Temporary Bliss

I didn’t know what was happening to me. It’s like all of the sudden, my mind freaked out about being around Cameron and it sent my whole body into a panic. It hadn’t happened before. It all happened so quickly, I was thinking about the mistake I made with Michael and then my body jolted and all I could think was that I had to get out of there now. I wiped my slightly sweaty palms on my jeans as I approached a stoplight. I took a second and closed my eyes, only to quickly reopen them when Cameron’s worried and confused face popped into my head.

He was sure to have suspected something was wrong, what am I talking about, of course he suspected something. He’s Cameron, caring and considerate Cameron, who picks up on anything. Unlike Michael who rarely picks up on my bad moods when I’m having a bad day, and really just need a hug. A bear hug from Cameron.

I smacked myself in the head, letting out a frustrated groan. Stop comparing Michael and Cameron, Charlotte. It’s only going to make things worse. I could really go for a hug from Cameron right now. I shouldn’t even be thinking that, I don’t deserve to be comforted by him.

Everyone always tells you to listen to your heart, but whoever started that whole thing never considered that maybe your heart wants two different things. For me, those two different things are people; I can’t really listen to my heart, because my heart doesn’t even know what it wants.

Part of my heart wants Cameron, and the other wants Michael. I started to let my head in on this debate but that only made things more confusing for me. Who knew two vital organs in your body could cause you the most pain and confusion and really just mess everything up.

I was jerked from the mental battle going on in my head as a car horn sounded, I looked up at the light and realized it had turned green and my car was still at a stop. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the middle aged man in the car behind me giving me the finger. I rolled my eyes and mumbled asshole under my breath as I stepped on the gas, crossing through the intersection. I turned up the volume of the stereo and instantly regretted it as Maroon 5’s ‘She Will Be Loved’ played through the speakers. Of course a song by Cameron’s favorite band would be playing.

I only got more frustrated as the song carried on and Adam Levine’s voice sang the chorus, the same chorus that Cameron once sang to me.


“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” he whispered to me, his soft lips brushing against my ear and his warm breath hitting the skin on my neck.

Goosebumps appeared on my skin and a shiver ran down my spine. A grin spread across my face as I slowly nodded my head, “You have.” I shifted onto my side to look at Cameron, laying my face close to his, looking into his bright green eyes.

He snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him before he nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. He placed a few soft kisses against my collar bone and shoulder before laying his head close to mine on the pillow again.

I rested my hand on his cheek, lightly tracing his cheek bone with my fingertips. I watched as his eyes closed and a small smiled spread across his lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

His green eyes opened once again, “Pinky promise?”

I nodded, sliding my hand down his arm to his hand, locking my pinky with his, “Pinky promise.” I softly rubbed my nose against his, giving him an Eskimo kiss. I closed my eyes, laying an arm across his stomach and locking our fingers together with my other hand.

“Are you tired?”

I nodded my head, covering my mouth to hide my yawn as I snuggled into him more.

“I should go so you can sleep.”

I shook my head and tightened my grip on him. “Don’t go.” I pouted.

“You need your sleep.”

“If you leave now I’ll never kiss you again.”

Cameron chuckled, “You and I both know you’d never stick to that.”

“Wanna bet?”

“No.”

“Good, me either.”

We were both quiet for a while and I felt myself drifting farther into sleep.

“Cameron?” I mumbled.

“Yes?” he asked as his thumb softly rubbed the back of my hand.

“Will you sing me to sleep?”

“Anything for you.” He placed a kiss on my forehead and pulled me into his chest more before he started to softly sing, “I don’t mind spending every day, out on your corner in the pouring rain.” He paused, “That’s the day I kissed you. It was raining and we were walking to your house and-”

I cut him off, “And we were in the laundry room, and you just kissed me and it was wonderful.”

“Yeah…it really was.” I didn’t have to have my eyes open to see that he was smiling, I just knew he was. He took a breath and continued singing to me, “And she will be loved, she will be loved.”

I gripped the steering wheel tightly, “WELL YOU KNOW FUCKING WHAT MAROON 5? SHE WILL BE LOVED BUT SHE’S SUCH A FUCKING TERRIBLE PERSON SHE WON’T LOVE HIM BACK THE WAY SHE SHOUD. SHE’S GOING TO GO AND MESS AROUND WITH A FUCKING ASSHOLE.”

Hot tears trailed down my cheeks and I pulled over to the side of the road. I hit my hands on the steering wheel and slammed my back into the seat over and over again before collapsing forward onto the wheel.

I’ve never understood how the heart is just an organ, but when you hurt someone, it’s like your heart literally hurts. Your brain is what processes information and feelings and things and sends it out, so why doesn’t your brain hurt? It was something I couldn’t comprehend. Your chest caves in and you feel this god awful pain right where your heart is. A pain that is so indescribable. It’s like a cramp in your heart, and you can’t massage it out like you can when your legs cramp up, and then combine that with someone squeezing it. The pain just makes you so sick to your stomach. And you’re just so sure your heart is literally being torn apart inside your chest. I tightly shut my eyes, willing the pain to go away.

None of this was ever supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.