Where You Belong

[ZACK'S POINT OF VIEW]

Morning had officially arrived as I watched the sun fully rise, brightening everything in its path. With a sigh, I noted that I'd officially gone yet another day without sleeping, much to my dismay. Since Gena had left with plans to get an abortion over a month ago, sleep never came easily to me. I was drained, that was for sure, but I just couldn't lay down and close my eyes.

I mean, I could. But the second my eyes closed, all I could see was my unborn child's face. It'd had no particular details to it; all babies really looked the same to me. Small facial features, of course. A thick tuft of dark hair. Green eyes it could've gotten from me.

That's how I pictured it in my mind, and that was all I could see when I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night.

It killed me to wonder about and imagine the child I would never have because of my girlfriend's selfish actions-- if you could still call her my girlfriend. Gena had left that one day, promising to be back childless within the hour, but she never returned. It didn't know whether to be devastated that I hadn't seen her, or thankful. I wasn't so sure I'd be able to stand seeing her face, knowing what she'd done.

I'd been a fucking basketcase about the whole situation, really. I guess it just kind of came as a shock. I'd known for several weeks before Gena had mentioned the baby that she was pregnant. I was terrified at first; I mean, I was a rockstar who made music and toured most months out of the year. The road was no place for a baby, and I wouldn't be home enough to see a child progress through all of their milestones. I'd called my dad the second I'd put two and two together, and we'd ended up talking for hours about it.

That phone call had made me see things in a new light. He'd assured me that anything was possible if I simply put effort into it, and if I wanted to play a big role in my child's life, then I'd find a way to do so. He also alerted me as to how just as scared Gena probably was, given the fact that she still hadn't announced the pregnancy to me. By the time I hung up with him, I was excited to see how things would turn out.

Weeks flew by, and I'd patiently waited for Gena to say something, anything about the baby. I'd figured she was just worried, and wanted to wait until she got over the initial shock, like I'd felt. So I gave her time, though her condition was blatantly obvious. She was usually up at odd hours of the night, throwing up, and I'd often caught her in the kitchen, eating strange combinations of foods that I knew she normally wouldn't touch. If it wasn't labeled as a low-calorie or sugar-free snack, she left it for me to eat. That wasn't the case after a while. But I continued to wait.

But she never said anything until I brought it up a month later.

The day I finally confronted her about the baby, she simply shrugged me off. I was confused; wasn't she happy that we were expecting? Or at least surprised I'd known? She didn't show me any kind of emotion as I'd smiled and told her how excited I was that we'd be bringing another being into the world, and that's when I noticed we were on different pages. The house had gone quiet, and I'd watched as she simply got herself ready, picked up her bag, and walked to the front door. I'd stopped her, asking her why she didn't mention anything about her pregnancy to begin with.

"Because, Zack," she'd rolled her eyes, turning to face me, "We have so much to look forward to. We don't have time for a baby. You don't have the time to be home, and I don't have the patience, nor the will to lose the figure I've worked so hard for all these years. Our lives are perfect, and a baby would just make a mess of things."

With that, she'd continued on her way. I couldn't even open my mouth to protest her actions. I was shocked to hear something so emotionless come from her mouth. What had happened to the woman I loved? She'd always been kind and caring. She'd always been selfless in everything she'd done. When did everything change? What had I done to make her feel that way?

I'd run out the front door to the driveway, screaming her name over and over as she got into one of my new cars and closed the door without so much as a look at me or even another word. I'd banged on the glass, begging her to just stop and talk about things with me. She'd ignored my pleas, backing out of the driveway anyway. I'd followed her all the way to the end of the drive, and she'd finally stopped the car.

"Baby," I'd remembered sighing in relief, thinking she'd give me a chance to speak, "Come on, let's talk about this. I want this baby--"

"It shouldn't take me long, Zacky," she'd chuckled, laughing at me like she'd just heard a bad joke, "I'll be back within the hour, ok? They're pretty fast at the clinic I'm going to."
She'd left, and I never heard from her after that. She'd never called, never returned. The pain of staying in an empty house full of memories was too much. I'd hired a cleaning service to get rid of anything and everything that was ever hers, and I'd hired professionals to redecorate the house more to my liking. It was as if she'd never even been there to begin with, and that's how I'd decided I wanted to live from now on.

The wounds she'd given me were just as fresh now as they were that day, but I could slowly feel things coming together. Being with my friends and family had helped to an extent, but there was one thing-- one person who seemed to make the hurt almost fade completely away at times.

Pulling myself from the window, I turned as a soft whimper brought me back to the presence. I smiled at the sight that lay before my eyes, tilting my head to the side as I watched my best friend sleep soundly in the large bed just a few feet away. She'd fluffed up the pillows and built almost a wall of them behind her before laying on her side a couple of hours ago. Her chest slowly heaved up and down as she slept, golden bangs falling into her face. She was a sight for sore eyes; a gorgeous creature to just sit and watch at times.

I couldn't understand how any man would leave her. How the fucker she'd been with didn't at least attempt to make things work between the two of them. She'd always been the girl that others had envied, not just because of her looks, but because of her personality, as well.

Britt was that type of person who just drew everyone to her. People couldn't help but to like her and want to be around her. I'd felt that way when I'd first met her while I was over at Bri's house, and I still felt that way now. She took great care of those she loved, and had always been there for all of us in any way that she could. I could remember all of the times she'd walked through town in just her bikini with an Avenged Sevenfold sign in her hands, just to ensure that people bought tickets to our old gigs.

And our local gigs were often packed for that very reason; between Val's demonic screaming parts in our songs, and Britt's seductive method of promotion, loads of people always showed up. The two of them, and even Michelle, had taken turns running the merch table before and even after we'd gotten signed. I wasn't sure where the band would be without the girls.

I was so thankful to have friends like the ones I had, especially Britt. She was younger than the rest of us, sharing the same age as Johnny, but like Johnny, she could also keep up with the rest of us. She was tiny, barely above five feet tall, yet she was one hell of a little spitfire. While she was sweet and caring, she also had a temper that caused her to butt heads with a lot of people. She could stand up for herself, never having needed another's help to win a challenge. I could remember plenty of times when I'd seen a flash of bright red fly past me, and hearing screams down the hallway in school. Matt would often suggest we all watch Britt kick some random snob's ass for a few minutes before pulling her off of the poor soul.

Looking at her now, she was so much different, yet still completely the same.

Her hair, once dyed a bright, fiery red, had been toned down close to her natural dark color, though now it had several golden strips going through it. Her hair lay stick straight past her shoulders as it always did, bangs falling into her face. She'd long since kicked the covers off her body, revealing her pajama clad body. She was still just as tiny as ever, having always been very petite, though it seemed as if she had gained a little weight since she'd come back. She was still smaller than most, but for her, she'd put on a few pounds, which was near impossible with her lightning fast metabolism. Her waist was still so tiny, as well as her hips, though her chest was still just as well endowed now as it had been before. She'd always had the body many girls had envied over the years, though she never paid much attention to that detail. Her creamy brown skin was still as smooth as ever, and she'd still kept the industrial and nostril piercings that she'd had all these years.

"I can feel you staring at me, Baker," her sleep ridden voice mumbled, and I couldn't help but laugh at her slight grumpiness. It was nothing new that the girl loved her sleep, and became as irritated as a two year old when she didn't get all the sleep she needed. "Whatcha lookin' at?" she slurred, her dark orbs slowly fluttering open as she placed a hand on her stomach and lifted her head.

"You," I answered simply, watching as she frowned lightly with a roll of her eyes. As she sat up, she grimaced in what looked like pain, sending red flags up in my mind. I moved closer to her until I was hovering next to her face, watching for anymore signs of pain, "What's wrong?"

She moved to speak, but quickly shut her mouth and ran for the bathroom. I quickly followed after her once I heard the unmistakable sound of vomiting and knelt down onto the floor beside her, holding her hair out of her face with one hand and rubbing her back soothingly with the other. It scared me how long she sat there and threw up, and my nerves spiked even further when she slumped back against me when she was finished. I quickly wet a rag and wiped her mouth, watching as her eyes helpessly scanned my face.

"What the fuck, Britt," I mumbled in confusion as I looked into her eyes.

She didn't move much but it was evident she was trying to convey a message through her gaze. I wasn't sure what was going on as I listened to her breathing slow down, watching the energy drain right out of her. With a sigh, I scooped her back up into my arms and brought her back to the bed, fluffing the pillows the way I knew she liked before laying her down amongst them. Her eyes were still on me, though she was clearly having trouble focusing on me, as her eyes fluttered partially shut and reopened again.

Weakly, she raised her arms a little, and I noticed how shaky they were. With a frown, I complied to her wishes, knowing that she was silently asking for a hug. I leaned over her and hugged her gently, not wanting to upset her stomach further as I held her. Her sigh sounded through my ears as her warm breath tickled my skin, and I smiled.

"S-sorry," I heard her whisper hoarsely, and I frowned at the sound. She seemed too calm about having thrown up for ten minutes straight, and that worried me. Had this occured more than once before? Was she sick? Or was she...? No, she couldn't have been. It was just the trauma Gena had caused me that had me thinking this way.

"What do you have to be sorry for, babe?" I asked gently, reaching over and pulling her into my side as I lay down beside her.

With a chuckle, she shakily draped a leg over my own, struggling to lay on her side. I frowned at how weak she looked, but I knew better than to offer her much sympathy because she'd have my head for sure. Once she'd finally stopped shifting and had gotten comfortable, she nestled her head in the crook of my neck.

"For worrying you," she murmured as I wrapped an arm around her middle.
"You don't sound very worried yourself," I stated pointedly, letting her know I wanted some kind of explanation.

"It...happens a lot," she sighed, and I looked over at her. What was that supposed to mean? "Ever since...M-Mike and I split, I...just haven't been sleeping right. If I don't get enough sleep, it upsets my stomach." she explained quietly, placing a hand on her stomach for emphasis. That really made me frown. That asshole had made it so that she was an emotional wreck, couldn't sleep, and got sick to her stomach all the time? If I ever met that fucker...

"I'm sorry, Britt," I said with a sigh, reaching up and pulling my hands through her hair. It was silky to the touch and somehow smelled like peaches, which was her signature scent in a way. It was a rather calming scent.

I watched as she shrugged, "Such is life." she responded simply, though her shoulders heaved with a long sigh.

Somehow, I felt as though there was more to the story than that, but I didn't want to push her on anything. Just as she hadn't pushed me on the whole Gena issue, I would reciprocate that same respect. I knew something had hurt her enough to bring her back to Huntington without so much as a call beforehand, especially if she'd never mentioned her boyfriend's name and had trouble with saying it out loud whenever she did. It was clear she'd come as a spur of the moment idea, otherwise she would've had a place to stay, rather than staying with her parents. And according to Papa Gates, Brian's dad, her car had been parked outside her parents' house for two weeks before he or Syn and Jimmy knew anything about her being back.

I'd been so busy crying my own fucking eyes out and wallowing in sorrow that I hadn't even paid attention to the details staring me right in the face. There was something really and truly wrong with my best friend that she was doing a damn good job of hiding. And while she could hide things from others, I happened to know her better than she knew herself, and I knew when things were going on within her life. I may not have known why she came back, but judging from her actions and behavior, it was something big.

And I was going to find out what it was, one way or a fucking 'nother.