Sequel: Fourteen Sundays ›
101 Reasons
REASON NO. 2
So tell me.
What am I supposed to say?
When I’m all choked up
And you’re okay?
-somewhere-in-tumblr
My brother just laughed everything of; I think he’s in denial. My mom was stunned with the news and is now both psychologically dumb and deaf. My dad just stood there, holding my mom’s hand tight, so tight that I think her veins will just explode.
When we got home no one even had the courage to turn on the lights, maybe they are afraid to see my expression. I don’t know what expression my face is pulling off but I swear it’s neither grief nor hatred. I think it doesn’t sink in yet, I still feel perfectly normal.
When will I feel it then? When the disease had already taken my being? I hope not.
Mom went straight to the kitchen, maybe she will cook something off and eat, or maybe she’ll just cry all night. My dad is still in the garage probably doing the same thing my mom is doing now, crying. My brother went straight to his bedroom and I heard that he locked his door, he never locks his door, maybe his hardcore dancing will be postponed tonight.
As for me, I just stood there at the door and watched all of them disappear one by one. In my opinion, I think they should’ve just hugged me, or tell me that it is ok. So that I don’t have to feel this strange feeling. I felt that my disease is killing me, I am alone, and my family has already given up on me.
When I reached my room I saw my phone blinking madly on my bed. I looked at it to see about 30 unread messages.
From: Aya Reyes
Hey! Where are u? been calling ur house for ages, no ones answering! I hope u didn’t bring ur whole family here. That would be uncool!
Aya probably repeated that same message for about 10 times which I think is completely absurd and waste of time and money. I should’ve just brought them all to the party, maybe things will be different if that happened.
From: Lee Kazama
Ann, wer r u? ur phone’s been dead busy but Aya told me no one’s answering. Call me ok?
From: Lee Kazama
Call me please.
From: Lee Kazama
Wer d hell r u?
From: Lee Kazama
Ur really creeping me out! call me or I’ll tell the whole school that u snort wen u slip & fart even!
I smiled, the rest has been Lee’s messages some same messages he had repeated over and over again. How would Lee feel if he knew about my sickness? Will he ditch me with some other girl who is healthy and doesn’t have leukemia? I hope he doesn’t, he is my only hope even if he's not really my boyfriend.
Sunday came and I crept out of bed as silently as I possibly could. I tried to remember if all that happened yesterday was just a dream, I look at my arm only to be disappointed, the band aid that the nurse placed after she got some blood samples, is still there.
I turned the door knob slowly and peeked outside; I heard the usual noise in the kitchen, only it was not that usual at all. I crept through my brother’s room and listened to his door. I hear no American Rejects in his speakers, usually his hardcore noise is the one that makes me squirm out of bed and trample him to death. I rested my face on the cool maple door, the silence soothes me, and I hope I can stay there, glued forever.
It must’ve been 5 minutes when my brother opened the door and when I opened my eyes my face is already flat on the floor. My mom immediately ran upstairs to ask us, “What happened? Is everything ok?” mom must’ve been really nervous; instead of a spatula she brought the whole frying pan with her upstairs.
“Hahaha. Just fell.” I said as I straightened up and brushed the invisible dirt in my pajamas. She smiled, maybe its best that she would just cry in front of me. But she did not.
After mom returned to the kitchen, my brother entered his room again and I followed him. Neither of us spoke, I wish that my brother could turn into his door so that I can lean on it.
“How are you?” he asked, trying to sound normal.
I lay in his bed and then messed up his blanket, before he would shoo me away and would fix the bed and he wouldn’t permit me to lie there again. But he didn’t even winced, even when I picked on my nose and wiped my finger on pillow.
“You should at least yell the hell out of yourself.” I said as I looked at him, his tears, I bet, are threatening to fall down his manly face. I almost laughed, if only things were different, then everything would be normal.
“I’m a strong girl. You know that. I can kick leukemia’s butt with eyes' closed.” I said, and then I stood in his bed and did some ninja moves. He laughs and I collapsed down in his bed again.
“Leukemia has no butt.” He said. I should’ve kicked him instead for saying that, he should at least be encouraging me and giving me false hopes, but he didn’t. Instead he told me and made me face the truth. I hugged him. If I were in a movie, tears would’ve been flowing in my eyes, but not a single tear fell, but a curve formed my lips and I know James is smiling as well.
God, please don’t take me yet. I have to spend more time with my brother first. Please, I still have so many things to tell him. Please let me stay with him, even just for a while.
That was the first time that I ever talked to God.
I feel like a saint.
What am I supposed to say?
When I’m all choked up
And you’re okay?
-somewhere-in-tumblr
My brother just laughed everything of; I think he’s in denial. My mom was stunned with the news and is now both psychologically dumb and deaf. My dad just stood there, holding my mom’s hand tight, so tight that I think her veins will just explode.
When we got home no one even had the courage to turn on the lights, maybe they are afraid to see my expression. I don’t know what expression my face is pulling off but I swear it’s neither grief nor hatred. I think it doesn’t sink in yet, I still feel perfectly normal.
When will I feel it then? When the disease had already taken my being? I hope not.
Mom went straight to the kitchen, maybe she will cook something off and eat, or maybe she’ll just cry all night. My dad is still in the garage probably doing the same thing my mom is doing now, crying. My brother went straight to his bedroom and I heard that he locked his door, he never locks his door, maybe his hardcore dancing will be postponed tonight.
As for me, I just stood there at the door and watched all of them disappear one by one. In my opinion, I think they should’ve just hugged me, or tell me that it is ok. So that I don’t have to feel this strange feeling. I felt that my disease is killing me, I am alone, and my family has already given up on me.
When I reached my room I saw my phone blinking madly on my bed. I looked at it to see about 30 unread messages.
From: Aya Reyes
Hey! Where are u? been calling ur house for ages, no ones answering! I hope u didn’t bring ur whole family here. That would be uncool!
Aya probably repeated that same message for about 10 times which I think is completely absurd and waste of time and money. I should’ve just brought them all to the party, maybe things will be different if that happened.
From: Lee Kazama
Ann, wer r u? ur phone’s been dead busy but Aya told me no one’s answering. Call me ok?
From: Lee Kazama
Call me please.
From: Lee Kazama
Wer d hell r u?
From: Lee Kazama
Ur really creeping me out! call me or I’ll tell the whole school that u snort wen u slip & fart even!
I smiled, the rest has been Lee’s messages some same messages he had repeated over and over again. How would Lee feel if he knew about my sickness? Will he ditch me with some other girl who is healthy and doesn’t have leukemia? I hope he doesn’t, he is my only hope even if he's not really my boyfriend.
Sunday came and I crept out of bed as silently as I possibly could. I tried to remember if all that happened yesterday was just a dream, I look at my arm only to be disappointed, the band aid that the nurse placed after she got some blood samples, is still there.
I turned the door knob slowly and peeked outside; I heard the usual noise in the kitchen, only it was not that usual at all. I crept through my brother’s room and listened to his door. I hear no American Rejects in his speakers, usually his hardcore noise is the one that makes me squirm out of bed and trample him to death. I rested my face on the cool maple door, the silence soothes me, and I hope I can stay there, glued forever.
It must’ve been 5 minutes when my brother opened the door and when I opened my eyes my face is already flat on the floor. My mom immediately ran upstairs to ask us, “What happened? Is everything ok?” mom must’ve been really nervous; instead of a spatula she brought the whole frying pan with her upstairs.
“Hahaha. Just fell.” I said as I straightened up and brushed the invisible dirt in my pajamas. She smiled, maybe its best that she would just cry in front of me. But she did not.
After mom returned to the kitchen, my brother entered his room again and I followed him. Neither of us spoke, I wish that my brother could turn into his door so that I can lean on it.
“How are you?” he asked, trying to sound normal.
I lay in his bed and then messed up his blanket, before he would shoo me away and would fix the bed and he wouldn’t permit me to lie there again. But he didn’t even winced, even when I picked on my nose and wiped my finger on pillow.
“You should at least yell the hell out of yourself.” I said as I looked at him, his tears, I bet, are threatening to fall down his manly face. I almost laughed, if only things were different, then everything would be normal.
“I’m a strong girl. You know that. I can kick leukemia’s butt with eyes' closed.” I said, and then I stood in his bed and did some ninja moves. He laughs and I collapsed down in his bed again.
“Leukemia has no butt.” He said. I should’ve kicked him instead for saying that, he should at least be encouraging me and giving me false hopes, but he didn’t. Instead he told me and made me face the truth. I hugged him. If I were in a movie, tears would’ve been flowing in my eyes, but not a single tear fell, but a curve formed my lips and I know James is smiling as well.
God, please don’t take me yet. I have to spend more time with my brother first. Please, I still have so many things to tell him. Please let me stay with him, even just for a while.
That was the first time that I ever talked to God.
I feel like a saint.