Nothing in the Light.

I’m prepared to see the faces of the adults, see their hair frame their worried faces. I’m ready to admit all my truths that I have about Dedrick. Alas, it’s the face of the boy I once knew.

A demon in my safest haven.

Nowadays, I can barely recognize him. He’s drenched with artificiality. His black hair has now become a chestnut brown. And even in the darkness of the room, I can see the contacts of blue that have eclipsed the natural chocolate brown of his eyes. And it saddens me, really. It’s awful to see that he is ashamed of what God has blessed him with, and I’m so sad that he’s put his happiness into objects so unreal. He’s become this boy he promised he would never be, he has grown from a man to a mannequin.

“You have no idea, Annalise,” Dedrick sighs, taking a seat next to me on the leather couch. He leans forward and cradles his head in his hands, and I can tell that he’s preparing for a full-fired argument.

“Pardon?” I ask, leaning forward a bit to get near his face.

“You have no idea how amazing life has been since I let everything go,” he smiles, looking up to meet my eyes.

“You mean, when you stopped believing?” I inquire, shuddering at the thought of having no belief that a power greater than the human race exists, or that miracles do occur. It’s horrible.

“God yes. Seriously, who the hell are these people? God? Jesus?” he scoffs, leaning back into the couch. I cringe, his words made me so uncomfortable. How dare he use such words in vein?

“They’re our creators, our saviors. Without them, you wouldn’t even be here,” I spoke, trying my best to keep calm. I wanted to get through to him, remind him of who he once was. I know the Dedrick I grew up with exists somewhere within the Dedrick I know now.

“Well, you’ve never really seen them, have you?” he smirks.

“There’s pictures,” I mumbled, fumbling with my fingers.

“Pictures? Annalise, you have to stop wasting you time on invisible people! God, Jesus, they’re all people fabricated by low lives who hide in churches. Those low lives just sit there and try to tell people of all these, “great,” people, and idiots, like yourself, believe them. I actually thought you were smart, Annalise,” he laughs.

“They’re not invisible!” I growl, wanting so bad to release my anger, but I couldn’t bring myself to hit anybody.

“Sure,” he mumbles sarcastically.

“Then how in the world are we alive? God creates each and everyone of us and we allow him to help us lead our lives and become people as great as him!”

“You’re such a fucking crazy Christian, you know that? Look, if He is as great and awesome like you think, then why the hell do we have natural disasters and killings everyday? Why the hell didn’t he stop my brother from taking his own life?” he growls, his eyes lighting on fire.

“God isn’t a human, He is one much more greater than that. Naturally, His viewpoints vary from ours. Those disasters occurring everyday are done for a reason, and only He knows the reasons why. It’s mostly likely because he is thinking about what is best for all of us,” I began, looking over at Dedrick.

“I don’t know why He didn’t stop your brother. But I do know that the variables that affected your brother’s decision to do what he did… Those variables obviously did not see the light of God, and though it saddens me to say this, your brother didn’t see God’s helpful light either. Also, I’m sure that God had signs and ways of attempting to reach your brother, but your brother was just so oblivious, lost in his selfishness,” I finished.

Dedrick was now glaring at me. In his eyes, I could tell that he was wishing pain upon me.

“How dare you say my brother was selfish? You know what? Your God is a sham. I wasted the majority of my life believing a lie,” he retorts.

“By giving up what you believe and denying the Lords light, you’re slowly becoming a variable, like those that affected your brother. Ever since you stopped believing you’ve grown to be such a mean man,” I comment, now disgusted with this boy sitting next to me.

“No,” he mutters under his breath.

“Yes you have. You’re an awful, ugly person. You’ve put your happiness into things not real.”

“Shut the hell up!” he screams, standing up. I stare in fear at him, feeling so afraid and small. I watch as he proceeds to leave the room, but something inside my prompts me to try one more time.

“Dedrick,” I say, chasing after him.

“He’s not real,” he states.

“Please, try to believe in Him again,” I beg.

Suddenly I can feel his hand pull at the cross necklace around my neck. I can feel it being broken and then I hear the sound of it colliding into the ground.

“Forget it Annalise. There’s nothing to believe in. Stop shoving your religion down my throat because it‘s not gonna work. And stop wasting your time and stop believing for once, because religion, like hope, is pointless,” he says, leaving the room.

And for some reason I follow him, leaving my necklace on the dirty ground.