What to Love and What to Burn

I stayed under the slide thinking, as I told the story I included new people. I included my new experience. That's how I do it. I take a real story and put a twist to make it fiction.

After the kids' mothers came and yelled to 'get away from that dirty, dirty girl' and took their kid away I just sat on the bench thinking.

I knew they didn't know what to think of me. I honestly didn't care. I've heard a lot of insults in the past three years, and none of them really hurt me anymore. None of them insulted me, or offended me, none of them scared me. But for some reason these boys scared me more than anything else.

"Hello again."

I looked up expecting to see Jake, but it wasn't. It was that blond kid again, Greg. I looked at him for a minute as he ducked under the slide and sat across from me.

"Jake said you...live here."

He said it sort of awkwardly. Like I said, he doesn't know what to think. I just nodded and continued thinking.

"I can't stay long. I'm already past curfew. Jake wanted me to come and check to see if you got...home...safely."

I looked up at him and nodded, astonished that Jake actually wanted me to get back safe. No one does that. No one should do that.

"Bye."

I gave a really small wave as he left. Leaving me with my thoughts again.

Someone wanted me to be safe. Did someone want to try and be my friend? I'm not used to people, and I'm not used to people my age especially, usually they just punch me in the face and call me names.

But Jake actually...cared. No one cares about me anymore. I mean, kids just want to get a story out of me. Teenagers just beat me up. Adults just yell at me, and older people yell and sometimes even hit me with canes.

This was a difficult situation for me. They think I don't talk at all, I only talk to kids really, to tell stories. Otherwise you don't get a word from me. This confused me. They confused me. I don't know what to think of them, the same as they don't know what to think of me.

I did what I always did when I was confused and needed to clear my head. Burned wood chips.

I knew the lighter would run out eventually, soon probably because there's not much lighter fluid left. Then I'd have to steal a new one. But for now I have this one and when it runs out it runs out there's not much I can do then.

One for Sarah, one for mom and dad, one for Jake, one for Jimmy. One for the red haired boy, one for Greg, and one for James. One for Jimmy's father and mother and one for the five kids that came to me this afternoon for a story.

I stop when I look at the sky an realize it's dark. I stop when I realize that the fire is giving off a weird orange glow, and making everything cast a shadow. I stop when I realize there's no one else to burn for.

I slip the lighter into my pocket and leave my 'home' to go on a walk. It's the middle of August, more people are sleeping, with school or work tomorrow. I walk pass the grocery shop, and the pharmacy. I walk pass Jake's neighborhood and I walk towards the nature trail. I walk along the trail and look at all the trees and owls. I see a stray cat walk across it, the same gray cat as before.

I walk to the end of the trail and turn back, going towards the start again. I walk pass Jake's neighborhood and the pharmacy. I walk pass the grocery store and back to the park. That lasted about two hours at the most. I look at the moon and realize it's four in the morning. Time passes when you have fun I guess. I find my bench again and lay down on it, closing my eyes and falling asleep.

The sun glares down at me that day. No one's in the park at all, probably have school. I'm actually positive they have school since early that morning I saw a few walk by with backpacks and lunch boxes.

So I wait for them. Usually the littler ones come right after school, maybe even with an older sibling, and most of the time then I don't get to talk to them. And if I do I get yelled at and hit.

So when the younger ones did come I made sure I was mostly hidden. My slide is at the back of the park and there's a jungle gym blocking it from view. My benches are not seen by anyone unless you walk towards the swings. And most siblings or parents stay on the benches.

"Can you tell the Alana one?"

A little girl of about eight asks this with hopeful eyes. I know exactly which one it is, it's her favorite and every time she's here she asks to hear it. I nod and wait another five minutes. Four kids are here today.

"Alana Parker sits on the floor in her room, scrubbing and scrubbing until there's not a speck of dirt anymore. That's what she did, you see she had a little sister that her parents loved very much, and she would do anything for her little sister."

"What was her name?"

"Bella."

"Okay, keep going."

"Bella was only four years old, and couldn't do much for herself so Alana had to do most of her work. Alana didn't go to school, and she had the smallest bedroom in the house."

"Like Cinderella!"

"Bella loved her sister. Alana loved Bella. Their parents loved both of them, as well as all the money they had. They were rich. Alana and Bella didn't like being rich because everyone treated them wrong."

My voice cracked a little and I cleared my throat. They all looked up at me with their eyes full of wonder, picturing 'Alana' and 'Bella'.

"Alana was one of the prettiest girls in the whole land. Bella was the smartest four year old in the land too. So they got invited to a lot of parties and celebrations. Alana always listens to her father. So when her father asked her to burn the papers in the huge fireplace Alana did so, then took Bella to a playground that looked a lot like this one."

"Did it have a blue slide like this one?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Well when Alana and Bella got back to their house there was nothing there. Nothing but fire and fire trucks-"

"Were they red?"

"Yes. And the firemen told them to get into a shiny white police car. And the police sped them away."

"Were they in trouble?"

"No. And the police put them with a new mom and dad. One that Alana didn't like very much. They made Alana do all the chores and gave Bella all the books she wanted. And they gave Bella everything she wanted. One day they sent Alana to get milk and bread from the store. When Alana got back, there was fire. Her sister on the lawn on fire and fire trucks speeding past her. Alana ran away."

"Where'd she run?"

This voice wasn't a little kid's voice. It was a voice that I knew, not well, but I knew the voice. I looked up to see him leaning on the slide.

"I'm getting there."

"Keep going then."

"Well, Alana ran away to another land."

"What was it called?"

"Lakeland. Alana then lived on her own. Mourning her sister."

"What does mourn mean?"

"To grieve. To miss someone. Well, Alana missed her sister very much and she had no one left to love. It's like Cinderella only without a happy ending. And there's no prince."

"Make a prince! Make a prince!"

I sighed closing my eyes. I do what they ask and I picture a prince in my head. A prince in royal clothing just like in Cinderella.

"Okay. While she was mourning her sister a handsome boy came along. He had brown hair and flawless hazel eyes. He wasn't tall, but he wasn't short either. He found Alana, and took her to his castle. She was confused as to why did took her there. It had been a while since she had a friend. The prince-"

"What was his name?"

"Uh...Kyle. And Kyle, he took her in and made her confused. She didn't want to be a princess. She wanted to be a normal girl like everyone else. She was tired of rich families. She was tired of balls and parties and celebrations. So she ran away again."

"Well Alana's stupid."

"No she isn't! No she isn't! She isn't!"

I waited for the girls to stop arguing and continued on. The story ended with Alana finally getting what she wished for. A friend, simple as that. After that the kids simply said by and went to play. Well, most of them, if you can even count him as a kid.

"So, Jake tells me you stay here. Greg told me. And then I realized I take my little sister here. I've never seen you here before. Didn't know Jenna talked to you."

I didn't answer and he sighed sitting on the bench across from me.

"So you can talk to kids, but you can't talk to me? You can tell them stories but you can't tell me your name?"

"I can talk to you. I just chose not to."

He looked at me shocked. He flicked red hair out of his face and sighed again.

"So can you tell me your name?"

I didn't want to. I'm not generally a rude person, but I shook my head anyway.

"I think you're more Forlorn than Homeless. I like Forlorn better. Sounds less degrading. So unless you tell me your real name everyone's gonna call you Forlorn."

I shrugged. I don't care what people call me. It's not like they're gonna get to me. Haven't for four years so far, and they won't now.

"Let me guess, true story? Just change the names a little, and the places?"

I nodded, crossing my arms and leaning back.

"Can you tell me Bella's name?"

"Sarah."

"That's a start, now tell me Alana's name."

I stayed silent and looked at him. I bet he thinks I'm stupid. Well that wouldn't be new. A lot of people think that. I'm nineteen and haven't been to school in four years. Life's tough, you have to learn to teach yourself.

"I'm not as stupid as you think."

"Oh really?"

"Look, I don't need to say anything to you. So you can just go and play with your little sister or something because you're not getting anything out of me."

"What about Sarah's last name?"

One last attempt. I saw it in his eyes. If he gets this answer he would leave me alone. I debated in my mind for a good five minutes, just looking at him and trying to decide if telling him was wrong.

"Miles."

He nodded and left, took his little sister with him. And that started everything that was already going...right. I'm not used to things going right. They usually go wrong.

So was telling him right? Or wrong?