Empty Beds

“So Reid, how was your weekend?” Spencer’s head shot up at the question, his cheeks instantly flaring red at merely the tone Morgan used and the smirk on his face. Heiwas obviously implying something but the fact that he was spot on had Spencer feeling mortified. Had it been anyone else asking the question he may have been able to brush it off or even be truthful about it, but the fact that it was Morgan left him wide eyed and fidgety.

Morgan and Spencer always had a rather brotherly relationship, which in most cases provided the support that Spencer needed and lacked growing up, but in cases like these he was the smirking older brother who just caught his little sibling doing wrong and was not going to let it slide by. “It, um, it was...good.” He managed to choke out, all too aware that now not only Morgan was smirking at him, but Prentiss and Rossi had joined in as well. He found himself missing JJ more than ever now, she would be the only one acting on his defense and was the one person he desperately wanted to talk to right now, but just when he needed her most, she was gone.

“What’d you do?” A very immature answer immediately came to mind, causing his cheeks to get even redder and made him become even more flustered, but he eventually managed to stutter out something about going to a museum. As predicted, no one bought it. Hell, he wouldn’t have bought it himself, he couldn’t deny that, but when Morgan’s smirk grew he couldn’t help but resent profilers a bit. Or rather, couldn’t help but resent nosy profilers.

“Do you really think you’re fooling any of us?” Spencer just shrugged, breaking eye contact as he let out a truthful, “No.” Rossi at least laughed, almost feeling a bit bad at how uncomfortable Spencer looked but deciding that this was just too entertaining to give up on.

“So, what’s her name?” Prentiss teased and Spencer was once again mentally cursing both himself for being so easy to read and his coworkers for using it against him. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.” It was a sad attempt, even Spencer knew how awful of a liar in most situations. He could flat out lie to an unsub, knowing that if they detected any insincerity that he could be dead in an instant, yet when it came to denying (true) accusations from his teammates, Spencer was useless.

Morgan looked like he was on verge on saying something; something Spencer knew just from the look in Morgan’s eye would completely mortify him, when Hotch walked into the conference room with Garcia, immediately jumping into the details of the case. Spencer was saved, if only for the time being, and had never been more thankful to have such a hard-ass for a boss.

However, as soon as they started looking at the victims Spencer couldn’t help but freeze, feeling almost paralyzed as he stared at the victims. They were all blonde and beautiful women, in their mid-twenties and successful: the resemblance to Lydia was horrifying; it left his head swimming and his throat suddenly dry. The thought of Lydia becoming a victim was invaded his thoughts, the mental image of her ending up like the victims in these photos almost made him physically sick.

For the first time he understood how JJ and Hotch had felt whenever a case in Virginia came up that they could relate to, suddenly overcome with the desire to call Lydia and warn her to stay out of Bristol at all costs. She was exactly what this unsub looked for; she a prime target and that very thought sent his mind into a state of panic. Calling her would be unprofessional, against protocol and could cost him his job, but that was the least of his concern as he looked over the crime scene photos.

But he couldn’t, he couldn’t the call and he couldn’t let himself be distracted by this. He desperately tried to assure himself that she’d be fine; she was plenty far away and therefore was safe. It didn’t bring him any assurance, but even still Spencer had no choice but to carry on and at least pretend that he wasn’t absolutely terrified as he stared at the photos. He had a job to do and right now that had to be his priority. With that thought he tried to force Lydia to the back of his mind, reminding himself that with a case like this they didn’t have time to be distracted, another woman’s life would be in danger soon if they didn’t act fast.

So he continued on, contributing ideas and praying that his teammates didn’t see through his façade, or at least wouldn’t mention it if they did. They were focused on Rossi though, after all, he’d been the one to work the Butcher’s murders and therefore would know the most on this. That, at least, brought him some assurance, as the last thing he needed was Morgan trying to have a heart to heart with him or being lectured by Hotch about protocol.

Garcia understood though, he realized this in a second when she met his eyes from across the room. She’d seen Lydia’s photo before, she saw the resemblance to the victims instantly and she’d had a similar horrified realization looking at the victims as Spencer had. He quickly looked away, realizing that his eyes were probably giving away a lot right now. Once again, Spencer found himself mentally cursing his teammates and how easily they could read him. Garcia knew from just that one glance that he was reacting just as she predicted and immediately sought to find a moment with him alone, hoping that she could at least offer some comfort to him.

“Don’t worry about her, okay?” Spencer’s head shot up from where he’d been staring, predictably preoccupied with thoughts of Lydia as he waited for the rest of the team in the bullpen. Garcia had a knowing look in her eye, a look that reminded him so much of JJ it was almost painful. “I can’t help it, you saw those victims-” He didn’t need to say more, they both saw the parallel. “I know, but she’s far away, okay? She’ll be fine, trust me.” He nodded, attempting to smile in response but it turned out as more of a grimace. “Thanks, Garcia.” He managed to get out, accepting her hug.

“Did I miss something?” They both looked up as Morgan walked in, looking confused. Garcia just smiled and shook her head, jumping into conversation about something or other. Spencer was relieved, more thankful than ever to have a friend like Garcia looking out for him. He took her advice, convincing himself that Lydia was plenty safe in DC and finally focusing his mind entirely on the case.

-

Although Lydia hated to admit it, the days without Spencer passed in a rather dreary blur. Instead of enjoying her summer, she found herself cooped up in the library cataloging books and giving fake smile after fake smile to patrons. At least it was air conditioned, she reminded herself, and at least in two weeks she’d be able to leave and finally start teaching. In the meantime however, she needed money and therefore needed a job. So despite how incredibly boring working in a library turned out to be, she worked without complaint and reminded herself that if it weren’t for working here, she probably wouldn’t have starting talking with Spencer.

Lydia couldn’t help but almost envy Spencer’s job just slightly sometimes, despite the fact that she was well aware that she’d never be able to handle all the horrific things he saw on a daily basis. She didn’t have the mind for it either, she was well of this as well, but the ability of traveling the country was what she desired. Although it wasn’t as if the team was out sightseeing when they worked a case, she knew this too but still, when Spencer told her he’d been to all fifty states she couldn’t help but feel a slight burn of envy. Like writing, traveling was passion of hers but with school loans and an apartment to pay for, traveling and the money it required was out of the question. She didn’t have anyone to travel with either, or at least previous to dating Spencer she hadn’t. Even still, with his unpredictable schedule it was hard enough to even make dinner plans, let alone plans for a vacation.

She kept herself busy during the day between work, seeing friends, and such, but at the end of the day the apartment was always empty and the sheets were always cold.

“You need a hobby,” James commented over lunch. Lydia couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the suggestion, “Maybe I’ll take up knitting.” she replied, her tone practically dripped sarcasm. “Just a suggestion, no need to bite my head off.” he replied easily, all too used to her attitude by now. “It’s not the day that bores me, it’s the night, and it’s the cold sheets.”

“Hey, maybe you can knit some blankets for yourself.” She couldn’t help but smirk at his attempt at humor, James had always been her favorite among her group of friends, although she’d never admit it. “Wow, you’re so funny, maybe you should do stand-up.” she drawled, narrowing her eyes when his smirk only grew. “Oh I know, I’d be on Comedy Central in no time.”

“Really though, if you’re so bored with your life when why don’t you find a hobby or something, find a means to pass the time.” She just shook her head again at his suggestion, unsure of how to explain herself properly. “I’m not bored with my life, per say, it’s just whenever I get used to sleeping alone again he comes home and then I’m stuck at square one again. I get too used to him within two days, so when he leaves again it just makes everything suck in comparison. I’m not bored with my life all the time, just bored when he’s not around.”

“Have you ever considered that it’s not a healthy relationship?” Lydia couldn’t help but feel truly annoyed at the comment, her eyes narrowing again. “It’s perfectly healthy, I just haven’t gotten used to it yet. I know what I signed up for. I’m happier with him than I’ve been in years; being lonely for a few days in return is more than worth it.”

“If you’re so happy then why are we having this conversation?” He was truly concerned, Lydia could see that in his eyes, and while she knew he wasn’t trying to be a prick on purpose she couldn’t help but want to snap back at him. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that I couldn’t talk to you about these my relationship without getting a damn psych analysis.” Despite her cold tone he smirked, taking a long sip from his coffee before replying. “You’re dating a profiler and your best friend is a psychology major, what else did you expect, hun?”

“Good point,” he just laughed at her almost defeated tone, “I must say, I am pretty interested in meeting him though. When are you going to do the honor of introducing us?” She was grateful of the slight subject change, although James’ words were not going to be easily forgotten.

“Whenever he’s in town again, I suppose. Saying his work schedule is unpredictable would be an understatement. Just promise to keep your paws off him, alright?” James laughed again, raising his hands in defense. “As if I’d be stupid enough to double-cross you; I’ve seen you throw a punch and never want to be at the receiving end, thank you very much.” She laughed this time, both flattered and embarrassed at the same time. On the many occasions that she was out drinking with friends Lydia didn’t even blink twice before responding with swift punch, usually resulting with a bloody nose and a black eye or two, at whoever was stupid enough to try and feel her up. Her father had taught her self-defense well, she was grateful of that.

Before she could reply she saw James’ focus sift from her to something over her shoulder, looking both confused and amused at whatever was going on behind her. She turned to follow his gaze, finding a familiar face looking down at her with a similar look of confusion as James. She grinned in response, immediately standing up to greet him.

“Spence, how’d you know I was here?” He just gave a sheepish smile, mumbling something about Garcia. She probably should have found it a bit strange that he’d managed to track her cell phone, but then again, this was probably one of the lesser strange quirks of his job.

She ignored any concern of PDA, immediately leaning up to kiss him, once again cursing herself for not warning heels. Spencer couldn’t complain though, he didn’t mind ducking down at all. He’d missed her just as much as she’d missed him, if not more so after seeing all those victims. As she pulled away a few moments later his cheeks were burning bright red and he had a familiar sheepish grin on his face. “Hi.” He finally managed, unsure of how else to greet her now. “Hi,” she returned, laughing slightly.

James simply overlooked the two with amusement, finally beginning to understand what Lydia meant. In all the years he’d known her James hadn’t seen Lydia smile like that for anyone else. She was probably the least romantic person he knew, to be honest, or at least he thought so up until this point. He felt a bit guilty now for even doubting her, it was obvious now that she wasn’t exaggerating at all.

James cleared his throat slightly, gaining their attention again. Lydia blushed when she realized that James had overlooked the entire scene, a familiar smirk on his face. He hadn’t seen her blush many times before either, he noted and found himself more interested than ever to see what about Spencer had Lydia so infatuated. He was attractive, James noted, although not at all his type personally. Still, he and Lydia looked good together.

“Spencer, this is James. James, this is Spencer.” James held out his hand as they sat down, noting that Spencer had an unexpectedly firm grip. “So finally we meet, Lydia never shuts up about you.” Lydia’s eyes immediately narrowed, following by a muttered curse that he couldn’t quite catch. Spencer just blushed slightly, unable to keep from grinning at Lydia’s scowl.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” James noted, getting a pretty unlady-like sneer in response from Lydia. “You suck.” She replied flatly, getting a familiar devious smirk in response. Lydia immediately knew what was coming and regretted her comment immediately: “You swallow.” Lydia immediately dropped her face into her palm, cheeks bright red and absolutely refusing to even glance at Spencer and what his expression might be. “So Spencer, tell me about yourself.” James managed to hold in his laughter at Spencer’s wide eyes, going on as if nothing happened.

“Um…”

-

An hour later Lydia and Spencer finally found themselves alone when James had to leave for work, both feeling unexpectedly relieved. James and Lydia got along very well on most days, Lydia considered him her best friend really, but whenever boyfriends came into the picture he took on the role of an older brother and father combined, deciding to embarrass her as much as possible while sizing up her boyfriend at the same time. It was tiring to say the least for both Spencer and Lydia.

“Sorry about that. You definitely passed though, he liked you.” Lydia commented as they left the café, neither having any particular idea of where they were walking to. Spencer just smiled sheepishly again, reaching over to take her hand.

They both made an unspoken agreement to go to the closet park, immediately collapsing onto the glass with a huff as they got there. Both always seemed to forget how unbearably hot D.C. is in August and how miserably tiring walking ten blocks proved to be in the heat. The shade was comforting but even still it was well over one hundred degrees although thankfully not so humid.

“How was your case?” Lydia finally asked, not missing Spencer’s immediate grimace. “That bad, huh?” She tried to make light of it but when Spencer met her eyes she could tell it was worse than usual, she noticed for the first time just how tired he seemed. “The unsub targeted blonde females in their mid-twenties.” That’s all he needed to say for her to understand. She simply laid back on the grass, tugging his hand as an unspoken request for him to follow suit.

“I still don’t understand how you sleep at night,” she finally commented. “I often don’t.” He admitted, smiling despite his statement. “I have trouble sleeping when you’re away, I just can’t help but think about the worst possible scenario.” He didn’t say anything for a long moment, simply studied her expression. It was almost ironic, Lydia realized, to be discussing this on a bright green law under a cloudless sky. She could hear children on a nearby playground; meanwhile Spencer was studying her with an unreadable expression.

“I have a bullet lodged in my leg and I have to attend NA meetings: I wish I could assure you that I’ll always be okay when I’m gone, but I’d be lying.” She could only offer a sad smile in return. “I know. I know that all too well, and that’s what keeps me up at night. Cold sheets and the memories of lowered caskets are what keep me up at night. I just don’t want to lose anyone else I love, I don’t want to be handed another folded flag as if that will somehow make up for the loss. I can’t even bear the mere thought of it, Spencer. It’s terrifying, absolutely terrifying. But it is what it is and there’s no way of escaping it, that’s the worst part. You just have to face it, right? I know what I signed up for.”

He was silent for a long time in response, simply staring back at her, as if trying to think of how he could respond. “I carry your heart with me; I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful, you are my world, my true, and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you. Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, there is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart; I carry it in my heart.”

Lydia simply leaned over to kiss him afterwards, unable to think of anything else that would adequately express just how much she loved when he recited poetry. Spencer just smiled against her mouth, eternally grateful that his mother had introduced an appreciation for poetry to him at an early age.

-

By the end of the day they ended up at his apartment this time, each prepared with an armful of groceries as Spencer’s refrigerator was literally barren of anything. As he was both basically incapable of cooking and away so often, Spence relied almost entirely on take out or premade food when he was home, resulting in a pretty much useless fridge. Lydia decided this was unacceptable, especially since Spencer’s apartment had a better kitchen than her own. So Spencer once again found himself watching from his seat at the kitchen’s island as Lydia prepared a meal, although what exactly it was he wasn’t sure. It smelt good, that was good enough for Spencer.

“I understand the whole ‘minimalistic’ theme you’ve got going on, but Christ, Spencer; this apartment is almost depressingly bare.” Spencer just shrugged, taking another mouthful of whatever it was that Lydia had cooked. It tasted even better than it smelt, Spencer quickly realized, and was now eating like he hadn’t seen food in a week. Lydia could only laugh though, glad to finally have someone to cook for.

“I’m hardly home, so I didn’t see the point in decorating.” He finally responded, immediately returning back to his food a second later. She just shook her head and laughed, making a mental note to cook the meal more often.

“Okay, you seriously need a woman’s touch in here; it’s almost killing the mood a bit.” Lydia commented when they entered the bedroom an hour or so later. The name was fitting, as it was quite literally just a bed and a dresser, the only Spencer-eque touches added were the huge stack of books beside the bed and photos of who Lydia assumed was his mother and him over the years. Spencer made some noise of recognition in response but seemed far more interested in pulling Lydia’s dress off. Lydia started walking toward the dresser to examine the photos only to be pulled back a moment later. Lydia just laughed and helped him with the zipper, deciding that while he didn’t seem to be focusing too much on anything she was saying, she liked this side of Spencer.

Thirty minutes later they were both struggling to catch their breath, both exhausted but still beyond content. "I think I love you," Lydia finally whispered once their breathing patterns had returned to normal, her whisper almost too loud for the silence of the room. Even the noise of the city outside didn't quite reach them, only the lights did. Spencer looked over at her, taking in her messy hair tired eyes, taking in her lazy smile and how the light looked on her skin. Spencer had never been in love before, he had nothing to compare this feeling too, but suddenly the sonnets and the poems and all the literature he'd read through the years made a little more sense, but only slightly. That was okay though, he decided, he didn't need to make sense of it or even understand it, he was content with just existing with it.

"I think I love you too," he replied, sounding just as confused and he felt, but Lydia smiled all the same. "Okay," she whispered, moving a bit closer so that she was pressed up against his chest. "Okay." he repeated, smiling despite his lingering confusion.