Save Me

Somewhere, in the midst of my hell, when I was trapped tightly under the suffocating ropes, I slept. That was the final point when I stopped crying, some miraculous way, or the tears froze. I stopped breathing at that moment. I just slept. I drifted off into a world of oblivion, where nothing, absolutely nothing was wrong. I lived a normal life, I had parents, we were all so happy. I was beautiful. I weighed more than my current weight, but I loved myself. I even had a boyfriend. He loved me in every way possible, and I returned that love to him.

How was my life so perfect? I didn't think that that was possible. There was no hurt, though. Everything was okay.

I woke up, after a dream of a utopian life. Dad reminded me. Utopia doesn't exist.

I felt my ropes being pulled at. Looking to my side, I saw, dad was there. Yanking them, to wake me up.

“That woke you up, huh, you little bitch? Next time you pull that, oh. Oh, you don't want to know what will happen. Now let me cut this off of you. Then, I have a surprise for you.” He told me.

He used scissors to cut the thick ropes. The blade glided along my skin. He cut through them, and me, relentlessly. I let out a few cries, barely audible. It hurt. They were so dull. They were so dull, that when he dug into the rope, he cut through me. When he noticed my arm was bleeding so badly, he lifted the scissors up where they had penetrated my arm. It ripped a hole, right there in my flesh. I couldn't feel anything int hat moment besides the burning, stinging feeling of my skin basically being ripped off. It just hurt so bad. I couldn't cry. It was just so painfully unbearable.

I was so caught up, in thinking about the pain in my arm, I didn't realize, Dad was done untying me, and taking the rags off of my face. He looked at me, as if he was surprised that I was crying. Or that my face was so bruised, or that I looked so tired, sad and weak. He looked at me as if he forgot that he beat me.

I noticed then, my throat was so dry. My mouth tasted disgusting. I felt so light headed. I needed water.

“Water...please.” I pleaded.

“Sluts don't get water. Sluts don't get special treatment. Worthless sluts like you get absolutely nothing. You don't get food, well that's for the obvious reason that you're fat. You should know not to ask for water. If you get it, I'll decide when.” he spat at me. “Now, I was thinking. I wanted to do something. So, I know you're a virgin. No man has ever wanted to do that with you, and they never, ever will. So, I'm going to be the man to do it first. I bet you've had fantasies. Haven't you? You're probably thrilled for that day.”

No, I don't want sex. I'm so severely depressed. I've never had one thought of sex. The last thing I would think about is that. Why would he think that?

“Yeah, you do. I can see it in those eyes. Those disgusting eyes. I know you want it. .” he said to me.

“No...please no. I don't want this. I'd rather die.” I begged.

“Don't you ever tell me no! You stay. Let me undress you. I was going to let you have that pleasure, but no. I'm not going to be gentle, since you're being resisting.” he shouted.

Why was my dad going to do this? I was so much more terrified than I normally am before he beats me. This was going to be horrible. I wish someone was right there. I wish someone saw what he was doing, and took me away, to get better. I couldn't take this anymore.

He took his scissors from the ropes, and cut into my pants, and through my underwear. Every part of me was shaking. Tears flowed so freely down my cheeks. I couldn't even look at his face. I was shaking hard, and that hurt, too. No amount of begging or tears could change his mind. I was in for such trouble. I was in for a lot of pain.

“I bet you can't wait to see my cock, huh? I bet you're on the verge of begging for it. But guess what, you're about to get it.” He said.

I forced myself to look away. I would want to die, more than for this to happen. I cried more, this time audibly. I couldn't call anybody to come help me. He was going to take this from me. I was only fourteen, and he was going to destroy me, completely. I couldn't do anything about it. The only thing I could do was cry, and squeeze my eyes shut so tight, and try to shut him out, but that wouldn't work. I had no way of getting away from the pain.

“Bitch, look. Don't you dare turn away. You will know what's going on. I won't let you try and shut me out. You will remember this, always. I'll do this again, too, most likely. I want you to know you can't get away from me. You won't be safe. Ever. Let me do this.” He told me.

I forced myself to look at him, I couldn't hear anymore of his degrading words. He looked dead at me, as he unzipped his stained, faded blue jeans, and pulled them down, along with his underwear. He revealed what he was going to use to destroy me. His hands crawled along my hips and thighs, along bruises and cuts.

I can still feel those hands, to this very day. They dance along my body. They crawl on me, like spiders, digging down, and injecting me with their poison. Leaving the poison, that would forever remain inside of me.

“Spread your legs. Wide. I'm going to do this for quite a while. Stay like that.” he commanded me.

I couldn't spread my legs too far. It was far too painful. Next to not being flexible, at all, I was always so sore, everywhere. It was hard to do that.

“I said spread your legs! I'm going to fuck you, whether you want me to or not!” he spat at me.

Without warning, he took both of my knees, and bent them to where he wanted them to be. Pain shot through me, everywhere. My legs were pinned down, by his strong arms. I winced at the pain, struggling not to cry, or scream.

Everything was so sudden. There was no interval between him yelling at me, and spreading my legs, to being inside of me. This time, I had no clue he was going to start so quickly. I screamed at the pain. It was inevitable for me to. He was ruthless with what he was doing to me. He thrusted, with all his might. I felt every bit of the pain, just shoot through my veins. I wanted to pull away, but he wouldn't stop. Begging was more than useless now. He moaned, with pleasure, not caring about my pain. He loved it. After a few seconds, I got the hint, he was done. He pleasured himself to his maximum capacity.

“See-you loved that? Huh?” he asked me in a sarcastic voice.

I shook my head. I hated it. I couldn't move. I was exhausted. It hurt, really bad. I couldn't breathe. I was scared. I knew he would do this again. I couldn't handle it happening again. I couldn't imagine that. Everyday, just being raped by my own father.

“Well, I know you did. I loved it. I'm your father. I love this kind of stuff. I think you're pretty good for sex. Maybe I'll show you around to friends. Wouldn't you love that? Well, I won't get you too excited, yet. Let's just wait.” he said.

He pulled up his pants, looking as satisfied as ever. He slapped me, against my tear-stained cheek, and got up from the bed. I closed my legs, as quick as possible. I kept them tight, too. Despite the blood that was flowing down my legs, I kept them closed. It would eventually stop.

Dad walked from the room, smiling back at me, as if he had just won a million dollars. Not as if he had just raped his daughter. His smile was so sick, and confident, he loved destroying me in this way.

He locked the door, from the outside, so I could be stuck in there all night. So I couldn't escape. As soon as he left, I felt as if my world was over. I am a slut. I was fully convinced of it. It has now just been proven. I'm worthless, and it's all my fault that it happened. I deserved it, and I never deserved to be safe, or get away from him. I rolled over, and silently sobbed to myself. I was still so scared. I never would know what was going to happen the next day. I just wanted someone to come and save me. Someone to come in, and see my pain. They would realize then, I just need help.

I prayed that night. I just asked God, whoever he was, wherever he was;

What did I do wrong?
Why does my father hate me?
Can you help me?
Please, please help me.
Please, God.
I'm sorry for ever doubting you.
I just want to be safe from this monster.
Please.
Amen.