What to Love and What to Burn
Five
He didn't come at all for the next four days. Neither did Jimmy and 'the gang'. The talk never ceased though. They all still talked. Police drove by more often. I found that really weird, and I was tempted to leave me 'home' and follow them. But I stayed. Until the seventh day.
It was a bright day, a sunny day and I decided that it might actually be good for me. I left the park, I walked down the street and just walked wherever my legs wanted to take me. And it took me down a road with police tape on it.
I looked around at each of the graffiti decorated houses. I looked to see a stray cat walking around, sniffing through the garbage. I saw one police car, with four police officers leaning against it watching me. Then I saw it.
Ashes, all that was left. A house had burnt down, who's house? I didn't know that, but all I knew is that I could relate. I looked at the ashes and I walked a little closer. I looked at the police officers which were giving me disapproving looks.
"Hey kid! Come here! Don't touch that." One of them called. I was never one to really disobey something someone was telling me, so naturally I walked over to him.
"Who are you? And why do you think you can just go and cross the tape?" He asked. One of his co-workers stopped him.
"Give the girl a little slack. She didn't cross it and it looked like she wasn't planning-"
"Was anyone lost?"
I said it before I could think. They all looked at me, then one of them nodded and I looked at the cement I was standing on and nodded. I turned and walked away. I walked around the small neighborhood looking at each of the gang signs on the houses. Multiple different colors, but mostly blue, black and red. I almost felt as if I were standing in a rainbow.
"Homeless?"
I heard my 'name' being called and turned to see the boy from before. He was peaking out of one of the houses. He waved a little and I felt my hand twitch at my sides. He was smiling wide, and the smile stood out against the sad surroundings.
"Come here!"
I didn't want to. But I did anyway. It seemed as though my legs had a mind of their own. I walked over to the porch and stood at the bottom. That's when I saw the second boy.
This boy was taller and maybe even a little wider. He had glasses and a white T-shirt on. He was looking over...well I didn't know the boy's name so I guess I have nothing to call him, but he was looking over the first boy's shoulder.
"How are you?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested. His friend, or it could have been his brother nudged him a little.
"Jake, you don't know this girl. Mom always said don't talk-"
"Shut up James." Jake said. Now I know his name...Jake.
In answer to his question I shrugged. His brother, or friend I still don't know, James bit his lip. I could tell he was nervous about me.
"What are you doing here?"
Again, to Jake's question I shrugged. I felt that really answered the question. My legs took me here. I didn't really have any knowledge to it. My mind subconsciously led me here.
"Do you- do you want to come in?"
That question startled both me and James. I quickly shook my head and he stepped out of the house.
"Come on. Everyone's here."
Everyone? Who's everyone? I didn't want everyone. I didn't need everyone. The thought of 'everyone' scared me. I never had an 'everyone'. Everyone to me was the rest of the homeless clan, and we all like independence.
I shook my head again and stepped back as Jake stepped closer.
"Come on! They'd like to meet you. James will get over it. And my mother isn't even home until late tonight. Come on! It'll be fun."
Again I shook my head quickly as he took my wrist with his hand.
"Jake let her be. She clearly doesn't want to come."
"Jake! James, where the hell are you two!"
Another male voice. I didn't like it. I didn't want to 'hang out' with 'everybody'. That wasn't who I was.
Jake pulled on my wrist and gave me a pleading look. I looked up at James, hoping he could help me, but he just shook his head.
"He's not gonna budge kid. You may as well not fight it."
It seems as though as James was right, because Jake kept pulling.
"You don't have to even talk to them. You don't even have to tell them your name. Just hang out with us. It'll be a new experience."
New experience? I don't like new experiences. They make me queasy. They make me uneasy, and they make my stomach flip. I absolutely hate change, and I hate new experience. This was definitely both.
By then Jake had managed to get me into his home and I was glancing around nervously. I didn't want to do this. I wanted to run and hide away from 'everyone'. We had reached another room just off of the hallway we were in.
Everyone...well they all scared me. They just looked at me for a minute as James closed his eyes and shook his head disapprovingly at his brother. And...well 'everyone' just stared. In total there were five people in this room. One of them was myself, then Jake and James, and two other boys. These two boys, I had no idea who they were.
"Everyone this is...well this is Homeless."
Jake seemed a little ashamed, as he didn't know my name and I know he didn't like to call me homeless. 'Everyone' nodded slowly.
"Homeless?"
That hurt just a little, but it didn't offend me in any way shape or form. This word...well question, was asked my a tough looking boy with red hair, blue eyes and quite frankly he scared me the most. He looked like he could be a wrestler.
"Well... the thing is she doesn't really talk at all. And since she doesn't talk, she couldn't tell me her name, so I just called her what Jimmy used to call her."
I looked at Jake, my eyebrows furrowed in a fashion that told him I was confused.
"Well to be honest with you, Jimmy's house was the house that burned down. His father was found dead, so him and his mother moved away."
That explained it. It seemed as though another little piece was ripped from me then. I mean, I never really liked Jimmy, but I do know that he affected my life, he brought out the feeling in me. Otherwise I felt nothing, I was just a numb, homeless girl that thought a lot.
"So we call her Homeless? Why don't we call her something normal?"
This question was asked by a shorter boy with dark blond hair that had noticeable brown streaks in it. His hair was spiked in all different ways and he had hazel eyes like Jake and James. Maybe another brother?
"Well that's what I learned to call her. And from what other people have told me she doesn't really care."
"Why don't you tell us your name?"
I didn't say anything. I wanted to leave. I wanted to disappear. Jake noticeably shook his head, signaling that I wasn't going to talk.
"Well this is interesting."
I didn't look any of them in the eye. I averted my eyes to the floor, and then to the wall that was next to me.
"Jake can I talk to you?"
My eyes snapped up to James. Jake and James both leaving the room, leaving me here with these two boys that I didn't know? It was awkward enough already. I really begged in my mind for Jake to defend.
But he didn't. He rolled his eyes and nodded, turning towards the hall again. James gave me a nervous look before walking out with his brother. I bit down on my lip as they looked at me, either in interest or confusion, either way it made me uncomfortable.
"So...I have a feeling why they call you 'Homeless'."
"Greg! Don't be rude."
I rolled my eyes. Guys are most always rude, so it doesn't matter to me. I looked at the boy who made the rude statement, Greg, and nodded, knowing what he was thinking.
"She's noticeably uncomfortable Jake!"
That yell made me look at the floor again. It was true yes, I won't deny it. And everyone else knew it too. James came back in, then Jake.
"You can leave if you want. But I want you to come by sometimes. Right now I can tell you don't want to be here and I'll let you go."
I looked at Jake and nodded, turning my back to everyone. I was going to take up his offer to leave.
"Bye Homeless!"
I bit my lip as I heard one of them say bye to me. I shook it out of my head and walked outside and back down the street. I walked all the way back to my 'home' under the slide and onto my bench.
"Tell us a story!"
It was a bright day, a sunny day and I decided that it might actually be good for me. I left the park, I walked down the street and just walked wherever my legs wanted to take me. And it took me down a road with police tape on it.
I looked around at each of the graffiti decorated houses. I looked to see a stray cat walking around, sniffing through the garbage. I saw one police car, with four police officers leaning against it watching me. Then I saw it.
Ashes, all that was left. A house had burnt down, who's house? I didn't know that, but all I knew is that I could relate. I looked at the ashes and I walked a little closer. I looked at the police officers which were giving me disapproving looks.
"Hey kid! Come here! Don't touch that." One of them called. I was never one to really disobey something someone was telling me, so naturally I walked over to him.
"Who are you? And why do you think you can just go and cross the tape?" He asked. One of his co-workers stopped him.
"Give the girl a little slack. She didn't cross it and it looked like she wasn't planning-"
"Was anyone lost?"
I said it before I could think. They all looked at me, then one of them nodded and I looked at the cement I was standing on and nodded. I turned and walked away. I walked around the small neighborhood looking at each of the gang signs on the houses. Multiple different colors, but mostly blue, black and red. I almost felt as if I were standing in a rainbow.
"Homeless?"
I heard my 'name' being called and turned to see the boy from before. He was peaking out of one of the houses. He waved a little and I felt my hand twitch at my sides. He was smiling wide, and the smile stood out against the sad surroundings.
"Come here!"
I didn't want to. But I did anyway. It seemed as though my legs had a mind of their own. I walked over to the porch and stood at the bottom. That's when I saw the second boy.
This boy was taller and maybe even a little wider. He had glasses and a white T-shirt on. He was looking over...well I didn't know the boy's name so I guess I have nothing to call him, but he was looking over the first boy's shoulder.
"How are you?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested. His friend, or it could have been his brother nudged him a little.
"Jake, you don't know this girl. Mom always said don't talk-"
"Shut up James." Jake said. Now I know his name...Jake.
In answer to his question I shrugged. His brother, or friend I still don't know, James bit his lip. I could tell he was nervous about me.
"What are you doing here?"
Again, to Jake's question I shrugged. I felt that really answered the question. My legs took me here. I didn't really have any knowledge to it. My mind subconsciously led me here.
"Do you- do you want to come in?"
That question startled both me and James. I quickly shook my head and he stepped out of the house.
"Come on. Everyone's here."
Everyone? Who's everyone? I didn't want everyone. I didn't need everyone. The thought of 'everyone' scared me. I never had an 'everyone'. Everyone to me was the rest of the homeless clan, and we all like independence.
I shook my head again and stepped back as Jake stepped closer.
"Come on! They'd like to meet you. James will get over it. And my mother isn't even home until late tonight. Come on! It'll be fun."
Again I shook my head quickly as he took my wrist with his hand.
"Jake let her be. She clearly doesn't want to come."
"Jake! James, where the hell are you two!"
Another male voice. I didn't like it. I didn't want to 'hang out' with 'everybody'. That wasn't who I was.
Jake pulled on my wrist and gave me a pleading look. I looked up at James, hoping he could help me, but he just shook his head.
"He's not gonna budge kid. You may as well not fight it."
It seems as though as James was right, because Jake kept pulling.
"You don't have to even talk to them. You don't even have to tell them your name. Just hang out with us. It'll be a new experience."
New experience? I don't like new experiences. They make me queasy. They make me uneasy, and they make my stomach flip. I absolutely hate change, and I hate new experience. This was definitely both.
By then Jake had managed to get me into his home and I was glancing around nervously. I didn't want to do this. I wanted to run and hide away from 'everyone'. We had reached another room just off of the hallway we were in.
Everyone...well they all scared me. They just looked at me for a minute as James closed his eyes and shook his head disapprovingly at his brother. And...well 'everyone' just stared. In total there were five people in this room. One of them was myself, then Jake and James, and two other boys. These two boys, I had no idea who they were.
"Everyone this is...well this is Homeless."
Jake seemed a little ashamed, as he didn't know my name and I know he didn't like to call me homeless. 'Everyone' nodded slowly.
"Homeless?"
That hurt just a little, but it didn't offend me in any way shape or form. This word...well question, was asked my a tough looking boy with red hair, blue eyes and quite frankly he scared me the most. He looked like he could be a wrestler.
"Well... the thing is she doesn't really talk at all. And since she doesn't talk, she couldn't tell me her name, so I just called her what Jimmy used to call her."
I looked at Jake, my eyebrows furrowed in a fashion that told him I was confused.
"Well to be honest with you, Jimmy's house was the house that burned down. His father was found dead, so him and his mother moved away."
That explained it. It seemed as though another little piece was ripped from me then. I mean, I never really liked Jimmy, but I do know that he affected my life, he brought out the feeling in me. Otherwise I felt nothing, I was just a numb, homeless girl that thought a lot.
"So we call her Homeless? Why don't we call her something normal?"
This question was asked by a shorter boy with dark blond hair that had noticeable brown streaks in it. His hair was spiked in all different ways and he had hazel eyes like Jake and James. Maybe another brother?
"Well that's what I learned to call her. And from what other people have told me she doesn't really care."
"Why don't you tell us your name?"
I didn't say anything. I wanted to leave. I wanted to disappear. Jake noticeably shook his head, signaling that I wasn't going to talk.
"Well this is interesting."
I didn't look any of them in the eye. I averted my eyes to the floor, and then to the wall that was next to me.
"Jake can I talk to you?"
My eyes snapped up to James. Jake and James both leaving the room, leaving me here with these two boys that I didn't know? It was awkward enough already. I really begged in my mind for Jake to defend.
But he didn't. He rolled his eyes and nodded, turning towards the hall again. James gave me a nervous look before walking out with his brother. I bit down on my lip as they looked at me, either in interest or confusion, either way it made me uncomfortable.
"So...I have a feeling why they call you 'Homeless'."
"Greg! Don't be rude."
I rolled my eyes. Guys are most always rude, so it doesn't matter to me. I looked at the boy who made the rude statement, Greg, and nodded, knowing what he was thinking.
"She's noticeably uncomfortable Jake!"
That yell made me look at the floor again. It was true yes, I won't deny it. And everyone else knew it too. James came back in, then Jake.
"You can leave if you want. But I want you to come by sometimes. Right now I can tell you don't want to be here and I'll let you go."
I looked at Jake and nodded, turning my back to everyone. I was going to take up his offer to leave.
"Bye Homeless!"
I bit my lip as I heard one of them say bye to me. I shook it out of my head and walked outside and back down the street. I walked all the way back to my 'home' under the slide and onto my bench.
"Tell us a story!"