101 Reasons

Your heart just breaks, that’s all.
But you can’t judge and point fingers.
You just have to be lucky enough
To find someone who appreciates you.
-Audrey Hepburn

Saturday came and I’ve been dreading for it to never end, meaning come Monday morning I’ll be stepping in that big yellow bus again and will be sitting at the very end where the chair is already tattered and vandalized.

The sun rose high in the sky where it’s rays painted a somewhat orangish and reddish hue on my bedroom window. I never cared about the sun before; never cared of how my room looks like outside when it’s sunny, this time I checked what I’ve been missing all along.

I can see my mom’s garden from where I stand, the different breeds of orchids carelessly placed here and there, the Bermuda grass that she’s been dying to have looks like a carpet from up here. Daisies, poppies, lilies and roses sprouted on the ground like wild grass. One maple tree stood above it all and beneath it is a bench, I smiled, and how I could have taken for granted such wonderful scenery.

I moved my study desk so when I sit I’d be facing the window, the Christmas lights that Stan glue in my whole ceiling stayed there, now my brother has the exact same ceiling too, so is my mom and dad.

James entered my room just as I was about to remove the curtains from my window that blocks my view of the sky.

“I wouldn’t want to do that if I were you.” James said as I pulled the pillow, immediately after as if all the rays of the sun blasted in my room and it’s all suddenly so bright.

“Help me put it back.” I sad standing up to my desk and quickly placed back the curtain, great, just what I needed. Having someone to slap into my face that I don’t know anything about the world.

“Will you go out with me?” he said looking serious.

“Eww! It’s like you’re asking me out on a date!”

“Sorry, no. no! Of course not! I was just asking if you could go with me and Stan to the hospital, I would like to ask Cassidy out.”

“Finally! Wow! As in wow!”

“Shut up!”

“Why would you want me there, you know I’d just humiliate you in front of her. Or make you lose yoru confidence.”

“Just be there ok?”

“Fine.”

We drove to the hospital and saw Stan already standing by the lobby. We entered and went straight to the elevator, James didn’t want to take it, he said he’d prefer the stairs. Well I’d prefer it too if Cassidy is just one floor away.

I pushed 20 and looked at James, he can’t stand straight, he looks nervous and he looks like a dead man riding the elevator. Seriously if he took the stairs how do you think he;d look after reaching the 20th floor?

We saw Cassidy flipping some charts in the nurse’s station, lucky enough to know that she’s on duty and not in school.

“Go on James! Talk to her! It’s not like she’ll eat you alive or anything.”

James looked to where Cassidy is standing and then back to me, I can obviously tell that he’s not up to this ‘I’m-a-man-so-I-should-talk-to-her-first’ drama.

“Dude, are you going to let her do the moves again?” Stan interjected, pushing him a little so he’d be visible.

“He’s right. You should ask her now or somebody else will.”

I was waiting for someone to tell me that I’m right but no one answered, I noticed both James and Stan are already looking at Cassidy, when I looked I saw that she’s already carrying a bouquet and is already talking to some tall and handsome guy.

“That’s fast.”

James sighed and looked at us, then he smiled, “at least I learned my lesson; let’s watch a movie, my treat.”

I didn’t know what James felt but I don’t really want to see him look the way he looks right now. Instead of following him and Stan I went straight to the nurse’s station to see Cassidy now all alone.

“Hey Ann, your chemo is until next weekend, are you feeling well?”

“Your boyfriend?” I said nodding towards the way where the guy who just gave her the flowers, left.

She just nodded.

“How long?”

“Just now.”

“Why?”

She took a deep breath and I know from the corner of my eye, I know James is watching us.

“I thought you like my brother!” I said furious, I tried to keep my voice from shaking, from strangling her. I tried my best not to get mad at her.

“You have to understand the fact that he’s not even brave enough to ask me out. I’m tired of waiting.”

“WAITING? TIRED?" I said furious "Honestly Cass how long have you been waiting? A week? A month? A fvcking gazillion years?! If you really like someone, it will be ok to wait no matter how long it might be. Look he’s being brave enough now!” I said pointing to where Stan and James stood.

Cassidy turned to see James, his head bowed down, his hands inserted in his pockets, he looks so hopeless that I just want to slap Cassidy for making him believe that she actually fell for him!

James turned around nodded at us then left, I ran towards him and in that moment I could’ve sworn I heard Cassidy whisper, “I’m sorry.”

We didn’t watched a movie, we just sat in the car, looking at an empty space, knowing that if we talk we will not say the right things to say to James.

When the sun is already out of sight James decided that we go home, he went straight to my bedroom, turned the Christmas lights on and lies at the carpeted floor. I lay besides him and Stan did the same.

“Are you ok?” I whispered.

James sniffed, I knew from that moment on that he’s been fighting to keep his eyes dry. “Yeah.” He whispered back.

Silence. “You know that I love you right?”

“Yeah.”

“So no matter who hurts you, you should know that I’m always here for you because I love you.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s ok to cry.”

“Yeah.”

“I won’t leave you.”

“Reason number 10.” Stan said out of nowhere.

“Yeah.” Was the only thing James said that night.

I looked at James and wondered how would he feel if I was the one who is going to leave him. No. I told myself, I wouldn't leave James for the world.