No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way

I unlocked the door to my apartment to find Sidney standing in my living room, his face red with anger. “Sidney what are you doing here?”

“I've been nothing but honest with you,” He was seething.

“What's wrong?”

He grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the living room.

“Sidney, you're hurting me,” I whimpered.

“I'm glad to know you can feel something,” He spat, “You know I was looking up when the next Pitt gymnastics home meet would be and I looked at the alumni. You're not there-”

“Sidney, I can explain.”

“There was no record of a Lily Copeland ever being on the Pittsburgh Panthers Gymnastics team.”

“Sidney I can explain.”

“Is Lily even your real name?” His face changed, his feature softened. He looked more embarrassed and hurt than angry and bitter. His grip on my bruised wrist loosened.

I closed my eyes as I could feel the tears welling up, “My real name is Elena Lily Thompson. I was on the Pitt gymnastics team under that name. No one has called me by Elena Thompson in a long time. I-uh- went under the name Lily during my junior year of high school. I took on my mother's maiden name, Copeland, during my senior year. I-”

“Why did you lie to me?” He demanded.

“Let me explain. I was 16 and stupid- well, more naïve than anything. I was dating this guy, Chad. He was much older. He was a Hawkeye, actually. Backup quarterback. First string, second string that didn't matter to me. All that mattered was that I had a college boyfriend, who was driving two hours to see me, on a motorcycle, no less. I loved him, at least I think I did-” I broke off and tried not to sob as the memories came flooding back.



I walked from my house to Valley Catholic High School. Before turning onto the main road, I folded the waistband of my skirt, doubling the fabric over itself to raise the hemline. I waited at the crosswalk, where I was joined by several other girls, who were unbuttoning they're blouses and hiking skirts up like I was. Uniforms suck.

A motorcycle's engine roared as it came down the street stopping before the crosswalk. “Hey, Leni,” He drawled, taking off helmet. He had wheat colored hair and green eyes. His muscles wiry and lean.

“Hey,” I said trying to be sultry and alluring, which at age 16 I was horrible at. I hopped onto the back of his motorcycle and we rode off. My arms hugged him tightly and I pressed my cheek against his leather jacket, leaving a trail of jealous girls in my wake. This is what life is about. I thought to myself. We stopped in front of a swanky hotel, in downtown Iowa.

Chad pulled out his FlipCam. “You like it? I just got it today.”

“I love it,” I stuck my tongue out and ran across the lobby to the elevators, my mary-janes clacking across the marble floor.

“Oh yeah?” Chad chased me into the elevator. He pinned me against the door of the elevator and filmed us as we kissed. “Leni, you're the best,” He said.

“I know I am,” I smiled. This is what my life is about.

Chad lead me to the hotel room. He continued to film me.

I made kissy faces and chewed on gum, blowing bubbles and laughing at the camera as Chad procured a six pack of beer. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, “Hey, why are you filming me? Stop,” I said more teasingly than forcefully.

“Just for my personal use.”



“He didn't?”

“He did.” You're the best, Leni.



The next week at school, everything seemed normal. I walked onto the campus and a football whizzed by me nearly pegging me in the side of the head.

“Leni! You're the best!” One of the jocks yelled, causing everyone to laugh.

I shrugged it off and tossed the ball back to him. I walked to my homeroom. I could hear cellphones ringing and people giggling as I walked by.

“You're the best, Leni,” I heard a girl mock, making a kissy face.

I looked at one of the cellphones. It was a video of me and Chad. Except you wouldn't know it was Chad. You could see me and my face. Only and very visibly and clearly. Who knew FlipCams could record in HD? I didn't. I ran to the bathroom and into a stall. I cried there for at least an hour. I missed homeroom for sure. I looked up onto the door of the bathroom stall to see:

“Leni, is the best. Slut! 555-420-6897!” Written in lipstick.

I rubbed off the words with hands as I cried and I heard their giggles.



“I hated it when people called me Leni after that.”

“Lily,” He breathed.



The phone wouldn't stop ringing. The doorbell wouldn't stop chiming. The news wouldn't stop talking about the scandal that had ensued. My parents wouldn't stop crying. They couldn't conceal their shame.

“Chad Wetzell, the 22-year-old who made the objectionable video involving a student of Valley Catholic High School, West Des Moines Iowa, has been arrested. Wetzell claims the student is his lover. The girl caught in the storm is a minor and is in her junior year at the school.”



“More than half the country downloaded that video. Practically the entire state of Iowa. I couldn't leave the house. I was pulled out of school and did correspondence courses. I couldn't even do gymnastics. My parents wouldn't look at me. My dad- my dad was ashamed and disgusted. I wasn't even allowed to take walks.”



It was winter. A full year had passed. I put on my winter parka. I wrapped a scarf around my neck and the lower half of my face. I pulled on a beanie low enough to cover my eyes. I dared to walk out, which required sneaking past my parents, who had all but forbidden me from leaving my room. My parents were entertaining my mom's family on the front porch, the perfect distraction.

“Mary!” My dad shook my mom's arm pointing at me.

“Leni!” My mother yelled, chasing me.

“Mom! I'm just going for a walk! I'm just going for a walk.”

My mom grabbed my arm and dragged me back into the confines of our house.

“Mom! I'm sorry for what I did! Okay? I'm not going to go and suck every cock that comes my way!”

“How dare you!”

“Mom!”

“Inside!” She screamed as she shoved me into the house, “To your room!”



“Nothing was the same. Neither of them would look at me. I ruined their reputation. My dad was a pretty affluent businessman, but he was ruined after what happened. The buzz would die down but my dad couldn't bear the thought that his co-workers and clients had seen his daughter give a blow job.”

Sidney looked like he had just been punched in the stomach. His knees buckled and he sat on the sofa.



“I- I saw what she did,” My dad sputtered out during dinner, “She knew what she was doing.”

“How could you watch it, dad?” I threw down the spoon and got up. “Did you get off on it, you sick bastard? Did you?” I yelled.

“Leni!” My mother yelled.

“Just shut up!” My father demanded.

“I didn't sleep with him,” I tried to reason with them so many times.

“Shut up!”

“I didn't sleep with anyone. I'm still a virgin! You fucking hypocrite.”

“Leni! Just shut up!” Dad growled.

“You want to hit me? Hit me!”

Dad pushed past me.

“You fucking coward!” I yelled. I could hear my mom sobbing as she remained seated. I sat back down, “How could he watch it?”



“Instead of holding me like a father would and telling me 'It's okay, my baby. Forget it.' That bastard watched it.”

“Lily,” Sidney said. “Come here,” He motioned for me to hug him. “Come here.”

I willingly sat down next to him and let him hold me. His arms surrounding me.

“It's okay, my baby. Forget it,” He stroked my arm and my head rested against his shoulder. “It's okay, my baby. Forget it.”