Black Sheep

“What?”
“I don’t know if I can be with you anymore,” He said, looking down and playing with a bracelet that was wrapped around his wrist.
“You can’t just say that. You can’t just say something like that!” I said, tears threatening to fall from my face.
“Well a major part of you I despise. I don’t love that part of you at all. And I can’t do this when I don’t love all of you.”
“So where does that leave the parts of me you love?” I said, tears now falling freely down my face. I looked at him. He just looked down and rolled the gravel around under his feet. He just shrugged. I lifted my hand to touch his face, his stubble against the palm of my hand. I stood and crouched in front of him to try and meet his gaze, my hand resting on his thigh. “Please Harry, answer me.” I couldn’t muster anything other than a croak. He lifted his gaze to look at me, his eyes full of tears.
“I love you, I always will. I just can’t do this anymore.” He shook his head and looked away.
“Please don’t do this.” I whispered. I crouched, looking at him, begging in my head for him to say something and put all this right, but he never said a word.
I slowly stood up slowly, and walked away from him, into the house. I walked straight to Harry’s bedroom. It wasn’t my bedroom anymore. I filled the first suitcases I could find with as much as I could. I couldn’t leave like this could I? I couldn’t leave Will and Kate when they were starting a family of their own with the little baby. I found a notepad in the study and started to write to Kate:

Hello Kate, my best friend. You’ve helped my through one of the hardest journeys in my life and I can’t thank you enough for that. You’ve helped me become the woman I am today. It’s a shame we will never be family, even though I consider you a sister already. I love you and I can only hope that you Wills and the little baby have all you can hope for in life, he’s such a beautiful baby and I know he’ll make everyone so happy. I’ll be there for you whenever you need me, I’m only a phone call away. Don’t miss me too much.
Your dear friend
Becca

I took a shaky breath before folding the note up and writing ‘Kate’ on the back of the note. I walked over to their room, before opening the door and placing the note on Kate’s pillow. I returned to the study to start writing a note for Wills, but I spotted Harry out of the Study window. My heart still smiled at just the sight of him, and then broke again. He was walking through the gravel pathways of the gardens, his head bowed low. I sat again, and started to write to Will. I couldn’t find the words. I just didn’t know what to say anymore. I put the pen down and decided to get out of there. I picked up my suitcases and handbag and started to leave to my car. I hadn’t driven it in months with being chauffeured around with Harry. I found it straight away covered in dirt and dead insects after my last solo trip out. I opened the doors and threw the bags in with a heave. I sat in the driver’s seat. Where was I going to go? I had nowhere to go. All I knew is that I needed to get out of that place. I started the car and drove. Drove until I was lost. Lost in the big city for the first time since arriving on the 12:45 train from Darlington.

*****

I walked into the hotel room I’d found for the night just close enough to the city to be able to make it in time for work but far enough away to be away from where Harry was. I sat on the single bed and thought. I thought about everything: Why would he be so quick to let me go? Did he really feel so strongly about me quitting my job? I loved him so wholeheartedly that nothing else mattered. That was it! Nothing else mattered! I knew what I needed to do.