Polaroid Cancer

“Are yeh ready?”

The morning sun hid shyly behind a thick mesh of gray clouds. A rare rain shower threatened this day and it couldn’t be more fitting. Birds chattered loudly outside of the apartment window; all of them fluttering about anxiously like the beating of Casey‘s heart.

“Yeah. As ready as I’ll ever be,” Casey’s chest felt like it was swelling to the point of bursting open. Taking a deep, shaky breath she followed closely behind Oliver, gripping his hand tightly.

Niall, dressed in a black onsie, rested on her hip. He cooed quietly, gripping a stuffed wolf that Oliver had bought for him. Once in awhile he would press the nose of the lupine to Casey’s cheek.

There was an endless buzzing in Casey’s ears as Oliver drove them to the cemetery where Jayde’s body would forever be laid to rest. She couldn’t get herself to drive, her eyes kept losing focus every time she thought about where they were going. Neither one of them said much except for when talking to Niall, who was much more quieter then usual.

When they got out of the silver Echo, both of them went to the backseat to greet the three-month-old infant. Niall smiles delightedly, reaching his plump arms toward them and still holding onto the stuffed wolf.

“‘E likes it,” Oliver comments with a half smile.

“He hasn’t let go of it since you gave it to him last night,” Casey says, bending down to pick Niall up.

“I’ll take ‘im, babe.” Casey leans toward Oliver and Niall reaches excitedly for her fiancé, his gummy smile wide and his big, blue eyes bright. “M’surprised ‘e remembers me,” Oliver remarks as Niall snuggles into the hallow of his neck, the wolf doll tucked in the crevice of Niall’s arm. “Is… is Caleb goin’ to be ‘ere?”

“I’m not sure… I guess we’ll see,” Casey sighs, not meeting Oliver’s gaze.

The small group makes their way to a huge mass of people; the last time Oliver and Casey had seen any of them was at Caleb and Jayde’s wedding. A woman with a shock of blonde hair, Casey recognized her as Jayde’s mother, was kneeling by the open plot of ground where her daughter would be laid to rest. Black tears streamed down her colorless face; she rubbed fervently at the caking mascara and eyeliner on her cheeks.

“Mrs. Evans,” Casey said softly, crouching down beside her and resting her palm on her back. The woman burst out into more tears and buried her face into Casey’s vibrant red hair. Casey drowned herself in her own tears and nestled her face in Mrs. Evans bright blonde mass. They didn’t know each other very well, but at this moment it felt like they had known one another for years.

“I-I-I…” Mrs. Evans sobbed, gripping onto Casey’s dress, “thank you. T-thank you f-f-for being her friend… she… she never stopped talking about y-y-you.”

Casey cried even harder and it wasn’t until she felt the warm touch of solid hands pulling her up, that she finally moved. Mrs. Evans was helped by Caleb’s grandparents. That’s when Casey pinpointed where Caleb was at; he sat hunched over in a metal fold-out chair and this urge to slap him suddenly overcame her. Fighting it, she allowed herself to be led to a seat by Oliver. He placed her next to Matt Nicholls, who gave her a tight embrace when she sat down.

Mrs. Evans was a right wreck, still sobbing uncontrollably, gasping every once and awhile for air.

Casey spied around herself urgently.

“Oli, where’s Niall?”

“‘E’s with yehr mum an’ dad,” Oliver answers, tossing a quick nod behind him, “‘Eather was askin’ if she could ‘old ‘im. Probably wishin’ ‘e was our kid.”

Casey bristled in a silent, heated fury but retained it to a dull roar, “Alright.”

Even with the dreary, and bleak atmosphere Casey couldn’t help but notice how handsome Oliver looked in his black suit and tie. Too bad the next time she would see him in it would be when they got married; that is if they got married. She let out a heavy breath and rested herself on Oliver’s shoulder. Her face is red and blotchy, and her eyes burned again.

Her lids began to feel heavy and she felt herself falling into sleep.

“Casey, I miss you,” Jayde says, wrapping her arms around Casey’s pale, exposed shoulders, “You look beautiful. It’s too bad you’re all dolled up for my funeral… and not preparing for your wedding. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Casey asks, her brows furrowing together. In her opinion, Jayde had no reason to be sorry in any way.

“Because I ruined your special time with Oli. You don’t get to be a normal fiancé and plan for your wedding and your honeymoon. You have no idea how bad I feel. No- please. I don’t want your sympathy, you’ve already given so much of your time for me. I want you to have time for yourself and Oliver. You need to open Caleb’s eyes to see what he is losing.”

“Wait, what is he losing?”

Jayde’s image suddenly bursts apart into a million monarch butterflies before she can answer.

“Casey… Casey.”

A light shaking wakes her, “Mmwha?”

“Yeh fell asleep,” Oliver says, giving her a tender smile. “Only fer a’couple minutes.”

A new breath of life seems to have filled her lungs and she stares at Oliver wide eyed, “I love you.”

“I love yeh, too.” He whispers, “Yeh better pay attention though. Jay’s mum is speakin’.”

Mrs. Evans spoke about how beautiful her daughter was and that she was ( and always will be ) so proud of her getting married and having a baby. She regretted not seeing her grandchild and daughter as much as she wished, but was thankful for the short amount of time she had seen them together. Mrs. Evans wild blonde hair glinted whatever fragment of light that escaped the frothy clouds, and her pallid cheeks never looked so unhealthy in the gloomy light. She broke the tiniest of smiles and looked over at Casey.

“I want to thank Casey and her fiancé, Oliver, for being there for Jayde’s family. I’m sorry I didn’t help when I should have. You were the stronger one, Casey. Because you took her baby under your care even though you didn’t feel ready to. I- I was a mere coward. A weakling. And I do hope you feel it in you to forgive me. I am ready to be back in Niall’s life.”

Casey stood up, Oliver gave her hand a quick firm grip before letting her go. She walked forward, holding her head up high, “I forgive you, Mrs. Evans. I loved, and still love, your daughter so much. And I want everyone to know that Jayde will always be apart of us, so please, don’t forget her. Please.”

Niall cooed loudly at the sound of Casey’s voice.

She swivels her head to where Niall is; he is bouncing enthusiastically on her father’s knee and reaching for her. Casey treads her way over to the infant and picks him up; Oliver climbs to his feet and walks up to where Mrs. Evans stood by a large picture of Jayde, Niall and Caleb. Oliver rests his hand affectionately on Casey’s shoulder.

Silent tears roll down Oliver’s gaunt cheek bones; Casey tilts her head forward and presses her lips to the back of Niall’s fluffy brown hair, her tears have finally dried out; Mrs. Evans chokes back another sob as she continues, “They may not be perfect, but I accept them as part of my family.”

“Wait.”

Everyone who is watching the four standing by Jayde’s burial, all quickly turn their heads in mute fascination to peer at who had spoken. Caleb is standing slightly hunched, his eyes have purple splotches under them and dark bristles sprinkle his face; apparent that he hasn’t shaved in quite some time. He slowly makes his way up to Casey, Oliver, Niall and Mrs. Evans; Casey notices how bony Caleb is and she can’t help but feel worried rather then angry.

In only a matter of a couple of days after Jayde’s death, Caleb had gone from Casey’s best friend to a wasted sack of skin.

Caleb held out his hands, palm up, desperation leaking into his eyes as he stared at his son. “Come to papa, Ni.”

Niall stared fleetingly back, his round blue eyes identical his father’s. The three-month-old infant turned and reached for Oliver, babbling nonsense until Oli grabbed him.

Caleb’s eyes went blank and he stood there, staring fixedly at Niall and Oliver.

“Give me back fucking son!” Caleb snapped and lunged forward, hands raised like claws and reaching for Oliver’s throat. Mrs. Evans quickly snatched up Niall while Casey lurched toward Caleb to throw him back.

Oliver put his left arm up so Caleb could only grab a-hold of his colorful forearm. Temper flaring, Oli swings hard at Caleb’s face, causing him to convulse sickeningly to the left. Caleb laid quietly on the ground; not even bothering to cradle the open wound on his face.

No one said anything as Caleb began to weep. He was miserable and he was alone. His wife’s mother pretended he didn’t exist, his son didn’t want him and his best friend felt alienated when she was near him. Motivation to live had drained out of him like a water-balloon that has had multiple holes poked into it.

“I’m so sorry, Caleb,” Mrs. Evans muttered.