Help Me

"Daddy?" the weak voice called out in the white hospital room. "Daddy?"

"I'm right here, angel," the hazel-eyed man answered his daughter. He looked at the daughter who was a spitting image of his wife. Her face was cut and bruised, much like the rest of her body. She needed another surgery. "It's okay," he whispered into her golden hair. "I'm right here, baby."

"Daddy?" she asked again, her voice scared. "Why is it so dark in here? Mommy?" The man seemed to shrink, pain shriveling his form.

"Just relax, angel. Daddy with fix it, okay?" He wrapped his arms securely around his little miracle. He wasn't about to let her go after almost losing her to a drunk driver like he had lost his recently ex-wife almost a day previously.

"Daddy, I'm scared." Her voice was so innocent, so child-like. She sounded years younger than the eleven year-old she was.

"There's nothing to be scared about. Daddy's here and he's going to keep you safe." The small girl nodded and allowed herself to fall asleep in her father's warm embrace. He looked down at the young girl, fear and worry stirring in his stomach.

"How is she?" the man's friend asked in quiet tone.

"She's fine, for now," he answered the shorter man. "Sh-she doesn't know yet." He looked over at the younger man. He was dressed up slightly. He had been on a date for his two year anniversary.

"How was your date?" he asked needing a distraction. He needed to think of something else other than breaking down in his daughter's hospital room.

"It went fine." But he wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Johnny," he said in a gentle tone and the younger man stiffened. He didn't need the caring side of his friend to show its self right now. His head couldn't handle it.

"Matt, please leave it alone. Your daughter needs you more than I do." It hurt Johnny to say those words. He wanted to matter to Matt the way his daughter did. He wanted to hold a key to his hard to find heart. He wanted Matt to care for him in his special way.

And that's what had split his perfectly good relationship. It wasn't enough. He couldn't settle for Emory. He wanted to, but his heart wouldn't let him. Emory had finally gotten tired of waiting for Johnny to give him his heart.

"Johnny, you're my friend. You matter to me too," he said even gentler. Johnny took a deep breath. He really didn't need this. He didn't need Matt unintentionally messing with his head. He needed to call Emory and patch things up.

"I need to leave," he muttered and left his friend on the bed with his daughter. He held his cell phone to his ear as he walked out of the hospital doors. He sighed heavily as it went to voicemail.

"Emory, please pick up. I know I've been horrible to you. But I still love you. I still need you. Please call me back."

He drove home to an empty house for the first time in over a year. The closet had been messed up, all the things for an overnight bag gone. His body shook as he fought back tears. He sat down on the bed in a daze and redialed the ingrained number.

"Please, Johnny, quit calling," he whispered into the phone. Johnny took a deep breath.

"Em, please. I-I can't do this. I need you. I love you."

"But you love him more, John." He knew he was right. He loved Emory, but he loved him more.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Johnny. I knew what I signed up for. I just... I thought I could make you love me, too."

"Em..."

"Are you at the hospital?" he asked, abruptly changing the subject in a stable tone.

"No, I'm at our the house."

"Oh..." The conversation died. "You should go see him," he said as his goodbye.

He hated it, he hated how in two hours, they became awkward and unable to talk. He stared down at the phone, cursing it into oblivion.

"Johnny, open the door!" Brian's fist banging on the door ricocheted in his hung over mind the next morning. He stumbled up and to the door, still grasping the Heineken in his fingers. He opened the door with difficulty.

Brian took a deep breath when he saw his friend. Emory had called and told Brian to check up on his young friend. Now Brian could see why.

"Johnny," he whispered. Johnny was pale, bags under his eyes. Sweat seemed to pour from every pore on his body. He clutched at the half-filled bottle like it was his life.

"D-don't. G-go aw-way, Bri-ian," he stuttered and slurred, clearly drunk. Brian appraised his friend, guilt in his eyes.

"No, Johnny," he said firmly and the younger man let out a whining noise. Brian gently pushed the drunk man out of the way and entered the house. He took one look at the cans and bottles scattered in the room and cursed quietly. Johnny stumbled behind him. Brian turned around and wrapped his arms around the skinny man, picking him up easily. He carried the drunk man upstairs and set him on the bed. Johnny passed out.

Brian appraised the sleeping form, the pieces of what had happened falling into place. Guilt attacked his mind. He knew this would happen eventually, but he had hoped vainly that it wouldn't. He really thought Emory could help Johnny get over their singer. It hadn't happened.

Brian felt that he shouldn't have pushed the two together, but he had hated watching Johnny pine with Matt oblivious to him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to the sleeping form. He silently left the room, dialing Emory's number as he walked.

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this. You shouldn't-" He was cut off by the brown-eyed man.

"Brian, I knew exactly what I was getting into. I just thought-" His voice cracked. "I just need a break. I'll call you sometime, yeah?"

"Yeah, see you around." They both knew that was a vain hope. He couldn't stand to be in the house so he left, tiredly making his way to the hospital.

He opened the hospital door quietly, but Matt still whipped around to face him. Brian heart broke a little more at the pain-filled look in Matt's eyes. Brian gently grabbed Matt's forearm and pulled him outside the room.

"How do I tell her?" He asked the slightly older man, his body shaking with silent sobs. "How do I tell her she'll never see Bella or anything again? How do I tell her that her mother isn't here anymore?"

Brian didn't have the answers.

"Daddy?" They heard the weak voice call from the room. Matt gave him one last pain-filled glance and Brian knew to stay out in the hall.

"Baby girl, I have a few things to tell you." Brian heard before the door shut. Matt's low murmur drifted through the door before falling silent, but Brian could almost feel the girl's pain of losing her sight. Matt's murmur drifted through the door once more but he was cut off this time.

"No!" The cry pierced Brian's heart and he had to leave.

The hours faded to days slowly. Matt stayed at the hospital through every surgery and Johnny holed up in his house. They both only left to go to the funeral but Penelope stayed at the hospital. They didn't think they'd be there again so soon after Jimmy's death. The four stood there with hands linked. Brian and Zacky stood on either side of Matt and Johnny by Zack. Tears poured out of their eyes as multiple people stood to talk about Val. Halfway through the graveside ceremony, Brian reached out to grasp Arin's hand in his firmly, Arin tightened his grip thankfully. He had grown extremely close to Val during the divorce. Zacky watched them distractedly, a small part of his mind wondering what was going on there.

Matt sat at the grave for hours after everyone left but his four band mates. Brian stood with his arm wrapped around a sobbing Arin's shoulders. Zacky nudged Johnny and he sighed, sitting down next to the older man. Matt turned his tear glazed gaze on him. Why?

Matt lifted his arm and placed it on Johnny's shoulders. Johnny slipped his arms around Matt's waist.

"She said she knew." He looked up a Matt confused. "That's why she wanted the divorce. She said she knew."

"She knew what Matt?" Johnny saw the other three leave discreetly.

"She knew." He couldn't answer Johnny's question with words. He simply tightened his hold on the smaller man. Johnny didn't know what Matt meant, but he stayed still. He felt Matt's eyes burning a hole through his face, so he turned to meet the blistering gaze. He froze in shock when Matt pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. He reacted quickly, pressing back to Matt's gentle kiss.

"Thank you," Matt whispered. Johnny reached up and placed a slender finger to Matt's lips, giving one quick shake of his head. It wasn’t pity driving his actions, it was love.

"Thank you, anyway," Matt said with an small smirk. Johnny gave a small laugh and pressed his lips to Matt's once more.

"No thanks necessary," he said cheekily and reveled in Matt's answering laugh. It was nice. It was more than nice.

It was exhilarating.

"Let's go see Penelope," he offered after a moment. All traces of laughter vanished from his face and worry was etched in his face once more.

"Hey, hey, hey, none of that. She's going to be fine," Johnny whispered soothingly, tightening his arm around Matt's waist. Matt let out a sigh, some tension leaving his body.

They stood up and Johnny laced their fingers together. Matt sent him a grateful smile which Johnny returned. Johnny's eyes caught Val's headstone. His eyes flickered up to the cloudless sky.

Thank you, so, so much.