Never Say Goodbye

Telling Mia and Katie wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. They were both upset and hurt and disappointed but thankfully not surprised. The one thing that seemed to surprise them though was how easily I could talk of hospital. I think they had prepared themselves for me being a total mess, angry and upset with my life. But I guess that had never been my style. Also I guess ii was constantly reminded of what someone in my ward had said not so long ago. She was in her early forties with a husband and two small kids and if she hadn’t been sitting on a hospital bed I would have believed she was the happiest woman in the world watching her kids play on the other side of the room. But the reality was she had been told she had not months but days to live. She looked me in the eye one day and simply said, “You need to promise me that whatever you do, you make the most of the time you have. I have and I’ll never regret it” and she turned to smile at her family. It made me realise that although going through this was damn hard, at least chemo gave me the chance so many others didn’t have.
“So where’s James gone then?” Katie asked, looking around for Mia’s current boyfriend.
“Oh he’s meeting us outside Topshop in 5” Mia said indifferently, “he said he had to meet up with a mate from his school first.”
Ok, call me sad but even the thought of potentially going round Topshop made the skies brighten. I personally thought it was awesome. Unfortunately Mia and Katie didn’t quite agree with me.
“Meeaaaah!” Oh dear.
I span around just in time to see Mia clobbered and quickly enveloped in a bear hug. I’ve got to admit, standing there, watching my friends I felt a pang of jealousy. Not because I fancied James or anything, but just that Mia had a boyfriend and I didn’t. Ok all this is gonna make me sound desperate but boys just seemed to make life an ounce more interesting and reassuring, knowing that somewhere out there, there was someone willing to hold your hand and wipe your tears. Don’t get me wrong , my life had always been interesting but before I collapsed at school and was rushed into hospital my life had been like a never-ending cycle. Like sitting at a bus-stop and waiting for something, anything to happen, but it just never did. And everyday, as the bus came for others, I would wonder if one day it would come for me and take me somewhere with love and adventure. I suppose it was all a little fairy-tale-ish but it was all I wanted. So, standing there outside my favourite shop I wondered if I had somehow brought this all on myself. Had I been so desperate for some difference in my life that I had caused my illness somehow?
I shuddered slightly and shrugged the ridiculous thought for my now throbbing head. I had enough on my plate without thinking about spirituality thanks! But thankfully, due to a certain individual, my mind automatically cleansed itself of any kind of worry. There was some peacefulness about Mikey that stopped my tedious fretting, calming me somehow.
Now he was in the light, I could see him properly and man was he nice! He was reasonably tall at about 6ft and of medium build. His slightly emo brown hair flopped relentlessly into his gorgeous hazel eyes…
I mentally slapped myself right there.
I stared at my feet as I told myself I was too late for things like this. I can’t fancy guys anymore, where was the point? And, like most things in my life at that time there was no point.
“Helen, told you I’d look out for you,” Mikey purred, staring at me.
“Oh and how do you two know each other?”