Brothers 'til the End

"Okay, Vince if you sit on the chair about..." she paused, and placed her hand on her chin gently. "...here." She smiled as she patted the soft cushion with the palm of her hand.

My brother squatted on the edge of the seat. "Like this?"

Mother nodded. "Yes, but... pose a little more" She chuckled, clutching the camera tightly. "Shawn, if you..." she brought hand her face again. The sound of her fingers snapping startled me. "Ah! I know, why don't you sit down here," she stood to the right of Vince, pointing down at the floor. "that'll look nice..."

I skipped over to chair happily and sat by Vince's side on the floor.

"Don't skip, you look stupid" Vince wrinkled his nose up at me as I perched next to him.

"Shut up, Vince!" I scowled up at him. I felt a hand hit me hard across the head from behind as my mother's back was turned. "OW! Mom! Vince thumped me!"

"What!?" He jumped up, acting surprised. It frustrated me.

"Boys, stop! Just get along for five minutes, please!" Mom snapped as she turned to face us again. "Vince sit back down, Shawn... Improvise." She laughed, I didn't get it.

"What does tha--" I began, before being cut off by the noise of a camera shutter. "Mom! I wasn't ready, that's not fair! Vince was!" Tears welled up in my eyes angrily as I crossed my arms and pouted my lips childishly.

"Oh, Shawn, it doesn't matter! I'll take another..." She readied the camera again and pointed it in our direction. "Ok.. pose!"

I leaned my head back and glanced up at Liam, a huge smile spread across my face. Vince was leaning forwards, he brought his hands together and entwined his fingers through each other. He was looking directly at the camera.

The camera shutter slammed down and Vince and I relaxed. I jumped up excitedly, hopping on the spot for no reason. A small shove from Vince sent me flying to the floor as pain rushed through my leg and I burst out in tears.

"Oh, come on! That was a tiny little shove!" Vince scoffed at me.

"Vince! Leave your brother alone! Shawn, are you alright?" Mom asked me from across the room. She was still fiddling the camera and not paying any attention to what was happening.

"No, I landed on my leg!" I cried, clutching my knee that didn't even hurt that much.

"Vince, say sorry..." She scolded half-heartedly.

"What! It was an accident! Besides it was only a tiny little push, he overreacted!" Vince threw his arms up defensively. I lay on the floor holding on tightly to my knee with tears rolling down my face.

"Look, look!" Mom smiled excitedly as she waved around a Polaroid of the photo she had just taken. I jumped up gleefully and hopped over to her, leaning up on tip-toes to see the picture. She lowered it to my level so that I could see. It was okay, just two young boys wearing purposefully colour-coordinated clothes as they sat happily by each other's side in their living room. I was far too young to fully appreciate it.

Mother walked into the kitchen, taking the photo with her. I stood in the doorway and watched her, swinging side to side aimlessly. She grabbed a pen from the mug perched precariously on top of the microwave. She lowered the nib of the pen to the blank space below the photograph and embedded something permanent onto the Polaroid. Her lips moved in perfect timing with whatever she was writing. Her eyes grew wet and a smile spread across her face . I took a step into the room. I wanted to see what she was writing, I wanted to see how much loved me. I wanted her to stay with me forever. A sharp pain stung me from behind.

"WEDGIE!" Vince shouted as he pulled up by underpants quickly, before he turned and ran upstairs.

* * *

I knock on the door twice.

"Come in." I hear Vince call weakly from the other side of the door. I open it hesitantly and point my eyes directly to where he usually sits. There he is. My brother is leaning against his bed, holding a small, square photo tightly in his hand. "How long this time?"

I shrug, feeling awkward. "Nearly two hours..."

He sighs, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. "I used to be here for only an hour." His voice is slightly muffled as he talks from behind an old cigarette.

"It's just one of those days." I say, trying to console him, but knowing that I'm probably not doing such a good job. I stumble over to him slowly, lowering myself to the floor.

"Remember when this was taken?" He hands me a small polaroid of us when we were little. We were both wearing brown shirts and blue jeans to be co-ordinated.

I give a quick nod as I study the photo and stroke it with my thumb gently. "Yeah." I feel like a mood teenager as I give a single-worded answer, but I don't know what I else to say.

He takes the photo from me carefully and places it back into Mom's jewellery box. He digs around inside and pulls out a golden ring with a decent-sized diamond positioned perfectly at the top. Small, purple amethyst gems surround the diamond. Vince holds the ring in the palm of his hand with the gem facing towards him. We run our eyes over the beauty of the jewel. Our Father used this to propose to our Mom before any of us were born. My eyes lift to Vince's face as I try and read his expression. He looks pained, sorrowed and, most notably, empty. I shudder at the sight of my brother in agony like this. I tilt my head and lower it to his shoulder, returning my gaze to the ring.

Vince closes his hand and returns the ring to it's home, amongst all the other memories our parents left us with. He removes the cigarette from his mouth and rolls it between his fingers slowly. It used to belong to our dad. It was the last cigarette he smoked in the house before they both left that morning. I should be disgusted at the fact my brother puts a dead man's cigarette in his mouth. I should lecture him about how it's old and dirty and just plain wrong. But its not. It's beautiful.

"Have you eaten?" He asks, catching me off guard. His eyes don't leave the butt. I pause, not wanting to put him to any trouble, but knowing that I haven't eaten for a while and can't cook very well. I shake my head quickly, trying to act casual about it.

He places the cigarette in the box and closes the lid, reaching to place it back in the cupboard.

"Wait," I say. He pauses and glances back at me. "leave it here, please." He nods once and sets the box in front of me.

"I'll go make us something to eat." He whispers, leaning over and kissing me gently on the forehead before standing and leaving the room solemnly.

A sudden sense of loneliness shadows me. I look around uncertainly, noticing things I have never seen before in the room. A small crack in the corner above the door. The stain on the ceiling above where I'm sitting. The subtle rip in the curtain blocking the world before me.

My eyes drift down to the wooden jewellery box by my feet. I subconsciously reach out for it, pulling it into my lap. I was young when my parents passed. They were going away for the weekend to attend a 'no-children-allowed' wedding. They were caught in a pile up on the interstate. I was too young to have remembered them now. I only remember their faces from photographs, their smell from the clothes they wore, their voices from old home video's of Vince and I in the paddling pool. But it doesn't mean I didn't love them.

As I open the lid I notice that everything was how Vince left it. Nothing has changed. I wish it would. I wish I could open this box and it would be filled with Mom's jewellery again and she would walk through the door and tell me to get my hands off her precious gems. I run my fingers over everything. My entire hand placed perfectly in the box. My palm pressed gently against all of it's contents. Removing my hand, my fingers clasp onto the cigarette. I shift my gaze to the door, listening for any movement, not wanting to be disturbed. Bringing the cigarette butt to my mouth I place my lips around it gently.

I only remember his taste from the last cigarette he smoked.