Little Baby Pines

The air Kim sucked in felt heavy. Her chest was tight as she tried gasping for breath. Her eyes frantically darted around looking at the houses across the street, the velvety black night sky, the few twinkling stars, and the tree her tire swing was attached to. Kim kicked at the ground. Her body was sent rocking uneasily from side to side. She had gotten news that morning from Sullivan that he was leaving for California to help take care of his mom. He was leaving for three months, pending. She felt sick with guilt because she had been blowing him off lately and now he was moving back home. Kim was mad at herself for pushing him away. He had to board a plane that night. Kim stayed with him for as long as she could, drove him to the airport, and then cried in the parking lot.

It had been four hours since she drove him to the airport. When she parked her car in front of Theta Phi Pi she had a text waiting for her to read. She found her place at the tire swing and read it. Since she read it she hadn’t moved. The text was from Sully and it read, ‘You don’t have to say anything, but know I love you. Wait for me’.

It was now 12:13 AM and she was swinging on the same tire swing waiting for something to happen to break her from this trance. She didn’t know how to respond to that. Kim wasn’t dumb. She knew what he meant by that. He was gone and she had to deal with the feelings he left behind. Feelings she didn’t reciprocate. It bothered her that he could do that to her. Her best guy friend was gone and she will never get the same guy back. There was still her best friend Mindy, but even Mindy had been pulling away from Kim lately. Kim felt drained as she rocked on the tire swing. She felt like she no longer had anyone on her side.

There was Jon now.

Kim had been seeing Jon periodically and calling him often. When she wasn’t spending a few minutes with Sully she was at Jon’s playing video games or watching movies with him. The two were becoming good friends, but he couldn’t be Sully’s replacement. Kim and Jon did make out that one time, but since then he hadn’t made a move and Kim didn’t bother trying to make a move since she was afraid how he would react. She liked Jonathan too much to fuck things up with him like she had with Sully. The way their friendship started was fucked up enough. She ruined her relationship with Sully and could barely keep up with it. It was complicated at times when he became possessive over her and she couldn’t care less when girls were draped over his arm. But she still kissed Sully back when he kissed her because she didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Then his jealousness would wean off and the two would go back to gelling well together. She had no idea what Jon wanted from her so she waited for him to make the advances. He said he liked her, but that didn’t mean much to her since he acted like she had the black plague. He gave her mixed signals. And then she was supposed to meet him Wednesday. This day was Wednesday. The one that just passed 13 minutes ago, passed with Sullivan’s departure.

Was calling Jonathan at a terrible time a bad move? Would it look like a booty call? That is last thing she wanted right now. She just wanted someone to console her since Sully couldn’t. Being over a thousand miles away would do that to someone. Calling Sullivan would just put Kim in a sour mood because she would want him to explain himself for that damn text he sent her. Yet she wasn’t ready to have that conversation.

The dialing tone was hollow. It went to voicemail. Kim’s voice was soft and scratchy. “Jon? Hey. Sorry to be calling you at this time. I… I just didn’t know who to call. I kind of wanted someone to cheer me up. I feel like shit right now. But I shouldn’t because it is for a stupid reason. I mean, he left because of his mom. But he decided to drop a bomb on me shortly after leaving a bajillion miles away and that bothers me. Actually, it fucking enrages me because I don’t have the capacity to deal with this shit right now. I am rambling. Call me back. I will probably still be awake sitting on this tire swing anyway. Or don’t, I mean, I probably look like a psycho chick now since I am calling you at a ridiculous hour. Casse-toi Kim! Sorry. It’s Kim if you couldn’t tell.”

She tucked the iPhone underneath her legs into the crevasse of the tire and spun herself in circles. Thoughts nibbled at her mind, infecting it with their disease. Was Kim’s mind plaguing itself on purpose? Was it torturing her for what she put Sully through? She could only imagine how he felt since she never felt that way in their relationship. She never had intimate feelings for Sullivan. Once she thought about having a relationship with him. Only once. Then she laughed at how ridiculous the two would be together given their such likeness. She would have felt like she was dating herself with a dick. And then Kim became enraged at herself for never seeing the way he felt. Never noticing that he wanted more from her. Kim angrily kicked at the air. Thoughts like these were not good. It made her slip into a deep self hatred. She was supposed to be that girl that could easily control her emotions. But she wasn’t that girl and she shouldn’t be trying to be something she wasn’t.

There were headlights shining on the front of the sorority house. They blinded Kim. She repeatedly opened and closed her eyes then she shielded her eyes from the lights with her arm. The lights were shut off and Kim was seeing spots. “Who are you?” She shouted in a horse whisper remembering that it was either too late or too early to be yelling in a residential area. “If you are a cop, fuck off because I live here. If you are a rapist, fuck off because I am really bad in the sack, I am on my period, and I haven’t seen you yet so I won’t report your ass to my boyfriend and then to the cops. But if I see you, I fucking will. Asshole.” The person got out of the car and approached her. The footsteps didn’t make a sound against the grass. “You have the footsteps of psycho rapist killer, Mr. slash Mrs. Creeper. Seriously, who goes up to stranger bitches at like 12 AM?”

“It is almost 2. And you called me.” Time had passed since she left the voice mail on Jon’s phone and she hadn’t notice the time lapse.

Kim unshielded her eyes and looked directly at Jon. He was in striped PJ bottoms, a white V-neck shirt, and a black pea coat. “Oh my God. What are you doing here? I called, but it went to voice mail. Why are you here?”

He shrugged. “You sounded like you needed someone, not a voice over the phone. Get off the tire swing. I brought coffee and donuts.” His thumb jutted out and motioned to his car. “I will go get them.” He jogged back to the car. As he did, Kim felt her heart swell. No one had ever done anything sweet for her like Jon had done now. Sully wouldn’t have picked up his phone or checked the voicemail until the next day. He would have either been too drunk or stoned to answer her call, or passed out. He passed out a lot from drinking a lot and smoking too much weed. Mindy would have been too caught up in Mindy business to ever meet Kim somewhere.

A blanket one of the pledges brought out for Kim was thrown on the ground to absorb the dew on the grass. She tucked her legs underneath her bottom and waited for him to come back. A Styrofoam cup filled with coffee was placed into her hand and the bag of donuts was placed in between their bodies. “I got the runt of the doughnut litter since it is a weird hour to get donuts from a gas station. I think there is a chocolate, one of those Boston crème filled jammers, two maples, and a sprinkled one.”

“Maple! Maple me, please.”

He chuckled warmly at her, handing her a maple donut. “So what were you talking about on the phone? Who upset you and decided to drop a bomb on you that enraged you because you could not handle the news?”

“Your diplomatic words make me sound like big cunt.” She stuffs the entire donut in her mouth. Her lower lip jutted out and her cheeks puffed. She looked like a pouty princess not enjoying herself. Jon reached over and poked her cheeks. “No touch!” She shouted through the mouthful of food.

A smirk was on his face. “You are so moody and pouty. You were nothing like this when we first met.” The coffee was too hot for Jon. He tried blowing on it to cool it off but it didn’t seem to cool down fast enough for him. With a deep sigh, he placed it on the grass and uncapped it so it could cool faster. “You were an incredibly sweet girl when we first met. You were the sweet and understanding one.”

“I have shades. The sweetness wears off.” She pouted. “Now you know the real me, sweetie. I can be just as much as a crazy person as you can.” Her fingers pulled at the sprinkled donut, ripping it into pieces. “I am about to get real for a second, so I apologize.” The ends of her hair flew into the air when she looked away from him. “My best guy friend Sully had to leave. His mom is going through some shit and needs him to help her out. So he left for California not too long ago. Six hours? Fuck. I don’t know. He left. My Sully left. And he texted me while I was driving. I got home and read it. And like… It was a bomb dropped on me.” Sprinkles were sent to the ground with a flick of her finger. “You know about Sully, right? He is the friend I used to make out with sometimes. I told you, right?” He nodded. “Yeah. That guy. That guy sent me a text saying shit that should not be said in a text. So I deleted it and deleted everything from him on my phone in a crazy girl rage. I will keep him away from me because he can’t unsay those words. He will hate me because I don’t agree with what was said. He can’t unsay it. Or untext them or whatever. Fuck.” Her head flicked back in Jon’s direction. There were tears in her eyes. “I am a bitch, aren’t I?”

“What? Why?”

She sadly shrugged and crammed the ripped pieces of donut into her mouth. “Because I am pissed at him for—whatever. It is more at me for not being what he wants or whatever. This is going to make me cry and sob even more. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to cry again. I will just let it be until he returns. Then things can be hashed out. He will probably hate me. Three months. I can wait three months for our friendship to blow up in my face and for him to completely hate me. So you!” She had gotten rid of every trace of tears on her face and smiled brightly at him. “I haven’t seen you in like a week. How are you? I have been watching your games. Nice goal last game, buddy.” There is contact with Kim’s knuckles and Jon’s leg. A scowl was spread on his face.

“We talk like every night. God, Kimberly. You make me sound so absent.” Carefully avoiding his coffee, he lunged at her. His arms engulfed her and pulled her close to his chest. “You are the absent one, Kim. We were supposed to hang out today.”

“Oh. That was today, er, yesterday.” The words were mumbled into his white V neck shirt.

A finger batted her on the head. “Yeah. It was. And we have known each other for a while now. You should know by now I don’t like being patronized and I know you watch my games. You text me during the game even though I don’t check my phone until after the game. I always turn it on to find like fifty texts from you. When we played your beloved Ducks I came back to a completely full inbox because you felt the need to repeatedly tell me to not touch a pretty hair on their heads. You know Getzlaf is balding, right?”

“Yes! Therefore there are fewer hairs to touch, and you better not hurt any of them. Ever.”

“You are adorable. How could anyone ever hate you?” A quick kiss was placed on the top of her head. He did it so fast that he hoped she didn’t notice it.

But she had. Blood rushed to her face before she could even process what had happened. Her head ducked up to his and placed a kiss on his chin. Her kiss was just as sudden as his was. And then there was another kiss and another. The two were soon making out at an odd at hour in front of her sorority. It made Kim’s heart race really fast. She could feel it rage rampantly inside of her rickety ribcage all over again. At least time she wasn’t having palpations due to her sadness and hatred of herself.

Jonathan slowly pulled away from her. “That happened, right? Because, to be honest, I had to keep asking myself if it even happened the first time. The time on the couch inside there,” he pointed to the sorority house. “We made out in there the first time we met, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did it take so long for us to do this again?” He gave her a cocky smirk.

It was something that Kim thought about when he found her again, but dismissed the thought after he verbally assaulted her. Then she thought about it again when they made up and she spent the day with him, yet he sat far away from her and let his friends crash and play Xbox. She figured it was because he didn’t like her in that way. That he just liked her in the way that she was interesting but not attractive. She felt like a dunce for flirting with him but only getting a hug good night or a pat on the head. He liked her but didn’t know how to progress from friends to dating. They only knew each other for a short period of time. He figured that they were bound to get this point again since it was where they started. Secretly he had hoped that she would make the advances because he was unsure of how to do it.

Her lips pursed together. “Who cares why it took us this long. Let’s just be glad it happened. Now let’s make out again and then we should both head home. It is really late for you to be out.”

“And I have morning practice tomorrow. So make it worth it, Parker.” He received a playful hit to the shoulder for the comment. He nipped at her lips. “You are adorable, Kimberly.”

“Jonathan. Shut up now, okay? Cool.”

“You know, I was expecting you to be dandy in shiny pantaloons. You were supposed to be the girl to sweep me off my feet.”

“I am sorry, Cinderella, but did you just say pantaloons?!” She pushed him into the grass and kissed him. “Sorry I didn’t sweep you off your feet, mah lady. This dandy is rusty.”