No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way

“It’s done. I want a ticket to Iowa. Des Moines, Iowa.”

I hung up.



Home sweet home.

I didn’t even think of where I wanted to start over but when I called Pat, Iowa just tumbled out. What better place to start over than the place where it all began.

There was a car and keys to a cozy townhouse in the city waiting for me, when I touched down in Des Moines.

And two letters.

A letter from Pat detailing that the car and the townhouse were paid for the next six months.

And a letter from Sidney.

I don’t know what it said, because I didn’t dare open it. It was postmarked from before the breakup.

Two weeks. Two weeks of heartbreak. Two weeks of crying. Two weeks of pure loneliness.

It’s funny how no one ever talks of how Delilah felt. Ever. She was branded a temptress and cast aside.

I knew she must have suffered.

Even if she didn’t love Samson.

But she did.

Of course she did.



It seemed to be daring him. Taunting him. The smooth plastic curves, the neatly printed the numbers, the perfectly formed buttons. It all seemed to mock him. They had it all together and were functioning in perfect order as if nothing ever happened.

But he was a mess.

And it was showing.

When is she gonna call? And say I’m sorry. It’s all right. I’ll come back.

One month. One month, no call, no letter, no anything. Just silence. Heartbreaking silence that meant only one thing.

Goodbye.

He tore his eyes away from the cellphone and went to the kitchen to get a beer or six. He wasn’t much of a drinker but maybe if he drank enough he would forget those summer sky blue eyes, maybe her beautiful face would become nothing more than a blur, maybe the burning in his throat would dull the ache in his chest.

Yeah right.

But it was worth a shot, or two.

When is she going to call?

He grabbed a bottle of vodka, the whole six pack of beer, and his cellphone and walked out onto the balcony. Staring up at the stars, he couldn’t help but wonder what the weather was like wherever she was. She wasn’t in Pittsburgh. Volt told him that Tiger Lily had quit and her apartment was sold to college graduate, who was more than enthused to see that Sid the Kid had the spare key.

Maybe, she could see the stars tonight, too.

He crushed the beer can easily into a tiny ball of metal. The alcohol started to spread through him, warming him in a pleasant haze. A few bars of The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love” floated in the air as the Trust Fund Babies’, who lived downstairs, pretentious country club party started and Sidney felt like he was dreaming.



And suddenly Sidney didn’t feel like he was dreaming anymore.



He downed more of the bitter hops. Lies. So many lies. At that moment, all you need is love was nothing more than a lie to Sidney.

After all, Sidney and Lily had love and they still said goodbye.



At that moment his cell phone began to vibrate, shaking the table and rattling the empty beer cans.

Lily.



I don’t know why I called him. All I knew was that I had to. Maybe it was because, laying in the darkness of my bedroom, I couldn’t sleep because every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face, or maybe it was because the stars seemed to glow inordinately brightly. Maybe it was because I was on my third glass of red wine.

Maybe I just needed to feel him on the line.

Wine in hand, I wandered onto the front porch, staring up at the blue velvet sky studded with stars that shined like glittering diamonds. The stars seemed to glow unnaturally and left the entire porch illuminated.

Brrrring… Brrrrring… Brrrrring…

A part of me was wishing he wouldn’t pick up but another part wished with every part of my being that he answered.

Click.

“Hello?” My voice came out a shaky whisper and all the confidence that the third glass of my good friend Stella Rosa had given me had dissipated.

There was no response. Only a weary sigh. And then.

Click.

He hung up.

My hand shook as I dialed the number again.

Brrrring. Brrrriiiin- Click.

“The number you are trying to call is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone.”

BEEEEP

“Hi, it’s me,” My throat suddenly felt dry and tight, “I really wish you hadn’t hung up. I called because I just wanted to feel you on the line. I know it was me who called it over but I still wish you had fought me till your dying day. Please don’t let me get away,” Splash, splash teardrops trailed off my cheeks and into the wine, “Please,” I whispered hoarsely before hanging up.