My Tattooed Angel

Lock and Load

I'm sleeping in Brian's arms, the usual. Suddenly I hear Nate cry. I open my eyes and lift Brian's arm from around my stomach. I sit on the edge of the bed and then stand up. Nate stops crying.

"You gotta be kidding me." I say sitting down.

I crawl back under the covers next to Brian. He notices that I'm back and he puts his arm back around me. I smile and kiss his cheek. Nate starts crying again.

"Nathan Brian Haner, I swear..." I say sitting up.

"Don't blame me..." Brian says.

"Technically I can." I say standing up.

I walk into the hall way. Nat's room is open. That's weird, I closed it before I went to sleep. I peek around the corner. Jay's holding Nate.

"Oh my god, get away from him." I say taking Nate from Jay's arms.

"I didn't do anything, I swear." Jay says.

"You were about too." I say.

"Fine, I get it, you don't trust me." Jay says walking out of the room.

"Jay...wait...Jay...I didn't mean." I say putting Nate back in his crib and going after Jay.

"No, I know what you meant. My own sister hates me." Jay says going though his stuff.

"Jay...I don't hate you." I say.

"Well you sure don't love me." Jay says taking a gun out of his jacket pocket.

"Jay...put the gun down." I say.

"It's OK...I'm not harming you...you don't care about me, remember?" Jay asks.

"Jay don't do this." I say.

"Why, it just doesn't matter." Jay says loading the gun.

"Please don't do this." I say.

"I told you...just doesn't matter anymore." Jay says holding up the gun to his head.

"Brian, could you get out here." I yell.

"Say good bye." Jay says pulling the trigger.

"Jay." I scream.

Blood splatters on the wall and carpet. His body goes down and the gun falls on the flood next to the fire place.

"Katie, what was that?" Brian asks.
"Was that a gun?" He asks.

"Brian, get out here, please." I say.

"Katie what...oh my god." Brian says.

"He shot himself." I say.

"I figured that one out...why though?" Brian asks.

"He thought I didn't love him. I had a spaz attack when I saw him holding Nate...oh my god this is all my fault." I say tears building in my eyes.

"No, it's not. You we're being protective of our son..." Brian says hugging me.

"Oh Brian, what do we do?" I ask.

"Call 911 I guess." Brian says.

"Ok..." I say walking to the phone.

Five Hours Later

We called the police and they did a report and then took Jay's body away. There's still blood on the walls and floor...we'll have to work on that. I sit on the couch and stare at the blood.

"Hey, you alright?" Brian asks.

"What? Yeah...I'm fine." I say.

"Is that Katie for "I'm not OK, Brian get your ass over here and hug me?" Brian asks.

"Yes." I say starting to cry.

"Honey don't cry." Brian says sitting down and putting his arms around me.

"I'm sorry Brian, I just can't help it." I say putting my face to his shoulder.

"I know sweetie, I know." Brian says rubbing my back.

"I just feel that it's all my fault." I say.

"It's not your fault, Katie it really isn't. Jay had problems, and I should have listened to you." Brian says.

"I know he had problems...I shouldn't have yelled at him." I say.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Brian says.

"I feel responsible though." I say.

"I know, but you shouldn't." Brian says holding me closer.
"Want me to order sushi for breakfast?" Brian asks.

"Uh huh." I say.

"You got it." Brian says.