Sequel: Fourteen Sundays ›
101 Reasons
REASON NO. 12
Sometimes I think, a soulmate is someone
Who will make you be the most “YOU” that you can possibly be.
-raindropsonroses.tumblr
It was hard going through that decision, whether I want to undergo chemotherapy or not is my own personal choice said my dad. It’s not that they don’t care about me to handle this on my own, rather it’s the contrary. They care about me so much that they trust me enough to depend in my opinion for something like this.
Aya on the other hand swore that she won’t talk to me ever again, if I chose not to undergo chemo. I laughed at her expression when I told her I’ve decided not to make my self suffer and just die with my hair fixed on my head and not falling off.
“You are the most selfish person there is in human history.” She said as she tries to control her tears from bursting right in front of my face.
“I know! That’s why it’s so easy to decide.” I said suppressing the smile that is already trying to escape my lips because of Aya’s silliness.
“You can’t decide just like that.” It was Lee’s turn to speak, I almost laughed, it’s as if somebody has written the script and he is a little behind the cue when it is his turn to finally speak.
“Why?” I asked his face amused with my question.
“Because it’s your life that you’re wasting.”
A gave him a small satisfied smile, signaling him that I won this conversation even if I haven’t said anything yet. “You’re right. That’s exactly it, it’s my life. So I am the one who makes choices whether I waste it or not.”
Lee looked away while Aya glared at him, “Why do you always say the wrong things!”
Just then Stan entered the room; his smile vanished when he saw Lee sitting close to me. Aya stood up and dragged Lee outside with a final wave she said, “I’ll leave you too alone, but remember what I told you, this might be the last time that I’ll be talking to you.” After that she smiled at Stan and left, Lee just gave a small nod.
“What’s that all about?”
“Chemo.” I answered.
“Have you decided whether to take it or not?” he said as he tried to avoid my eyes and searched for his phone in his pocket, I just watched him do that and when he finally found it, he put it at the table beside me. He looked back at me and I smiled.
“I don’t know.” I answered.
“Reason number three" he took a deep breath before eh continues, “Ever wonder why all of a sudden James and I became best friends? We’re opposites Ann, when we first met, we just clashed, and then I saw you sitting besides him at the bus, at first I was like hell her girlfriend sure looks a lot like him.” He smiled as he tried to recall everything; I think he didn’t want me to miss a single detail.
“And then I learned that you’re his sister and boom, everything in me just started to become friendly around James and poof we clicked and we’re inseparable since then. I tried to ignore my thoughts when they come screaming at me telling me to show you that I like you but my ego dominated and I acted like a pig around you. Plus, it’s in the guys’ rulebook. Written in bold letters, that is to never date your bestfriend’s sister.”
“So that’s reason number three?”
“No.” he said. I looked at him confused.
“Reasons number 3 is, you might not even know it, but sometimes or maybe most of the time, you are the reason why people find someone who can accept them as who they are. That you are the reason why all of a sudden they change for the better. Sometimes Ann or maybe most of the time, you are someone’s guardian angel. That moment on the bus, you are my angel.”
I looked away from his face not wanting to see the fear in his eyes, not wanting to feel that someday, I’ll not be able to hear him say the reasons why I should live, reasons why I still have that hope to live. “You really have 101 Reasons popped up on your sleeves?” I whispered.
“Yes.” He answered, and that was then that I made my decision. I want to live until his very last reason.
I stayed at the hospital for one more day and was discharged the day after.
Before I knew it, my mom and dad are driving me back again for my first cycle chemotherapy. I was bummed when Stan told me he'll be busy that day so he can't go and escort me to the hospital.
Cassidy is there, probably the reason why James cuts his class for this day. My parents filled up some forms while James and I headed to my room. when James opened the door he moved aside and lets me in first, which is quite unusual even in my state.
When I opened the lights the floor was the first thing that caught my eye. Three golden stars are glued to the floor, it's like I am walking at Hollywood's walk of fame, but there are no names written instead there are reasons.
I heard Stan snickered behind me, I bet he finished reading all three of it the moment he saw it, but I didn’t. I stood there like a dyslexic as I tried to recall how to read and what ABCs are.
Reason number 4: You are James’ conscience. =P (without you, James will just go straight to hell, and after he read this he’ll pummel me to the ground when he sees me.)
I laughed.
“He’s the bad guy!” he said trying to sound angry, but I know he’s shaking with laughter, and tears at the same time.
Reason number 5: You are the reason why we are good to Lee, in this case you are Lee’s guardian angel. Remember number 4? Buy here’s the deal, you’ll always be mine.
“Quite possessive.” I said turning to James and he quickly wiped the tears falling from his face.
Reason number 6: You are James’ cupid. He needs you. He needs someone to talk to about Cassidy.
And then the last thing I notice was that large piece of cloth, draped at my bed, Please Ann, Live, not only for me, but for us.
The next thing I knew, they are already hooking me to some chemo drugs and I am barfing like I’ve never barfed in my whole life.
Everything in me hurts, my head, my body, my heart. I wanted to tell them stop, but I don’t have the strength to even breathe.
Is this how it feels? I asked at the unknown God I’ve come to know ever since I got sick. Is this the only way that can make me live longer?
If it is, I said as I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks, please, could you please lessen the pain? Nothing happened, out of the corner of my eyes I saw Stan sitting with a basin besides him, James holding my hand, the one free from IV lines and chemo drugs. Mom and dad pacing back and forth. And just then, just seeing them gave me hope, and all of a sudden I smiled, and the pain, the weakness that I’m feeling seems to drift off out into the unknown.
That was then that I realized that one proof of God’s existence is answered prayer.
Who will make you be the most “YOU” that you can possibly be.
-raindropsonroses.tumblr
It was hard going through that decision, whether I want to undergo chemotherapy or not is my own personal choice said my dad. It’s not that they don’t care about me to handle this on my own, rather it’s the contrary. They care about me so much that they trust me enough to depend in my opinion for something like this.
Aya on the other hand swore that she won’t talk to me ever again, if I chose not to undergo chemo. I laughed at her expression when I told her I’ve decided not to make my self suffer and just die with my hair fixed on my head and not falling off.
“You are the most selfish person there is in human history.” She said as she tries to control her tears from bursting right in front of my face.
“I know! That’s why it’s so easy to decide.” I said suppressing the smile that is already trying to escape my lips because of Aya’s silliness.
“You can’t decide just like that.” It was Lee’s turn to speak, I almost laughed, it’s as if somebody has written the script and he is a little behind the cue when it is his turn to finally speak.
“Why?” I asked his face amused with my question.
“Because it’s your life that you’re wasting.”
A gave him a small satisfied smile, signaling him that I won this conversation even if I haven’t said anything yet. “You’re right. That’s exactly it, it’s my life. So I am the one who makes choices whether I waste it or not.”
Lee looked away while Aya glared at him, “Why do you always say the wrong things!”
Just then Stan entered the room; his smile vanished when he saw Lee sitting close to me. Aya stood up and dragged Lee outside with a final wave she said, “I’ll leave you too alone, but remember what I told you, this might be the last time that I’ll be talking to you.” After that she smiled at Stan and left, Lee just gave a small nod.
“What’s that all about?”
“Chemo.” I answered.
“Have you decided whether to take it or not?” he said as he tried to avoid my eyes and searched for his phone in his pocket, I just watched him do that and when he finally found it, he put it at the table beside me. He looked back at me and I smiled.
“I don’t know.” I answered.
“Reason number three" he took a deep breath before eh continues, “Ever wonder why all of a sudden James and I became best friends? We’re opposites Ann, when we first met, we just clashed, and then I saw you sitting besides him at the bus, at first I was like hell her girlfriend sure looks a lot like him.” He smiled as he tried to recall everything; I think he didn’t want me to miss a single detail.
“And then I learned that you’re his sister and boom, everything in me just started to become friendly around James and poof we clicked and we’re inseparable since then. I tried to ignore my thoughts when they come screaming at me telling me to show you that I like you but my ego dominated and I acted like a pig around you. Plus, it’s in the guys’ rulebook. Written in bold letters, that is to never date your bestfriend’s sister.”
“So that’s reason number three?”
“No.” he said. I looked at him confused.
“Reasons number 3 is, you might not even know it, but sometimes or maybe most of the time, you are the reason why people find someone who can accept them as who they are. That you are the reason why all of a sudden they change for the better. Sometimes Ann or maybe most of the time, you are someone’s guardian angel. That moment on the bus, you are my angel.”
I looked away from his face not wanting to see the fear in his eyes, not wanting to feel that someday, I’ll not be able to hear him say the reasons why I should live, reasons why I still have that hope to live. “You really have 101 Reasons popped up on your sleeves?” I whispered.
“Yes.” He answered, and that was then that I made my decision. I want to live until his very last reason.
I stayed at the hospital for one more day and was discharged the day after.
Before I knew it, my mom and dad are driving me back again for my first cycle chemotherapy. I was bummed when Stan told me he'll be busy that day so he can't go and escort me to the hospital.
Cassidy is there, probably the reason why James cuts his class for this day. My parents filled up some forms while James and I headed to my room. when James opened the door he moved aside and lets me in first, which is quite unusual even in my state.
When I opened the lights the floor was the first thing that caught my eye. Three golden stars are glued to the floor, it's like I am walking at Hollywood's walk of fame, but there are no names written instead there are reasons.
I heard Stan snickered behind me, I bet he finished reading all three of it the moment he saw it, but I didn’t. I stood there like a dyslexic as I tried to recall how to read and what ABCs are.
Reason number 4: You are James’ conscience. =P (without you, James will just go straight to hell, and after he read this he’ll pummel me to the ground when he sees me.)
I laughed.
“He’s the bad guy!” he said trying to sound angry, but I know he’s shaking with laughter, and tears at the same time.
Reason number 5: You are the reason why we are good to Lee, in this case you are Lee’s guardian angel. Remember number 4? Buy here’s the deal, you’ll always be mine.
“Quite possessive.” I said turning to James and he quickly wiped the tears falling from his face.
Reason number 6: You are James’ cupid. He needs you. He needs someone to talk to about Cassidy.
And then the last thing I notice was that large piece of cloth, draped at my bed, Please Ann, Live, not only for me, but for us.
The next thing I knew, they are already hooking me to some chemo drugs and I am barfing like I’ve never barfed in my whole life.
Everything in me hurts, my head, my body, my heart. I wanted to tell them stop, but I don’t have the strength to even breathe.
Is this how it feels? I asked at the unknown God I’ve come to know ever since I got sick. Is this the only way that can make me live longer?
If it is, I said as I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks, please, could you please lessen the pain? Nothing happened, out of the corner of my eyes I saw Stan sitting with a basin besides him, James holding my hand, the one free from IV lines and chemo drugs. Mom and dad pacing back and forth. And just then, just seeing them gave me hope, and all of a sudden I smiled, and the pain, the weakness that I’m feeling seems to drift off out into the unknown.
That was then that I realized that one proof of God’s existence is answered prayer.