Opposites Distract

The ringing phone woke me up. I was trying to sleep off a hangover. “Mom, the phone’s ringing,” I groaned, turning over onto my stomach and burying my face into the pillow…but then I realized there was none and I was sleeping on the couch. No wonder the phone sounded so loud. It was on the table right next to the arm of the couch. “Mom,” I said again a little louder, covering my ears. I would have waited for the phone to stop ringing, but my impatience got the best of me. I lurched up and snatched it off its cradle. “Hello?” I answered, trying not to sound too angry.

“Jack!”

“May?” I yawned, rubbing my eyes. It was only…two in the afternoon. “Fuck, how are you, sissy?”

“Where’s mom and dad and Joe? I have great news!”

“May, you know no one’s ever home on a Saturday… I think mom’s out with her friends and dad’s working, as usual… and why would you call home looking for Joe? You know he’s got his own apartment over in – “

“I’m getting married!” May squealed.

I frowned and held the phone at arm’s length, squinting my eyes at it to make sure I wasn’t drunkenly imagining this call happening. “Maybelline,” I said slowly, calling her by my nickname for her, “Can you repeat what you just said? Loud and clear, but not too loud, just clear, ‘cause I’ve got a hangover from hell…”

“I’m getting married,” she said like she was talking to a retard, giggling afterwards.

“That’s…That’s…wow, May,” was all I could say. I had no idea she even had a boyfriend, let alone a fiancé! I laid down on my back, staring at the ceiling. “When did you get engaged?”

“Um…last year, Jack,” she laughed. “Don’t you remember? Warren and I announced it when we came home for the summer last year! Oh, wait, you weren’t there, you were touring, I think.”

“Oh…May, I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m not mad!” May assured me, and she didn’t sound like it. She sounded all happy and bubbly and energetic and about to get married. “Tell mom and dad when you can, ok? I want you all in Indiana within the month!”

“Indiana?” I said mostly to myself. “What the fuck is in Indiana?”

“My wedding!” May said happily. “Warren graduated from Notre Dame, you know! And, as an alumni, he can get married in the basilica there! So, we’re going to have the ceremony there. Oh my goodness, Jack, the church is absolutely gorgeous! And the campus itself is…”

May went on and on about her wedding, but I think she forgot who she was talking to. I just said things like “That’s nice”, “Oh, really?” and “I’m so happy for you” every now and then so I didn’t come off as an insensitive asshole. I mean, my older sister was getting married, here. This was huge for her…but not for me. Her voice was just not what my hangover was calling for. “May,” I groaned after a good half hour of this. “I’m so sorry, but I’m trying to get over a hangover, so if you don’t mind…”

May sighed. “Oh, Jack, when are you going to grow up?”

“Never!” I said as loudly and childishly as possible. “And, come on, it was a CD release party!”

“That’s nice, Jack,” May tried to say just as enthusiastically, but I could tell she was preoccupied, especially when I heard a male voice on her end. “Oh, hey, Warren!...I’m just chatting with my brother, I’ll be right with you…Hey, Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to tell mom and dad and Joe, alright?” she said sternly.

The little boy that I still was remembered the days when sissy was boss. “Yeah, I will. I promise,” I yawned. “Love you, sissy.”

“Love you too, Jack-a-roo! Ok, bye.” She hung up on me, so I dropped the phone to the floor and went back to sleep… but not for long. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

“Yo,” I said sleepily into the receiver.

“Let’s get some junk food,” Alex said, sounding as hung-over as I felt. “Last night was fucking epic.”

I grinned, remembering the insane party. “Yes, yes it was. Now, pick me up.”

“See you in a few,” Alex laughed hoarsely before hanging up.

I managed to stumble up to my room and bathroom for a quick shower and to get changed before Alex came over. He honked to let me know he was here, and I left the house to join him in his car. “Hey, man,” I greeted him, sitting shotgun. “Taco Bell?”

“Sounds good,” Alex croaked, and away he drove.

Grow up? Yeah fucking right, May.

This is about as close to growing up as I'll ever want to be.