What to Love and What to Burn

I didn't see Jake or any of his friends in a week. Everything was back to normal, sort of. There was no one beating me up everyday. That was different. It was really weird because if no one beats me up...I'm just numb. I mean, I feel things but I can't just sit there, I have to be doing something. I have to feel something.

So for a week I just walked around. I told the kids stories, I walked, I sat on the swings, I tried a bunch of new things. Since the day I 'hung out' with 'everybody' I've been having an itch that needed to be shot. I needed to do something new.

And for a week everyday I did something. On the first day I told a new type of story...with a happy ending. It felt weird. My stories don't usually end up happy. On the second day I taught the kids a game Sarah and I used to play and I watched them play it. On the third day I just walked on a different path than the one that I usually walk on. Fourth day I actually went to a different park. Didn't like it there, it didn't feel like home. Fifth day all I did was sit and observe things. I never noticed how purple the flowers in front of the bake shop were. Sixth day I just drew in the dirt. Random stuff that I remember drawing when I was fifteen. And finally the seventh day I found a new store to get chased away from. This owner yelled German at me. I don't know German.

And on the eighth day I was fed up with it. On the eighth day I had to find something normal to do. Something that I normally did. so I just walked along the nature trail like I do sometimes. And it felt good, it felt like I was actually myself again even though I knew I wasn't. Those boys corrupted my mind into thinking things could actually have a happy ending.

This isn't the safest place, even though people think it is, and a lot of people are surprised I'm not dead yet. Yet anyway. I know I will be in a matter of time. Probably gruesomely raped and murdered. Maybe even a shot to the back of the head. Maybe my brains will spill over the bench, or the pavement. Or my guts will just be ripped out and used as a jump rope. I've seen my fair share of crime scenes and you'd be surprised.

And on the ninth day I finally told my regular stories, Jenna actually came back but this time without the red headed boy. Her mother brought her. She begged for the Alana story but I wanted to tell a different one. Her and the rest of the kids sat patiently and listened until their mothers came and yelled and screamed. It felt normal again.

On the tenth day everything changed though. Everything. They were back, the same four boys that had changed my mind and outlook on things, even though I barely knew them and they didn't know anything about me. Until now.

"Avalon Miles, born April seventeenth, should be nineteen right now. Been missing four years, everyone thinks you're dead. Born in Ohio, let me guess ran away from there?"

I didn't answer. Normal, I wanted normal. Everything normal.

"Don't play stupid Avalon."

"Why do you care so much?"

The question slipped before I could hold it in, and startled them. Especially Jake. They all looked at me and I shook my head standing.

"Where are you-"

"Leave me alone."

I pushed past them and started walking. Where to? I don't know. But I wanted to be somewhere else. I wanted to go back to normal...

Normal. What is normal? Normal definitely isn't being homeless, having nightmares every night, being fascinated by fire, and not talking to anyone but five year olds. Being normal isn't being all dirty and grimy all the time.

Normal is having a family. Having friends, education, food...a shelter. A home. I held my head in my hands and stumbled, almost falling but feeling two arms catch me before I hit the floor.

"Avalon? Are you okay?"

"Don't touch me." I mumbled breaking away. The red head sighed and I kept walking.

"Tyler let her be. We'll come again tomorrow." I heard James say to him. Tyler. I finally know all of their names. I kept walking and I found the highway. I walked along that, ducking behind trees when I could so I wouldn't get caught. Walking along the highway is illegal here. I hugged the jacket tighter around me, the wind had started to pick up and the temperature was dropping.

"Avalon wait!" The call made me walk faster. I got angrier and bit my lip to keep from yelling.

"Avalon what the hell are you doing?" Jake asked urgently.

"Running away again. I don't need your help." I said quickly. I tried walking faster but he kept up with me, talking louder. Talking more. He wouldn't be quiet. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut up! Please," I yelled, he stopped walking, "Please just be quiet. Leave me alone. please." I felt warm tears come from my eyes and he bit his lip shaking his head. I started sobbing and fell to the ground, leaning against the cold metal of the guard rail on the side of the highway. He kneeled next to me. He didn't touch me though, he knew I wouldn't like that.

"Avalon you can't keep running from things."

"No, I can't. But I can run until I can't run any longer." I mumbled choking on a sob as my body shook.

We just sat there for about ten minutes. I finally calmed down and he stood up, holding his hand down to me. I slowly took it and started walking away again. I heard him sigh angrily.

"Where the hell are you going now?"

"I don't know." I said stubbornly. I could almost feel him roll his eyes and he caught up with me.

"Come back to the park. It's getting dark and you're gonna get caught."

"No."

"Avalon please? We'd miss you if you left."

"No you wouldn't." I corrected him.

"Yes we would."

"You don't know me. You wouldn't miss me because of that. You don't need to know me." I said stopping again.

"What if we want-"

"Why would you want to get to know someone like me? I'm not important to anyone!" I yelled at him. I hugged the jacket tighter around me as I turned around and started walking the way I came anyway.

I saw headlights that were brighter than normal and red and blue flashing lights that were all too familiar. I groaned out loud as it pulled over and two police officers got out.

"You know that walking along the highway is illegal right?" One of them asked, the guy. I sighed as he motioned for us to climb over the barrier and when we did they both stared at me.

"Yes we know that." Jake said. The female one searched me as the male searched Jake. I sighed as I was put into the backseat of the cruiser and Jake was put in after me.

"How old are you two?"

"I'm twenty, she's nineteen."

"Does she talk?"

"Yes, she chooses not to though." Jake said glancing at me.

"You two related?" The girl asked, I shook my head no.

"Where d' you live?"

"342 Farris Road." Jake said.

"And you?" I looked at Jake and sighed.

"No where and everywhere." I replied to the police officer.

This is anything but normal.