Sequel: Fourteen Sundays ›
101 Reasons
REASON NO. 26
“Because if the world is spinning and I’m still living,
it won’t be right if we’re not in it together”
—Over by Lindsay Lohan
One week passed and I’m still here in this forsaken place. I can only see the people visiting me in a distance, behind closed glass. Nobody can enter my room except for masked and gowned nurses whom I never recognized, they kept on injecting medicines that hurts even more than cancer itself, and the worst part is, no matter how many of it they give me I’m still not getting any better.
When a nurse entered my room I just turned opposite to where she was walking, I did not want to see how big the needle she’s going to inject me, minute by minute I’ve becoming numb, but seeing how many of it they’re giving me and I’m still as weak as I was, I don’t want to lose hope and just let leukemia win over me. I wanted to fight and that’s what I’m going to do. No matter how much of it hurts, I won’t be shedding a tear.
“I hope you’re not mad at me.” I recognized that voice, somehow I felt safe, though I never would’ve forgive her to what she did to James.
“You know who I am, you know I wouldn’t forgive you.” I said and faced Cassidy, I can only see her eyes, but that’s enough to see the shock registering her face as she saw me, almost unrecognizable, almost not like the Ann she saw some months ago.
“I was wrong, and I know it’s a late realization but I did loved your brother.” She said still looking at me. Somehow I miss her, her straightfroward attitude, her frankness. I miss her way of saying the things she wanted to say just like that.
“I kind of miss your frankness.” I laughed.
“Yeah, I miss your b1tchy attitude too.”
“Did you ever missed him?”
“The way he stutters when he’s talking to me, the way he gets tongue tied for some unknown reasons, the way he just blacks out everytime we talk. Yes Ann, I miss him more than you ever think.”
“I’m sure he did too.”
“You know I’m not supposed to be chatting with you, this is nothing against you. You just need to get shot to finally get better.”
“I know that, but I have to warn you, I kick really hard.”
She laughed, “I missed that positive attitude of yours, just keep fighting Ann.”
And before I knew it, the worst was over.
“I’ll strangle my nurse senior if she doesn’t let me give you your medicines, I’ll come by every now and then.”
I smiled, just then James entered the room, though you can mistake him for Stan because of his masked I know Cassidy recognized him. She then walked towards him and bowed her head as she rushed towards that door.
James didn’t notice her, coz if he did he would’ve done something really stupid. He sat beside me and just looked at me.
“Please take of your mask.” He did.
“I almost killed someone today.” He smiled, my heart started to beat uncontrollably in my chest.
“Yeah?”
He then reached out for his pocket and gave me a crumpled paper, the thing that he almost killed.
“He was like ‘just read it dude, I know you wouldn’t listen to me.”
I reached for the letter and with trembling hands tried to open it.
Quote
James,
I know disappearing like a dumbas$ is unforgivable, leaving your sister and having to lie to her face that all I did were lies is the hardest thing I did in my existence. But please do know that I do love her and I still love her and I will love her forever. You know how my father is, you know how messed up my life is and you saw how I changed because of Ann. I’m back. And I’ll fight with her, with you, with Lee and Aya. I really do care about Ann, you know I do, because if I didn’t I’d be in New York and living the life that we both dream of living. Give me the chance to talk to her. Please. Tonight. 1 in the morning when the rest of the nurses watching her are busy sleeping, I would want to talk to her, please James, don’t take away the only girl that loved me for who I am. Don’t take the only reason why I’m still here breathing.
-Stan
I was speechless, he’s here. After being away for so long he’s here and he has found me. I looked at James and he’s already looking at me without his mask.
"Whatever it is that will make you happy." James said trying his hardest not to let out a sob.
I didn't answer, seeing James like he's about to breakdown every minute frightens me. In most of the times that I had chemo he was the one who never sheds a tear when I vomit myself to death.
I placed my hand on top of his and smiled as one single tear escaped from my eye, "Everything will be ok."
And that was that, he grabbed my hands and held it up to his face, I can feel his tears flowing, every tear that he held before just came gushing out like rain. "Please don't leave me yet." he said in between sobs
“You know I won’t. I would really want to talk to him though.”
“I know.”
“Forgive him for what he did to you and most especially to what he did to me.”
“You know I already have.Do you still love him?"
[color=“Do you still love him?”]“I don’t know. But I still would want him to know that I forgive him.”
1 in the morning came fast and James helped me sneak out of my room. He gave me my phone and said, “Just give me a call if you need me.” I smiled.
In the dark corridor I can see his shadow waiting for me. From the moment I learned that my cancer is progressing something in me changed how I felt with people, because I don’t want them to get hurt when I lose the battle, I don’t want them to get so attached that their world will suddenly stop revolving if I am gone.
“You came.”
“You know I will.”
“I’m sorry if it took me this long to come back.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I just knew today about what happened. If I knew earlier I would’ve come sooner.”
“You can always come sooner Stan, it’s always up to you.”
He walked closer to me but he noticed that I took a step back. “Afraid that you’d catch some virus?” he joked.
“No. I’m just starting to get used to having distance.”
“Including me?”
“Especially you.”
He then reached for his pocket and took out the most elegant ring, “Please spend the rest of your life with me.”
It didn’t take me a second to answer that, “After everything that happened I honestly don’t know if I still love you, I don’t want you to feel so empty and alone when I’m gone.”
Juts when he was about to answer a loud noise came closer and closer and I swear I can recogize the old man’s voice saying, “Please save him. Please save him. Dear God, please save him.”
And they all passed by us like everything was being played in slow motiin, I recognized the guy lying in the stretcher his eyes closed.
I pulled Steph out of the way and let them rush him to the operating room.
“What happened to Enzo?”
Tears are flowing in Steph’s eyes, and that’s the only moment I saw her cry. “Enzo had a heart attack.”
How could he? He’s only 18.
it won’t be right if we’re not in it together”
—Over by Lindsay Lohan
One week passed and I’m still here in this forsaken place. I can only see the people visiting me in a distance, behind closed glass. Nobody can enter my room except for masked and gowned nurses whom I never recognized, they kept on injecting medicines that hurts even more than cancer itself, and the worst part is, no matter how many of it they give me I’m still not getting any better.
When a nurse entered my room I just turned opposite to where she was walking, I did not want to see how big the needle she’s going to inject me, minute by minute I’ve becoming numb, but seeing how many of it they’re giving me and I’m still as weak as I was, I don’t want to lose hope and just let leukemia win over me. I wanted to fight and that’s what I’m going to do. No matter how much of it hurts, I won’t be shedding a tear.
“I hope you’re not mad at me.” I recognized that voice, somehow I felt safe, though I never would’ve forgive her to what she did to James.
“You know who I am, you know I wouldn’t forgive you.” I said and faced Cassidy, I can only see her eyes, but that’s enough to see the shock registering her face as she saw me, almost unrecognizable, almost not like the Ann she saw some months ago.
“I was wrong, and I know it’s a late realization but I did loved your brother.” She said still looking at me. Somehow I miss her, her straightfroward attitude, her frankness. I miss her way of saying the things she wanted to say just like that.
“I kind of miss your frankness.” I laughed.
“Yeah, I miss your b1tchy attitude too.”
“Did you ever missed him?”
“The way he stutters when he’s talking to me, the way he gets tongue tied for some unknown reasons, the way he just blacks out everytime we talk. Yes Ann, I miss him more than you ever think.”
“I’m sure he did too.”
“You know I’m not supposed to be chatting with you, this is nothing against you. You just need to get shot to finally get better.”
“I know that, but I have to warn you, I kick really hard.”
She laughed, “I missed that positive attitude of yours, just keep fighting Ann.”
And before I knew it, the worst was over.
“I’ll strangle my nurse senior if she doesn’t let me give you your medicines, I’ll come by every now and then.”
I smiled, just then James entered the room, though you can mistake him for Stan because of his masked I know Cassidy recognized him. She then walked towards him and bowed her head as she rushed towards that door.
James didn’t notice her, coz if he did he would’ve done something really stupid. He sat beside me and just looked at me.
“Please take of your mask.” He did.
“I almost killed someone today.” He smiled, my heart started to beat uncontrollably in my chest.
“Yeah?”
He then reached out for his pocket and gave me a crumpled paper, the thing that he almost killed.
“He was like ‘just read it dude, I know you wouldn’t listen to me.”
I reached for the letter and with trembling hands tried to open it.
Quote
James,
I know disappearing like a dumbas$ is unforgivable, leaving your sister and having to lie to her face that all I did were lies is the hardest thing I did in my existence. But please do know that I do love her and I still love her and I will love her forever. You know how my father is, you know how messed up my life is and you saw how I changed because of Ann. I’m back. And I’ll fight with her, with you, with Lee and Aya. I really do care about Ann, you know I do, because if I didn’t I’d be in New York and living the life that we both dream of living. Give me the chance to talk to her. Please. Tonight. 1 in the morning when the rest of the nurses watching her are busy sleeping, I would want to talk to her, please James, don’t take away the only girl that loved me for who I am. Don’t take the only reason why I’m still here breathing.
-Stan
I was speechless, he’s here. After being away for so long he’s here and he has found me. I looked at James and he’s already looking at me without his mask.
"Whatever it is that will make you happy." James said trying his hardest not to let out a sob.
I didn't answer, seeing James like he's about to breakdown every minute frightens me. In most of the times that I had chemo he was the one who never sheds a tear when I vomit myself to death.
I placed my hand on top of his and smiled as one single tear escaped from my eye, "Everything will be ok."
And that was that, he grabbed my hands and held it up to his face, I can feel his tears flowing, every tear that he held before just came gushing out like rain. "Please don't leave me yet." he said in between sobs
“You know I won’t. I would really want to talk to him though.”
“I know.”
“Forgive him for what he did to you and most especially to what he did to me.”
“You know I already have.Do you still love him?"
[color=“Do you still love him?”]“I don’t know. But I still would want him to know that I forgive him.”
1 in the morning came fast and James helped me sneak out of my room. He gave me my phone and said, “Just give me a call if you need me.” I smiled.
In the dark corridor I can see his shadow waiting for me. From the moment I learned that my cancer is progressing something in me changed how I felt with people, because I don’t want them to get hurt when I lose the battle, I don’t want them to get so attached that their world will suddenly stop revolving if I am gone.
“You came.”
“You know I will.”
“I’m sorry if it took me this long to come back.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I just knew today about what happened. If I knew earlier I would’ve come sooner.”
“You can always come sooner Stan, it’s always up to you.”
He walked closer to me but he noticed that I took a step back. “Afraid that you’d catch some virus?” he joked.
“No. I’m just starting to get used to having distance.”
“Including me?”
“Especially you.”
He then reached for his pocket and took out the most elegant ring, “Please spend the rest of your life with me.”
It didn’t take me a second to answer that, “After everything that happened I honestly don’t know if I still love you, I don’t want you to feel so empty and alone when I’m gone.”
Juts when he was about to answer a loud noise came closer and closer and I swear I can recogize the old man’s voice saying, “Please save him. Please save him. Dear God, please save him.”
And they all passed by us like everything was being played in slow motiin, I recognized the guy lying in the stretcher his eyes closed.
I pulled Steph out of the way and let them rush him to the operating room.
“What happened to Enzo?”
Tears are flowing in Steph’s eyes, and that’s the only moment I saw her cry. “Enzo had a heart attack.”
How could he? He’s only 18.