When You Can't Sleep at Night

It had been weeks since my birthday, and it had been weeks since I had spoken to Jorel. I had animosity towards him; animosity that everyone said was unneeded. They told me that the things going on in his life weren't his fault, and I shouldn't be blaming him for what happened. I shouldn't be angry, that I should respect what he's going through right now. I didn't want to respect what he was going through, I didn't understand it. He had never confided in me; never let me know what had gone on in his past. Maybe that's where all the pent up aggression was coming from, because I didn't know as much as I thought I did about the man I loved.

"You should talk to Jorel." Danny said to me one afternoon as we sat outside and smoked. "He's really upset over things." He said and I scoffed. "He thinks you're mad at him."
"I should be hearing this from him, not you, Danny." I said and puffed on my cigarette. He did the same, waiting for me to say something else. When I didn't, he sighed.
"He doesn't know how you'll react to him right now." He said and I laughed to myself.
"React to him? It's not like he's some twenty legged sea creature from the depths or something. He's still Jorel." I said and Danny shook his head at me.
"We all know that, but do you?" he said I sighed, closing my eyes.
"Of course I know he's still Jorel." I said and looked over to Danny. He was looking at me like he didn't believe my words, that I was just saying it to pacify him. "I just… I don't know. Why didn't he tell me about this? He told me nothing about his past, about the things that went on. Why couldn't he tell me?" I said and felt tears prick at my eyes. I looked away from Danny immediately, blinking them away, but he noticed. He set a hand on my shoulder, trying to console me, but the damage was already done.
"You need to talk to him about it." Danny said, stubbing out his cigarette. I waited for him to get up and go back into the house, but he stayed with me.
"I know I do. It just sucks because I've tried to put my whole heart into this, and I don't want to be hurt. I can't be hurt, I can't be vulnerable, but I am." I said, telling more then I had meant to. I looked over to Danny, and he was smiling at me.
"You may be vulnerable, but I know Jorel and I know you. I know he won't hurt you, as long as he lives, he would never hurt you." He said and I smiled. "You need to talk to him. He feels horrible." He said and put his arm around me, making me hug him. I laughed into his chest, taking his advice for what it was worth.

I stared at my phone, waiting for it to dial itself. "It's not going to." I heard Kristie say from behind me. I was sitting in the kitchen, on the island in the middle of it, swinging my legs back and forth in nervousness. Kristie and George were camped at my home, watching a movie of some sort in the living room. I huffed, jumping off of the island and going outside, where neither she nor George could bother me. I brought my pack of cigarettes from my pocket, lighting up and inhaling the nicotine when the back door opened, and my brother joined me. He lit up one of his own, not saying a word to me.
"You gonna talk to Jay or what?" he finally asked when we neared the end of our smoke break.
"I was about to." I said, and he nodded.
"Better fuckin' do it. Before I make you. It's been too long since his dumb ass has been around." He said, standing up, and going back into the house before I could say anything. I huffed at his reaction, but he knew better. He knew better then to ask why I hadn't called him, why Jorel hadn't talked to me. Dylan knew we would work it out, we always had. My phone lit up in my hand, and my heart jumped. For a moment, I thought it was Jorel, trying to get a hold of me, but it was just my friends. Danny had sent me a text, practically yelling at me to call Jorel. I wanted to throw my phone across the yard, but I stopped myself from doing so. My friends just needed to stay out of my business for once. Just this once.

The phone rang, and rang, and rang some more, and I was about to get discouraged enough to hang up, but he answered. "Hello?" he said, his voice sending a shockwave throughout my core. I sighed, nearly forgetting how his voice had sounded. "Hello!?" he said again, like he didn't know who was calling him.
"Sorry." I apologized and he sighed too. I smiled; my stomach filling with butterflies. I had missed him more than I had let on. "How are you?" I began and he laughed to himself.
"I've been better." He said and I closed my eyes.
"Why haven't you called?" I asked, sounding like the typical crazy girlfriend. "I'm just curious." I said, trying to justify the question.
"I didn't think you'd answer." He said and I sighed.
"You know I would." I said, and I could just see him shaking his head. "I miss you." I said after a few moments of silence.
"I know... I miss you too." He said and I smiled, biting on my lip ring, just wanting to see his face.
"Come over, we can talk about things." I said, and heard the back door opening.
"Are you talking to him?! You better fucking be talking to him!" Kristie exclaimed, not even waiting for answer from me before she started to yell. I heard Jorel laugh at her. She came and sat across from me and I just glared at her. She shrugged, smiling at me.
"Yeah, I'll be there." Jorel said and I smiled to myself, looking away from her, trying not to scream with excitement.
"See you." I said as he said his goodbyes. I could already hear the jingle of his car keys from the other end. I hung up the phone, looking over to Kristie. She smiled at me. "Why are you always here? Can't you be at your place or George's?" I said, annoyed for the moment. She laughed and I scoffed, getting up and going into the house. She followed suit, as I sat down in a chair across from where she had left George.
"Jorel coming over?" she asked me as I stared out of the window. George immediately perked up, looking over to me.
"Bitch better say yes." He said and I shook my head at the both of them. "JAY'S COMING OVER!" he yelled as loud as he could, just so my brother could hear. Within seconds, Dylan was booming down the stairs, ecstatic at the thought of his best friend coming over.
"Better not be fucking with me now!" he said, looking from George to me and back again. I said nothing, just smiled at them all, as a pair of headlights showed in our driveway. Both George and Dylan yelled, as Dylan opened the door and ran out of it. George wasn't even two seconds behind him, as Kristie and I heard their loud yelling coming from outside. I stood up, going and standing on the front porch, waiting. As I could see from where I was standing was Dylan and George bombarding who I has assumed was Jorel with hugs. I laughed at them, going down the driveway, wanting to see Jorel's face. As soon as they let him go, he stepped into my view, and I was breathless. It had been years since we knew each other, but every time I saw his face, I had the same reaction. He always looked the same, oversized hoodie, baseball cap, baggie jeans, but it never failed. His eyes lit up, and I smiled at him, walking the few feet in between us, and he engulfed me in his arms. He smelled like cologne, like he always had, as he squeezed me. I stood back just enough to see his face, my arms still around him and his around me, and smiled again.
"I missed you." He said to me, and I knew I was blushing. I said nothing, just hugged him again. He pulled away from me, and let me take his face in my hands, as I kissed him. My eyes slowly closed, as I felt his hands holding me tight, never wanting to let me go. He felt like home, and I internally kicked myself for being upset with him for any reason.

"So how is she?" was the first question to come out of my mouth as we sat together in my room. We sat facing one another, cross legged in the middle of my bed. At my question, he immediately looked down, playing with my fingers which had been in his mere seconds before. He knew exactly who I was talking about when I voiced the question, but he knew he was walking on thin ice.
"She's good." He said, trying to keep it at that. I bent my head down enough to look into his eyes, and he smiled at me and sighed. "She's so full of energy, all the time. She runs around the house like a madman, I can't believe how fucking fast she is. Makes me realize how old I am." He said, and I smiled as I saw his face lighting up at the subject of his life. His daughter.