Where You Belong

“I can’t fucking believe it!”

That was the first thing that left Maria Baker’s mouth when she answered her front door and took one look at me. I’d felt uneasy up until that very point, but judging by her manic grin and obvious enthusiasm, I’d had nothing to worry about. Not to mention her use of profanity. You didn’t hear that from her very often.

“Come in, come in!” she waved, taking Mason’s backpack from my hand and ushering my mother and I inside of the Baker residence. Mason smiled cutely and waved from my mother’s arms, attempting to say Maria’s name.

I ventured cautiously into the Baker home, the scent of freshly baked cookies hovering in the air. I smiled at that; Maria always made something to eat when she expected company. Mom was quick to make her way to the living room, no doubt to get Mason settled down. I, however, followed Maria into the kitchen and took a seat at the kitchen table.

“Feels like old times,” I grinned, watching as she moved about the kitchen with finesse.

“It does,” she turned her head to me and flashed me a toothy grin of her own, “Only this time, we’ve got quite the little twist added, huh?”

I avoided her gaze and sighed, “Yeah. I guess so.”

“I’m guessing Zack has no clue about this?” Maria guessed, turning and cocking an eyebrow at me.

I felt bad then, looking away once more as I nodded, “He doesn’t.”

A plate of fresh, warm oatmeal raisin cookies was placed on the table in front of me, the sweet cinnamon and honey she’d used filling my nostrils. My sudden hunger became unbearable, growls ripping from my stomach in the most unladylike fashion. I clutched at my stomach, smiling sheepishly at Maria as she knowingly smirked and pushed the plate towards me. I happily dug in.

“We’ve all been there, sweetie,” Maria’s voice broke me out of the satisfied trance I’d fallen into, and I paused mid-bite to glance up at her, “It’s scary. You’re just as new to this as he is, and you know us women. We tend to overthink things.”

I sighed loudly, leaning back in my seat as my mother appeared beside me with a glass of juice and a bendy straw. Silently, I took the drink from her and set it on a coaster, watching as beads of condensation slowly streamed down the sides the glass. My mother winked knowingly at me and took a seat next to Maria, reaching over and snatching a cookie off my plate. I shot her a disgruntled glare, and as usual, she ignored me.

“I keep trying to tell you, baby,” my mother nodded between a mouthful of cookies, “It’s natural to be worried to death over this. I did it. I ate myself into oblivion when I found out that I was pregnant with you. I had no choice but to tell your dad when I suddenly gained ten pounds overnight. I was a stick before I got pregnant.” She added with a shake of her head, causing Maria to giggle quietly.

“I just don’t know how he’ll take it,” I mumbled, taking another bite of the gooey, sticky, warmth of Maria’s cookies.

“Well, I’m his mother, and I know that he’ll be thrilled,” Maria cocked an eyebrow as she leaned forward on her elbows, “You don’t think he will be?”

I shrugged then, “I don’t know. I just don’t think this is the best time for him to find out about a baby.”

“And why not?” Maria tilted her head, absentmindedly swatting at my mother’s hand as she reached for yet another cookie.

“Because,” I sighed exasperatedly, “Where is he now? On tour! And this won’t be his last tour; it’s what he does for a living. I don’t want to keep him from that—”

“And who said that you would?” Mom chimed in with a slight shrug, “He was on tour when you had Mason, and he still managed to be there for you through everything, even Mason’s birth.”

“That was luck,” I muttered pessimistically, crossing my arms over my chest.

“No,” my mother argued with a roll of her eyes, “He paid for that plane ticket because he wanted to see you. Had you girls not gone to visit, you would’ve had Mason right here in Huntington. Without him.”

I sighed at that. She did have a point.

“Look, I know this may feel a tad bit rushed,” Maria spoke gently, reaching across the tabletop to hold my hand in hers, “But you two can and will make it. No couple ever really expects a pregnancy. It comes as a surprise, even to those who spend a while trying for children. The emotions you feel, and the emotions Zack will feel, are completely normal.”

My mother nodded in agreement, “And you two will do a fantastic job in facings those emotions together. You have us, you have your friends. Hell, you’ll have the fans on your side. There isn’t a single person out there who won’t support you two.”

“I know,” I whispered then, “And I’ve even tried telling him. But it just…the words won’t come out! They just—”

“Get stuck?” the two women asked simultaneously, knowing smiles gracing their features.

I leaned back and my seat and looked elsewhere, “Yeah.”

Maria nodded in understanding, “It happens. Don’t force it; it will all come out when the time is right.”

“But on the other hand,” my mother interjected, holding up a single, perfectly manicured hand, “If he knows something is wrong—and knowing Zack, he does—then you can’t stall in telling him. Be as honest as you can. He’ll be able to respect that, and he’ll sure be more receptive to the news when you finally do tell him.”

After that, the two spoke nothing else of the matter. They branched off into their own conversation shortly after, leaving me with my thoughts. Not such an appealing idea. I left them to their gossip and ventured into the living room, seeing Zack’s dad holding Mason by the hands as he attempted to stand on his own.

“Hey, Mr. Baker,” I grinned, taking a seat on the couch and curling up with a pillow.

He turned and smiled as well, “Hey there, Britt. How you holding up?”

I chewed my lip at the thought, “I’m making it.”

“That’s what counts, baby girl.”

And that’s why I loved James Baker. He knew when to dig beyond the surface, and when to simply leave things alone. I was thankful for that.

Peacefully, I sat and watched whatever was playing on the muted television. James continued to swing Mason around and play with him, scooping him up whenever he fell back on his butt and standing him up again.

The guys had been gone for only three weeks, though I felt like so much had happened since they’d left. Mason had decided it was time for him to start walking, as he was late enough already in that department. He had taken to standing on his own with the aid of a nearby chair or table, always throwing a fit when someone attempted to help him. He could stand for a few moments on his own, and then he’d fall. Luckily, he was an optimistic and driven little boy.

I made sure to call each of the guys up, knowing that they’d love to hear about Mason’s progress. Jimmy went absolutely wild, as did Brian. Zack had made me promise to send them a video of it, and I had happily obliged. Mason’s antics had gone viral and now the whole YouTube world could see him.

On the other hand, I was beginning to pick up weight and fast. My metabolism had drastically changed recently, and Val and Leana were the ones to take turns accompanying me to the gym. My doctor wasn’t crazy about my sudden weight gain, and had suggested that I watch myself with cravings and exercise regularly. Though I felt better with the extra adrenaline rushes, I still got tired pretty easily. My feet would swell and I was sore everywhere, but my morning sickness was nowhere near as awful as it had been with Mason. I was thanking Jesus for that.

“Mummy!”

Turning my head, I smiled in surprise to see Mason clinging onto the coffee table with both hands, flashing me his signature megawatt grin as he stood awkwardly. I grinned and began cheering with enthusiasm, clapping my hands as James took pictures with his camera. Mason seemed very pleased with himself, and slowly let go of the table, moving one foot in front of him with a concentrated expression on his face. I watched him carefully, knowing that he was feeling brave at the moment. Two, maybe three clumsy steps in, and he was right on his ass in the middle of the carpet, bursting into tears.

“Aww, baby,” I giggled, moving from the couch and sweeping him up from the floor, “You just gotta try again. It’s gonna take some time!”

With that, I set him back on his feet in a new spot, leaning over his body as I braced my hands just below his underarms for support. He whined in frustration but continued to stare at the floor, concentrating on his tiny feet once again. I glanced up and smirked at James, who now had a video camera attached to his face.

I gave Mason a tiny push, “Go on, then.”

Wobbling slightly, I watched as he attempted to straighten his back and lift one foot to take a step forward. He nearly lost his balance, but suddenly regained it as he put that foot down. He took the other, lifted it, and went to step forward before completely loosing his equilibrium and tumbling forward. I caught him easily, and he lay still in my arms as I brought him up again.

“That’s okay, baby,” I stated reassuringly, turning him to face me and rubbing my hand up and down his clothed back, “You can try again.”

One look at his face told me that he was no longer interested in trying again. He was completely through. I watched as his face continued to darken, a crease forming in the center of his forehead, and a single tear slipping from his eye.

Oh, Lord.

I tightened my grip around his back as he suddenly threw his body backward, arms flailed out above his head as he let out an inconsolable wail. He was far from happy at the moment; that much was clear. I looked over to see James shaking his head with a small chuckle, not moving the video camera from his face. I sighed, struggling to lift the screaming child into my arms.

“Okay, no more of that for today,” I muttered, standing straight and moving towards the staircase, “Naptime it is, then.”

The wooden stairs still smelt of the same citrus polish as they always had. The family pictures still littered every surface of the walls as I climbed the old staircase. I reached the carpeted hallway and padded my way to Zack’s old room. Mason cried and cried until I reached the door.

We were cloaked with a familiar scent as soon as I pushed the door back, and Mason went silent almost immediately. He sat upright, glancing from the left to the right as he took in his surroundings. I smiled to myself, moving forward and taking a seat on the twin-sized bed. The same plaid sheets Zack had used back in high school covered the mattress.

“This was Zacky’s room,” I told him as I gingerly placed him on the bed, watching as his eyes lit up at sound of Zack’s name, “Would you like to stay in here for a little bit?”

Nodding cluelessly, Mason looked down at the dark sheets he sat on with a concentrated expression. I grinned to myself and took his sneakers and shorts off before pushing him to lay flat on his back. His eyes immediately began to flutter closed, going heavy with sleep. A few minutes of sitting with him, and he was out like a light. I chuckled and made my way back downstairs.

“So, when are we going shopping?” Maria asked excitedly as I entered the kitchen once more.

My mother shook her head, “Oh, Lord.”

At that, I froze in place and slowly backed back out the door, walking out as if I hadn’t heard her speak. The women howled with laughter as I fled to the living room and curled up on the couch with James. He smiled knowingly at me, eyes crinkling at corners, and pulled me into his side.

“How much longer til we find out?” he asked quietly, his voice mirroring Zack’s and instantly sending stabs of pain shooting through my chest.

I shrugged half-heartedly, clinging to his arm, “I’m not that far along. Give it another four or five weeks, I guess,” I muttered, silently attempting the math in my head.

“So, not very long at all,” he conceded with a simple nod of his head, turning the TV to TNT.

“Not very long,” I repeated in agreement, “I want him to know before then. I don’t want him missing out, and…”

James held up his hand and pulled me closer to him, “You’ll figure things out. He’ll know in good time, sweet pea.”

It was just James and I for the longest time. I could hear Maria and my mother talking back and forth non-stop, gasping and giggling as if they were young again. I smiled at the thought of being a part of an even bigger family now, one in which everyone already got along perfectly.

After an hour or two, James had long since fallen asleep watching Criminal Minds reruns, and I had turned the channel to the Cinemax movies. Pulp Fiction was playing, and it was just getting to the good parts. I giggled loudly at all the chaos that surrounded each of the main characters, pulling the small blanket by my feet up around my shoulders.

Just as Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta were shooting the hell out of some people that owed them money, the doorbell rang in the distance. I glanced up for a moment, seeing Maria hurry through the foyer and over to the front door. I turned back to the TV, knowing I’d see whoever it was when they walked in.

“Hey, you!”

“Papa,” I grinned widely at Brian Senior, reaching over to pull him into a tight hug.

“How ya been?” he asked gruffly, stepping back and taking a seat in the armchair across the room.

I nodded lightly, “I’ve been doing good. Who else is with you?”

As I spoke, Brian’s little sister and stepmom rounded the corner, followed by Michelle and Lacey. I grinned and gently stood, making sure not to wake James as I hugged both McKenna and Suzy, then Michelle and Lacey at once. Lacey assured me that Val and Leana were on their way back from lunch and would be here shortly.

“What’s the occasion?” came James’ gruff, sleep-ridden voice. I turned to see him sitting up, rubbing at his eyes much like Zack would’ve done, and smiled, “Ah, what the hell. Just don’t burn through my liquor cabinet like you did the last time.”

“Now, Mr. Baker,” Michelle smirked over in his direction, “Do we look like the type of people that would do that to you?”

Brian Senior snorted at that, “You’re dating my son; you’re exactly the type of person to deplete our alcoholic resources.”

Lacey smiled sheepishly, “Only when the boys are here.”

“Oh, bullshit!” I laughed loudly at the coy expression on her face, “We don’t need the boys as an excuse to get shitfaced and you know it! At least be honest if you’re going to drink up all the man’s booze!”

“Hmm, you’re right,” Lacey nodded in agreement, suddenly smiling brightly in James’ direction, “Sorry, Mr. Baker. We’re gonna go raid your liquor cabinet tonight and drink every drop of whatever we find.”

“Like I had a choice,” James muttered with a shake of his head, flapping his hand about dismissively.

I smiled and watched as the room filled up, moving aside as family and friends spread out across the room and exchanged greetings. Maria flitted back and forth, bringing out dish after dish for her guests to enjoy. People entertained themselves by passing Mason from person to person. He hadn’t been down for a nap for more than twenty minutes when Papa Gates went upstairs and got him. Mason smiled and took it all in stride like the little ham that he was.

Absentmindedly placing a hand on my stomach, I thought of the day when his little brother or sister would come into the world and snatch that attention right from under his feet. Boy, was he gonna feel some type of way.

Quietly, I took a seat on the chaise in the corner of the room, feeling my eyelids grow heavy. Michelle and Lacey strutted into the room a moment later, brandishing armfuls of the Baker liquor stash. I could see James Baker’s scowl from across the room and chuckled to myself.

I didn’t hesitate to make myself comfortable, smoothing the hem of my dress as I leaned back into the seat, curling my legs into my chest. I leaned to my side, taking a deep breath as my stomach began to squirm, and counted down from fifteen in my head. Moments later, the feeling subsided, and I opened my eyes at the sound of Maria’s shriek.

“Quick! Get Zacky on the phone!” she exclaimed, flailing her arms about in Matt Baker’s direction. I frowned, watching as he scrambled off into the hallway, only to sprint back into the room with an iPad tucked under his arm.

“What’s going on?” I asked with a yawn, sitting up and looking around for some sort of clue as to what she was freaking out about. And that’s when I heard it, Mason’s soft giggle as the room went deathly quiet.

Gasping loudly, I sat stock still when I caught sight of Mason toddling about on his feet, his face scrunched up with concentration as he walked away from James headed in my direction. Blinking furiously, I held my hands out and flashed him an encouraging smile as camera flashes flickered throughout the room.

“Zee, man, you gotta see this,” I heard Matt say in the background.

“What—”

“Shh, you’ll mess him up! Here, just watch!”

The room fell silent once more as Mason slowly made his way over to me without a single ounce of help. He looked rather unsteady at times, and even wobbled, but not once did he slip and fall. After an agonizingly long time, he came within five feet of me, and his face lit up with excitement as he neared.

“C’mon, baby, you can do it,” I cooed softly, grinning as I noticed the sparkle in his eyes. As long as he’d been trying to walk on his own, I knew he was thrilled to be doing so well right now. He always fell out screaming when he would attempt to walk and end up falling. He’d proved that point earlier.

I heard my mother whispering furiously to my father in the background, a squeal sounding from her direction. Mason continued the last few steps, seemingly unbothered by all the excited chatter and camera flashes. As soon as he was within reaching distance, I bent down and swiped him from the ground, covering his face and neck in feverish kisses.

Mason cackled loudly, thrashing about in my arms as I continued, “Mummy, noooo!”

“You did a great job, baby,” I giggled, pulling him close as he noticed the flash of Maria’s camera and smiled widely, “I’m so proud of you!”

He turned and looked at me with the cutest expression, “Pwoud?”

I nodded with a wink, “Mmhmm. Very proud.”

He didn’t say anything then; he simply coiled his arms around my neck and pressed his cheek to mine. I smiled at that and rubbed his back before letting him go, knowing that he had everyone’s attention for the rest of the night. My phone rang just a second later, yanking me from my thoughts. Glancing at the screen, my heart spluttered when I saw Zack’s name.

Since he’d left, our time apart had been a rather interesting one.

As promised, Zack called every day. Sometimes, if he had the chance, he would call multiple times. Over the phone he was quiet, speaking softly through the receiver in a hushed tone. Unlike the many times he’d called from tour before, there was no noise in the background. No screaming from Jimmy, or loud, unexplainable thuds from Johnny and Brian drunkenly stumbling around. Just silence. Just him.

He would ask me about my day, and how I was feeling. It was obvious that he hadn’t forgotten about my sudden separation anxiety, as he constantly asked what I’d done with the girls or family. And, following routine, I would describe the time I’d spent distracting myself from his absence. He would often reply with murmured words of encouragement, sweet enough to tear my heart into pieces.

This time was no different.

“Time is already flying by, baby; it won’t be long before I’m home,” Zack cooed from the line as I stood, moving briskly towards the back porch. It was empty, as all the guests were still inside the house.

I took refuge in the old swinging bench in the far corner, “I know. And I don’t mean to whine or make you feel bad, it’s just…” I trailed off, at a sudden loss for words, “I just miss you. I guess I’m just not handling things as well as I did last time around.”

Zack’s chuckle warmed my insides, “I miss you too, baby. And it’s not just you. We weren’t dating the last time I went on tour. We didn’t live together, even if it felt like we did.”

I had to giggle at that. Why I hadn’t seen the sparks between us before was beyond me. There wasn’t a day that Zack and I hadn’t spent together when we were kids, and that fact never changed once we were reunited as adults. Pregnant with a deadbeat’s child, both brokenhearted from failed relationships, we spent every waking moment together. We healed one another. It felt absolutely strange to be away from one another after all this time.

“Okay, so maybe you have a point,” I agreed reluctantly, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Yeah, I’d like to think so,” his soft laughter rang in my ears, “Where’s Mas?”

I rolled my eyes then, “Being a ham. You know how he is.”

“Brian taught him well,” I could practically hear his smirk.

“I suppose,” I murmured, suppressing a small yawn, “How have you boys been doing?”

And just like that, he launched into story mode. Excitedly, he recalled playing a show where the fan girls broke through the security barricade and they all had to stop playing and run for their lives. Since the Berry brothers were so well known through the fan base, they’d had to run, too. I died of laughter as Zack described another time when a fan ripped off her bra and tossed it at Brian’s face, temporarily blinding him as he attempted to jump onto an amp for a solo. Needless to say, Brian busted ass in front of thousands of people and Michelle had to call him and convince him to not hide his face for the rest of eternity.

“So, what did you do with the girl?” I wanted to know.

“We all wanted to kick her ass out since she was crazy anyway, but you know Shads,” Zack sighed with a light laugh, “He was like, ‘No, she’s a fan. It’s our job to make her happy.’ Brian nearly busted a vein in his neck.”

I giggled, able to imagine Brian’s disheveled hair, bruised cheek and disgruntled scowl almost immediately. Knowing Brian, he hadn’t been pleased that some fan girl had nearly made him break his neck and embarrass the hell out of himself. Not to mention Michelle had a thing against crazy fan girls. I was sure they’d had a heated discussion about some weirdo’s bra being slung across his face, whether it was his fault or not. Knowing Michelle, she went and gave Brian hell once she’d gotten his self esteem back up to par.

I was glad that I could just relax and enjoy myself. I didn’t have to tense up or skirt around any feelings or emotions. It was as if nothing between Zack and I had changed, like things were good. For quite some time we talked, sharing stories of recent events just as we had done the last time he was on tour. I heard Mason’s screech from inside the house, and knew it was time to feed him.

“Zee, babe, I have to go,” I sighed, slowly standing up from my seat.

He chuckled, “I hear Mason in the background, so I’m sure it’s time for him to eat.”

“Bingo,” I muttered, reluctantly moving towards the patio door, “Let me go get him settled.”

“Okay, baby,” his voice had dropped low, and I felt a pang in my chest just then, “I lo—”

I frowned, hearing him cut off as I entered the room and faced a screaming Mason, “What’d you say? I can’t hear you over Mas.”

Shaking my head at my son’s temper tantrum, I popped his hand and fixed him with a firm look, letting him know that I didn’t appreciate his attitude. Naturally, he only cried and screamed harder. With a sigh, I bent down and grabbed him from the middle of the floor, setting him on my hip as I walked towards the kitchen.

“Oh,” I could barely hear Zack as he spoke, “I was saying that I… loaned Jason some money to make a booze run, so I’m gonna go help him bring everything in.”

I blinked at that random statement, “Oh, okay. Well, don’t party too hard. You boys have fun.” I gritted as I wrestled Mason into his high chair, ignoring his flailing arms as I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder.

He laughed, “I’ll call you tomorrow, baby. Have a good night.”

I said my goodbye and allowed the phone to slip from my shoulder, clattering on the ground as I buckled Mason into his seat. He cried and hollered, further proving my point that my friends and family had spoiled the living hell out of my child.

I proceeded to fix Mason a bowl of Spaghetti-O’s, knowing it was one of his favorites. He continued to wail inconsolably, but I knew he was only putting up an act as he stopped every few seconds to take a bite of the spoonful of food. He never turned down Spaghetti-O’s; Zack had been the one to introduce them to him.

As some of Maria’s guests left for the night, others ventured outside to the patio where I’d been earlier. The real drinking had begun; I could tell by Brian Senior’s cackling outside. Like father, like son. Maria slaved away at the sink, hand washing each dish that my mom brought back in. When she wasn’t looking, my mother would sneak the dishes into the dishwasher. But Maria would always catch her and take them out, washing them too by hand.

By the time Mason finished eating, the entire kitchen was splattered with red sauce, something I apologized profoundly for. Maria simply giggled and waved it off, grabbing a wet rag and some bleach before setting to work. Shaking her head with a mumble, my mother grabbed a rag of her own and helped out. With a sigh, I turned to Mason, who had fallen asleep face down in his Spaghetti-O’s…again. This was becoming a trend. I was starting to feel the need to check the ingredients label on the back of the Spaghetti-O’s can.

My mother turned and snorted, looking over at Mason’s figure, “Don’t be a stranger, honey. Go bathe the boy; he’s filthy.”

“Bathroom upstairs has towels ready!” Maria nodded, scrubbing away at a red spot on the countertop. I apologized again, but she just waved me off.

Thinking of anything but my full bladder, I quickly pulled Mason’s head up and clean his face and neck, along with his arms and fingers. When he was at least semi-clean, I lifted him out of the chair and grunted. He was always like dead weight when he was asleep.

Matt Baker appeared in the doorway with Mason’s bag, “Need a hand?”

“You’re a life saver,” I grinned suddenly, slowly moving towards him.

He puffed his chest out a little and took Mason from my arms, carrying him effortlessly along as we trudged up the stairs and to the guest bathroom at the end of the hall. Pushing the door open, I flicked the light switch and set the bag down, bending to root through it for shampoo, conditioner, and baby wash. I then crawled under the cabinets of the sink for Mason’s bath toy stash that Maria kept. Pulling out a rubber dinosaur, I tossed it into the empty tub and started the water.

“Here, I’ll grab him,” I smiled graciously over at Mattie, gently taking my sleeping son from him, “Thanks for helping me out.”

As I scrubbed away at Mason’s limbs with a cloth, Mattie sat on top of the toilet, filling me in on what he was currently doing. He mentioned having taken classes in the local community college, but then went on to explain that he didn’t like the environment. Instead, he was enrolled in art school. I nodded in approval; I was certain that he’d enjoy that a lot more. He had some drawings stashed away that were beyond amazing.

“So, you’ve got a bun in the oven?”

I nearly dropped Mason in the process of lifting him out of the tub. How the hell did he know too? The Baker smirk was plastered all across his face as he stood by the door, arms crossed over his chest.

I sighed, holding Mason’s towel-clad body to my chest, “Matt, you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Zee doesn’t know, huh?” he tilted his head.

My God, this story was getting old, “No, Mattie, he doesn’t.”

“You scared?”

I had almost expected him to go on and on as everyone else had; telling me that I didn’t need to wait too long to tell Zack, and that my concerns were misplaced. That I should just pluck up the courage and tell him before I upset him any further. But no, he was more worried with how I was feeling. Not that no one cared about my feelings in the situation, it was just nice to not have to launch into explanation about what I was doing. I could give a simple answer, rather than to attempt to give a complex one that required a lot of story telling.

“Shitless,” I breathed, sitting on top of the toilet seat momentarily, “I didn’t plan for this. He’s not ready. We’re not ready.”

“You’re plenty ready,” he grinned with a shrug of his shoulders, nodding his head towards Mason’s sleeping figure in my arms, “You were a natural with the kid from the start. What’s one more?”

I sighed, fixing him with a warning glance, “You know it’s not that easy, Matt.”

“Maybe not easy, but definitely doable,” he countered firmly, handing me the footie pajamas I’d packed away in Mason’s overnight bag, “You two are crazy fucking happy together. You’ll make a great team.”

I kept silent, knowing that there as no point in arguing. I dressed Mason in a clean diaper and his pajamas before Mattie took him back, heading in the direction of Zack’s old room. I wasn’t all too crazy about him sleeping in a regular bed rather than his crib, now that he could somewhat walk on his own. Something told me he wouldn’t be staying put once he finally got a hold of walking. I twirled his hair between my fingers as he slept soundly, nodding to Mattie as I quietly exited the room.

I looked for something to occupy myself downstairs, but there was nothing. Nothing to scrub or simply tidy up. Nothing to organize or rearrange. Chewing my lip, I took a seat on the chaise in the corner once more. Mattie’s words from before were ringing in my ears. They rang for the next fifteen minutes that I sat on that chair, and the ten minutes after that I spent clinging to the guest bathroom toilet.

As I washed my face and gargled mouthwash, I couldn’t help but to think about the day when someone called me out on my pregnancy. What if the information were to reach Zack before I could tell him? No matter his reaction to the news, that would hurt him. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t.

I was going to have to tell Zack.