Hear You Me

“Lila? Are you going to come up and play piano with us or are you going to keep the crowd waiting all night long?”

Delilah forced a smile a slowly put one foot in front of the other as she made her way up on the stage. The crowd went wild as she walked up there and she smiled at them even though she wanted to throw up.

“I hate you so much,” Delilah whispered to a smiling Joel as she walked past him.

“Don’t worry, you’ve got this. I’m right here if you need me.”

Delilah sat down at the piano on the other side of the stage and took a deep breath. She looked back at the reassuring look on Joel’s face and was suddenly hit with a memory coming back to her.

“Delilah, you’re being silly. You’re not going to mess up. You’ve practiced this song a million times,” a 15 year-old Holland said to her best friend who was hiding in the backroom of the church.

“But never in front of this many people,” Delilah whispered.

“What’s the worst that can happen? You mess up…so what?”

“Holl, I don’t think you’re helping,” Joel said as he put his arm around his girlfriend and led her towards the door. “Why don’t you go and sit in the pew with your aunt? I’ll stay back here and help Lila.”

“Fine. Good luck, Lila. I promise, you’ll do great.”

Delilah visibly sighed as Holland left the room. “I’m not like the two of you, Joel. You and Holland are fine with getting in front of people, but I’m not. I have no clue why my dad asked me to do this.”

Joel moved over to sit on the bench by Delilah. “He asked you because you’re an amazing piano player. And don’t tell anyone this, but I get nervous when I sing.”

“What? You sing at church all the time and you never seem nervous,” Lila gave Joel a quizzical look.

“It’s easy to hide my nerves. My dad always says if it doesn’t make you nervous then you don’t love it. If you didn’t love playing the piano you wouldn’t care about what the congregation would think of this song you’re getting ready to play.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“There truly is no need to worry though. I’ve heard you play this song a million times and you rock at it. It’s such a hard song but I’ve never heard anyone play it as well as you. Lila, you have a real talent.”

“But the only people I’ve ever played in front of are my parents and you and Holland,” Delilah argued.

“Well now it’s time to show everyone how great you are,” Joel smiled. “If I stand over there by the door you’ll be able to see me from the piano while you play. Do you want me to do that?”

Delilah nodded and smiled in relief taking a small comfort knowing that Joel would be right there if she needed him.

Pastor Reed suddenly announced it was time for the musical gift and Delilah knew that meant it was her turn. She received one last smile from Joel and took a deep breath before walking towards the door. Right before she was about to go up to the stage, she turned back around and ran over to Joel.

“Thank you. You always seem to know what to say when I need it most,” Delilah said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Anytime, Lila. I’m always here for you,” Joel smiled.

Delilah turned back to the piano and tried to block out the screams from the crowd. She focused on the picture of Joel’s smile in her mind as she put her fingers on the cool black and white keys. She began playing the opening chords to “Everywhere, Everything,” thankful that she remembered them. She’d played the song for the boys before when they needed help practicing, but had never played the song in front of anyone besides the band.

She heard Joel’s voice start the song and she began to relax, finally feeling like she could do this. Ever since Holland’s death, Delilah had barely played the piano. Holland had always said she was jealous of Joel and Delilah for their musical talent. Joel had his voice and Delilah had the piano while Holland had no rhythm and couldn’t carry a tune. Holland could sit for hours and listen to Delilah practice.

The memories had been too painful for Delilah to even look at a piano for weeks, but she slowly started playing for her father’s church again when the organist broke her hand. The crowd at the concert though was the largest group of people she had played in front of in a long time.

The song ended quickly and Delilah gave all the boys hugs before she left the stage. She heard Joel thank her one more time and the crowd once again went wild. Delilah quickly sat down on the side of the stage thanks to her shaking legs that she hadn’t truly noticed until that moment.

“You were great, Lila!” Joel exclaimed as he walked off stage after the concert.

“I was great? You were great! I kind of hate you for making me do that though.”

“You could never hate me,” Joel laughed. “Sorry for ambushing you, but I knew you’d never agree to it.”

“You need to go out and greet your fans, but we’ll finish this conversation later,” Delilah said as she tried to be stern.

“You got it,” Joel smirked before quickly kissing her cheek and then making his way out to the merch table.

Delilah stood in the back and with a smile on her face as she watched the boys interacting with their fans. This was her favorite part of being on tour with them. Sure, they were great at performing, but interacting with their fans was when they were most in their element. You could tell they were so thankful for everyone who came to their show and supported them.

After the last fan had left and the boys had showered, everyone decided to find a diner that was open and get a late dinner. The hot topic of the dinner was Delilah’s piano skills and the boys trying to convince her to play at the remaining shows at tour, but she declined saying what had happened that night was only a one time thing.

One by one everyone finished eating and made their way back to the bus. Joel and Delilah hung back so they could walk back by themselves.

“So, you’re not really mad at me for making you go up on stage tonight, right?” Joel asked a bit nervously as soon as they exited the restaurant.

Delilah chuckled and shook her head. “In the moment I was, but not anymore. I’m actually kind of thankful. I feel like I needed that.”

“How so?”

“I’ve pretty much refused to play since Holland died because it brought back too many painful memories and hurt. Tonight really helped me though. I know this is going to sound crazy, but at one point during the song I looked up and I swear I saw Holland out in the crowd smiling at me.”

“I swear I sometimes see her too.”

“It’s weird,” Delilah paused and took a deep breath. “I feel like I’m finally living my life again but then I’ll have these moments where I feel so guilty and just like that, all I feel is sadness. I know Holland would hate me for this, but I can’t help it.”

“I have those moments too. I think I’m fine and then something will make everything come rushing back. I can’t even say what it is that will make it happen. Sometimes it’s the lyrics to our favorite song or I just see a girl with hair the same color as Holland walking down the street.”

They walked in silence for a few moments until Joel broke it. “So, you’re officially going to be starting your senior year and about two months. How does that feel?”

“Exciting. Scary. All those other emotions that I can’t put into words.”

“Understandable,” Joel chuckled.

“You know, you would have graduated this year if you had decided to go to college.”

Joel scrunched up his nose and shook his head. “I honestly don’t think I ever would have survived college.”

“Probably not considering I did most of your homework for you in high school,” Delilah joked.

“Hey! I did it. You just occasionally helped,” Joel argued. “Back to you though…do you know what grad schools you’re going to apply to?”

“I’m going to apply to a couple different ones but ASU is my top choice.”

“Really? Doesn’t Stanford have a really good psychology Master’s program? I figured you’d want to go back there.”

Delilah shrugged. “I don’t know. I liked Stanford when I was there, but coming back here to finish my undergrad at ASU has taught me that I just really love Arizona.”

Joel nodded in agreement. “Arizona is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Even after traveling around the world with TC, I haven’t found a sunrise more beautiful than one back home.”

“Yeah, the scenery and everything is great, but the people are too. It kind of sucked being so far away from everyone when I was at Stanford. It’s been nice being back in Arizona and being closer to my family and you.”

“I know this is probably selfish of me to say,” Joel started. “But I would be really happy if you went to grad school at ASU. I like having you in Arizona. You’re my rock and my biggest supporter. I have no clue what I’d do without you and it sucks when we’re not together – whether it be because of you being at school or me being on tour.”

Delilah hugged Joel. “I feel the same way.”

Joel wasn’t sure what came over him in that moment, but the urge to kiss his best friend was too strong to ignore. He lifted up her chin and leaned his head down to catch her lips in his. Part of Delilah’s mind was screaming at her for kissing the boy who was not only her best friend, but also her dead best friend’s ex-boyfriend while the other part was cheering because this was what she had wanted since eighth grade. Delilah chose to listen to the second part of her mind and pulled Joel closer so she could deepen the kiss.