101 Reasons

For there aren't any limits.
You just make them.
People just invented limits.
Because they are too afraid to even try.
-Bliss Lorenzo (Living With A Superstar)

Paulo Coelho once said that if you want something the whole universe conspires just so you can get it, when Lee saw that shooting star I felt somehow relieved, I still am not reassured that I’ll live longer but I felt somehow that God heard my prayer, and he’s just merely asking me to wait for the answer.

I have been a whole lot different when I thought I was Cancer free. I rebel almost half of my life, the moment I learned about the meaning of rebel I immediately lived being one. It’s fun at times, having that great feeling when you thought you had broken the rules and had gone beyond your limits. Still you have to deal with the consequences.

Once I drank until my brain just turned into a fuzzy blur, James almost dragged me into the street screaming curses at me as if those will make me sober, those were the days I wished James were dead. Fortunately none of my wishes has been answered yet.

Everyone thinks it was the rain, when I suddenly I woke up this morning and decided to cut my hair short. If there’s one thing in the world that I love besides my life, it’ll be my hair, but what will be the use of it if after years of having something to be pretty about is being snatched away from you?

There is something in the rain that morning, that cold and soft pitter-patter of the raindrops that made me realized that there are certain things in life that ought to be sacrificed. Everyone thought that all of this is about the rain, I suppose, they are right.

“James! Please go with your sister.” My mom begged, well mostly threatened my brother to accompany me to the salon.

I know how James hated having to wait an hour just because he hated waiting.

”He doesn’t need to mom. I can go there by myself.”

I tried to persuade my mom to just let James off the hook, he’s been my personal slave since my stay at the hospital and mind you his work isn’t easy. It’s gross but yeah, I usually miss the basin and just vomit in him or Stan.

My mom looked at my dad defeated, he looked at me and I managed to pull a smile.

“James, go with your sister.”

James looked at me and I just shrugged.

We went to the nearest mall just for the sake of it, when we entered some employee ushered me to an empty stool and she whispered, “she’s the best stylist in town,” she said pointing at a ginger-haired lady, “there are two girls waiting in line but here’s the deal give me your friend’s phone number and I’ll just pretend not to notice them.”

The perks of having a handsome brother. “Sure,” I managed with a smile.

Just then the ginger-haired girl walked towards me and then smiled a little to fake, “What would you want?”

“Chop it off.”

She looked at me as if I had just landed from Mars or something. “You serious?”

“Yeah.”

“But your hair is so pretty!”

“Well…”

“Hey.” She said cutting me mid-sentence, “Will you donate it to some cancer kids? I know someone who helps in charity and she’s been coming here often to collect some hair and then she makes it into wigs, your hair will surely make a perfect one. It’s for a good cause.”

“Sure.” I said. After cutting my hair, the ginger-haired lady then placed my hair into a plastic container.

“Do you mind if I’ll just be the one to give it to your friend. I’d want to meet her personally.”

“Sure! That’d be great. Her name’s Cassidy Saldano, she’s a student nurse. She's at the foundation now, Young Hearts just about 2 blocks from here.”

I smiled, Cassidy. “Yeah, I know her. I’ll just give it to her then. Thank you!”

“No miss, thank YOU.” I didn’t know how she could’ve meant to say thank you but I feel good, that somehow for once in my life I am able to help one girl feel pretty, someone who is suffering just like me.

My brother looked at me with a questioning look on his face, probably wondering what the hell I am holding.

“Wanna glue them back together again?”

“I’ll donate it, wanna come and do some charity works? Cassidy will be there.”

When we arrived at Young Hearts a foundation for cancer patients we saw Cassidy sitting in the main desk busy shuffling some papers.

When she heard our heavy footsteps coming she looked up and when her eyes landed on me she freaked out, “Your hair!”

“Here I wanna help.” She then looked at the one I’m holding and smiled.

“Wanna do it your self?”

I didn’t really have artistic hands so I just mainly watched them doing my wig. Often times I eavesdrop on Cassidy and James.

“So this is your 'leisure time?'” James said as he tried to open up a conversation that will last longer.

“Yes.” She answered oooppsss! Wrong topic!

"You're here a lot?" James tried again, I laughed quietly. He's really stupid when you get to know him. In my opinion he's really handsome and really popular with girls but I didn't know he'll get tongue-tied like this.

"Yes." she replied. "Hey James, can I get your number? To make things easier for both of us."

And that's how they go with Cassidy making the first move so that reality will slap James in the face, that Cassidy likes him too.

When the wig is finished Cassidy suggested that we go to the children's hospital to personally deliver our donation to one of the kids there. I'm supposed to give it to Sierra a 7 year-old girl diagnosed to have brain cancer.

when we reached the hospital we were directed to the ward and saw how colorful and lovely the ward was.

"Nice huh? I practically begged the hospital director to allow me to paint it and look there." she said pointing at the corner where there's a small playground and a mini library. "all hospitals should have one, being hospitalized is boring so they should make some recreational activities."

"Where'd you get all your materials?" James said impressed.

"Since I'm a student I ask my schoolmates to donate, but that isn't enough so I went house to house in nearby neighborhoods and beg for old stuff, sometimes they even give me money. Hey look there's Sierra."

I looked at the ward and saw half of the patients almost bald. But you know what? They aren't the least sad instead they're all happy, playing, telling stories to their mom and dad, reading books to other patients.

When I saw Sierra she is sitting at the sofa in the library sitting on his father's lap. She is bald, thin for her age yet her smile tells me that she didn't mind having cancer.

"Hi Sir Santos." Cassidy greeted and James and I just smiled.

"Please, I told you to just call me Tito Sam." Cassidy laughed.

"Hey Sierra, you have a visitor."

Sierra looked at us and when she saw what i was holding she immediately jumped from his father's lap and rushed towards me.

"Is that for me?"

I nodded trying to force the tears back from my eyes, her giddy expression, her smiling face, her happiness just radiating in the room. Everything about her gives me hope, that though I have cancer that doesn't limit me from being happy.

"Yeah." I whispered, I placed the wig on her head and carefully brushed it. "You look pretty."

Just then, SIerra hugged me tight and the next thing I knew I'm crying.

"Thank you so much Ate. I'm now pretty like you."

It is worth it, I told my self. Everything is worth it. There are no limits. There are no deadlines.

I just have to live my life beyond limits and boundaries.

I am living not only for my family, for Stan, for Aya and Lee.

I am living for me too.