When You Can't Sleep at Night
04
Jorel hadn't known about his daughter, not until a few months ago. Little Shayla had just turned three years old when Jorel had met her. He had never known her, or even heard about her, until his ex came back into his life.
When I had met Jorel, he was still with his ex girlfriend, Erica. They were in the throws of first loves, and they didn't have eyes for anyone else. Not until Jorel had met me, did he want anyone else. They were perfect together, at first, but then things went south. They started to fight, argue constantly, the whole nine yards, and before I knew it, Jorel was single again. However, that was nearly four years ago, and I hadn't thought about her since then.
A few months ago, she had called him, and for weeks, he ignored her. She had sent him text after text, pleading with him to talk to her, and when he didn't, I let my own curiosity get the best of me. "Just talk to her, see what she wants." I said to him, wanting to know why she had suddenly turned up. Much to his protests, he finally answered her. She needed to see him, in person, it was important. He didn't want to go, but for as desperate as she sounded, he needed to go.
Ever since that day, almost six months ago, Jorel had known about his daughter. He came to my house, near tears, and I thought it had been Erica's fault. Much to my surprise, it wasn't. "I have a daughter," he said, "her name is Shayla." I heard his words but I couldn't believe him. He had to be joking with me, there was no other option. Jorel Decker could not have a child. But he did, and she was in his life now. Due to my insecurities, and the lack of trust between us now, it had been hard, dealing with it. All of a sudden, his ex of two years had come into his life, claiming that she had birthed his child. I couldn't believe a word of it. How could he not tell me they had been engaged for the longest time? How could he not confide in me that she was the one he was going to get married to? Spend the rest of his life with? "As soon as I met you, and knew you, everything changed for me." He told me when he finally confided in me. "I love you, as soon as I saw you, I've loved you." He said to me, whispering sweet words to me, but I couldn't believe them. Not now, not when he left his ex fiancée, for someone else.
"Would you want to see Shay?" Jorel asked me as we lay together on my bed, a movie playing on the little TV I had in my room. He had me in his arms, and I was falling asleep as he asked me the question.
"And see Erica too?" I mumbled into his chest. She had blamed me for everything that went wrong in their relationship, because Jorel's interests had strayed. It wasn't my fault that their relationship had ended, nor that we had started dating not even six months since they had broken up. I had loved Jorel, and since then, we were each others lives. Until he had found out about Shayla.
"Erica isn't a problem. I want you to meet Shay." He said giving her his own nickname he had pawned since he saw her. I sighed, trying to wake myself up. He had thought about this, long and hard. He wanted me to be in his little girl's life, and I in turn, wanted to be in hers. I sat up, sitting away from him, as he put his hands behind his head.
"You know I want to see Shayla, but I don't really want to deal with Erica. I don't want bad blood." I said to him and he shrugged.
"You'll be fine, she'll be fine. She's over it." He said and I raised my brows in disbelief. Girls held grudges. They can forgive you, but they sure as hell will never forget what you've done to them.
"At least she can finally put a face to me." I said and sighed in defeat.
We walked together throughout the apartment complex, as Jorel took me to the elevator that would take us to Erica's apartment. He held my hand in his, drawing circles on the back of it, trying to calm me down. He knew I was nervous, he understood how nervous I was. He made the same walk, his mind a buzz with the possible news that Erica had for him. I just knew what I was walking into, which made me stupid and made it worse. I sighed as the elevator finally dinged us to her floor, and as we stepped out, Jorel stopped me from walking any further. "Breathe Jess, breathe." He said to me and I closed my eyes, inhaling and exhaling, and I heard him laugh. I opened my eyes, just to see his smile, as he leaned in and kissed me. It calmed me, as it always had. He took my hand in his, walking down the hall, and knocked on the first door around the corner. My breath hitched in my throat as we waited, and then the door opened.
Erica opened the door, and I was surprised by her. She was shorter then me, at Jorel's shoulder, with short blonde hair that looked like she just rolled out of bed. She was clad in sweatpants, and a t-shirt, and had a look of nonchalance about her. She wasn't trying for anyone, least of all me and Jorel. She looked right past Jorel to me, and I smiled at her. I had no animosity towards her, but she had the world of it for me. She smiled back at me, but her eyes shown different than the pleasant smile on her face. How did she think of me? What did she think I would be like? I looked away from her and towards Jorel, who was looking beyond Erica and into her apartment. His eyes were searching for Shayla. I let go of Jorel's hand, not wanting Erica to have other pent up aggression towards me, not like she hadn't known me and Jorel had been together the past four years. She stepped away from the frame, ushering Jorel into her home. I followed him, not knowing what else to do, and stayed near the entry way. Erica came up behind me, going right past me, and showing Jorel where Shayla was. I lingered, looking around the place, seeing how Erica had lived.
Everything was clean, not a speck of dust or grit for their little girl to get into. The only things littering the floor were Shayla's toys, in the spacious apartment. Everything else was spotless, not a hair out of place. As I went to follow both Erica and Jorel, the door opened again, and I looked behind me. In came someone I had never seen before. He was as taller than as I was, a fedora on his head, and sunglasses shielding his eyes, clad in a tank top and jeans. He smiled at me as he bypassed me, looking for either Erica, Jorel, or Shayla. I followed him too, down the hall to where Jorel and Erica had disappeared to. Erica came out into the hall before Jorel, and she smiled at the man in front of her. They embraced, as I stood and watched. I felt awkward, not wanting to be there, not wanting to intrude on whatever they had together. I opened my mouth to say something, excuse myself, call for Jorel, anything. Nothing came to mind, and as I backed up, Jorel called for me. "Jessi! What are you doing? Come look at my daughter." I could hear him saying as Erica and whoever the man unlatched from one another in front of me. They both looked behind themselves, at me, and I sidestepped them both, and went into the room beyond.
There he was, in all in his glory, holding his bouncing girl in his arms. She was a spitting image of Jorel, dark hair, dark eyes, an olive undertone to her skin from the Italian in his blood. She had his nose, his eyes, and as he played with her, I noticed his smile in her face. When he finally looked up to see if I had joined him, the smile on my face lit up his own. He put her down in front of him, her little purple dress fluttering with the action, as she stood there in her socks and stared at me. I smiled at her, not exactly knowing what to do. I could feel Erica and her boyfriend behind me, waiting. "Who is that?" she asked Jorel, looking up to him, and back to me, her voice ringing through the room. She looked back up to her father, and he kneeled next to her. He looked up to me, and smiled, and whispered something in her ear. She was staring off, and then looked back to me. "Like mommy's friend? Uncle Taylor?" she asked him and he laughed, just nodding. I was confused, looking behind me to Erica and who I had assumed as Taylor, and they were smiling at Shayla. "I like Uncle Taylor." Shayla said, and I looked back to her. She was staring at me the whole time, and I wondered what was going on in that little mind of hers. She looked back to Jorel, and he smiled at her, just knowing what she wanted. He whispered in her ear again and she smiled. "Aunt Jessi?" she asked aloud, and he nodded to her. She went to Jorel's side, asking to be picked up, and he did so without a thought. He brought her over to me, and I smiled at her. The first thing she did was touch my hair. She grabbed a handful of it, just holding it, and touched her own hair. Her hair was just below her ears, short, but growing. "I want hair like this." She told Jorel, holding my hair against her head. It was silence for a few moments, and then Jorel just bust out laughing. Shayla had a stern look on her face, as a smile erupted on mine, and I could hear Taylor laughing behind me. Soon enough, Erica and I joined in, while Shayla huffed in Jorel's arms.
"You can Shay, you can." He told her, holding her up to his face and kissing her cheeks. She pushed away at his face, trying to make him stop kissing her, but he never let up. When she stopped pushing at his face, he stopped kissing her, just long enough for her to smile. He kissed her on the nose, and she finally laughed along with us.
When I had met Jorel, he was still with his ex girlfriend, Erica. They were in the throws of first loves, and they didn't have eyes for anyone else. Not until Jorel had met me, did he want anyone else. They were perfect together, at first, but then things went south. They started to fight, argue constantly, the whole nine yards, and before I knew it, Jorel was single again. However, that was nearly four years ago, and I hadn't thought about her since then.
A few months ago, she had called him, and for weeks, he ignored her. She had sent him text after text, pleading with him to talk to her, and when he didn't, I let my own curiosity get the best of me. "Just talk to her, see what she wants." I said to him, wanting to know why she had suddenly turned up. Much to his protests, he finally answered her. She needed to see him, in person, it was important. He didn't want to go, but for as desperate as she sounded, he needed to go.
Ever since that day, almost six months ago, Jorel had known about his daughter. He came to my house, near tears, and I thought it had been Erica's fault. Much to my surprise, it wasn't. "I have a daughter," he said, "her name is Shayla." I heard his words but I couldn't believe him. He had to be joking with me, there was no other option. Jorel Decker could not have a child. But he did, and she was in his life now. Due to my insecurities, and the lack of trust between us now, it had been hard, dealing with it. All of a sudden, his ex of two years had come into his life, claiming that she had birthed his child. I couldn't believe a word of it. How could he not tell me they had been engaged for the longest time? How could he not confide in me that she was the one he was going to get married to? Spend the rest of his life with? "As soon as I met you, and knew you, everything changed for me." He told me when he finally confided in me. "I love you, as soon as I saw you, I've loved you." He said to me, whispering sweet words to me, but I couldn't believe them. Not now, not when he left his ex fiancée, for someone else.
"Would you want to see Shay?" Jorel asked me as we lay together on my bed, a movie playing on the little TV I had in my room. He had me in his arms, and I was falling asleep as he asked me the question.
"And see Erica too?" I mumbled into his chest. She had blamed me for everything that went wrong in their relationship, because Jorel's interests had strayed. It wasn't my fault that their relationship had ended, nor that we had started dating not even six months since they had broken up. I had loved Jorel, and since then, we were each others lives. Until he had found out about Shayla.
"Erica isn't a problem. I want you to meet Shay." He said giving her his own nickname he had pawned since he saw her. I sighed, trying to wake myself up. He had thought about this, long and hard. He wanted me to be in his little girl's life, and I in turn, wanted to be in hers. I sat up, sitting away from him, as he put his hands behind his head.
"You know I want to see Shayla, but I don't really want to deal with Erica. I don't want bad blood." I said to him and he shrugged.
"You'll be fine, she'll be fine. She's over it." He said and I raised my brows in disbelief. Girls held grudges. They can forgive you, but they sure as hell will never forget what you've done to them.
"At least she can finally put a face to me." I said and sighed in defeat.
We walked together throughout the apartment complex, as Jorel took me to the elevator that would take us to Erica's apartment. He held my hand in his, drawing circles on the back of it, trying to calm me down. He knew I was nervous, he understood how nervous I was. He made the same walk, his mind a buzz with the possible news that Erica had for him. I just knew what I was walking into, which made me stupid and made it worse. I sighed as the elevator finally dinged us to her floor, and as we stepped out, Jorel stopped me from walking any further. "Breathe Jess, breathe." He said to me and I closed my eyes, inhaling and exhaling, and I heard him laugh. I opened my eyes, just to see his smile, as he leaned in and kissed me. It calmed me, as it always had. He took my hand in his, walking down the hall, and knocked on the first door around the corner. My breath hitched in my throat as we waited, and then the door opened.
Erica opened the door, and I was surprised by her. She was shorter then me, at Jorel's shoulder, with short blonde hair that looked like she just rolled out of bed. She was clad in sweatpants, and a t-shirt, and had a look of nonchalance about her. She wasn't trying for anyone, least of all me and Jorel. She looked right past Jorel to me, and I smiled at her. I had no animosity towards her, but she had the world of it for me. She smiled back at me, but her eyes shown different than the pleasant smile on her face. How did she think of me? What did she think I would be like? I looked away from her and towards Jorel, who was looking beyond Erica and into her apartment. His eyes were searching for Shayla. I let go of Jorel's hand, not wanting Erica to have other pent up aggression towards me, not like she hadn't known me and Jorel had been together the past four years. She stepped away from the frame, ushering Jorel into her home. I followed him, not knowing what else to do, and stayed near the entry way. Erica came up behind me, going right past me, and showing Jorel where Shayla was. I lingered, looking around the place, seeing how Erica had lived.
Everything was clean, not a speck of dust or grit for their little girl to get into. The only things littering the floor were Shayla's toys, in the spacious apartment. Everything else was spotless, not a hair out of place. As I went to follow both Erica and Jorel, the door opened again, and I looked behind me. In came someone I had never seen before. He was as taller than as I was, a fedora on his head, and sunglasses shielding his eyes, clad in a tank top and jeans. He smiled at me as he bypassed me, looking for either Erica, Jorel, or Shayla. I followed him too, down the hall to where Jorel and Erica had disappeared to. Erica came out into the hall before Jorel, and she smiled at the man in front of her. They embraced, as I stood and watched. I felt awkward, not wanting to be there, not wanting to intrude on whatever they had together. I opened my mouth to say something, excuse myself, call for Jorel, anything. Nothing came to mind, and as I backed up, Jorel called for me. "Jessi! What are you doing? Come look at my daughter." I could hear him saying as Erica and whoever the man unlatched from one another in front of me. They both looked behind themselves, at me, and I sidestepped them both, and went into the room beyond.
There he was, in all in his glory, holding his bouncing girl in his arms. She was a spitting image of Jorel, dark hair, dark eyes, an olive undertone to her skin from the Italian in his blood. She had his nose, his eyes, and as he played with her, I noticed his smile in her face. When he finally looked up to see if I had joined him, the smile on my face lit up his own. He put her down in front of him, her little purple dress fluttering with the action, as she stood there in her socks and stared at me. I smiled at her, not exactly knowing what to do. I could feel Erica and her boyfriend behind me, waiting. "Who is that?" she asked Jorel, looking up to him, and back to me, her voice ringing through the room. She looked back up to her father, and he kneeled next to her. He looked up to me, and smiled, and whispered something in her ear. She was staring off, and then looked back to me. "Like mommy's friend? Uncle Taylor?" she asked him and he laughed, just nodding. I was confused, looking behind me to Erica and who I had assumed as Taylor, and they were smiling at Shayla. "I like Uncle Taylor." Shayla said, and I looked back to her. She was staring at me the whole time, and I wondered what was going on in that little mind of hers. She looked back to Jorel, and he smiled at her, just knowing what she wanted. He whispered in her ear again and she smiled. "Aunt Jessi?" she asked aloud, and he nodded to her. She went to Jorel's side, asking to be picked up, and he did so without a thought. He brought her over to me, and I smiled at her. The first thing she did was touch my hair. She grabbed a handful of it, just holding it, and touched her own hair. Her hair was just below her ears, short, but growing. "I want hair like this." She told Jorel, holding my hair against her head. It was silence for a few moments, and then Jorel just bust out laughing. Shayla had a stern look on her face, as a smile erupted on mine, and I could hear Taylor laughing behind me. Soon enough, Erica and I joined in, while Shayla huffed in Jorel's arms.
"You can Shay, you can." He told her, holding her up to his face and kissing her cheeks. She pushed away at his face, trying to make him stop kissing her, but he never let up. When she stopped pushing at his face, he stopped kissing her, just long enough for her to smile. He kissed her on the nose, and she finally laughed along with us.
♠ ♠ ♠
Why does no one love me?!