Private Universe

The days leading up to the funeral were slow and uneventful. Unless you counted the creepy lawyer calling me everyday trying to convince me to go out with him. It really made me want to vomit. He sounded super creepy and I wasn't looking forward to seeing him at the funeral. After the first days of calling me at least three times I started ignoring his phone calls. I didn't even bother with his messages.

Harold continued to educate me on my family history and I was starting to get a sense of who my parents were and who my grandparents were. Two days before the funeral I convinced Harold to go shopping with me so that I could get a decent outfit for the funeral. All I had were jeans and tee-shirts. I needed shoes and hopefully a dress. I almost cried at our luck in finding something because I wasn't looking forward to shopping another day.

I asked if he would drive me to the home that my mother was staying in. I couldn't not see her while I was here and I had a feeling Harold really wanted to see her. As we walked down the hall way to her room I could tell he was a little nervous. I grinned at him as I opened the door and I was hoping that she would be decent today.

"Hi, mom." I said as Harold followed my in.

"Harold!" She shrieked and jumped out of bed. He smiled and I moved out of the way so he could hug her.

"Hi, Lucy." He said pulling away from her hug. I took a seat in the rocking chair next to her bed.

"What are you doing here? Does Anita know you're here? Or Richard?" She asked. Richard was the name of my grandfather. I was surprised she was asking.

"No. They don't know I'm here." He said sitting on the bed next to her.

"Oh." She beamed. "Well, it's so nice to see you. How is everyone?"

He glanced at me. "Fine. Richard died a few years back."

"Oh. Well, I'm not surprised. Cutting his son off is probably the reason he died early. What about Anita? I hope she's well and getting my letters. Zooey is growing up nicely." I gave Harold a small smile and excused myself out of the room.

I leaned against the wall outside my mother's room and told myself to breath. It wasn't her fault she didn't remember me. It was that stupid rotten disease. I could feel my eyes fill with tears as I tried not to think about it. There was a small part of me that really didn't want to be here. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and tried to answer its constant ringing with a strong voice.

Boy, did I fail miserably. "H-hey, Alex." I said.

"Zooey? What's wrong?" I knew he could hear the sadness.

"Nothing. I'm, fine."

"As if. Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just...thinking. We're visiting my mom today."

"Oh."

"She doesn't remember me. She just learned that my grandfather died a few years ago. I don't think Harold has the heart to tell her that my grandmother died. She didn't even acknowledge that I existed when I walked in the room." I sniffed.

"Oh, Zooey. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Alex." I slid down the wall and pulled my knees up close. "It's that stupid disease. It's not fair."

"I know it isn't. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be okay." He said.

"I know. I miss you guys. I need to be away from all of this. I'm tired of death and sickness."

He gave a small laugh. "I know. Hopefully we'll see you soon."

I let myself smile a little. Because Alex didn't know he would be seeing me sooner than he thought. I heard screaming coming from the room and I saw Harold back out slowly as my mother threw something glass at the wall right next to the door.

"Alex, I have to go." I said getting up.

"What? What happened?"

"I'll call you later. Promise." I didn't give him a chance to reply as I hung up. "What happened?" I asked Harold.

"She asked about your dad. She didn't know he had died. I thought she did. I didn't kn-"

"Don't worry about it. She has fits like this a lot." I sighed. I really needed some alone time. "Come, on. She won't get much better today."

"I'm sorry, Zooey." He said as we walked down the hall.

"Don't worry. I'm used to it." And I was. It just scared me and made me emotional every time.

I let the lady at the front desk know that my mother was having another fit and she nodded as we left the home. I climbed in the back as Harold took the front seat. I didn't dare make eye contact with him on our way back to the house. I stared out the window and I could tell he was worried about me.

As soon as we reached the house I quickly got out of the car and ran to the bedroom I was staying in and cried. I cried harder than I had in a while. I didn't even try to stop it. But I was crying about much more than my mother. It was about my father's stupid pride and not taking any money and how he never told me that he kept in touch with his own mother.

I knew Harold was outside my door trying to get me to come out but I didn't move. Eventually he left and I was just lying there on my bed with my tear stained sheets. The big painful heaving cries had stopped and now they were mostly silence with the occasional sniffle.

When I felt I had cried myself out I walked to my bathroom and fixed my make up and made sure it looked like I had just been sleeping. I sighed at went down to the kitchen to find something to eat. Harold was sitting with the cook looking thoroughly upset. I sat down and the cook immediately started heating up whatever he had been making earlier.

"I'm so sorry, Zooey." Harold said.

"Don't be. Seriously. I'm fine." I said looking at my hands.

He didn't say much after that. And I was grateful. I ate in peace as he went to bed early. The cook clocked out telling me goodnight and I was alone in the kitchen. I got up to find something unhealthy and delicious to eat a few of my feelings away. I found a bag of pretzel M&M's in the freezer and I just about ripped open the bag with delight. They were always best frozen.

My phone went off and I groaned as I saw the lawyer's name come up on my caller I.D. I hit ignore and then searched my contact list until I found Alex. I only had to wait through one ring before he picked up the phone sounding worried.

"Zooey?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry." I said popping a few more M&M's in my mouth.

"What happened?" He asked.

"My mother threw a fit." I said through a full mouth. "She didn't believe Harold when he told her that my dad had died. So she started throwing things at the wall." I sighed and ate a few more.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I said with a full mouth.

He laughed a little. "What are you doing?"

"Eating pretzel M&M's. Why?"

"You sound funny." He said relaxing a little.

"Yeah, well, I'm feeling in the mood to eat a few feeling away." I said eating more.

"I'm sorry, Zooey. I wish I could be there to help."

"You already are. The fuckin' lawyer keeps calling me. It's starting to get creepy. If I had given you my number that night at the party would you have called me nonstop?" I asked examining another M&M before popping it in my mouth.

He laughed again. "Probably not. I wouldn't have wanted to creep you out."

"Good." I said.

"I'm sorry to do this to you, but I have to go. Everyone wants to go out again and since I ignored them all today waiting for you to call back they are forcing me to go." I could feel his smile.

"That's fine. I'll probably go to bed anyway. I've had a long day. Had to go shopping and see my mother." I sighed and put the bag away. They were starting to make me sick.

"Shopping?"

"I needed something to wear to the funeral."

"I see. Well, good luck with that."

"Thanks." I said and started to creep back to my room.

"Anyway. Goodnight, Zooey."

"Night." I said before hanging up and crashing on my bed.