Where You Belong

I examined myself thoroughly as I stood in front of the floor length mirror in my old bedroom. I'd chosen to wear an apricot colored sundress, which was strapless and ended a few inches above my knees. It had an empire waist, allowing it to flow straight down from directly below my bust, which made me feel more secure about keeping my pregnancy a secret, even if I wasn't actually showing yet. My feet were covered by a pair of tan wedges, and the only makeup I had on was some black eyeliner and light gold eye shadow. My hair was left straight and fell just below my shoulders.

"Baby, you look fine," my mother's chuckle filled the room. I turned to see her standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest as she smiled brightly at my appearance.

"I just feel so different," I sighed heavily, taking a step back and sitting on the edge of my bed, allowing my feet to tangle above the floor. I still had a view of myself in the mirror from where I was sitting, and I combed my fingers through my hair out of pure nervousness. Glancing in the mirror, I looked fine, but the fluttering presence I seemed to feel in my abdomen told me otherwise. I looked down at my flat stomach, pulling the dress to me to see if my body had changed any. But it hadn't. "It just makes me a little paranoid because I can feel it, and it leaves me wondering if other people can sense the change, too."

My mother flashed me a smile full of sympathy, one she knew I didn't care for, but one she clearly couldn't help but show. Walking into the room, she sat down next to me on the large, plush bed. I immediately lay my head on her shoulder and I felt her fingers running through my hair, smoothing it down in a manner she knew I would find calming. After a few minutes of silence, she spoke.

"Most people--unless they're mothers themselves or extremely smart-- will not notice a thing. And even if someone did...these people have been your friends for years. They won't judge you; they'll be happy for you." she reassured me, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. This was one of the things I loved about being my parents' only daughter; they tended to baby me and spoil me rotten. My mother's comforting embrace made me feel better about this situation, though my fears hadn't been completely erased.

"It's just embarrassing, Mommy," I sighed again, staring off into space as I thought about the things people would do and say once they'd found out why I was back in town. I was never one to care what people thought of me, but all the confidence I'd once had seemed to be shattered when Michael just tossed our relationship out the window. After every rough situation, kiss, and secret shared, he simply walked away from me like I'd never mattered at all. Before then, I'd never been more sure of anything than my relationship with Mike. Without it, I wasn't sure of shit.

"It's only embarrassing if you make it so," Mom stated firmly as she stood on her feet, holding her hands out and pulling me up with her. "You have nothing to feel ashamed about; you have a good head on your shoulders, an education and steady job, a family and friends that would do anything for you, and now you'll be starting your own family. In the end, it'll be an embarrassment to Michael because he could've had absolutely everything a man could want with you, and he carelessly threw it all away. You don't worry about anyone but yourself and my grandbaby, and you'll pull through, you hear?"

Who could argue with a speech like that?

I took a deep breath in and then exhaled, hoping to get my nerves in check as I smoothed out the bottom of my dress. I took one last look in the mirror and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, looking to the door as I heard my mother leave the room. I picked up my cell phone from its charger on the wooden desk placed in the corner of the room, also grabbing my car keys and wallet that lay there as well.

It was time to head out.

"You on your way to the barbeque?" My father's gruff voice came from my side as I stepped off the last stair, and I smiled as I saw him sitting in the arm chair in the living room. I walked over to his side and sat on the arm of the chair, watching as he marked the page in the book he was reading, and pulled me in for a side hug.

"Yeah, I am," I smiled, looking over at him. That caused him to grin, and he nodded approvingly.

"Well, good," he nodded once more, "You go have fun and catch up with everyone. I know you've all missed each other. Say hi to everyone for us, will ya?"

I smiled and told my father that I would before I left the living room, making a pit stop in the kitchen on my way out. On the counter sat a chocolate cake with two tiers that I'd baked earlier in the morning to take over to Jimmy's. Something I'd remembered about my old friends was that they ate a lot, especially at social gatherings, and they'd made it known that they were huge fans of my cooking and baking. My mother helped me by opening the doors for me so that I could get out of the house and into the car. Once the cake was safely placed on the floor in the front seat, I went over to the driver's side and got myself in.

Waving a goodbye to my mother, who was still standing outside, I put the car in drive after plugging in Jimmy's address into the GPS installed in the car. Even though I'd grown up here in Huntington, there were still a couple of things about the town that had changed while I was away, so I knew I'd probably need a little help. The drive didn't take all that long; maybe fifteen minutes.

Pulling up, I checked the house number Jimmy had given me to see that it matched the number of the large house sitting in front of me. Several cars were parked out along the street as well as in the driveway, which wound around the front yard in a full circle. Music could be heard blasting from the inside of the house, which wasn't surprising to me, especially for Jimmy's wild taste. I managed to squeeze into a small spot across the street and grabbed the cake I'd made before heading up to the front door.

With my elbow, I rang the doorbell since my hands were full, and it didn't take long for someone to answer the door. When it did, it revealed a girl around my height who was just as petite as I was, if not more. Her hair was long, wavy, and a vibrant red-brown color. Her eyes were bright, as well as her smile. The happiness just radiated from her, and I couldn't help but stand there and look at her in awe. With a large grin, she pulled me into a tight hug and ushered me inside the booming house.

"You must be Brittany; I've heard nothing but good things about you from everyone. I'm Leana," she giggled as she pulled me through the foyer. The house was beautifully decorated. While it had a dark, rockstar-like edge to it, there was also a feminine presence represented through the furnishings and artwork. It was gorgeous, to say the least, and I couldn't help but to admire it all as Leana pulled me in the direction of the kitchen. "Thanks so much for bringing a cake. I'm sure the guys will all love it." she smiled, motioning for me to set the cake down on the counter.

"No problem," I couldn't help but to smile at her bubbly personality, "I figured Jimmy would end up killing me if I came over without having cooked anything, so I just made it." I shrugged, leaning against the counter as I watched Leana flit around the kitchen, tidying up things and checking on certain dishes left covered on the countertops.

"Yeah, he always has mentioned you and your famous cakes, so I can only imagine how excited he'll be," she giggled before picking up two different dishes. I took initiative to grab three other bowls in my arms, as Leana turned and eyed my cake. "I think we best keep it a secret that you baked his favorite type of cake until they've at least seen you and had a chance to let their food digest." she said with a playful roll of her eyes. I couldn't help but snicker at that. Apparently, the boys hadn't changed at all.

I braced the bowls against my chest as I followed Leana through the living room of the house, and finally to a sliding glass door that led outside. I hadn't even gotten one foot over the threshold before I heard my name shrieked at the top of someone's voice. Looking up, I saw both Jimmy and Brian running toward me. The both of them pulled the bowls from my arms and side hugged me before pulling me over to the rest of the group, who was seated around the pool in lounge chairs.

From Jimmy and Brian, I was immediately snatched away by the twins, who screamed when they saw me and came running at me full force. They'd nearly forced me to the ground as they both hugged me at once, which was when we'd all shared a tearful moment. The three of us cried together as I clung to both of my best girlfriends tightly, suddenly wishing that I'd at least had the two of them with me when things had turned sour with Michael. While Michelle would've gone off the deep end, Val would've known just the right things to say to calm me down, and after Michelle had hunted Michael down and dumped his body in a river, she would've come back to help me, too. In that moment, I was so glad that they were both in my life again, knowing that I'd need them the most through these next few months.

After we'd dried our tears, Johnny pulled me away from the twins. I'd ended up having a meltdown on him, too, to which he chuckled and kissed my cheek before calming me down enough to introduce me to his girlfriend. Her name was Lacy, and she was an inch or two taller than I was. With dark, bobbed hair and brown eyes like mine, and a pretty smile, I could tell just why Johnny was so attracted to her. I gave her a light hug, picking up on the fact that she was quieter than the others and soft spoken, before making some small talk with her. She was a total sweetheart, and I made sure to let Johnny know that he'd found himself a keeper.

Then there was Matt. Apparently Jimmy, Leana, and Brian had kept it a secret from everyone else that I was back in town and planning on coming to the barbeque, so he was so shocked to see me that he couldn't contain his excitement. With eagerness, Matt had plucked me off my seat next to Lacy and pulled me into a bear hug that was so tight that I struggled to breathe. I was slightly worried about him squeezing too hard around my middle, so after a minute or two, I pulled myself from his embrace. He gave me a questioning look but soon grinned when I reattached myself to his middle in a way that I knew wouldn't be dangerous for the baby.

"Surely, I'm not gonna get left out, right?"

As soon as I heard the soft, low mumble from behind me, everyone seemed to go quiet. I wasn't sure why, that was, until I turned around and saw the owner of the voice. At the sight of him, I felt as though my whole world had brightened in an instant as I looked into the green eyes of my best friend. He stood a few feet away from everyone else with his hands shoved in his pockets, but the second I took off running for him, he cracked a smile and opened his arms wide. I happily ran into them, wrapping my arms around his neck as his own curled around my middle. I knew I'd done enough crying for one day in front of everyone, when they'd never seen me cry a day in our lives. I bit hard on my lip as Zack pulled me to his body even more, burying his face in the crook of my neck and taking a deep breath, just like old times.

"It's good to have you back, Britt," he mumbled brokenly, and it was then that I caught the sadness in his voice. This wasn't just over not seeing me in a long time; it was something else. My mind flashed back to what Jimmy and Brian had mentioned in the grocery store about Zack having a rough time with his current relationship, and how hesitant they'd been to tell me about it. If they were trying to hold back on me, it meant they were worried, and if Jimmy was ever worried about something, then it was serious shit.

I quickly pulled out of Zack's embrace and held him at arm's length so that I could look at him. He wouldn't look me in the eye. Though Zack had never had much of a tan because of his distaste for the sun, he was now much paler in appearance. The natural bags he'd always had under his eyes were darker and puffier. His eyes were rimmed with red. His once vibrant jade eyes were now just a darker shade of green, more lifeless than they had once been. Something was definitely wrong, and it wouldn't take me long to figure it out because of how well I knew him.

"Zack, look at me," I mumbled so that only he would hear me. The others began talking amongst themselves again, though much quieter this time. It was obvious they wanted to see what we'd say to each other without seeming like they were eavesdropping. I didn't mind, and just looking at Zack, I knew he was in no state of mind to be fully alert. Zack kept his gaze on his shoes, and I frowned, placing my fingers on his chin and guiding his eyes toward mine.

It took just one second of his eyes being connected to mine for me to break down into tears. I was hormonal enough from being pregnant, but it tore my heart into pieces to look into his eyes and see the pure hurt and emptiness in them. His eyes no longer had that sparkle that I'd always loved to see. He no longer gave that heart shattering smile of his, but instead, a crooked, watery one. He was a shell of the man he used to be, and it killed me to see him so lifeless and sickly looking.

"Baby, what happened?" I cried, clutching onto his forearms as both Val and Michelle came over. Val put her hand on Zack's arm, while Michelle rubbed my back. It was clear that everyone had been prepared for something like this to happen. It was a well known fact that Zack and I felt such empathy towards one another that we could literally share our emotions, and if he was upset, then I'd just get upset ten times worse.

The twins ushered us both inside and up the stairs to what I assumed was a lounge room. The walls were lined with plush couches, blankets, cushions, and a large flat screen television. Zack and I sat down facing each other on the biggest couch and Val and Michelle silently exited the room. It was somewhat of a routine with us; if one of us was upset then we'd separate ourselves from the group and calm one another down. I dared to take another look into Zack's eyes and felt my heart break even further.

"Zack?" I asked in a mere whisper, leaning forward so I'd be able to hear him in case he spoke. I'd never seen him in such a fragile state of mind before, and it killed me to know that something was hurting him so badly that he couldn't be himself. He didn't say anything for awhile; he simply pulled me by my arms into his lap, where he proceeded to hug me as tightly as he could, once again planting his face into the crook of my neck. "Please tell me what's wrong." I pleaded with him, rubbing a hand up and down his back in a soothing manner.

He never spoke, simply held me even tighter. His body shook from underneath me, and I pulled his head up to see that he was struggling to keep his own emotions in check. His eyes had brimmed with tears, and his breaths came out ragged and choked. I watched as he struggled, running my hands through his hair in attempt to calm him down. It was a long time before he could speak.

"It's just...hard." he finally croaked, letting out a cough as he did so. I frowned as I watched his eyes flit back and forth across the room, as if he couldn't control himself. Whatever happened, it was upsetting himself to the point where he was nearly driving himself insane. I placed both my hands on the sides of his face and pulled his gaze to mine again. "I...she...I-I can't understand why she'd...I knew things had been rough b-between us lately, but I just n-never thought...never thought--"

"Shh, sweetie," I hushed him, knowing his wounds were too fresh from whatever was going on, "You can tell me when you're ready; you don't have to tell me right now. I just want you to focus on making yourself better. You know we're hardwired to each other's feelings...I can't take seeing you like this, Zack." I whispered tearfully, placing a kiss on his cheek.

I watched my best friend as his eyes shut, allowing his own tears to fall. I'd always known Zack was more sensitive than others, but I'd never once seen him cry since I'd known him, just as no one had ever seen me really cry unless I was watching some chick flick. I didn't know what to do to make him stop, but I knew I couldn't take seeing him cry any longer. I did whatever I could think of to calm him once again; rubbing his back, wiping his tears away, singing to him.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed as I sang the pale, tattooed man to sleep. However, the sun was just beginning to set, meaning it had to have been five in the afternoon or so. I looked down at Zack's sleeping form, his head rested in my lap as he stretched out across the couch. I didn't mind being a human pillow for a little bit; Zack's embrace had always made me feel safe when I was younger. However, I was starving out of my mind and knew it was time for me to eat. All the time I'd spent crying and calming Zack had exhausted me. I carefully shimmied out of Zack's grip and pulled a blanket over him, making sure to remove his belt and shoes first. It hurt to see the tearstains running down his cheeks. I hurried downstairs before I could manage to get myself worked up even further.

Once downstairs, I noticed everyone was still outside. With a sigh, I rejoined everyone, immediately finding a seat between Val and Michelle. Lacy came over with a sad smile on her face. The guys halfheartedly continued with their conversation; it was clear they were worried for their friend just as much as I was. The girls didn't say anything, sensing that my nerves were shot.

"I never expected to come home and find him so broken like this," I sighed, finally breaking the silence a few minutes later. The girls all nodded, each mumbling a solemn response.

It seemed as though no one was in a good mood now. Lacy and I were both close to tears, while Michelle was seething for some reason. I was sure I didn't want to find out. Val was flitting back and forth between everyone, helping Leana serve the cake that I'd baked in attempt to cheer everyone up. Leana mentioned wrapping up the last slice for Zack before disappearing inside. It didn't take long before she returned, allowing Jimmy to scoop her up into his arms. No one spoke for a while, but it was killing me not to know what was going on with my best friend.

"You guys," I whispered, knowing that throughout the silence, they could all hear me, "What happened to him? What's got him so broken? I've never seen him like that, and I'm scared for him." I bit my lip when I heard my voice crack, knowing that once again, my hormones were getting the best of me. Leana handed me a plate of grilled chicken and mashed potatoes, since I was the last one to eat. I wasn't so hungry anymore.

"It's really not our place to say, Britt--" Brian sighed, shaking his head as he held onto Michelle.

"But she at least deserves a clue," Michelle snarled venomously, "And I'll tell her. You wanna know what happened to him?"

"Chelle--" Brian warned, but she cut him off.

"It's that bitch, Gena. She's what happened to him."