Love Is All You Need

A year, I can hardly believe it’s been an entire year since I’ve set foot in California. It seems like yesterday that I was hanging out with all the BTR boys and Kylee. But I guess in the same sense it has seemed like a long time.

So much has gone on this past year, it’s crazy! I’ve been all around Europe but mostly Paris working on this Tom Hanks movie but it’s done and I’m happy to be going back to Cali and back to the Big Time Rush set.

I would never had made it though if I wasn’t able to keep in constant contact with everyone. I talk to Kylee every day, same with Kendall. I’m always skyping, texting, calling, or emailing them. I also talk to my parents and other brothers often as well as Logan and James who have pretty much become my brothers as well.

There is one thing that still breaks my heart to this day and his name is Carlos Pena Junior. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me… but he did. I loved him and us breaking up, broke my heart. I can’t tell you how much I cried over that, I don’t think I could count that many hours.

The one thing that bothered me the most was Carlos never tried to call me. I can’t totally blame him though because I didn’t try to call him either. I really do miss him and I want us to at least have our friendship back. Carlos is a great guy and him and I always have so much fun together, we always have. He can make me laugh like no one else and when I’m with him, it seems like we always get ourselves into weird situations and we just have so much fun.

“Honey, you ready to go home?” Ryan asked, breaking me out of my reverie, while smiling that adorable smile that brought his dimples through at me.

“I’m so ready,” I beamed as he hooked his arm around my shoulder and lead me out to the taxi.

So….there is someone else in my life now. His name is Ryan Cooper and guess what? In less than a month, I’m going to be Mrs. Cooper! Yeah, that’s right, I’m engaged!

I met Ryan through the movie and he was one of the set designers. He’s all artsy and amazing, as well as pretty hot and muscular too! Just saying. I had only known him about a month but one day after we had finished shooting, my car wouldn’t start and he drove me back to where I was staying while in Paris, but conveniently missed my exit and took me to a movie instead and the rest is history.

He’s such an amazing man and I’m lucky to be engaged to someone like him. Ryan somewhat reminds me of Carlos, as odd as that sounds. He’s a total sweetheart, super considerate, adorable, and really sensitive but still very manly. Ryan even has a dog that looks like just Carlos’s dog Stella!

But in the looks department he’s pretty different from Carlos. He’s taller, about 5’10, and he has blonde hair and beautiful grey eyes. The one thing he does have in common with Carlos is that he’s got that bright white smile and heart melting dimples. He’s really what I needed after Carlos and I didn’t even think I wanted to date anyone that soon but Ryan changed all of that.

“I’m so excited for everyone to meet you,” I beamed once Ryan and I had sat down in our seats on the plane back to Cali. Luckily enough, Ryan was from California and more specifically LA, so I’d still get to be living by everyone else!

“Me too. I’ve heard so much about everyone that I’m looking forward to being able to meet them in person, especially Kendall and Kylee,” Ryan smiled as I laid my head on his shoulder and he left a kiss on top of my head.

“Well, you’ve sort of met them…” I trailed off.

“Skype doesn’t count!” He laughed.

“Sort of,” I giggled. “Remember when I told them all that we got engaged and Kylee spazzed out and kept shaking the computer?”

“That was comical,” Ryan chuckled while shaking his head. “You have some weird friends.”

“Well…. they are friends with me…” I told him.

“True,” He snickered.

“Just think though, after we get back to SoCal, we have three days of chilling before our wedding rehearsal,” I beamed.

“I can hardly wait,” He replied while lacing our fingers together.

The two of us shared a kiss before I laid my head back down and closed my eyes. For some reason, all I could think about was Carlos. I hadn’t thought about him for a long time but now I couldn’t stop. I wonder if he knew about the engagement? I wonder what it’s going be like when I see him again? I wonder if he even knows I’m coming back yet? I wonder if any of those old feelings will come back to me when I see him? No! I love Ryan, I’m marrying him. I can’t keep thinking about Carlos… I need to make my brain stop and have it remind me how much I love Ryan and forget about what Carlos and I once had, my brain is trying to tell me all of this but my heart won’t let it.