Where You Belong

"You miss him, don't you?" Maria asked knowingly, taking a seat next to me. I continued to study the row of family pictures on the wall in the Bakers' living room, though I nodded in acknowledgement.

"A lot," I answered honestly, allowing Mason to gri[ tightly onto my index finger as he sat in my lap, "It's weird not having my best friend here after just getting him back and having spent every waking moment with him. It's kind of like I don't know what to do with myself," I shrugged with a slight sigh, looking up at her with a reassuring smile. Well, at least I hope it looked reassuring.

Maria frowned, tugging at her bottom lip with her teeth, "I understand, baby," she said with a soft sigh of her own, "You and my Zacky have always been so close. Attached to the hip," she concluded, taking Mason from my grasp and cradling his body in her arms with a large smile.

I didn't say anything then, I simply watched as she played with my son, a bright smile plastered on her face. Mason seemed to have that effect on anyone he met. People seemed to just fall in love with him, no matter what kind of mood they may have been in before. In my mind, he was like a little ray of sunshine. Corny, maybe, but I felt that it described my son perfectly. He seemed to just light up the room whenever I saw him. I loved him with everything I had.

"He's gotten so big," Maria whispered, stifling a giggle as Mason made a funny face, "You'd never know he was born so early."

God, was that true. Mason honestly looked like a completely different child. He was nearing five and a half months old, and he'd grown a lot since his birth. He wasn't underweight as the doctors had predicted, and I was thankful for that. However, Mason had minor problems with his lungs because they hadn't been fully developed when he was born. While I wasn't fond of the occasional hospital checkups, I was grateful that they were few and far in between rather than extremely frequent, as it easily could have turned out.

I shrugged, "I'm just glad he's healthy for the most part," I mumbled tiredly, curling up onto the sofa and looking back towards the family pictures, "I was so terrified when I went into labor. And then he had to stay for so long in that god-awful incubator in the hospital, and I just didn't know what I would do if something would've happened to him."

"We all felt that way, sweetheart," James appeared from my other side and took a seat next to me on the couch, throwing an arm over my shoulder and pulling me into his side, just as Zack would've. "No one ever wishes such a thing for their child, let alone an innocent little baby."

With a smile, I curled further into his side, wrapping my arms around his thick middle amd laying my head against his shoulder. I've said it before, bt James Baker had always been like another dad to me, aside from Brian Sr. He was warm and thoughtful, just as Maria was, only he reminded me so much more of Zack, something that always made me feel so comfortable. It was almost like Zack was here, even if he physically wasn't. It was like I could see part of him in his father, which was understandable.

"Lord, if Zacky didn't drive himself insane," Maria added, smiling softly as she placed Mason in James' lap.

I cocked an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Maria hesitated, exchanging a momentary glance with James, "I don't know if it's my place to say..." she trailed off slowly.

I frowned at her, "After that statement, you can't honestly expect me not to be curious and want answers," I stated pointedly, crossing my arms over my chest.

James sighed, looking down at Mason's face and smiling lightly, "You know Zack's always been protective of you," he said softly, allowing Mason to squeeze his fingers.

I nodded furiously, "Of course I do."

"Well, then you can understand that the shock of Mason's early arrival worried him to death," he reasoned carefully, turning his own dark green eyes to me, "In a way, you've given him the child he was denied. Even if just a godson, Mason has become someone important to him, someone he can love as his own. It stressed him out to know that after such a difficult pregnancy, you'd also have to deliver under slight complications, as well."

I chewed my lip, sighing to myself as I took in James' words. It made a lot of sense. We had all been worried about Mason's health when he was first born. He hadn't been cleared to leave the hospital for several weeks until he was able to regulate his own body temperature without the help of an incubator. The boys had all had to leave the next day to continue tour, and had called non-stop, asking about Mason. The girls never left my side, and whenever we weren't together, we were constantly on the phone with one another.

Between all the parents, Zack had called the most about Mason. Every day and night, almost. Granted, sometimes the time was way off but he'd made it his priority to call and check on us whenever he had the chance, despite all the times I told him not to worry. I didn't want any of the guys stressed out on tour, but of course Zack sensed how I was really feeling. He was so attached to Mason, and when I really thought about it, I could only imagine how much he must've worried himself while he was away.

"I see," I answered finally, looking up to meet James' knowing gaze, "I guess that in the back of my head, I knew he was worried, but I never stopped to think about just how upset he was. I feel like a shitty friend," I mumbled, curling my legs up under me.

Maria chuckled, sitting next to me and pulling me into her for a hug, "Oh, sweetie, it's nothing to freak out about. You and Zacky have the strongest bond between friends that I've ever seen; you always look out for one another. It just turns out that this time, my Zacky was just doing a little extra looking out for you, is all." she smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead, just as Zack had always done. He was so much like his parents.

Our moment was cut short when the phone rang, and Maria went to go answer it in the other room while James and I stayed on the couch. The room was silent as I thought quietly, and James played with Mason, much to his delight. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard Maria calling my name from the other room.

I stood up and slowly walked towards the den, where Maria stood with a silver cordless phone in her hand, "Yeah?"

"You have a phone call." she smiled simply, reaching her hand out to me.

I frowned, "I have a phone call? But it's your house," I answered pointedly with confusion, to which she simply giggled.

"Just answer it, baby," she chuckled, pushing the phone into my hand and walking past me, most likely into the other room with James and Mason.

I furrowed my eyebrow and put the phone to my ear, "Hello?"

"Hi, princess."

An involuntary squeal of excitement left my lips as I hurried over to the arm chair in the corner of the room and took a seat. I curled my legs underneath me and placed a hand over my lips in vain attempt to keep from smiling like an idiot.

"Hi, Zee!" I all but yelled, causing a smooth chuckle to sound from his end. I grinned even more at that; it seemed as though his laughter could always bring me out of any sour mood I was in.

"How are you today?" he asked casually, a hint of amusement lacing his tone.

I shrugged, though he couldn't see that, "I'm okay. I'm just happy to hear from you."

He laughed again, "You hear from me multiple times a day!" he said playfully, and I felt my own spirits soar. Damn that kid. He never ceased to keep me smiling.

"Yeah, but I was just thinking about you and so I was excited to find out you called."

"You were thinking about me, huh?" he teased, and I rolled my eyes.

"Baker, get your head out of the gutter."

"I don't know what you're talking about." he retorted innocently, but I knew better than that.

"Mmhmm," I answered disbelievingly, causing another chuckle to ring out from his end.

"So I hear you and my mom were talking about me," he trailed off, hinting at his curiosity.

"That's quite possible," I began coyly, laughing when I heard a frustrated sound come from his end, "Okay, okay. We were."

"What about?"

"Ah, a lot of things," I answered vaguely. I didn't want to get into it, as I didn't like having deep conversations over the phone. I prefered to have them in person, especially with Zack being able to read me so well.

"I know you'll tell me when you feel ready, but just to put my mind at ease...?"

"It's nothing to worry about, I promise," I assured him.

"So you're okay?" he inquired slowly, and I could picture his eyes narrowing as he attempted to read my emotions just from the sound of my voice.

I nodded before realizing that he couldn't see me, "Yeah, I am."

"You promise?"

I giggled softly, "I promise."

I stayed on the phone for a bit, but not as long as I usually would with Zack. I knew the Bakers wouldn't mind, given the fact that they were just as attached to Mason as Zack was, and I knew they loved having him. They often fought over him, just as everyone else did.

Zack and I hung up after he promised to call again sometime later in the night, and I slowly made my way back into the living room, sitting with the Bakers as they continued to coo over my son. I paid little attention to them, though I didn't mean to. My mind was suddenly all over the place, my thoughts flickering back and forth to the guys.

I missed them terribly. I missed Johnny's drunken antics as well as Jimmy's wild ones, and I missed the way Matt would stand with his big, bulky arms crossed over his chest and shake his head as Brian and Johnny would wrestle each other into the ground. I missed Brian's snarky little comments and crooked smile. I missed hearing Zack's smooth voice, though I missed his warm hugs the most. They always made my day so much brighter, and at the moment, I could use one of those.

I would drive myself insane until the boys came back home.

***

"Face it, Britt. You have feelings for the guy." Leana smiled softly, patting my knee as she stood before exiting the room.

Rolling my eyes, I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest in defiance, "Y'all are getting on my nerves with this shit. How many times do I have to tell you that we're just friends?" I grumbled irritably.

"As many times as you think about Zack during the day," Lacey countered with a disbelieving scoff, handing Val a rattle for Mason, who was resting comfortably in her lap.

I decided to act as if I hadn't heard that statement, and focused on the task at hand. I was currently doing some online shopping for new clothes. In a few weeks, I would return to work when my maternity leave was officially over, and I was extremely fortunate to have my parents watch Mason while I went back. It would only be temporary until he was old enough to go to day care, though my parents thoroughly disagreed with the idea.

I understood their discomfort with day cares, but I had no other choice, as I was a single mom with several bills that weren't going to pay themselves, nor did I expect financial assistance from anyone else. I wanted to hold off on day care for as long as I could, as Mason could easily get sick from other germs, something I worried about with the slight complications with his lungs. But I also didn't want to put him off on everyone else just so I could work.

"That's cute," Val looked over my shoulder at the computer screen with a nod of approval.

I turned back to the pencil skirt I was looking at, selected my size from the dropdown menu and saved it to my favorites. I would check out the actual sizing and determine if I wanted to buy it or not later on. I continued on to the shoe section, going straight for the boots.

It was nearing the end of October, yet the weather in California was hardly considered real cold weather. An occasional chilly breeze and cold front would pass through, but the majority of the people were still wearing shorts and flip flops despite their sweaters. I got cold easily and knew I couldn't risk getting sick, so I would just have to bundle up a bit more than the others. I marked a few ankle boots and over the knee boots to my favorites list with the intention to buy quite a few of them. I'd already ordered some cardigans, pants, and tops the other day, as all my professional clothes were from the maternity section--something I had no use for anymore.

"So, what are we doing for Halloween?" Michelle asked, popping a squat next to me and handing me a juice box. I smiled gratefully and took it from her, giving into my true kiddie side and opening the Hi-C before sucking it down.

Still tastes as good as it did ten years ago, I thought to myself.

Val frowned, "I don't know what we should do. The boys are usually here this time of the year."

"Any suggestions?" Michelle left the question open for comments.

I shrugged, "It's up to y'all; I'll be home no matter what y'all decide," I answered simply, catching Mason's gaze and waving enthusiastically at him with a smile. His light brown eyes lit up with excitement and his tiny lips cracked upwards into a smile, a soft giggle falling from his lips. I cooed, "Hi, baby. How you doin'?"

He seemed to like attention, and loved it when people talked to him. Naturally, he was a tad bit spoiled and a complete and total ham. Val began talking to him in a soft voice, and his eyes followed her every move as she sang to him. I turned to Leana, who was pacing back and forth across the floor with a scowl.

"Whoa, shortie, what's your deal?" I cocked an eyebrow at my friend's odd behavior.

Leana turned to me with a frown, "You!"

"Me?" I blinked, feeling confusion hit me like a brick, "What did I do?"

"Nothing, that's the point!" she exclaimed, allowing her arms to flail about.

I stared at her, "Lee, baby...I'm not following you."

"Me neither; speak English." Lacey giggled, looking up from the magazine in her hands.

"Britt, you can't bail on us for Halloween!" Lee sighed, and I smiled sadly. "You never go anywhere!"

"That's motherhood for you." I answered simply, my shoulders lifting and falling in a hapless shrug.

"No it's not!" she protested, and I sighed.

"For a single mother, it is," I answered firmly, "I wanna spend as much time with Mason as I can before I go back to work. I'm gonna have to start working more hours in order to make up for the commission I've lost out on. I generally receive the majority of the customers, and if I don't keep up my sales, they'll have no real reason to keep me there." I answered seriously.

"But you're always tired," she sighed with a small frown, "You're exhausted all the time and have even fallen asleep standing up, holding the baby! You deserve at least one night to yourself so that you can let loose and have some fun."

Val sighed, "She's right, Britt."

I nodded with a sigh, "I know, you guys. But sometimes life just doesn't work out in your favor. Maybe it will eventually, but now isn't the time for me to worry about my social life. I just wanna make sure Mason's good for now."

"Wait, wait, wait, you guys," Lacey interjected, setting her magazine down and leaning forward, "Why don't we just stay in this year?"

Leana didn't look impressed, "Stay in?"

"On Halloween?" Michelle asked incredulously, planting her hands on her hips.

Lacey rolled her eyes, "Dudes, hear me out for a sec, okay?"

I think we all took Michelle's grumbling as a You have two minutes.

"We can dress up and have a Halloween feast of sorts at Zack's place. Rent movies, buy a shit ton of candy...that and the trick or treaters will keep us occupied enough."

Leana and Michelle still didn't look thoroughly convinced until Val butted in, "I like the idea. We can bring a whole bunch of desserts and can still have drinks and music if we want...and we can dress Mason up for his first Hallowe--"

"OH MY GOD, IT'S PERFECT!" Leana screeched, jumping up and down as she clapped, causing Mason to burst into tears. She smiled sheepishly at me as I took him from Val, "Oops. My bad."

I shook my head with a chuckle and held him to me, rocking back and forth as I soothingly rubbed his back. It didn't take him long to calm down, and I smirked to myself as I thought about just how much of a momma's boy Mason was. As soon as he was calm, he was snatched out of my lap before I could even blink.

"So, do we have a plan?" I asked, looking around the room at all of my friends and son.

Leana grinned, turning to high five Michelle, "We have a plan."