Hear You Me

Delilah shielded her eyes as she searched for his tall, lanky frame in the crowd. Someone waving caught her attention and she smiled in relief when she realized it was Joel. She looked back at her parents to let them know where she was going before she started making her way over to him. She had to pause every few seconds on the walk over thogh because her heels kept getting caught in the grass. Once she finally got to Joel’s side she noticed he was smirking at her.

“Yeah, so heels were a bad idea,” Delilah chuckled.

“I’d say. I’m so glad I’m not a girl,” Joel said as Delilah rolled her eyes. “So are you ready for this?”

“I guess,” Delilah sighed. “I know this ceremony is special but I’d rather not be here.”

“I know what you mean. At least we have each other,” Joel said as he grabbed Delilah’s hand.

Delilah, Joel, and Holland’s high school was having a special tree planting ceremony in Holland’s honor. They were planting a tree with a plaque depicting Holland’s name on it in front of the high school and had asked Delilah and Joel to speak at the ceremony along with Holland’s parents and Hunter. Delilah and Joel were glad the school was doing something to remember Holland but at this point in time the ceremony just seemed like salt in their wounds.

Delilah looked up to see the Vandersons standing on the other side of the stage across from where Joel and Delilah were. Many people had shown up at the ceremony which showed how liked Holland Vanderson truly was.

Mr. and Mrs. Vanderson walked up to the stage with Hunter after the principle had made a short introduction. They began by talking about how thankful they were that everyone had shown up. Delilah tried to listen to what they were saying but the flashbacks kept making their way into her mind.

“Holland! I’ve missed you so much. This week is going to be all about us. Holland and Delilah’s Awesome Spring Break 2010 has officially commenced,” Delilah smiled as she walked over to where Holland was sitting in the café. They always sat at the same table and ordered the same drinks when they met there.

“I know. I’m excited,” Holland smiled but Delilah could tell it was forced.

“What’s wrong?”

Holland sighed. “Delilah, I need to tell you something but I don’t want you to freak out.”

“That’s not very reassuring but ok.”

“Lila, I… I…I have cancer.”

With that one sentence it felt as if Delilah’s world had stopped. She could feel the blood rushing in her ears and it seemed as if everyone was moving in slow motion. “What? Holland, if this is one of your weird jokes it’s not funny.”

“It’s not a joke, Lila,” Holland softly said. “I have a tumor by my brain – that’s why I’ve been getting so many headaches lately.”

“Well what are the doctors going to do? I mean they are doing to do something, right? Chemo? Surgery? Anything?” Delilah could hear her voice become high pitched and she knew she was on the verge of hysteria.

“They can’t do surgery because the tumor is too close to my spine and it would do more harm than good. I’m going to try chemo but the doctors said I only have a 40% chance of making it.”

Delilah tried to speak – tried to reassure her best friend that everything was going to be alright – but no words would come out of her mouth. Her throat was dry, her vision was fuzzy, and she’d never had a panic attack before but she was positive she was about to have one. She knew she needed to be strong for Holland but at the moment she couldn’t.

Holland looked at Delilah with a worried look on her face. “Delilah? Lila? Delilah?”

“Lila? Delilah?”

Delilah shook out of the trance she was in and looked up to see Joel looking down at her with worry etched on his face.

“Hey, are you ok?”

“Umm…yeah. I just zoned out there for a second,” Delilah said as she tried to shake the memory, and the cold feeling that went with it, from her head.

“Ok, well it’s your turn to go onstage and speak,” Joel said with a smile. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry,” Delilah forced a smile before walking up to the microphone on the stage where the crowd was waiting to see what she would say.

“Hi everyone, I’m Delilah, Holland’s best friend. You probably already know that though,” Delilah nervously said. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves before continuing. “Holland lived every single day to the fullest and was big on taking chances. It was no secret that I was the one that was more meek and cautious in our friendship. I think Holland was put into my life to make sure I always took chances and never let fear control my life. Actually, I think she was put in all of our lives for this reason and I know she would want us to continue taking chances even though she’s gone. I miss her so much but I know the best way to continue her legacy is to take chances and laugh fear in the face…I hope you all will join me in honoring Holland by taking chances. And when a chance works out, know that is was partly in thanks to Holland.”

Delilah sighed in relief as she walked off the stage after her speech and back towards Joel. She was worried she wouldn’t be able to speak coherently in front of everyone or no one would like what she had to say but by the sounds of the applause and the nodding of people’s heads it seemed as if everyone liked her speech.

“Great speech,” Joel leaned over to Delilah and whispered.

“Thanks,” Delilah whispered back.

“Well looks like I’m next,” Joel said.

He walked up to the stage but paused before walking up the steps to grab his guitar.

“Principal Carls asked me to make a speech today but I thought a better way to honor Holland was to play a song for,” Joel said as he slowly began strumming on his guitar strings. “This song was one of Holland’s favorites and was also in one of her favorite movies, “A Cinderella Story.” If she was here she’d kill me for telling everyone that because that movie was definitely a guilty pleasure of hers.”

Delilah chuckled along with the rest of the crowd as Joel said this. She could distinctly remember watching “A Cinderella Story” with Holland at least once a month and Holland making her promise to never tell anyone.

Once the laughter died down Joel continued. “Like I said, this song was one of her favorites and it has even more meaning now.” Joel took a deep breath and began singing. “There’s no one in town I know. You gave us some place to go. I never said thank you for that. I thought I might get one more chance.”

Tears pricked Delilah’s eyes as she realized what song Joel was playing. The song had been a favorite of all three of them but Delilah hadn’t been able to listen to it since Holland’s death. Another memory made its way into Delilah’s mind thanks to the song.

Delilah made her way to Holland’s front door. Holland had called earlier that morning and asked Delilah to come by her apartment because she had something she needed to tell her. Delilah was dreading whatever Holland was going to say because the last time she’d told her something it had changed life as they knew it.

“Hol? I’m here,” Delilah called out as she walked into the apartment not even bothering to knock.

“In here,” Holland called out from the kitchen.

Delilah walked in and found Holland cleaning the kitchen. Holland had the odd habit of cleaning whenever she was upset or stressed. Delilah paused for a few moments to look at her best friend and how much she’d changed in just a few months. Surprisingly her hair hadn’t fallen out with the chemo but it wasn’t nearly as shiny and thick as it had been in high school. Holland also looked frail and like a little girl. She had run track in high school and had prided herself in her athletic build, now though it looked like Holland wouldn’t even be able to run five feet.

“So what did you need to talk to me about?” Delilah finally asked, breaking the silence.

Holland sighed and set down the cleaning supplies. “The chemo isn’t working anymore.”

Once again, the news hit Delilah like a punch to the stomach and all the air was knocked out of her. “So…so what does this mean?”

“It means the doctors are only giving me a few months to live. They said it would be a miracle if I lasted three months.”

Delilah counted the months in her head. “So it will be a miracle if you make it to September?”

Holland just nodded instead of saying anything.

“So what happens next? I mean are you going to stay here or go to the hospital?”

“The doctors wanted to admit me into the hospital today but I told them I wanted to live as normally as I could for as long as possible. They said that was fine and agreed they wouldn’t have me come to the hospital until it was absolutely necessary.”

The girls stood in silence for a few minutes until Delilah broke it by saying, “I’m transferring to ASU. I’ll turn in my papers this week. I should be accepted, no problem.”

“No, Delilah,” Holland shook her head. “You can’t do that. Stanford is your dream – has been for years.”

“I don’t care, Holl. I’m not going to be nine hours away while my best friend is dying. I’m going to be here by your side every step of the way.”

“I can’t let you give up on your dream because of me.”

“I’m not giving up on my dream. I’ll still be studying psychology; I’ll just be doing it at a different university. There’s no use arguing with me so don’t even bother.”

Holland looked at her best friend and simply said, “Thank you.”

The two girls hugged each other and then spent the rest of the afternoon reminiscing and crying because they didn’t know what else to do.

Delilah snapped back to attention as Joel finished his song. She wasn’t able to speak because she knew she’d cry if she did so instead she just hugged him as he came to stand beside her again.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur for Delilah. She knew the principal said a few more words about Holland and they planted the tree but she couldn’t say any specifics of what happened.

After everything was done people began milling around and talking – whether they were reliving memories of Holland or talking about how it was such as shame that she had died so young. Delilah made her way to Hunter to talk to him.

“Hey, how’re you holding up?” Hunter asked as he hugged Delilah.

“As good as can be expected, I guess. You?”

Hunter shrugged. “Same. So mom and dad are having a meal at my grandparent’s house for family. You, Joel, and you’re families are invited of course.”

“Thanks. We’ll all be sure to stop by. So when are you parents going back to Africa?” Delilah tentatively asked.

“They’re not.”

“So they’re staying here? That’s good.”

“No, they’re not going back to Africa because they’re going to Asia instead. They’re leaving on Tuesday,” Hunter rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Hunter. I’m always here if you need to talk or whatever.”

“Thanks Lila. I’ll see you at grandma and grandpa’s in a little bit.”

Delilah gave Hunter one last hug before making her way back over to Joel. She had to wait before she could get to him though because Anastasia Peterson, a girl they had gone to high school with, was flirting with him. She finally left and Delilah scoffed as she watched her walk away.

“Could she be flirt with you a little more?” Delilah sarcastically asked.

“Someone’s jealous,” Joel smirked.

“I’m not jealous. I just think it’s tacky to hit on the boyfriend of someone who’s dead especially at a memorial ceremony for that person.”

“Whatever you say, Lila.”

Delilah rolled her eyes and changed the subject. “Holland’s grandparents are having a meal and we’re invited along with our families. I texted my parents to let them know and they said they would let your parents know too because they’re standing with them up by the stage.”

“Ok, cool. Do you want to just ride over with me?” Joel asked.

“Sure,” Delilah nodded as they began making their way to Joel’s car.

The two sat in silence for the first few minutes of the drive until Joel looked over at Delilah with a smirk and said, “You know, you’re really cute when you’re jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You just wish I was jealous over you,” Delilah smirked back.

“You’re full of it, Delilah Reed.”

“I only speak the truth, Joel Kanitz.”

“Whatever. I’m just saying it’s perfectly fine if you were jealous.”

“Pay attention to the road,” Delilah said but she chuckled as she said it. She was finally feeling okay for the first time all day.