Cursed

What’s with Shailey and thinking that I need to be told things I already knew? I already know that I can’t be with Kieran. I already knew it’d take a miracle for him to accept me as I was; for him to not think of me as a monster. Even I have trouble not thinking of myself as a monster. I know Shailey thinks I’m a monster, that that’s why her family has to keep an eye on us all the time because we’re savage, we’re vile and not fit for the human world.

But a little part of me wanted to hope, just hope that I could be with Kieran. But Shailey’s family would never allow that. A werewolf being with a human? It was preposterous all along. My hands shook with anger against the car’s steering wheel. But, surprisingly, tears began to well up in my eyes. I couldn’t tell if they were sad or just… angry tears.

Why couldn’t I have been a human? I could have had normal friends, a relationship, started a normal family.

Everything Shailey takes for granted: freedom, love, school, friends, are all things I can’t have because of what I am.

Perhaps it would be best if I just stayed in the woods the rest of my life.

I bit my lips without even noticing it until I started to taste blood. I even bleed like a human. Every cell in my body is screaming that I’m more human than wolf, but I’d never be accepted.

The only reason my aunt was allowed to marry my uncle was because he ran off with her. He didn’t care that she was a supernatural being and so now they live in a hermitage of sorts on the edge of a rather large city, guarded by trees, somewhere that her guarding family couldn’t, or wouldn’t, follow. My aunt’s family was all in favor of her being with someone she loved and no doubt my parents would be the same. But probably not when they found out it was a boy. Or maybe they’d accept it. Even if they did, I’d still have the problem of Shailey and her family.

I wanted to be around Kieran all the time now, I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to protect him, I wanted to be his equal. But since Shailey always gets her way, I never will. I’ll never get to walk by his side as his lover, or even really as his friend. Not with her breathing down my neck, constantly watching us, berating me if I even get one iota closer to him.

This was all so frustrating! I was so useless against my fate.

*~*~*~*~*~*

“I don’t think you should be alone with Kieran. A sleepover is out of the question,” Shailey said. I stood there silently, squirming under her proverbial microscope. She had the power in this struggle. Anything going against her could be reported to her family. I ached to spit in her face and tell her I didn’t care about anything she said and that I was going to have him over no matter what, but I was still pinned down by fear. I didn’t want my parents to suffer whatever punishment her family was entitled to do for this offense.

My teeth gnawed at the scab on my lip. “Fine, whatever, just leave me alone,” my words came shakily out of my mouth.

“You know how dangerous it is. If someone found out what you were, there’d be an uproar and your family wouldn’t be safe,” she reiterated. I already knew too well though. She didn’t have to tell me this many times.

However, I walked to my house and right to my room without a single word to my parents and locked the door. I wanted to scream, to break things, to cry. But I was just… drained of everything.

But I had to call Kieran and tell him the plans were off.

“Hello? Finnegan?” He answered his phone.

“Yeah, we can’t hang out, sorry. After I invited you and everything. Something came up,” I told him. I didn’t mean to sound as heart-wrenched as I knew I did.

“But you even invited me! Oh well, we can still hang out some other time, right?” He asked.

I knew what the truth was. Shailey wouldn’t allow us to be alone together. But I let a lie flow past my lips anyways. “Yeah, we’ll try to plan it another time.”

“Okay then, too bad. I’ll see you at school then,” he chirped happily. Unconsciously, I felt a smile creep onto my face as I heard him sounding happy again.

“Bye,” I said before hanging up.

I needed to run after that. I knew I’d end up at his house though. I sound like some stupid, obsessed stalker… As long as I maintain a safe distance, it should be okay.

For now, I just wanted the cool night air at my back, the feel of nature surrounding me. I crawled out my window and ran off towards the woods, feeling the transformation take place. It was still light out though as it was only late afternoon.

I loved the smell of the leaves and ground, the earthy smells. However, like a conditioned dog, I ended up at Kieran’s house. I stayed quite a ways from it, though, just close enough to see it through the belt of the trees. I’d never get as close to it as I did that first night.

“So this is where you go when you run? Right to Kieran’s?” My heart clenched as I heard the all too familiar voice behind me. I stayed here way too long, long enough for her to catch me. Guardians have the uncanny ability to track us, which is why they’re chosen to watch us.

I felt my bones pop and remold as I came into an upright position, standing, facing Shailey. “I…”

“Do you watch him like a creepy stalker or something?” She asked. “What don’t you get about ‘it’s dangerous’?”

“I don’t ever watch him. I watch the house; protecting it is the least I can do,” I replied shakily, not at all like my usual, volatile self.

“They have a security system, Finn, motion lights, like the one you stepped into when you came here awhile ago,” she huffed.

I knew when I was beaten. I was the monster and she was the protector. She was good and I was evil.

“Tell me you’ll never come here again like this, Finn,” she said firmly.

I felt my lips moving, but no words came out, as if my voice escaped me. I hated being this helpless fool that I was being reduced to. She used to never have power over me like this, not until I met Kieran.

I finally managed to squeak out an “okay”.

I should’ve never fallen into a problematic, fruitless romance.