Dance With the Devil

Faster. That was all I could think of. Just drive faster. If I drove faster then maybe I could somehow go fast enough to stop the rotation of the earth and go back in time and fix everything that I just ruined.

But I couldn’t do that. And I knew it.

Still, my foot laid on the accelerator a little too heavily, until I began to come to a stoplight. I slowed myself only bits at a time until I came to a complete stop. I laid my head back on my seat and let out a huge sigh. I had just made a huge mistake and I knew it as I was making it. I shouldn’t have walked out on Eli, I should have kept talking to him, I should have just listened a little more. I can’t keep letting my pride get the best of me. I’ll end up with no friends if I do.

I never used to be that way though. I always used to talk things out, to try to be the rational person in situations. A month ago, I never would have stormed out on Eli like that. I wouldn’t have stormed out on anyone like that. But now, everything felt different. Everything was starting to feel wrong. With each passing day I felt more like I was in an Alice in Wonderland movie, and everything around me was off, even if by just a little bit. Part of me felt like I was going completely insane, but I knew that was an exaggeration. I’m only going a little bit insane.

The light flashed to green, and I began to drive again at a normal speed. But I wasn’t really sure where to go. I couldn’t go to Eli’s or Aubrey’s, so my friends houses were out. I’m pretty sure Axel was at work, and I didn’t want to go home. Going home meant that I’d either fall back asleep or watch TV until I fell asleep. Either way, I didn’t want to. I couldn’t bear to sleep right now. I couldn’t bear to see that wolf again.

The wolf.

Ever since last night, since the vision I saw in its eyes, I had a bad feeling. It wasn’t immediate, but since waking up this morning everything has felt a little fuzzy. I just couldn’t get the image of that green eyed snake out of my mind. I kept picturing it slithering up and around me, and it would send shivers down my spine. I’m pretty sure I know who the snake represented, but I couldn’t figure out why. I still wasn’t sure why this wolf was appearing to me in the first place. But little by little I was developing possible explanations; none of which I liked.

I could just drive around; to have no particular destination in mind. I used to do that a lot when I first got my license. I loved being able to just go out and have some time to myself, to just think and not really worry about what other people would say. But lately I had been feeling like I was alone too much. I had liked the loneliness at first, but now it was beginning to haunt me.

I decided to turn into the more alive part of town where all the shops, restaurants, and other public attractions were. Even if I didn’t see anything that really caught my eye, I still liked to stroll through here every once in a while. The town committee often hung string lights above the road when it snowed, connecting to shops on both sides to give the place a more peaceful vibe I suppose. It always looked so beautiful at night, but it just looked bothersome and messy during the day.

Most of the traffic was always really slow on this road because people normally window-shopped from their cars, which I didn’t really mind today. I was looking around myself. I needed something to do or somewhere to go. I saw people from my school walking on the streets. The girls all had their hands full of shopping bags; the guys standing by the arcade rating girls on how sexy their walk was. That was what the typical Denver kid did on the weekends. They hung out with their friends in town and did either nothing of importance, or something so stupid the whole school is talking about it by the next day.

Nothing around here quite peaked my interest until I saw Kelso’s. I debated it in my head for a few minutes, whether I really wanted to go in there or not. But I was hungry, and Kelso’s did have the best cinnamon buns in town. However, it was also the supposed place where Axel spoke of me in not the greatest way just the night before. I stared at the shop as I passed it, nearly the speed of a snail. It was a cute little café; it had a few tables seated outside, and then a coffee bar inside. It always had really relaxing typical café type music playing in the background. I decided I would go inside and at least eat. I felt like I hadn’t eaten in days.

Upon entering, the smell of coffee slapped me in the face with a small delight that made me yearn for a cup. I walked up to the counter and waited for the person behind the counter to notice me. When he finally turned, I recognized him right away. His name was David Hawthorne; he was a year older than me and graduated last year. We had algebra together last year, so when he saw me he smiled slightly. I only smiled in return to be polite.

“Hey Kar! I don’t think I've ever seen you in here before. What brings ya?” David was one of my favorite upperclassmen when he was in our school. He wasn’t one of those stereotypical upperclassmen who walked around acting like they were tough telling everyone they ate freshman for breakfast and all that. David was always genuinely nice to everyone he met, and I really liked that about him. I sat myself down at one of the counter seats.

“Eh, nothing really.” That was a lie. “Just passed by and figured I could go for some food.” He spread his hands apart on the table and leaned over.

“Well, what kind of food can you go for?”

“I heard you have some killer cinnamon buns.” He twisted around to look behind him and glanced downwards at his lower back area.

“Well, I don’t really know where you get cinnamon from, but I’ll agree they are quite nice.” I giggled slightly, and he turned forwards again to face me. He had a warm smile on his face.

“Well aren’t you quite the comedian,” I joked. He straightened back up and began walking over to where they kept the pasties and small cakes. I watched as he grabbed the biggest cinnamon bun in the pile. I didn’t ask for it, but he drizzled some icing over the top of it. I didn’t mind, it only made it look more wonderful.

“Hey, you know me. Mr. Funny Business.” I giggled again, recognizing our old inside joke. Back in algebra, our teacher would constantly rag on David for talking, and David would generally make some sort of smart comment as retaliation. Our teacher then started calling him Mr. Funny Business. He came walking over and placed the plate with the delectable treat on it in front of me. I began to get money out of my bag when I saw his hand go up. “Nah, don’t worry about the pay. This is my treat.” I smiled at him as I put my money back.

“Thanks.” I began to pull apart pieces of the bun and stick them in my mouth. It felt like heaven was floating on my tongue.

“So, how have you been?” I swallowed a piece and looked up at him. He had short brown hair and electric blue eyes; it was the same look he had last year too. I looked back down at the bun and worked on pulling another piece off.

“Oh you know, just the same as always.” I wasn’t looking at him, but I felt the smile go away in his voice.

“I heard you and Nick broke up.” I glanced up for a moment, confusion on my face at first but then it faded away. It wasn’t that shocking, really. Kids from school come here all the time. And between Nick and I breaking up, me running out into the woods, and being a part of some sick bet with the jocks, it’s not surprising my name has been in a few people’s mouths. “How are you doing with that?” I shrugged, pulling another piece off.

“Alright I guess. I mean, we were slipping apart anyway. It was only a matter of time really.” A thought then ran through my head, and I turned up to look at him. “Were you working last night?” He furrowed his eyebrows slightly if only for a second before them returning to normal.

“Yeah, why?”

“Was Axel in here?”

“Axel Baye?” I nodded. He straightened himself up and seemed to be thinking for a moment before looking back at me, his expression the same.

“Yeah, I think so. He comes in here all the time, so it’s hard to remember when he’s here and when he’s not.” He seemingly paused again as I pulled off more pieces of the bun and stuck them in my mouth. “Wait, yeah, he was here last night. I remember because Nick was here too. I thought it was weird they weren’t with each other. I thought they were best friends.” I couldn’t look up into David’s eyes. Eli had been telling the truth about Nick and Axel being here together, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the rest is true. Or at least I hope it doesn’t. I didn’t lift my head, but I glanced back up at him.

“Did you see them talk at all?”

“Nope. But they were sitting close by. I guess they just didn’t notice each other. Why?” My entire head turned up to look at him now, and with a sigh I pushed away the last few remaining bits of the cinnamon bun.

“No reason really. I just—” I paused, almost spilling everything to David. I did like David, and I knew I could trust him, but I just couldn’t possibly explain everything to him. It’s too confusing. I barely even understand it. “I just heard they had a fight.” He grabbed my plate of crumbs and began walking to the back window that connected with the kitchen.

“That’s weird. From what I remember they were the best of friends.” I slightly grimaced at his words. It was because of me they weren’t friends anymore. I thought back to what Axel had told me, that he only started to become friends with Nick to get closer to me. I felt a pounding in my head. If that was true, then everything Eli told me would make perfect sense. I felt my body tense at the realization, like I was about to tear up. But I wouldn’t do that.

“I guess things change.” I tried so hard to hide it, but my words got slightly stuck in my throat, and came out in that near-cry voice. David whirled around from the back counter and looked right at me. He dropped whatever he was doing, and walked back over to the front counter. I prepared myself for sympathy.

“You’re not ok, are you?” I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t even know. “I’ve been where you are. I’ve been probably even worse along than you are. I’m sure you’ve heard about my junior year.” I had. Everyone had. It even made the news. David had tried killing himself that year, but I never learned the reason why. No one really did. I nodded at him. “That was my low. But, hey, here I am, still alive and kicking. I don’t know what you're going through, but I'm just here to let you know that when you're down, there’s nowhere to go but up. Alright? And seriously, I want you to see you in here anytime that you're down. I’ll give you free food.” A smile slipped out of my lips.

“Thanks David.” His smile returned as well.

“Alright.” He clapped his hands together. “Now tell me what’s going on in your life. Like, the good stuff. Or bad stuff. Either or. I mean, I haven’t talked to you in like a year. We have some catching up to do.” I chuckled slightly. I was never sure what it was about David, but he could always make anyone laugh, no matter how they were feeling. It was nice to have a friend like that, especially now that I didn’t even know if I had any friends left.

“Well, then you're probably going to want to start with another cinnamon bun.”

When I got back to my house, it had been later than I had imaged. I ended up staying at Kelso’s for a few hours talking to David and just generally having a good time and laughing about things, which I hadn’t done in a while. He had asked me what my classes were like this year, and he told me funny stories about those classes and teachers. He told me what his college was like and how different it was from high school. By the time I had to leave, I was almost sad to go. It was so nice to get my mind off of everything for a few hours. My life might not be perfect, but I might as well enjoy a bit of it.

The sun was just setting as I walked into my house. It felt warm and cozy inside, something that it hadn’t felt like in a while. The house was physically warm, warmer than it should have been. I walked in some to my kitchen, and found that it looked like the Muffin Man himself came in and ransacked our house. The kitchen counter was covered in flour and dough, the sugar and eggs were out, and a small bowl of chocolate chips sat nearby. I could gather from the mess that my mother was baking. I peeked into the oven and saw chocolate chip cookies rising under the heat. I shut the oven and looked around the kitchen and living room, trying to find where my mother actually was. I called for her a few times, until I heard movement downstairs in the den. She then quietly emerged from the stairway with a smile on her face. Something I hadn’t seen in a while.

“Hi, want some cookies? I already have one batch done.” I giggled at her as she ran to the oven to check on the process of the baking, and then grabbed a container off the kitchen table and opened it up to me. Another dozen cookies seemed to be inside, and I grabbed one and bit into it. It tasted better than I had expected, my mother hadn’t baked in ages.

“You like them?” she asked as she put the container back onto the table. I nodded as I chewed.

“Yeah, they’re good. Can I ask what brought out this sudden Betty Crocker in you?” She leaned against the counter with her arms crossed, looking at me with a wry smile.

“A person can only drink so much tea and coffee, and do so many puzzles until you have a need to do something new. And you remember how I used to bake so much when you were little, right?” I nodded again. “Well, I figured why not try that out again.” I thought back to when I was younger and would come home from school and see homemade cookies waiting on the counter for me.

“Well, everything you made is always great, so bake as much as you want. It’s a win for you and a win for me.” I smiled at her slightly, and turned to walk upstairs when she called my name.

“Oh, Karlee?” I only half turned towards her. I was already on the second step. “Eli came by today while you were out. He said something about being sorry. Something going on between you two?” I sighed. I didn’t want to think about any of that right now. I didn’t want to think about all the bad things that have been happening in the last few days. But I knew they would come back up at some point, so I might as well deal with it now. I retraced back down the last two steps and stood in the doorway of the kitchen. My mom had taken the cookies out of the oven and was checking to make sure they were done.

“It was just a little argument. A misunderstanding. I’m sure it will all be fine by tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you talk to him? He sounded pretty upset today.” I wanted to talk to him. I wanted everything to be alright between him and I. Eli was my best friend, and I can’t even image what I would do without him. But I couldn’t talk to him yet. There was someone else I need to sort things out with first.

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” I said, but I wasn’t talking about Eli.

My alarm clock sprung to life at the stroke of five. It was the last sound in the world that I wanted to hear at the moment, but I reluctantly reached my arm out and turned it off. I sighed, my eyes still closed, knowing that I had to get up. I felt Jack move at the foot of my bed, slightly kicking me in the leg as he did so. I sighed so loudly this time it sounded more like a groan. I pushed myself up off my bed and managed to sit upright and I wiped my eyes. In the first few blinks of the morning, I saw the subtle strands of light that snuck through my window. They casted almost beautiful markings of light across Jack’s coat. I reached out and traced the light under my fingers, at to which Jack lifted his head up and look at me with those big blue husky eyes of his. I reached even more and pet his head slightly.

“Alright, boy. Let’s go feed you.” I twisted out of my bed and headed for downstairs; Jack followed at my heels.

Within the span of an hour and a half that I had to get ready, I managed to feed Jack, as well as myself, get dressed and do my hair, all of which practically let up to the moment I had to step out of the door.

Upon arrival at school, I had never felt so alone in a public place. I didn’t have Aubrey or Eli to talk to in the morning anymore or walk to class with. I couldn’t walk the halls holding hands with Nick anymore, and I didn’t see a trace of Axel all morning. I could feel eyes on me, which I suppose should be expected. In just a span of two short weeks I've become the biggest talk, and biggest joke in the school. Even the freshmen knew who I was.

I entered into my first period room, biology with no intent of talking to anyone all period. Between Amber and Andrew both being in there, I couldn’t deal with it. I sat down at my desk, which was still hauntingly close to Amber’s. I placed my bag beside me and got out my notebook and began to answer the questions on the board. However, my head wasn’t interested in what was going on in the class. I had one thing after another racing through my head, and not one of them had to do with biology.

My hand moved quickly on the page to write the words, but something that seemed to be working even faster than that was my ears. My hand stopped, nearly everything in my body stopped. I tried to listen more closely to the conversation going on towards my right, near where Amber’s seat was.

“Yeah, I used to be friends with her. I don’t know what I was even thinking.” It was Amber’s voice. Once you hear the voice of a witch, you never quite forget it.

“I can’t even believe that. She’s such a freak. Like I don’t think she’s right in the head. She probably shouldn’t even be in our school.” I couldn’t make out whom, but it was another girl who spoke this time. Her voice had a valley girl accent to it.

“Yeah, don’t they have schools for special students like her?” a third voice chimed in.

“You mean mental hospitals?” Amber snickered. The other two girls laughed slightly. I felt nothing and everything at once. I was beyond humiliated, but I felt like the feeling couldn’t even reach me because I was so far from it. “Oh, and did you hear what happened with her and Andrew?” The other girls, it sounded like more of them now gave her rushes of answers of nos. I could almost feel the smile on her face like a cut in my skin. “Well apparently, since her and that faggot broke up, she went after Andrew Nelson. I heard they did it in the bathroom last week.” I felt dirty just listening to the conversation. How could people actually like talking like this?

“Oh my God, she’s such a slut. And she’s not even pretty.” I had stopped writing at this point and was purely just listening. I turned my head slightly, but not toward Amber. Toward Andrew, who I could tell was listening as well. His face looked sad, which I couldn’t really understand. They didn’t directly put him down, they actually made him look kind of good by saying that he hooked up with someone else so that way he could add me to his list of imaginary girls he’s slept with.

Though it wasn’t really far off from the truth. He had tried to get me in bed with him, for his own sick little game. I swear this entire school is filled with sick little games, hosted by sick little people.

Andrew’s eyes met mine, if only for a second. His eyes looked wide and his mouth was downward, like he was frowning at me. He looked genuinely sad, almost sorry for me. It was the look someone gave a stray dog, or the look you give someone laying in a hospital bed. A look that said you poor helpless little thing. But he stayed quiet. He didn’t say anything to Amber or any of her friends. He didn’t bother telling them the truth. He just let them go on with a fake rumor that he and I both knew wasn’t true. I turned away from Andrew before he turned from me.

I could feel an anger burning inside of me. It was anger so pure and hateful, that I had never felt something so strongly before. A hatred for Amber, for Andrew, for these rumors, these lies, these people, this world. However on the outside, I appeared as calm as ever.

“Alright class,” Mr. Lee got up in front of the class and clapped his hands together, like he often did when he wanted to get started with the lesson. “Today, we will be moving into human reproduction, meaning sperm and egg cells. Now, who can tell me something about sperm?” I saw a few kids around me raise their hands, but again, one sense worked better than the others.

“I bet Karlee could tell you a lot about it,” Amber whispered to one of the girls. I heard them giggling when I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my notebook that was in front of me, turned, and threw it at her, hitting her right in the head.

“You little bitch!” she yelled.

“Karlee!” I heard Mr. Lee yell next. I only glanced back at him before returning my vision to Amber. The spiral part of the notebook had hit her straight in the face, which was now all red. The end of the spiral, the sharp part, seemed to have cut her cheek only slightly. A very small amount of blood came to the surface of her skin.

“I’m bleeding!” Amber screamed again when she dabbed her face and saw red on her fingers. Some of the class was in shock, others were laughing. I didn’t really know what to do.

“Karlee!” Mr. Lee yelled again. I looked at him directly this time. “Cunningham’s office now!” Mr. Cunningham was the principal of our school, but he didn’t scare me one bit. He was a tall slender man who looked more like a bird than a human. I got up from my seat and grabbed my bag from beside me. I didn’t bother trying to get my notebook back, which was now somewhere on the ground near Amber’s desk.

When the last period bell rang I was one of the first people out of the room this time. I wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep until I never woke up. Cunningham had given me a detention on Wednesday for throwing the notebook at Amber, who got off scotch free as always. Cunningham said that I was lucky to get off with just a detention. He said that since I have a clean record that he would go easy on me. If I didn’t, he said he would have suspended me for two days, which I kind of wish he did. Two days away from these people wouldn’t be a punishment, it would be a miracle.

I walked outside to the student parking lot with a few other kids who had cars. The weather went back to its old self, freezing cold with every cloud in existence in the sky. As I walked to my car, I saw another person walk out of the school out of the side of my view. I turned only slightly, and saw him immediately. He was walking towards me with a smile on his face, and I suddenly felt guilty for not being as happy to see him.

“Where are you running off to so quickly?” Axel said as he walked up to me. He had a smile on his face, and once he got close enough he leaned in and gave me a small kiss. It sent a tingle down inside me; one tingle of two emotions. Happiness and sadness all at once. When my face didn’t convey the same expression as his, his face drooped a little bit. “What’s wrong?” I shook my head slightly.

“I had the most horrible day ever. I threw a notebook at Amber today and Cunningham gave me detention on Wednesday.” He chuckled slightly, his smile making me want to smile so badly, and succeeding if only a bit.

“Why did you throw a notebook at her?”

“She was talking badly about me. Saying that I was mental, and a freak, and she’s spreading rumors about me and Andrew, and it just got to the point where I snapped.” I felt his hand brush up against mine, but I was the one who grabbed his hand. Standing here, staring at Axel, I wanted to believe that he would never do the things that Nick and Eli said. I did believe that Axel cared about me, but everything I keep coming across is pointing at him as the culprit. He smiled at me, his eyes reflecting his mouth.

“Well I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Amber is the one with the problems. Not you.” I sighed, staring into his eyes. I then looked down, I couldn’t do it looking at those green marbles.

“Actually, I think I have one problem.” His free hand grabbed my other.

“What?”

“Can I ask you to do something for me?” I said looking back up at him.

“Anything.”

“Answer this for me.” I paused slightly, trying to imagine how I wanted to word it. “Did you…set Nick up so I would break up with him?” He grew quiet. His face was nearly unreadable, a stone almost. His hands were still in mine, but they too were still. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking from his expression, but I had to guess it was hurt. Hurt that I didn’t trust him. “I, uh, I’m sorry if it’s not true. I just, Eli said that Nick said, and I’m just sorry, I should have known it wouldn’t be true.” I let myself fall into him, my hands and body against his chest. After a second he put his arms around me as well. It felt nice, since it also warmed me from the cold.

“No, Karlee.” I looked up slightly from where I was. I felt his hold get slightly tighter. “I’m sorry.” I pushed away from him only a bit so I could look at his face. He looked down at me, his face still like a statue.

“Sorry for what?” He didn’t say anything, but I got his message loud and clear. I pushed away from him slightly more. His hold on me was still tight, but he wasn’t trying to keep me near him. “So it’s true?” He looked down and removed his hands. When he spoke, his voice was only above a whisper.

“Yes.”