turned her head back into the cushion, and made a few whimpering sounds. “I’m so sorry Karlee. I just, I couldn’t think of anything else to do.” She was talking about the beer bottles I found. I placed my hand on her shoulder, and she turned her head back so she could see me.

“It’s alright. I don’t blame you. I blame him, if anything.” Her face mellowed out as she turned completely to face me again. Her body felt and looked so fragile, like it was made of glass. She slowly shook her head back and forth, like she used to do when I was younger and I did something bad.

“I don’t want you to hate him, Karlee. He’s still your father.” I furrowed my eyebrows slightly, trying to understand where she was getting at.

“Yeah, a father who ran out on me.” I paused and calmed myself slightly. “He told me that he didn’t intend on hurting me when he left. That he misses me. How can I believe that when that’s the complete opposite of everything that’s happened?” She began inching herself up until she was sitting completely upright again, rather than laying down. Her face was like ice, but it had a fire beneath it.

“You just do. Don’t you remember back before he left? Sure, him and I had our problems. But he was always an amazing father to you. You can’t tell me that all those memories of yours have just disappeared because he did. Remember how he would take you to that park after school?” It was one of the only things I thougth about. “You loved it. Just because he did something stupid and cowardly doesn’t change how he feels about you.” I looked down at my hands, not sure what to do or say. I felt like crying, but I wasn’t going to allow myself to.

“But he hurt me.” She was silent. Everything seemed silent, as if the whole world was put on mute. It felt like even if I spoke, no sound would come out. It was then moments later that I heard her sigh slightly.

“I know.” I looked back up at her, her face looking so much older than she really was. “But you can’t just run away from the people who hurt you. Sometimes, they genuinely don’t mean it. They just get caught up in other things and don’t really know what they’re doing.” Not only did she look older than she was, she sounded like she was older too. But I had known that for some time now. My mother had always been a wise person, but at time like these, she sounded like she was a hundred.

“He told me that you told him about Nick.” She nodded her head slightly.

“I thought he should know. It was one thing to him to cheat on me. That was his own action, and he admitted it was stupid. But when he found out that someone cheated on his daughter, it really put everything in perspective for him. It was only after I told him that he started to apologize and really feel bad about what he did.” I adverted my eyes from my mom and looked around the room. It was something I normally did when I was younger and felt bad. Thoughts raced through my head one after another; of her father, of Nick, and strangely of Axel as well. “When’s the last time you talked to him?” My eyes returned to her.

“Nick?” She nodded. “Not since the day I found out about him.” She stared at me for a moment, like she was trying to figure something out in my eyes.

“Maybe you should call him.”

“What?” I sounded it, but I wasn’t shocked. The thought of calling Nick passed through my mind almost every day since we broke up. I just tried to ignore it.

“I can’t tell you how much I regret not calling your father after he left. I never gave him the chance to explain everything to me. It wouldn’t have made a difference in the long run, but it would have given me some peace of mind at least. You can’t run from these things Karlee. It’s better to face them head on.” I didn’t quite have an answer for her. I didn’t want to say no, but I couldn’t bring myself to agree with her either. She placed her hand on mine, a gentle look in her eyes. “Just think about it, alright?” I nodded. I could assure her it would be all I’d be thinking about.

I collapsed into my bed. I had locked myself away in my room quite early tonight, only because I had nothing better to do with myself, and my mind had been eating away at me since hours before when my mother had talked to me. I still hadn’t come to a clear decision, but I figured that some sleep would be heavenly at this point. I felt myself spending too much time in my conscious recently. And with that, my arms and legs became motionless, my breathing controlled, and my eyes shut. But seemingly just as soon as they closed, they were open again. I heard a clawing at my door, like an animal trying to get inside. I automatically thought it was Jack, but he never did that. He was one to just lay outside the door if he couldn’t get in, not to scratch at it. I debated for a moment whether or not I should go open my door, or let whatever was on the outside simply tire itself out.

The scratching wouldn’t cease, and I couldn’t sleep with it. Annoyed, I threw my covers off of me and swung my feet off the bed to get up. I walked over to the door, and with annoyance, I opened the door quickly, only to be knocked down onto my knees. I nearly screamed when I saw it, but for my mother’s sake I remained quiet, and the fear and shock knocked me down instead. There in front of me, staring into my eyes like it had before, was the black and brown wolf.

I knew by now that this wolf did not wish to harm me. But its eyes did; those glowing amber eyes, echoing the radiance of the sun into my room. I tried to not look at them, at their beauty, but every time I turned my head, the wolf would follow and try to stand in front of me. I eventually lost the ability to maneuver my neck, and thus my head was still. Its eyes locked onto mine, and I felt myself entranced by them. Much like before, I saw myself, just as a mirror, in its eyes. I stared intently, to try and see what was moving it those eyes.

It was the girl and the boy, the same ones from the last encounter with the wolf in the park. They were happy it seemed. They stood holding hands, when two other figures come and begin throwing rocks at them.

The image morphed. It was just one small picture, one that I feel like I've seen a million times before. It was the girl alone, crying in the snow. The teardrops rolling down her face were huge, and crashed into the puddles around her like oceans.

It changed. It was the girl alone, but there was some animal sitting with her. It was laying next to her, but only could I see it when it crawled up onto her lap. It was a snake, but there was something unusual about it. It had brown scaly skin, and bright green eyes.

Green eyes.

The images faded away, and all that was left was just the wolf and I. It’s eyes were still an amber, but they didn’t shine nearly as bright anymore. I tried to reach out and pet it, but it jumped back before I could. I could feel my body trembling, and with a shaken voice, I tried to speak to the wolf.

“Is that snake, who I think it is?”It simply stared at me. No nod or shake of the head. Nothing in its eyes changed. It was the same wolf with those terrifying eyes as always.

And then just like that, it darted away. I was left staring at my empty hallway, dark and lonely. I picked myself up off the floor slowly, with those green eyes still stuck in my head. I made my way over to my bed and crawled back into it, nearly hyperventilating. I didn’t bother pulling my blankets up, I simply just laid there, no bone in my body moving. I felt my eyes close, trying to gather everything that I just saw, when a piercing howl ripped through my ears.

I shot up in bed, hot and sweaty. My blankets were covering me, and my door was closed. I looked around, trying to see if there was any sign of an animal just being in here, but there was nothing. Everything was just as I had left it. I felt my heart racing, and I tried to catch my breath. It was just a dream. Dreams don’t mean anything.

I didn’t want to sleep anymore, even though my eyelids were pulling down on me. I didn’t want to do anything, it felt like everything I do had some sort of a negative reaction on me. I sighed lightly and reached over on my nightstand for my glass of water. As I grabbed it I noticed my phone there as well. It was seemingly mocking me, telling me to just do it. I took a quick sip of water and placed it back down, grabbing my phone as a replacement. My fingers danced gracefully over the familiar pattern of numbers. I seemingly had nothing more to lose.

I waited patiently for Nick to pick up.